The Anti-Guide

How do you try to improve your writing?

I try to avoid old, stupid things.	17.5%	[ 2292 ]
I add new things.	14.9%	[ 1951 ]
A combination of both (if one more than the other, pick it).	67.6%	[ 8852 ]
Total Votes:			[ 13095 ]

[Misuki Marishima]

Remember that anyone with a bandanna, even in modern times, is a thief.

There are no other functions for them other than marking those whom love to steal.

[Serverus Snope]

Misuki Marishima

Remember that anyone with a bandanna, even in modern times, is a thief.

There are no other functions for them other than marking those whom love to steal.

Or, bandanas can go on Farm Girls, f***in' stereotypical-a** gangstas (beotch,) cowboys, or rebels. Nobody uses it as a way to blindfold people for party games or as a makeshift handkerchief.

[Half Baked SF]

Every culture has the same standard of beauty, and your heroine will fit right in. EVERYONE will think, secretly or otherwise, that your heroine is the most beautiful creature to walk the earth.

((Heh. One of my characters has, among other things, a hair color different from most others where she lives, and her culture can get pretty catty. She often wears a bandanna over her hair.))

[Doctor Pips]

IB a Survivor

Every culture has the same standard of beauty, and your heroine will fit right in. EVERYONE will think, secretly or otherwise, that your heroine is the most beautiful creature to walk the earth.

((Heh. One of my characters has, among other things, a hair color different from most others where she lives, and her culture can get pretty catty. She often wears a bandanna over her hair.

Just adding to that, your heroine will also beautiful to all the other species with no exceptions.

((One of my characters is considered to be very beautiful for her species, but if you asked most humans, and if they were nice, they'd clear their throat and say she looked interesting))

[The Phoenix Rises Again]

But she can't know that! She has to think she's plain or ugly! She heeds a man to tell her she's pretty and base her whole personal image off of someone else's opinion!

[Lieutenant Obvious]

The only time you should have a black main character or other minority is when it's to make a profound social statement about racism/sexism/religious intolerance/sexuality/whatever. You need to make reference to how special they are or what's different about them almost constantly to show that you believe their plight to be important and that you support them. By constantly I mean you should be remarking on it every page or so. Black main characters, specifically, should never be without heavy social commentary. Nobody wants to read about a guy who just happens to have dark skin.

There is one exception. Muslim men should always be bad guys since they're all terrorists/support the terrorists; none of them are against the violence and religious fundamentalism, but even if they were, men from the Middle East (the only muslim communities are in the Middle East) are all abusive and evil whether or not they support it anyway so it doesn't matter. Under no circumstances should you ever have a male lead who is muslim/Middle Eastern. However, you're free to write about Muslim women because they all secretly want to be white and Christian and do not like their culture or their male relatives at all, ever.

[The Phoenix Rises Again]

Or communists. All Communists work as secret agents or evil dictators to turn the world communist by kicking puppies. Women cna't be dictators, though. They have to be secret super spies with huge tits guns.

[Half Baked SF]

The Phoenix Rises Again

Women cna't be dictators, though.

They most certainly can if they're the wicked stepmother. Didn't Disney teach you anything?

[eden-of-mine]

♥ ♥ ♥
You should tack random adjectives and adverbs, even if you don't know what that means, onto EVERYTHING, and never ever under any circumstances just use a strong and descriptive verb.

Love at first sight is the only kind of love there is. Nobody ever falls out of love, cheats, or falls in love with anyone else ever again. Otherwise they're a slut.

There must always be a god or multiple gods, no matter what the setting is, and human myths about them are always completely correct. Having the myths be wrong or the gods simply not exist is just silly.

Nobody ever poops, burps, pees, farts, sneezes, eats, throws up, has diarrhea, gets sick, gets infected with anything, gets dirty or needs to pull their teeth even though there's no dental health in ancient settings.

Orcs, trolls, goblins and other ugly, strong creatures are always evil. Elves, halflings, gnomes and fairies are always good.

Your character MUST, and I mean MUST have some sort of special marking or physical feature for readers to have any interest in them.

Readers are just dying to know about the most petty, mundane squabbles. To make them more realistic, you should model them after the fight you just had with your dad, only make you the clear winner and obviously in the right.

Your character should never be a jerk just because, like normal people do. Being a jerk because the other person deserved it or because they're upset is acceptable, as long as the other person apologizes for their behavior.

What your character is wearing is of the upmost importance and completely relevant to the story.

Your character ABSOLUTELY MUST have a unique eye color, and they must be described as a corresponding gem and "orbs". For example, "ruby orbs" or "amethyst orbs". More than one color in one pupil, and very bright and saturated colors are a must.

Normal hair colors don't exist.

Your character must have a good singing voice, even if they've never had training and it is completely irrelevant to the story. Having a character be a bad singer or need practice will just embarrass readers and turn them away.

Families are for chumps. No living relatives should exist, except for a long-lost brother perhaps. Parents should be murdered by orcs at the beginning of the story, regardless of setting, yet somehow also beat the character and not buy them clothes.

Royal people are always sexy and always deserve their post, and everybody that isn't evil loves them.
♥ ♥ ♥

[The Phoenix Rises Again]

IB a Survivor

The Phoenix Rises Again

Women cna't be dictators, though.

They most certainly can if they're the wicked stepmother. Didn't Disney teach you anything?

Not a political dictator. But they can be witches that rule the land. But never a dictator who actually makes plans. They have to spend their time focusing on their appearance or the arrival of princesses

[eden-of-mine]

Lieutenant Obvious

The only time you should have a black main character or other minority is when it's to make a profound social statement about racism/sexism/religious intolerance/sexuality/whatever. You need to make reference to how special they are or what's different about them almost constantly to show that you believe their plight to be important and that you support them. By constantly I mean you should be remarking on it every page or so. Black main characters, specifically, should never be without heavy social commentary. Nobody wants to read about a guy who just happens to have dark skin.

There is one exception. Muslim men should always be bad guys since they're all terrorists/support the terrorists; none of them are against the violence and religious fundamentalism, but even if they were, men from the Middle East (the only muslim communities are in the Middle East) are all abusive and evil whether or not they support it anyway so it doesn't matter. Under no circumstances should you ever have a male lead who is muslim/Middle Eastern. However, you're free to write about Muslim women because they all secretly want to be white and Christian and do not like their culture or their male relatives at all, ever.

♥ ♥ ♥


Exactly. Also, people who live in Africa don't exist, only black people in Western countries. Asian women are always adorable and pretty.
♥ ♥ ♥

[Half Baked SF]

Pretty people are always shallow, vain airheads.
With the exception of your protagonists, of course! wink

[The Phoenix Rises Again]

Africa is a country. So is Asia and Europe. And Hawaii.

[Half Baked SF]

All hispanics come from Mexico. There is no other country, unless you want to talk about Colombian drug lords or Cuban commies. In those cases, those are the only kinds of people still living in those countries.

[eden-of-mine]

♥ ♥ ♥
Interracial relationships are always interesting just because they're interracial.
♥ ♥ ♥