The Anti-Guide

How do you try to improve your writing?

I try to avoid old, stupid things.	17.5%	[ 2292 ]
I add new things.	14.9%	[ 1951 ]
A combination of both (if one more than the other, pick it).	67.6%	[ 8852 ]
Total Votes:			[ 13095 ]

[54j4gwh57k57-3g3g]

Rid V

black-butterflies

Rid V

Speaking of Laws of Nature, don't listen to what everyone else has said, have them apply. Just only have them apply when it fits your story, pick ones that don't fit, and ignore them! Best of all, if you find that they actually come in handy later, put 'em back in!

*blinks* What? eek confused

Sorry, I mean that you can ignore that people will die if they fall from a certain altitude when you want to, and not ignore it when you don't. Or better, going back to a comment about conservation of energy, have some people able to pull lightning bolts out of nowhere, while the villians need to absorb all that energy from some power crystal or other. Okay?

I do believe I comprehend.

[hecate-athena]

[color=indigo]Ah, the Laws of Nature again. Lovely topic.

Anyways, the hero(ine)'s partner that they were forced with because of circumstances always hates them, and vice-versa, but throughout the voyage sexual tension develops and the end up screwing like aphrodisiac-injected rabbits. No one will see it coming. ninja

[Rid V]

hecate-athena

[color=indigo]Ah, the Laws of Nature again. Lovely topic.

Anyways, the hero(ine)'s partner that they were forced with because of circumstances always hates them, and vice-versa, but throughout the voyage sexual tension develops and the end up screwing like aphrodisiac-injected rabbits. No one will see it coming. ninja

I actually meant more along the lines of Laws of Physics but you know, Laws of Physics, Laws of Nature, Laws of Narrative Causality, what's the difference, right?

[Jasper Riddle]

Rid V

hecate-athena

[color=indigo]Ah, the Laws of Nature again. Lovely topic.

Anyways, the hero(ine)'s partner that they were forced with because of circumstances always hates them, and vice-versa, but throughout the voyage sexual tension develops and the end up screwing like aphrodisiac-injected rabbits. No one will see it coming. ninja

I actually meant more along the lines of Laws of Physics but you know, Laws of Physics, Laws of Nature, Laws of Narrative Causality, what's the difference, right?

right.
Gravity? What's that?

[hecate-athena]

Rid V

hecate-athena

Ah, the Laws of Nature again. Lovely topic.

Anyways, the hero(ine)'s partner that they were forced with because of circumstances always hates them, and vice-versa, but throughout the voyage sexual tension develops and the end up screwing like aphrodisiac-injected rabbits. No one will see it coming. ninja

I actually meant more along the lines of Laws of Physics but you know, Laws of Physics, Laws of Nature, Laws of Narrative Causality, what's the difference, right?

Right.

[Rid V]

Oh yeah, I knew there was at least one more thing.

Whenever your main character is thrust into a campaign that involves her/him working alongside other commandoes/dragon hunters/cherry pickers, all of the other characters will die in a major battle, unless one is a secondary character. No characters who are not deeply involved in the plot are allowed to survive, this shows just how hard the battle really is, and how good your main character is at surviving, even if s/he apparently stood no better chance than all the ones who died.

On a related note, when a party of minor characters sets out to bring your main character/s important information/energy crystals/capuccinos, they must all die or be captured by the enemy except one, who gets through. Bonus points if the one who gets through dies, so the main character/s have to go back and find the one who was captured but not killed. More bonus points if the last messenger, whoever s/he is, dies just after giving out the vital information.

In fact, this last rule applies to everything. Any minor character with vital information and or objects must die immediately after giving them to your hero/ine. In the case of information, it can be immediately before giving it to your hero/ine so that s/he must find another way to get it.

[Alybrylla]

So your main character just had their lives ripped away. Their the sole survivers of a village/city/race. The only thing they can think about is revange! They would never brake down and cry ('cause who heard of the hero crying, unless of course the heros a girl, then she should cry so the guys will comfort her), or make themself go insane, or take revange, but realize, their EVIL!!! the "hero" will never actually be/become the bad guy.

[Iskir]

-The hero should be oh-so-powerful and everyone should love him.
-Your hero is not only a master swordsman, but an incredible mage! Oh, yeah. He just picked magic up in his spare time. He's not born with any gift or anything, but he's powerful enough to blow the world to smithereens not even two weeks into his magic course. Because, ladies and gents, he's that good.
-The oh-so-not-powerful villain. I mean, honestly. If he's that weak and the hero is that strong, why does the hero even bother?
-The hero's love interest must be a royal heir with a generous bosom.
-BUT! Remember: all female characters are love interest. They all wear revealing clothes and must drool and fight over your hero.
-Did I mention your hero should be the most damn-good looking thing on the face of the planet?
-There is no job besides swordsman, archer, mage, or merchant. Who cares about making weapons or teaching magic? Ha! Here, swords just fall from the sky and all mages are born with terrifying and phenomenal powers.
-Who cares that your hero doesn't know the old man (that turns out to be the most powerful wizard in the world, don't forget that) whom he's following all over the place. He proposed to help your hero on his grand quest, so, of course, he must be good!
-Everyone who is evil must kill on every occassion they get.
-Your hero must win every single battle. It's not fun anymore if they don't.
-All good magical creatures must help your hero on his quest! That dragon doesn't care that he's risking his neck: he's risking it for your hero!
-Same goes for people. If they refused to help, they're evil and your hero has to kill them on the spot.

[wingnut the improbable]

Actually name your character Mary-Sue. It will emphasize the Sueness superubercoollness of her.

[hecate-athena]

No, find some Super Uber Exotic Name! Like Moonflower! Or Raven! Or whatever else you can think of. Bonus points if your character's name tells something about them.

[kitedragon]

The only time the hero or heroine may sustain severe injuries after a fight is if they're killing the main villain, who must not die immediatly so we may watch him/her get beat into the ground so many times over, and then die a melow dramatic death. That is the only time the main character may come out of the fight bleeding, scared, holding an shoulder, and have some revealing parts showing at the same time. After that, the love interest must magically tend the main character with amazing speed, and then they make love with each other even though any normal human would die with such injuries just trying to make love.

[wingnut the improbable]

hecate-athena

No, find some Super Uber Exotic Name! Like Moonflower! Or Raven! Or whatever else you can think of. Bonus points if your character's name tells something about them.

Why not exoticfy those names? Ooh! Name your Sue wonderfully crafted character Mar'ee-Suu! Nothing better than creatively spelled names!

[Jasper Riddle]

wingnut the improbable

hecate-athena

No, find some Super Uber Exotic Name! Like Moonflower! Or Raven! Or whatever else you can think of. Bonus points if your character's name tells something about them.

Why not exoticfy those names? Ooh! Name your Sue wonderfully crafted character Mar'ee-Suu! Nothing better than creatively spelled names!

Damn right. She's not Emerald, she's Emairylde.

[hecate-athena]

Or Marissa Suezette Hellfire Blackrose Moonbeam!

[wingnut the improbable]

hecate-athena

Or Marissa Suezette Hellfire Blackrose Moonbeam!

You need to have a "Shadow" in there. No name is complete without the word "shadow". Spell it "shaa'douh" if you feel inclined to do so.