[ Poll ] The Anti-Guide

How do you try to improve your writing?

I try to avoid old, stupid things.		17.2%	[ 1693 ]
I add new things.		15.3%	[ 1504 ]
A combination of both (if one more than the other, pick it).		67.5%	[ 6637 ]

Total Votes: 9834

[The Phoenix Rises Again]

A Nightmare of Eden

LeeEyeLa

Always begin books or stories with the main character a) waking up in the morning, or b) doing absolutely nothing of particular interest. If not, make sure your intro is pretty damn confusing and irrelevant.

And the story should always begin on the main character's fifteenth, sixteenth or eighteenth birthday, NO EXCEPTIONS!

Fourteenth is also acceptable.

[IB a Survivor]

The Phoenix Rises Again

A Nightmare of Eden

LeeEyeLa

Always begin books or stories with the main character a) waking up in the morning, or b) doing absolutely nothing of particular interest. If not, make sure your intro is pretty damn confusing and irrelevant.

And the story should always begin on the main character's fifteenth, sixteenth or eighteenth birthday, NO EXCEPTIONS!

Fourteenth is also acceptable.

As is the seventeenth.

[ChubbyKitten]

Remember, if your character ever has to train in order to help save the world, there will never be something they can't learn with a minimal amount of hard work.

[The Phoenix Rises Again]

ChubbyKitten

Remember, if your character ever has to train in order to help save the world, there will never be something they can't learn with a minimal amount of hard work.

They will instantly be good at it. In fact, there's nothing they can't do with little to no effort. They can even color-coordinate their wardrobe to look heroic!

[Silent Superhero]

A Nightmare of Eden

LeeEyeLa

Always begin books or stories with the main character a) waking up in the morning, or b) doing absolutely nothing of particular interest. If not, make sure your intro is pretty damn confusing and irrelevant.

And the story should always begin on the main character's fifteenth, sixteenth or eighteenth birthday, NO EXCEPTIONS!

Unless the story is for children, in which case the character must be turning twelve.

[ChubbyKitten]

Despite the fact that your character has hair past her bum, it will never ever get tangled, even in battle. Ever.

[LeeEyeLa]

ChubbyKitten

Despite the fact that your character has hair past her bum, it will never ever get tangled, even in battle. Ever.

Also, although she's wearing shorts and a tank top, she acquires no bruises, scratches, or burns to her exposed skin. And no one must see her undies.

[ChubbyKitten]

LeeEyeLa

ChubbyKitten

Despite the fact that your character has hair past her bum, it will never ever get tangled, even in battle. Ever.

Also, although she's wearing shorts and a tank top, she acquires no bruises, scratches, or burns to her exposed skin. And no one must see her undies.

And there is no such as black eyes or broken noses, even if she gets punched in the eye or her face slammed into a wall.

[Jiraku]

Destructive elements only have attack techniques, while non-destructive elements can only heal or give support. What lameass would use water magic to summon a tsunami, or use light magic to sun-scorch their enemy (that isn't already branded as hopelessly evil/demonic?) What idiot uses their dark magic to create a fog of shadows or artificial shade from intense sunlight instead of all-out destruction, and who uses fire for stuff like erecting burning walls, setting up campfires, or lighting up dark places?

[e d e n - s o n g]

LeeEyeLa

ChubbyKitten

Despite the fact that your character has hair past her bum, it will never ever get tangled, even in battle. Ever.

Also, although she's wearing shorts and a tank top, she acquires no bruises, scratches, or burns to her exposed skin. And no one must see her undies.

By the way, it's completely normal for women to dress as little as possible when going to battle. There's an unspoken rule that you don't take advantage of the situation and aim an arrow for their overexposed vitals.

[TehBrownCow]

The main character should ALWAYS be comparing love to something stupid and slightly depressing, regardless of what your story is about. If your character isn't sitting in self-meditation, with his/her eyes watering up, thinking something along the lines of "love is like a sidewalk, it's cracked and people walk all over it emo " at some point in the story then you are doing something terribly wrong.

Also, always remember that typing in italics for ninety-seven percent of the story is a sure key to good writing. See this text? This is ******** badass. If you write your whole damn story like this people will have to read it, because face it, when you slant your text at a slight angle it automatically makes whatever you're saying WAY DEEPER and WAY MORE INTERESTING.

Oh I Almost Forgot, Remember To Capitalize Every Word. You Definitely Don't Look Like A Retard When You Write Like This, In Fact It Has Just The Opposite Effect. This Is Very Modern And Stylistic, And Makes Your Story Better. Try Combining This With The "Italic Method" Mentioned Above For Guaranteed Success.

[e d e n - s o n g]

TehBrownCow

The main character should ALWAYS be comparing love to something stupid and slightly depressing, regardless of what your story is about. If your character isn't sitting in self-meditation, with his/her eyes watering up, thinking something along the lines of "love is like a sidewalk, it's cracked and people walk all over it emo " at some point in the story then you are doing something terribly wrong.
Also, always remember that typing in italics for ninety-seven percent of the story is a sure key to good writing. See this text? This is ******** badass. If you write your whole damn story like this people will have to read it, because face it, when you slant your text at a slight angle it automatically makes whatever you're saying WAY DEEPER and WAY MORE INTERESTING.
Oh I Almost Forgot, Remember To Capitalize Every Word. You Definitely Don't Look Like A Retard When You Write Like This, In Fact It Has Just The Opposite Effect. This Is Very Modern And Stylistic, And Makes Your Story Better. Try Combining This With The "Italic Method" Mentioned Above For Guaranteed Success.

So I Should Type Like Theeeeees?

[M e i]

A Nightmare of Eden

TehBrownCow

The main character should ALWAYS be comparing love to something stupid and slightly depressing, regardless of what your story is about. If your character isn't sitting in self-meditation, with his/her eyes watering up, thinking something along the lines of "love is like a sidewalk, it's cracked and people walk all over it emo " at some point in the story then you are doing something terribly wrong.
Also, always remember that typing in italics for ninety-seven percent of the story is a sure key to good writing. See this text? This is ******** badass. If you write your whole damn story like this people will have to read it, because face it, when you slant your text at a slight angle it automatically makes whatever you're saying WAY DEEPER and WAY MORE INTERESTING.
Oh I Almost Forgot, Remember To Capitalize Every Word. You Definitely Don't Look Like A Retard When You Write Like This, In Fact It Has Just The Opposite Effect. This Is Very Modern And Stylistic, And Makes Your Story Better. Try Combining This With The "Italic Method" Mentioned Above For Guaranteed Success.

So I Should Type Like Theeeeees?

iT's AlsO toTtaLy ArTiStiC wHeN yOU tYpE liKE tHIs.

[Aldorel]

TigerStar47

A Nightmare of Eden

LeeEyeLa

Always begin books or stories with the main character a) waking up in the morning, or b) doing absolutely nothing of particular interest. If not, make sure your intro is pretty damn confusing and irrelevant.

And the story should always begin on the main character's fifteenth, sixteenth or eighteenth birthday, NO EXCEPTIONS!

Unless the story is for children, in which case the character must be turning twelve.

Bonus points if the character's birthday is the day on which they come into their magical powers. As in, "When a Child of Heaven turns 16, they will suddenly be able to throw bolts of magical fire from their fingers, and stuff."

[TehBrownCow]

A Nightmare of Eden

TehBrownCow

The main character should ALWAYS be comparing love to something stupid and slightly depressing, regardless of what your story is about. If your character isn't sitting in self-meditation, with his/her eyes watering up, thinking something along the lines of "love is like a sidewalk, it's cracked and people walk all over it emo " at some point in the story then you are doing something terribly wrong.
Also, always remember that typing in italics for ninety-seven percent of the story is a sure key to good writing. See this text? This is ******** badass. If you write your whole damn story like this people will have to read it, because face it, when you slant your text at a slight angle it automatically makes whatever you're saying WAY DEEPER and WAY MORE INTERESTING.
Oh I Almost Forgot, Remember To Capitalize Every Word. You Definitely Don't Look Like A Retard When You Write Like This, In Fact It Has Just The Opposite Effect. This Is Very Modern And Stylistic, And Makes Your Story Better. Try Combining This With The "Italic Method" Mentioned Above For Guaranteed Success.

So I Should Type Like Theeeeees?

See, Now You're Getting It. Combine That With Bolded Pink Size 18 Font And You're Good To Go.