[ Poll ] The Anti-Guide

How do you try to improve your writing?

I try to avoid old, stupid things.		17.1%	[ 1656 ]
I add new things.		15.3%	[ 1475 ]
A combination of both (if one more than the other, pick it).		67.6%	[ 6533 ]

Total Votes: 9664

[Araia.Naishi]

Villains are not allowed to be female.

Healers are not allowed to be male.

Your her and heroine MUST be within three years of each other's ages. After all, who wants to read a non-sexual story about two characters so age-different that it'd be sick for them to get involved ANYWAY?

[~Rue.The.Day~]

mangagirlpeach

ALWAYS include some sort of prophecy that predicts how everything must happen. Stick to the prophecy and don't let anything, be it character, situation, ANYTHING, interfere with The Prophecy because thats how prophecies work.

Especially those spe-shul "self-fulfilling prophecies;" no one will ever think, "Well s**t--I should probably ignore this advice", unless it tells them that they're about to die, in which case they should pretend they never heard it.

Kill NPCs often. They don't have feelings.

Actually, pull a Full Metal Alchemist and spend an entire chapter building up how special and adorable a child is, only to brutally mutilate them right after you're finished. (Is currently doing that in her new vampire story. sweatdrop )

[Araia.Naishi]

~Rue.The.Day~

mangagirlpeach

ALWAYS include some sort of prophecy that predicts how everything must happen. Stick to the prophecy and don't let anything, be it character, situation, ANYTHING, interfere with The Prophecy because thats how prophecies work.

Especially those spe-shul "self-fulfilling prophecies;" no one will ever think, "Well s**t--I should probably ignore this advice", unless it tells them that they're about to die, in which case they should pretend they never heard it.

Kill NPCs often. They don't have feelings.

Actually, pull a Full Metal Alchemist and spend an entire chapter building up how special and adorable a child is, only to brutally mutilate them right after you're finished. (Is currently doing that in her new vampire story. sweatdrop )

And make sure that your main characters either never feel a scratch, or die.

No in between. No stretches on unbearable but nonfatal pain. No gray area.

[Araia.Naishi]

Oh, and vampires, werewolves, and ghosts are automatically evil.

Unicorns, mermaids, sprites, and faeries are automatically good.

Period.

[~Rue.The.Day~]

Araia.Naishi

Villains are not allowed to be female.

Healers are not allowed to be male.

Your her and heroine MUST be within three years of each other's ages. After all, who wants to read a non-sexual story about two characters so age-different that it'd be sick for them to get involved ANYWAY?

The exception to the third rule is this: If you are writing a romance, the hero and heroine must be more than ten years apart in age so prove that love surpasses all boundaries, including things like age and statutory rape charges.

[Tavreynya]

((I'm sick for one day and look what happens. xd I heart this thread...))

All important meetings occur in taverns. All of them.

The leading lady is always tall, but not as tall as the hero, because no one is taller than the hero.

[Araia.Naishi]

Tavreynya

((I'm sick for one day and look what happens. xd I heart this thread...))

All important meetings occur in taverns. All of them.

The leading lady is always tall, but not as tall as the hero, because no one is taller than the hero.

The exception to this is the evil giants he fights, and they get down on their knees and beg him to spare them.

[Tavreynya]

No one is ever born out of wedlock, ever, unless they're evil; then the hero(ine) can make a few oh-so-clever remarks about so-and-so being a "b*****d."

[~Rue.The.Day~]

Tavreynya

((I'm sick for one day and look what happens. xd I heart this thread...))

All important meetings occur in taverns. All of them.

The leading lady is always tall, but not as tall as the hero, because no one is taller than the hero.

<< I've...seen you somewhere. I cannot quite recall where. >>

The leading lady must be able to look the hero square in the eye so that the reader understands that she is rebellious and not-so-ordinary.

Avoid regular hairstyles. Things like....pony-tails, are bad. Readers hate hearing about them! Instead, give your characters mismatched hair and styles that match their personalities and/or special abilities. Especially hidden abilities no one ever knew they had.

[Araia.Naishi]

Tavreynya

No one is ever born out of wedlock, ever, unless they're evil; then the hero(ine) can make a few oh-so-clever remarks about so-and-so being a "b*****d."

EDIT: But why would your character WANT to make such remarks? I mean, they're the living enbodiment of Good, aren't they?

((Unrelated note: Did you get my PM about the next three chapters of my little story thing?))

[Tavreynya]

Araia.Naishi

((Unrelated note: Did you get my PM about the next three chapters of my little story thing?))

That I did. I'm reading 'em now.

EDIT:

Araia.Naishi

But why would your character WANT to make such remarks? I mean, they're the living enbodiment of Good, aren't they?

Oh, yes, my mistake. I meant the best friend who exists only for comic relief. They're all over that.

[Araia.Naishi]

Tavreynya

Araia.Naishi

((Unrelated note: Did you get my PM about the next three chapters of my little story thing?))

That I did. I'm reading 'em now.

Cool. domokun

[Tavreynya]

Everyone is familiar with the darker side of town. This means that any five-year-old the hero approaches in the street could point him unerringly to the best whorehouse. And yet, children are always innocent and pure of intention. For this reason, the hero(ine) must always include a small child (age eight or younger) in their traveling party. This will cause your audience to scream "KAWAIII~!" at random intervals and ignore other less important things, like plot.

[Araia.Naishi]

No one must ever make any mistakes except your villain, and those must be of the fatal, irreparable variety. Why have a character who can't read maps anyway?

[x_haphazard_x]

Tavreynya

Everyone is familiar with the darker side of town. This means that any five-year-old the hero approaches in the street could point him unerringly to the best whorehouse. And yet, children are always innocent and pure of intention. For this reason, the hero(ine) must always include a small child (age eight or younger) in their traveling party. This will cause your audience to scream "KAWAIII~!" at random intervals and ignore other less important things, like plot.

((I actually have (well, NOW he is, he used to be important) a random kid character eek But it's not like he travels around with him, and he's at the center of a huge custody battle. Should I keep him?))