The Anti-Guide

How do you try to improve your writing?

I try to avoid old, stupid things.	17.5%	[ 2292 ]
I add new things.	14.9%	[ 1951 ]
A combination of both (if one more than the other, pick it).	67.6%	[ 8852 ]
Total Votes:			[ 13095 ]

[Workplace Boredom]

The Phoenix Rises Again

Zacki Zari

Ludera

Guns are ******** useless. The only way you can kill/maim someone in a fight is to slash at/stab them with some sort of sharp weapon, such as a sword or knife.

Don't use throwing knives, though, they never hit. (Actually, we can probably just say long-range weapons in general are useless.)

Also, guns make clean little holes, hence their uselessness. I mean, guns don't twist to damage organs, have exploding shots and wolf bullets simply do not exist.

all guns shot the same size and type bullet. Save for lasers, which are just more useless and all laser guns fire the same amount of laser anyway.

Exactly.

So handguns can pierce through your body, just like rifles.

Oh, and when someone is hit with a bullet, they fly back from the sheer impact the bullet makes. Of course, according to Newton, the carrier of the gun would have to fly back as well, but since when was writing good stories about respecting the laws of physics?

[Half Baked SF]

You guys have it all wrong. Everyone knows the best weapon is a sword, preferably a katana. And the best swords cut solid objects such as cinderblocks in half with one swing. And never dull with time.

[ChubbyKitten]

No matter how often or how hard the hero is hit, there is no such thing as internal bleeding. And while were on the topic injury, preforming CPR will always restart the heart and chest compressions will never break someone's ribs.

[The Phoenix Rises Again]

ChubbyKitten

No matter how often or how hard the hero is hit, there is no such thing as internal bleeding. And while were on the topic injury, preforming CPR will always restart the heart and chest compressions will never break someone's ribs.

Ribs, lower legs, and lower arms are the only things that break. And broken bones never pose a threat to another organ (thus back to no internal bleeding as one non-factor)

[Boxing Bella]

Having a ponytail/curly hair and glasses automatically makes a character horribly ugly and unfashionable and nerdy.

[avearia]

MissMiyavi43

IB a Survivor

Your hero is so tough that he can get into a knock-down, drag-out fight with a stranger, knives and fists involved, and take several injuries without a problem.

However, he must wince like CRAZY when a pretty woman tries to clean his wounds.

And don't let those pesky firearms get in his way! The hero is SO tough that the bad guys simply can't hit him even at point-blank range.

Yeah, but if the Hero gets hold of the gun, it's a whole different story. He could throw a deck of cards into the air and shoot the Ace of Hearts clean through the center, no problem, because he has excellent marksmanship even though he's never shot a gun before.

Everyone knows that the less you practice, the better you are at doing something. That's why the gun-carrying lackys can't hit the hero; they practice their marksmanship too much.

[Rose_Hathaway96]

ok then lol biggrin

[avearia]

Boxing Bella

Having a ponytail/curly hair and glasses automatically makes a character horribly ugly and unfashionable and nerdy.

As does a Zit on the cheek, or braces. If you have braces, you're automatically a loser.

Oppositely, makeup is never gaudy and always makes even the most hideous of us look like a goddess.

[b u r p a r e l l a]

Remember kid that no happy ending is complete for your gorgeous heroine without BABIES. It doesn't matter that your character's barely an adult, if she doesn't have a baby with her save-the-day soul mate, then her life will not be complete. Also, take the time to note how absolutely said baby is: it never cries, is absolutely gorgeous (but with parents who look like Gods, what else would you expect), and requires very little of your attention. Brownie points if everybody is constantly cooing over the baby and noting how special it is - extra brownie points if said baby has some sort special magical power...the more powerful the better people! Of course, there will never be any mention of diapers, or spit up or waking up at two in the morning to feed the spawn; this is happily ever after, remember?

[Serverus Snope]

Boxing Bella

Having a ponytail/curly hair and glasses automatically makes a character horribly ugly and unfashionable and nerdy.

Cept for the glasses that make one look Moe. Nyaa!! :3

About ponytails and tomboyish hairstyles: those all fade once the character becomes pretty. Once one becomes pretty, they get a head of long, flowing straight hair, whether it's when one undoes their ponytail or when the hair suddenly appears on a short-haired woman.

[DarknessofHeavenandDreams]

IB a Survivor

You guys have it all wrong. Everyone knows the best weapon is a sword, preferably a katana. And the best swords cut solid objects such as cinderblocks in half with one swing. And never dull with time.

Katanas and broadswords are the only kinds of swords that are made and are found throughout the world, even where there are no metal resources.

[Kappaccino]

Boxing Bella

Having a ponytail/curly hair and glasses automatically makes a character horribly ugly and unfashionable and nerdy.

((I have curly hair and glasses. I must be a terribly unlikable person cool ))

It is therefore impossible to have a popular nerdy character. Their nerdiness is just too much for normal characters to handle, and therefore they must always be shunned. Every main character should be popular, have no common sense, and appear like they just walked out of an issue of Vanity Fair.

[Aldorel]

Rid V

Secret identities for protagonists exist for one reason and one reason only: to screw up the rest of their lives, especially by creating conflict with friends, family and/or colleagues. Remember Spider-Man 2, with all the stuff in the first half about how Peter Parker's secret identity was ruining his personal life, getting him fired from his job, making him fall behind in school work, and causing him to fail his girlfriend and breaking them up? Well, that movie was pretty tame, but it had the right idea. Secret identity exist primarily to make trouble for the protagonist and strain or destroy their relationships with the people they care about.

And then there's the mandatory plot twist in which some bad guy figures out the hero's secret identity and uses that knowledge to kidnap the hero's girlfriend. The bad guy will never try to catch the hero himself while he is sleeping, or blackmail Spider Man using pictures of Peter Parker in a compromising situation. (Heroes never get caught in compromising situations, anyway.) The girlfriend is always the best target, because she can never defend herself.

[Boxing Bella]

Kappaccino

Boxing Bella

Having a ponytail/curly hair and glasses automatically makes a character horribly ugly and unfashionable and nerdy.

((I have curly hair and glasses. I must be a terribly unlikable person cool ))

It is therefore impossible to have a popular nerdy character. Their nerdiness is just too much for normal characters to handle, and therefore they must always be shunned. Every main character should be popular, have no common sense, and appear like they just walked out of an issue of Vanity Fair.

Oh no, they don't have to be popular to be a main character! Why, making them unpopular is the perfect excuse to show how unjustly outcast and martyred they are! But seriously, if your character has curly hair/ponytail and glasses they better recieve a makeover by the end of the story, otherwise they're just comic relief.

[Ludera]

Social outcasts are never social outcasts for a reason. Everyone around them is a prejudiced jerk just because they can be.