The Anti-Guide

How do you try to improve your writing?

I try to avoid old, stupid things.	17.5%	[ 2292 ]
I add new things.	14.9%	[ 1951 ]
A combination of both (if one more than the other, pick it).	67.6%	[ 8852 ]
Total Votes:			[ 13095 ]

[Ludera]

Hot lin78

Dragons should never be part of a fantasy because they're just too wonderful! (ROFL)

Hot lin78

((Er, so your actual piece of advice is "dragons should be present in fantasy stories because they suck/are boring/et cetera"? I totally agree with the last part, don't get me wrong, but I think the first bit might need some tweaking...))

Some more quick pieces of advice from wise old me:

Parody and satire are the same thing.

Writing parodies of tired subjects still makes you a witty little genius.

Making your vampire story the antithesis of Twilight automatically makes it less shitty.

Braces make even the prettiest person ugly, and as such, they are only worn by losers and outcasts (if the person is not ugly/unsociable prior to getting orthodontic treatment, it should become a source of angst for them).

You always, always need a technical explanation for invented technology, disease, unique biological lifeforms, etc. "That's just what it is" is NEVER good enough. Screw you, suspension of disbelief.

In a story whose ultimate moral is along the lines of "killing is bad," "God loves EVERYONE," and/or "every life is special/has meaning," wholesale slaughter of mooks is still accepted because nobody actually cares about the random monsters/troops your characters kill off to make themselves seem more badass. We readers won't catch on it's nauseatingly contradictory. If you notice your story is basically just about dudes fighting other dudes and big explosions and you want to make a deep, lasting impression on your audience in the end, tacking on a moral with no thought put into it is a great way to do so.

[SteamCountess44]

Make your heroine so absolutely perfect, so wonderfully adorable and so damn gorgeous that not only will the hero cut off his left testicle for her, but so would you! Shiny, happy heroine...

[The Phoenix Rises Again]

MissMiyavi43

Make your heroine so absolutely perfect, so wonderfully adorable and so damn gorgeous that not only will the hero cut off his left testicle for her, but so would you! Shiny, happy heroine...

Except the hero is more perfect, 'cause heroines always need saving

[SteamCountess44]

The Phoenix Rises Again

MissMiyavi43

Make your heroine so absolutely perfect, so wonderfully adorable and so damn gorgeous that not only will the hero cut off his left testicle for her, but so would you! Shiny, happy heroine...

Except the hero is more perfect, 'cause heroines always need saving

That was coming next...

Make your hero so gosh-darned handsome and rich that even straight male characters want to bang him. Make him tall, virile, and more than eight inches. Make him be able to capture the heroine's heart with a single glance and make him have sex like the energizer bunny so that even when he touches the heroine, she has a massive orgasm. Oh and make his name Dave...

[-Resurrected Writer-]

It should also be noted that any given orifice that a p***s can enter must be fully expandable. Choking or tearing in fiction = no.

Unless it's rape. Anything goes in rape, and you may as well tack-on as much bodily harm to the victim as possible if they're the main character.

[avearia]

MissMiyavi43

The Phoenix Rises Again

MissMiyavi43

Make your heroine so absolutely perfect, so wonderfully adorable and so damn gorgeous that not only will the hero cut off his left testicle for her, but so would you! Shiny, happy heroine...

Except the hero is more perfect, 'cause heroines always need saving

That was coming next...

Make your hero so gosh-darned handsome and rich that even straight male characters want to bang him. Make him tall, virile, and more than eight inches. Make him be able to capture the heroine's heart with a single glance and make him have sex like the energizer bunny so that even when he touches the heroine, she has a massive orgasm. Oh and make his name Dave...

No, no, no. His name can't be "Dave". That's far too ordinary for such a perfect, awesome, god-inspired character. No, he and all other main characters must have a super-special name which no one else has. "Ammaric Blackwell" or "Damien Goldhammer" or "Kyler Eaglestar" work nicely. If you MUST name him something ordinary-sounding, don't make it 'dave'; make it "Prince Dave" or "David Von Ghostvell the third".

Goes double for heroines. There are no "Anna"s or "Sue"s or "Becky"s. There are only "Violet"s or "Melody"s or "Ayala"s. remember; for girls names, you can always name them after a pretty flower or animal. It'll win your reader's heart and make them wish THEY had such a cool name. After all, you need an epic name for an epic character.

[Wolf_Kitty787]

make the girls useless case we all know boys are the best.
also make them have big boobs.

[I_Write_Ivre]

avearia

Goes double for heroines. There are no "Anna"s or "Sue"s or "Becky"s. There are only "Violet"s or "Melody"s or "Ayala"s. remember; for girls names, you can always name them after a pretty flower or animal. It'll win your reader's heart and make them wish THEY had such a cool name. After all, you need an epic name for an epic character.

Exactly And all parents know how they're kids will turn out. It's something you magically develop, like how to be a good mother without practice or help

[Wolf_Kitty787]

your person should one day poof in to exist. the lesst backroud the better.
all good stroy take 1 min to think up don't time tthinking of a plot becase no one like them.

[Wolf_Kitty787]

I_Write_Ivre

avearia

Goes double for heroines. There are no "Anna"s or "Sue"s or "Becky"s. There are only "Violet"s or "Melody"s or "Ayala"s. remember; for girls names, you can always name them after a pretty flower or animal. It'll win your reader's heart and make them wish THEY had such a cool name. After all, you need an epic name for an epic character.

Exactly And all parents know how they're kids will turn out. It's something you magically develop, like how to be a good mother without practice or help

oh no that to short it must be goddess of wind Melody the 3rd
bonus points if the mom die out of the blue with no reason.
It's a must that here man of there dream kill there dad but they still love them because that what any one would do[/i

[Merreton]

When writing science fiction be sure to drown the reader with obscure theories and highly technical explanations. Don't worry, people wont notice if your a physics teacher trying to write something, they'll be knocked out from your all those big words.

If need to fully expand upon a particular invention feel free to give less detail to character or actions or plot-ish things. Who needs a plot anyways?

Oh, if there's a levitating car you must outline how levitates, its assemblage, how much the average cost is, what that particular model's creator was thinking about when he made and so on and such.

[avearia]

Merreton

Oh, if there's a levitating car you must outline how levitates, its assemblage, how much the average cost is, what that particular model's creator was thinking about when he made and so on and such.

...and who invented it, and how famous he is now, and how many colors the car comes in, and how many people it seats, and how many settings there are on the radio, and exactly what size the cup holders are, and where they're located.

And what shade of grey the dashboard is. That's really important, so don't forget.

[DarknessofHeavenandDreams]

Merreton

When writing science fiction be sure to drown the reader with obscure theories and highly technical explanations.

Make sure they don't make any sense. You don't want to accidentally teach them something.

[Misuki Marishima]

DarknessofHeavenandDreams

Merreton

When writing science fiction be sure to drown the reader with obscure theories and highly technical explanations.

Make sure they don't make any sense. You don't want to accidentally teach them something.

If you taught them, they wouldn't be all knowing and all seeing and thus wouldn't be worthy Main Character of the Story material. *puts on monocle*

[Aldorel]

MissMiyavi43

Make your hero so gosh-darned handsome and rich that even straight male characters want to bang him. Make him tall, virile, and more than eight inches. Make him be able to capture the heroine's heart with a single glance and make him have sex like the energizer bunny so that even when he touches the heroine, she has a massive orgasm. Oh and make his name Dave...

Only eight inches? Come on, make it a foot. Minimum.

((Why is it so important to give size in inches? Seriously, who in their right mind is going to whip out a measuring stick?))