The Anti-Guide

How do you try to improve your writing?

I try to avoid old, stupid things.	17.5%	[ 2253 ]
I add new things.	14.9%	[ 1923 ]
A combination of both (if one more than the other, pick it).	67.6%	[ 8707 ]
Total Votes:			[ 12883 ]

[avearia]

The Love interest has to be beautiful in some obvious, kick-a** way. People never fall in love with overweight, clutzy, disfigured, dyslexic, average, out of shape, or non-supermodel-type women.... especially not in books.

The main character cannot have any major flaws, noticable or otherwise. This would allow them to be one-upped by the OTHER characters, who do not have said flaw. This rule can only be ignored if you give EVERYONE in the book the same flaw--that's okay. this makes your character an object of sympathy, which readers LOVE, and still doesn't demean him in any way whatsoever.

When seeing visions or traveling to other dimensions for the first time, the characters should take it in stride. After all, there's nothing wierd about suddenly finding yourself surrounded by magic--we always knew this would happen someday.

Don't use spellcheck or read over what you wrote. After all, it's been scientiffically proven that even if you Tpye Liike A Drnkuen Moenky, you can still read it just fine. No one will notice.

If you have symbolism in your story or your character says something that MIGHT be unclear, you should always add an authors commentary immediately after you write it, because your readers are about as intelligent as a block of wood and would never be able to figure out your true meaning by themselves.

And remember: A story is never worth reading unless it has a happy ending!

((ha! This thread is Awesome! *subscribes*))

[The Phoenix Rises Again]

Ego and self-righteousness are not flaws.

[Amiable Aberration]

avearia

And remember: A story is never worth reading unless it has a happy ending!

((ha! This thread is Awesome! *subscribes*))

Or a Downer Ending right the ******** outta nowhere. However, both variants have to look like you pulled them out of your a**. Even if they do, it wasn't really an a** Pull. Your audience will see your true genius emerge!

((Glad you like it, madame.

...Now I wanna make an Anti-Guide Host Club...Or some other kind of Anti-Guide Harem.))

[The Phoenix Rises Again]

((I don't sign up to be in harems. I sign up to own harems.))

[fabulous dahling]

The Phoenix Rises Again

Ego and self-righteousness are not flaws.

unless the character with them is a bad guy, in which case it always gets them into trouble and makes them incompetent.

[The Phoenix Rises Again]

Fabulous Dahling

The Phoenix Rises Again

Ego and self-righteousness are not flaws.

unless the character with them is a bad guy, in which case it always gets them into trouble and makes them incompetent.

But if the good guy has it just as much, its okay

(Gods, I'm tired of this one)

[avearia]

Jiraku

avearia

And remember: A story is never worth reading unless it has a happy ending!

((ha! This thread is Awesome! *subscribes*))

Or a Downer Ending right the ******** outta nowhere. However, both variants have to look like you pulled them out of your a**. Even if they do, it wasn't really an a** Pull. Your audience will see your true genius emerge!

((Glad you like it, madame.

...Now I wanna make an Anti-Guide Host Club...Or some other kind of Anti-Guide Harem.))

((I rather think it would be more of an 'Anti-Guide Self-Help Group', though... XD

anyway...))

Plot twists are a must. I'm not talking about one or two--that's not good enough. All stories have to have a plot twist or two, (or ten,) every chapter. The more the merrier. No, your readers won't get confused, and if they do... they'll just love you all the more for it, bowing to your epicness of plot twists.

Bad habits are a no-no. Losing things, picking noses or scabs, being a penny-pincher or shopaholic, obsessive compulsive disorder... no one wants to hear about those things, and they don't add to your character at all. They make the good guy look bad, and they make villains look pathetic. If you simply must give your character a bad habit, make sure it's something that can be misconstrued as cool; such as smoking, drinking, or sleeping around.

Remember: don't make the villains TOO scary. People don't care about how bad the villain is, or WHY the hero has to stop said villain; they just want to see the hero do cool things like fight with samurai swords or shoot magic beams from their hands. Make your villain generic, so it doesn't scare your readers, and let the hero have room to work.

[The Phoenix Rises Again]

Never, EVER, make your MC scary. You don't want people questioning them, do you?

[fabulous dahling]

The Phoenix Rises Again

Never, EVER, make your MC scary. You don't want people questioning them, do you?

unless they are physically disfigured. this will not only show how deep and nondiscriminatory (is that a word?) you are, the readers will feel sorry for your character and root for them to win against all odds.

[The Phoenix Rises Again]

They can only be disfigured int a pretty or cute way. It may frighten readers with their scar or deformity, but it's really beautiful/cute.

[avearia]

It's all right to completely drop a character off the face of the planet if you decide you don't like him/her. Your readers will probably agree with you, and won't miss them if they disappear--in fact, they might rejoice along with you. And everyone knows that having a character that dissents with the others just causes confusion in writing. Everyone should think and act the same way; the way YOU do.

Only douches use writing techniques like Similies or Metaphors, intresting word choice, or punctuation. Don't bother; it's time consuming and makes you look like a dork.

In Fantasy stories, you're not allowed to make up any original animals or settings. Everyone knows that fantasy stories have dragons, dwarfs, elves, the occasional griffin or troll, and are set in midevil Europe. No exceptions.

Religion is a taboo topic. Avoid it all costs, even when writing in an era or region that normally has religion and integrated it into their daily lives. Even if you create a fictional world, you can't make up a religeion for it because you might offend people who really ARE religeous by making fake gods, and your athiest readers don't want to hear about religion either, even a fake one.

The title of your story has to be super-epic, although it doesn't have to actually be a word, make sense, or have any relevancy towards what the story is about.

[The Phoenix Rises Again]

There are never fringe groups or people who just interpret a religion or philosophy differently. This is impossible and thus people who do these things do not exist.

[avearia]

Characters who are very good at sports can never have anything above an average intelligence level, if that. The only time this is acceptable is if said sportsman is the main character, the character's love intrest, or occasionally (not often,) the MC's best friend.

[fabulous dahling]

All religions that involve anything slightly barabaric are evil, and they never ever ever contribute anything good to society.

In fact, they are planning to attack your MC's kingdom (this is the one that comes AFTER the story where your MC got rid of the evil butthurt rebels).

[The Phoenix Rises Again]

All nerds excel in all areas of knowledge