The Anti-Guide

How do you try to improve your writing?

I try to avoid old, stupid things.	17.5%	[ 2292 ]
I add new things.	14.9%	[ 1951 ]
A combination of both (if one more than the other, pick it).	67.6%	[ 8852 ]
Total Votes:			[ 13095 ]

[Rid V]

IrkenMegara

Was this mentioned before? I'm sorry if it was.

There is always one big, bad conglomerate behind everything evil going on in the world. That's right, the random thug who ripped off Grandma's purse is, on some level, working for The Big Kingpin Boss Man. Of course, NOBODY except your hero suspects that there's something sinister going on behind the friendly corporate image. Really. The cops are, as always, useless in this situation.

Speaking of police, bonus points if you portray them as fat, doughnut-snarfing, trigger-happy, glorified rent-a-cops. All the training they went through does them no good, while your civilian-turned-vigilante punk cleans up the streets single-handedly. (If the police are not incompetent, they must be corrupt. Because nobody likes to see an honest cop. Just ignore Law and Order's various incarnations, and you'll do fine.)

That's right, all criminals are ruled over by secret socities, who, despite all their fantastic cover-up work, are still found out by your highschooler hero/ine and or a random person on the street.

And of course, what other reason is there for police than to either get killed trying to be helpful, get in the way, or be the enemy? Anything else is just stealing your hero/ine's thunder. I trust I need not explain further.

[Jasper Riddle]

Everybody takes 10-years-olds seriously. Everybody.

Quote:

"Sir, there's a 13-year-old out here demanding an audience with you."
"What about?"
"The end of the world."
"I see. Let them in."

They never laugh it off and say "go play with your dollies, little girl."

[Minion Ripley]

Jasper Riddle

Everybody takes 10-years-olds seriously. Everybody.

Quote:

"Sir, there's a 13-year-old out here demanding an audience with you."
"What about?"
"The end of the world."
"I see. Let them in."

They never laugh it off and say "go play with your dollies, little girl."

Or, if they, from some odd bout of sanity, do the latter option, then he is labeled an evil, tyrannical brute who is probably a cohort of the main baddie. He will also die in a painful fashion later in the story, probably from his own doings that do not heed the warnings of a little kid. This is because children are always right, so they should never be ignored for any reason.

[KiwiOfDestruction]

On sex:
Always, always, always remember two rules of thumb for sex scenes: Either use extremely graphic desriptions that people seriously do not need to see (In which case you will rate it either PG-13 or K+ on fanfiction.net) or have the sex scene that totally fades to black and no one has any clue that it is a sex scene (in which case it is M on fanfiction.net or NC-17 anywhere else)

Oh, and regular sex is never enough. And hand jobs and second base=BIG NO NO! always have a**l or oral sex at the very least, and remember, B&D and S&M are totally AWESOME!!11!!ONEONE!!FIFTY! Use them whenever possible. And Narcotic Thrust is a band full of weirdos. Anyone who describes sexual activity/lust like that is a loser. Sexuality is a HUNDRED TIMES better than sensuality and everyone in the universe knows it.

[KiwiOfDestruction]

KiwiOfDestruction

On sex:
Always, always, always remember two rules of thumb for sex scenes: Either use extremely graphic desriptions that people seriously do not need to see (In which case you will rate it either PG-13 or K+ on fanfiction.net) or have the sex scene that totally fades to black and no one has any clue that it is a sex scene (in which case it is M on fanfiction.net or NC-17 anywhere else)

Oh, and regular sex is never enough. And hand jobs and second base=BIG NO NO! always have a**l or oral sex at the very least, and remember, B&D and S&M are totally AWESOME!!11!!ONEONE!!FIFTY! Use them whenever possible. And Narcotic Thrust is a band full of weirdos. Anyone who describes sexual activity/lust like that is a loser. Sexuality is a HUNDRED TIMES better than sensuality and everyone in the universe knows it.

And in case you're wondering, I was mainly referring to these songs by narcotic Thrust:

I like it
I hate the treadmill everyday
I hate the mundane things they say
the boredom sets in 9 to 5
at night that's when i come alive

I long to be connected
I long to be affected
the bright lights beckon me
beckon me to you

(1st chours)
I like it when we go to extremes
I like it when you enter my dreams
I like it when i feel your touch
I like it.. I like it so much

There must be more to life than this
this life i surely will not miss
to spend my time waiting in line
in search for something the grand design

I long to be connected
I long to be affected
the bright lights beckon me
beckon me to you

(chours)
I like it when we go to extremes
I like it when you enter my dreams
I like it when i feel your touch
I like it.. I like it so much
I like it when we're one on one
I like it when we come undone
I like it when we go to extremes
you let me, let me live my dreams

oh oh oh

I long to be connected
I long to be affected
the bright lights beckon me
beckon me to you

(Repeat Chorus)

I like it so much
oh oh oh
I like it so much
oh oh oh
I like it so much
I like it, I like it so much
so much so much
I like it so much

When the Dawn Breaks
Moonlight, kissing on a violet shore
Dreaming in the color of the dress you wore
I wake up harmed and wanting more about you

I don’t wanna… feel alive
I don’t wanna… feel naked
I don’t wanna… feel alive, without you

When the dawn breaks
I can feel the heat of your sun rising
Rising up inside me
I can feel the waves of your heart rushing
Rushing over me
Rushing over me
Rushing over me
Rushing over me

The figures stop moving
And the subway dies
The clock stops ticking and the traffic sighs
I can’t keep living these strange goodbyes
I need you ( I need you)

I don’t wanna… feel alive
I don’t wanna… feel naked
I don’t wanna… feel alive
Without you

When the dawn breaks
I can feel the heat of your sun rising
Rising up inside me
I can feel the waves of your heart rushing
Rushing over me
Rushing over me
Rushing over me
Rushing over me

I don’t wanna… feel alive
I don’t wanna… feel naked
I don’t wanna… feel alive
Without you

When the dawn breaks
I can feel the heat of your sun rising
Rising up inside me
I can feel the crash of your heart breaking

Oh when the dawn breaks
I can feel the heat of your sun rising
Rising up inside me
I can feel the waves of your heart rushing
Rushing over me

[Lord_of_the_Funk]

Johny depp oficialy made necrofilia hot with Corps bride

whitch means it isnt only scolialy acseptible now it is also incoraged....so use it as much as posible

[Your Neighbor Totoro]

KiwiOfDestruction

On sex:
Always, always, always remember two rules of thumb for sex scenes: Either use extremely graphic desriptions that people seriously do not need to see (In which case you will rate it either PG-13 or K+ on fanfiction.net) or have the sex scene that totally fades to black and no one has any clue that it is a sex scene (in which case it is M on fanfiction.net or NC-17 anywhere else)

Oh, and regular sex is never enough. And hand jobs and second base=BIG NO NO! always have a**l or oral sex at the very least, and remember, B&D and S&M are totally AWESOME!!11!!ONEONE!!FIFTY! Use them whenever possible. And Narcotic Thrust is a band full of weirdos. Anyone who describes sexual activity/lust like that is a loser. Sexuality is a HUNDRED TIMES better than sensuality and everyone in the universe knows it.

your damn right scream

[kidcomrade]

Spongebob should always make cameos in all fanfics. After all, he's the ruler of the universe. Also, avoid long stories. The shorter the better! Never go past 1 paragraph!

[Nobody Famous]

The characters must ALWAYS be part of a certain clique. Usually goth or punk to make it clear how completely DIFFERENT they are from everyone else. They will often be looked down on by the more popular kids, but no worries, because they will get what's coming to them in the end anyways.

[Cola Cola]

There's not such thing as acne. If you want to be outrageously realistic, you COULD give the OMGSOMEAN school bully/rival of your wonderful perfect hero/ine acne.

[Lord_of_the_Funk]

Nobody Famous

The characters must ALWAYS be part of a certain clique. Usually goth or punk to make it clear how completely DIFFERENT they are from everyone else. They will often be looked down on by the more popular kids, but no worries, because they will get what's coming to them in the end anyways.

even though all you have to do to be goth or punk is dress the same way and listen to the same music as all the pother goth punk kids do...but its still not conforming stare no its er....."rebeling"

[Viva Rock Chica]

To improve my writing I:

*Add some comedy
*Add foreshadowing, similes, metaphors, personification, irony, etc.
*Whack up or whack down a character
*edit characters
*talk to my characters and see what they think
*draw things out so I can have it visual

[Your Neighbor Totoro]

you non-conformists are all alike scream

[KiwiOfDestruction]

The 1600s, 1700s, and 1800s NEVER HAPPENED. It's either medieval, feudal Japanese, modern, or in the future.

If your protagonist is African-American (FOMG how will she have luxuriant golden locks, moon-colored skin, and saphire (spelling it sapphire is for losers who like grammar) eyes?), all they must ever think about is the opression of african-american people. They must never think of anything else. All that opression occupies 100% of their minds. I mean, even if it's set in a futuristic, utopian society, all they will ever think about is the opression of african-americans. Because everyone knows that's all actual African-Americans ever think about. rolleyes ((This one REALLY pisses me off. Especially the fact that a lot of the people who write this are published. I understand that oppression sucks and people are going to think about it, but when you're, say, inadvertantly speaking in tongues, the last thing on your mind will be oppression.)

[Cola Cola]

pinto_sprite

To improve my writing I:

*Add some comedy
*Add foreshadowing, similes, metaphors, personification, irony, etc.
*Whack up or whack down a character
*edit characters
*talk to my characters and see what they think
*draw things out so I can have it visual

... You fail it.