The Anti-Guide

How do you try to improve your writing?

I try to avoid old, stupid things.	17.5%	[ 2292 ]
I add new things.	14.9%	[ 1951 ]
A combination of both (if one more than the other, pick it).	67.6%	[ 8852 ]
Total Votes:			[ 13095 ]

[binaryfaerie]

The hero(ine) must never be captured by the villain. Unless of course (s)he can manage to release himself while the villain is monologuing. Because all villains make huge speeches before they finish the hero(ine) off, allowing the hero(ine) ample time to escape.

Villain is spelled "villain," not "villian" or "villan." (Sorry, that one's been bugging me...)

When writing fanfiction, especially for anime, your readers will appreciate your use of emoticons. Emoticons just make a story better, because then your reader knows exactly how you feel about the sentence/paragraph/word you just wrote.

In the case that the heroine DOES get her period, she will not get cramps. Except for angsting purposes. Also, she will not get blood on her clothes, because no one's clothes ever get dirty.

(I just have to say, I've become addicted to this thread since I discovered it a week ago. I've read the whole thing. I read 40 pages just today. I have a life, I swear!)

[JessieWings]

Jessie the Awesome says:
ALWAYS write what you know. If you've never seen something done before, DON'T WRITE IT. After all, how are you supposed to know what's never been done before?

Girl villains are either gorgeous and have no real motivation, or ugly with a motivation that they hate everything for no reason. THERE IS NO MIDDLE GROUND.

At the end of your story, when your villain is about to destroy the city/country/continent/planet/solar system/galaxy/universe, and the good guys are hurrying to defeat him (or her, but girl villains can usually hold them off with her stunning beauty), the villain must ALWAYS say random things like "at last... the moment is miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine!" The word 'mine' should stretch out to however much time it takes for the good guys to get there.

Because girl villains have to be defeated too, have her not concentrating so the good guys can defeat her. For bonus points, make her a very attentive character who's never missed anything as important as nearly being defeated before in the story.

For even more bonus points, stop your story somewhere in the middle - I mean, if you told everyone what happened at the end, you couldn't write an awesome sequel!

Characterisaton and a coherent plot only get in the way of awesome action/sex scenes. Don't bother with them.

You want to leave the biggest impression you can on your readers - "OMG THAT WAS THE WORST CRAP EVER" is preferable to "well, that was good." Remember, readers NEVER EVER think "OMG THAT WAS THE BEST STORY I'VE EVER READ! biggrin "

[Zonderling]

JessieWings

At the end of your story, when your villain is about to destroy the city/country/continent/planet/solar system/galaxy/universe, and the good guys are hurrying to defeat him (or her, but girl villains can usually hold them off with her stunning beauty), the villain must ALWAYS say random things like "at last... the moment is miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine!" The word 'mine' should stretch out to however much time it takes for the good guys to get there.

That just gave me this hilarious image of the villain shouting "miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine" for at least one minute until the heros come, or else they pass out (because pausing for breath would ruin the moment.)

[hecate-athena]

JessieWings

Jessie the Awesome says:
Because girl villains have to be defeated too, have her not concentrating so the good guys can defeat her. For bonus points, make her a very attentive character who's never missed anything as important as nearly being defeated before in the story.

It's because she's distracted by your hero's good looks.

[Jasper Riddle]

sabletheferretlord

JessieWings

At the end of your story, when your villain is about to destroy the city/country/continent/planet/solar system/galaxy/universe, and the good guys are hurrying to defeat him (or her, but girl villains can usually hold them off with her stunning beauty), the villain must ALWAYS say random things like "at last... the moment is miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine!" The word 'mine' should stretch out to however much time it takes for the good guys to get there.

That just gave me this hilarious image of the villain shouting "miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine" for at least one minute until the heros come, or else they pass out (because pausing for breath would ruin the moment.)

yeah, i got that too. funny.

[Jasper Riddle]

hecate-athena

JessieWings

Jessie the Awesome says:
Because girl villains have to be defeated too, have her not concentrating so the good guys can defeat her. For bonus points, make her a very attentive character who's never missed anything as important as nearly being defeated before in the story.

It's because she's distracted by your hero's good looks.

and when she's gonna kill the hero, she ALWAYS says razz ity, you're very cute. Sure you don't wanna come over to the bad side?" And he ALWAYS says no.

[Morizawa]

Jasper Riddle

hecate-athena

JessieWings

Jessie the Awesome says:
Because girl villains have to be defeated too, have her not concentrating so the good guys can defeat her. For bonus points, make her a very attentive character who's never missed anything as important as nearly being defeated before in the story.

It's because she's distracted by your hero's good looks.

and when she's gonna kill the hero, she ALWAYS says razz ity, you're very cute. Sure you don't wanna come over to the bad side?" And he ALWAYS says no.

Well... what with her having just killed your friends im sure you would want to join the dark side.

And that thing with her claiming the world to be hers(giving the heroes time to defeat her) has to do with arrogance caused by power, it's generally trying to show that arrogance can be any man/woman's downfall.

[Jasper Riddle]

Morizawa

Jasper Riddle

hecate-athena

JessieWings

Jessie the Awesome says:
Because girl villains have to be defeated too, have her not concentrating so the good guys can defeat her. For bonus points, make her a very attentive character who's never missed anything as important as nearly being defeated before in the story.

It's because she's distracted by your hero's good looks.

and when she's gonna kill the hero, she ALWAYS says razz ity, you're very cute. Sure you don't wanna come over to the bad side?" And he ALWAYS says no.

Well... what with her having just killed your friends im sure you would want to join the dark side.

And that thing with her claiming the world to be hers(giving the heroes time to defeat her) has to do with arrogance caused by power, it's generally trying to show that arrogance can be any man/woman's downfall.

what are you doing? stare

[Morizawa]

Jasper Riddle

Morizawa

Jasper Riddle

hecate-athena

JessieWings

Jessie the Awesome says:
Because girl villains have to be defeated too, have her not concentrating so the good guys can defeat her. For bonus points, make her a very attentive character who's never missed anything as important as nearly being defeated before in the story.

It's because she's distracted by your hero's good looks.

and when she's gonna kill the hero, she ALWAYS says razz ity, you're very cute. Sure you don't wanna come over to the bad side?" And he ALWAYS says no.

Well... what with her having just killed your friends im sure you would want to join the dark side.

And that thing with her claiming the world to be hers(giving the heroes time to defeat her) has to do with arrogance caused by power, it's generally trying to show that arrogance can be any man/woman's downfall.

what are you doing? stare

Had to point out something that was kind of being made fun of for the wrong reasons.

[Jasper Riddle]

Morizawa

Jasper Riddle

Morizawa

Jasper Riddle

hecate-athena

JessieWings

Jessie the Awesome says:
Because girl villains have to be defeated too, have her not concentrating so the good guys can defeat her. For bonus points, make her a very attentive character who's never missed anything as important as nearly being defeated before in the story.

It's because she's distracted by your hero's good looks.

and when she's gonna kill the hero, she ALWAYS says razz ity, you're very cute. Sure you don't wanna come over to the bad side?" And he ALWAYS says no.

Well... what with her having just killed your friends im sure you would want to join the dark side.

And that thing with her claiming the world to be hers(giving the heroes time to defeat her) has to do with arrogance caused by power, it's generally trying to show that arrogance can be any man/woman's downfall.

what are you doing? stare

Had to point out something that was kind of being made fun of for the wrong reasons.

you don't do that. no one cares if it's the wrong reasons---if it can be mocked because it's overdone/cliche/just plain stupid, then it will be mocked.

[Morizawa]

Jasper Riddle

Morizawa

Jasper Riddle

Morizawa

Jasper Riddle

and when she's gonna kill the hero, she ALWAYS says razz ity, you're very cute. Sure you don't wanna come over to the bad side?" And he ALWAYS says no.

Well... what with her having just killed your friends im sure you would want to join the dark side.

And that thing with her claiming the world to be hers(giving the heroes time to defeat her) has to do with arrogance caused by power, it's generally trying to show that arrogance can be any man/woman's downfall.

what are you doing? stare

Had to point out something that was kind of being made fun of for the wrong reasons.

you don't do that. no one cares if it's the wrong reasons---if it can be mocked because it's overdone/cliche/just plain stupid, then it will be mocked.

i suppose but it was a very very misguided mock.

[Rid V]

(Has just read all 108 pages, whew)

Amazingly enough, there are still some points that have not been touched on, or could use some expanding, here's some:

The Moon. If your characters are on earth, or an equivalent parallel, than the moon must always be full, every night, all year round. This is only if the moon has absolutely no point in the story, if the full moon is important, a few other rules apply. If the full moon is needed for whatever reason, the moon will amazingly be full that night. If you want to be really creative, have it be the next night. If you like to live extremely dangerously, you could have it be the night after that, no more.

Powerful beasts. Be they fantasy creatures, aliens, or robots, one rule applies: one is always greater than many. If there is a creature that someone has told your characters is immensly powerful, or it has just demonstrated its power by tearing a mountain apart, it will be troublesome to kill (except of course for the ones who're d*mn easy). However, if you add another of the same kind, the two together will now by slightly easier to kill than one alone. Add a third, and all three will be slightly harder than one alone. Add a fourth, and they will fall somewhere between one and two. If they are five, they will be even eaiser than two, six easier still, seven even easier, and so on. This is a Law of Nature.

Speaking of Laws of Nature, don't listen to what everyone else has said, have them apply. Just only have them apply when it fits your story, pick ones that don't fit, and ignore them! Best of all, if you find that they actually come in handy later, put 'em back in! Say if you want your villian/ess to die of being thrown off their mighty tower, but you want your hero/ine to survive being thrown out of a forty-story building onto hard concrete, go ahead. Contradicting everything else is good, so why not do it to yourself, too?

Evil underlings exist only to be killed, or to become disillusioned with the villian/ess and help the hero/ine/s.

Also, seventy, eighty, ninty, or 20,000-year-old men are essential plot devices, for they must always act as the hero/ine's mentor. They must also die, and never of old age, but not before they've imparted the necessary wisdom to their successor.

In fact, don't stop there, make it clear within two paragraphs of introducing a character, that they are going to die. Anybody who's studied fiction long enough (especially sci-fi/fantasy) has been able to spot many characters who are sooner or later going to die, and no two ways about it. Model every character you intend to kill after one or more of these stereotypes.

And when it comes to dying, secondary characters don't just wait until they've had their long impassioned speech to die, they wait just long enough for the hero/ine to reach them, say their bit, then die. Even if the main character is halfway around the world, and the other character has just recieved an axe blow to the head, or a had a two-by-four shoved through their hearts.

(There were probably more, will post them if remember)

(By the way, somebody mentioned July 9th a few pages ago, what are the chances of someone randomly picking my sisters' birthday? Once you've calculated that, tell me of their chances of posting it the day before my birthday)

(Excuse me if I rambled a bit, this is my first post. And I mean ever)

[Jasper Riddle]

Rid V

(Has just read all 108 pages, whew)

Amazingly enough, there are still some points that have not been touched on, or could use some expanding, here's some:

The Moon. If your characters are on earth, or an equivalent parallel, than the moon must always be full, every night, all year round. This is only if the moon has absolutely no point in the story, if the full moon is important, a few other rules apply. If the full moon is needed for whatever reason, the moon will amazingly be full that night. If you want to be really creative, have it be the next night. If you like to live extremely dangerously, you could have it be the night after that, no more.

Powerful beasts. Be they fantasy creatures, aliens, or robots, one rule applies: one is always greater than many. If there is a creature that someone has told your characters is immensly powerful, or it has just demonstrated its power by tearing a mountain apart, it will be troublesome to kill (except of course for the ones who're d*mn easy). However, if you add another of the same kind, the two together will now by slightly easier to kill than one alone. Add a third, and all three will be slightly harder than one alone. Add a fourth, and they will fall somewhere between one and two. If they are five, they will be even eaiser than two, six easier still, seven even easier, and so on. This is a Law of Nature.

Speaking of Laws of Nature, don't listen to what everyone else has said, have them apply. Just only have them apply when it fits your story, pick ones that don't fit, and ignore them! Best of all, if you find that they actually come in handy later, put 'em back in! Say if you want your villian/ess to die of being thrown off their mighty tower, but you want your hero/ine to survive being thrown out of a forty-story building onto hard concrete, go ahead. Contradicting everything else is good, so why not do it to yourself, too?

Evil underlings exist only to be killed, or to become disillusioned with the villian/ess and help the hero/ine/s.

Also, seventy, eighty, ninty, or 20,000-year-old men are essential plot devices, for they must always act as the hero/ine's mentor. They must also die, and never of old age, but not before they've imparted the necessary wisdom to their successor.

In fact, don't stop there, make it clear within two paragraphs of introducing a character, that they are going to die. Anybody who's studied fiction long enough (especially sci-fi/fantasy) has been able to spot many characters who are sooner or later going to die, and no two ways about it. Model every character you intend to kill after one or more of these stereotypes.

And when it comes to dying, secondary characters don't just wait until they've had their long impassioned speech to die, they wait just long enough for the hero/ine to reach them, say their bit, then die. Even if the main character is halfway around the world, and the other character has just recieved an axe blow to the head, or a had a two-by-four shoved through their hearts.

(There were probably more, will post them if remember)

(By the way, somebody mentioned July 9th a few pages ago, what are the chances of someone randomly picking my sisters' birthday? Once you've calculated that, tell me of their chances of posting it the day before my birthday)

(Excuse me if I rambled a bit, this is my first post. And I mean ever)

all 108 pages? eek damn.
The Moon and Sun must be used symbolically. And the Moon may also take on cresent or new-moon shapes when appropriate. And it's okay to have a Full Moon right after a cresent moon. Yeah.
Make the kill-worthy charas wear red. Every Trekkie worth his/her salt knows that the red-wearing peeps always die.

[54j4gwh57k57-3g3g]

Rid V

Speaking of Laws of Nature, don't listen to what everyone else has said, have them apply. Just only have them apply when it fits your story, pick ones that don't fit, and ignore them! Best of all, if you find that they actually come in handy later, put 'em back in!

*blinks* What? eek confused

[Rid V]

black-butterflies

Rid V

Speaking of Laws of Nature, don't listen to what everyone else has said, have them apply. Just only have them apply when it fits your story, pick ones that don't fit, and ignore them! Best of all, if you find that they actually come in handy later, put 'em back in!

*blinks* What? eek confused

Sorry, I mean that you can ignore that people will die if they fall from a certain altitude when you want to, and not ignore it when you don't. Or better, going back to a comment about conservation of energy, have some people able to pull lightning bolts out of nowhere, while the villians need to absorb all that energy from some power crystal or other. Okay?