[ Poll ] The Anti-Guide

How do you try to improve your writing?

I try to avoid old, stupid things.		17.2%	[ 1671 ]
I add new things.		15.3%	[ 1484 ]
A combination of both (if one more than the other, pick it).		67.6%	[ 6575 ]

Total Votes: 9730

[Ryu_chan]

KiwiOfDestruction

Sargent_Stupid

hecate-athena

Sargent_Stupid

hecate-athena

Ditto. The only thing was, love is best in a rectangle. Or some weird angle thing where everyone is in love with yout main character and one or two are in love with them.

Hmmm... or how about a love octagon?

I was thinking...decagon.

Better yet, how about a pretty love asteris? *

NOOOOOO! That would be requited love with zero complications! That's not brain-cramping enough.

Dodecahedron, perhaps? Ooh, 12-way romance!!! Sweet!! One111111!!!!!Also, anyone who wanders around in the rain at night will automatically come down with pneumonia immediately upon returning home. Germs? Viruses? Get real, your parents just made all that crap up to scare you!!

[Jabberwocky Sinope XXVII]

Ryu_chan

Dodecahedron, perhaps? Ooh, 12-way romance!!! Sweet!! One111111!!!!!Also, anyone who wanders around in the rain at night will automatically come down with pneumonia immediately upon returning home. Germs? Viruses? Get real, your parents just made all that crap up to scare you!!

It is a good idea to model your love polygon directly after that of Ranma 1/2's.

Everybody knows that rainwater contains deadly, gonorrhea-inducing bacteria.

[Alybrylla]

((aww I was hoping to be first on pg 100....
YAY FOR PG 100!))

[Ryu_chan]

[jabberwocky]

Ryu_chan

Dodecahedron, perhaps? Ooh, 12-way romance!!! Sweet!! One111111!!!!!Also, anyone who wanders around in the rain at night will automatically come down with pneumonia immediately upon returning home. Germs? Viruses? Get real, your parents just made all that crap up to scare you!!

It is a good idea to model your love polygon directly after that of Ranma 1/2's.

Everybody knows that rainwater contains deadly, gonorrhea-inducing bacteria.

But of course! It's actually your idea; you're just letting Rumiko Takahashi take credit for it. You're an Author, dammit, and no trifling annoyance like copyright laws will stop you from practicing your noble craft!!
*Cue patriotic music as a bald eagle with an American flag in its beak flys by*
Oh, and all birds can be used to carry things. Seriously. That whole porous bone-structure thing? That just means they've got lots of little slots in their bones to put stuff in while they carry it!! Seven!!!Eight hundred and two!!!!!!

[Jabberwocky Sinope XXVII]

Ryu_chan

Oh, and all birds can be used to carry things. Seriously. That whole porous bone-structure thing? That just means they've got lots of little slots in their bones to put stuff in while they carry it!! Seven!!!Eight hundred and two!!!!!!

Well, duh. The hell do you think airmail is?

[Ryu_chan]

xd Exactly. And snail mail involves the insects you find on cabbage leaves. Although in your story such things don't exist. Neither do mud puddles, the gag reflex, morning breath, rotting things, or any bodily function aside from eating sleeping and having sex.

[KiwiOfDestruction]

Ryu_chan

KiwiOfDestruction

Sargent_Stupid

hecate-athena

Sargent_Stupid

hecate-athena

Ditto. The only thing was, love is best in a rectangle. Or some weird angle thing where everyone is in love with yout main character and one or two are in love with them.

Hmmm... or how about a love octagon?

I was thinking...decagon.

Better yet, how about a pretty love asteris? *

NOOOOOO! That would be requited love with zero complications! That's not brain-cramping enough.

Dodecahedron, perhaps? Ooh, 12-way romance!!! Sweet!!

Whoa! 3-D romances! *Brain explodes*

[Cola Cola]

Some advice to all writers: We don't care about the setting or the situation, as long as you're sure to describe everyone's outfit. Bonus points for if you're writing fanfiction, and you tell us the series' official character's outfits. We would forget, after all. :O

[JessieWings]

If your story is set in the present day (or past or near future), all aliens must be way more advanced than us, evil, ugly and wanting to take over the planet Earth.

If your story is set in the future, humans must be the the superior species of the universe, and they must have colonised planets all over the galaxy regardless of the time it takes to get there. The speed of light is so overrated.

Aliens in the future must be weak and scared of humans, but you must have a beautiful teenage girl who is sympathetic to their plight and manages to make them equal with the humans. (If you choose, these aliens are then allowed to go power-mad and destroy the empire Earth undoubtedly has. (If you choose again, your teenage girl is then allowed to defeat the aliens who misused their power so humans are in change again.))


(I'm more of a science-fiction writer/reader than of fantasy, by the way.)

[Morizawa]

If the basis of your story is a war, you must personify one side as good and one side as evil even though both sides are generally bad for even fighting in the first place and that said side of good must win the war in the end simply because of favoritism.

[The Chipster]

No one EVER wants to read a story with a woman as the main character ifshe kicks butt. She must always wear skimpy clothes and be a slut. Better if she has a male side-kick who is always there to save her.

No one cares about your characters background matching their personality. It's okay if they were raised by royal standereds but speaks and acts like Backwoods Barry.

[Ryu_chan]

Chippy-chan

No one EVER wants to read a story with a woman as the main character ifshe kicks butt. She must always wear skimpy clothes and be a slut. Better if she has a male side-kick who is always there to save her.

No one cares about your characters background matching their personality. It's okay if they were raised by royal standereds but speaks and acts like Backwoods Barry.

Or vice-versa, of course.

[Ryu_chan]

KiwiOfDestruction

Ryu_chan

KiwiOfDestruction

Sargent_Stupid

hecate-athena

I was thinking...decagon.

Better yet, how about a pretty love asteris? *

NOOOOOO! That would be requited love with zero complications! That's not brain-cramping enough.

Dodecahedron, perhaps? Ooh, 12-way romance!!! Sweet!!

Whoa! 3-D romances! *Brain explodes*

I could make a joke there, but...no.

[The Chipster]

Indeed...

ALSO! All main characters must be all-mighty and undefeatable. It's like a law! Better yet if their male.

Men must always be shirtless, a handsome stud, and they must always get the girl.

In fanfiction, it's OKAY to change how a character really is just so your oh-so brilliant idea works. No one will notice anyways. It's even okay if you re-write the entire series including your original character.

[LoneGothic]

(Oh yay. 100 pages!)

Onto the music factor:

Your characters must angst to Evanescene, play the guitar for added angsting, like anything from metal to goth, ONLY wear black shirts with band logos and have black 'stringy' hair which, still is sleek and glossy.

However, to add to a character's beauty, one must be an orchestra in herself, play a flute by a lakeside and attract a beautiful, mysterious stranger, play a lute and not a guitar despite the fact lutes are barely produced nowadays, sing the most poppish romance songs ever and...

Birds sing along with her. Along with forest creatures.

When they're angry, make them sing rock -- very loud rock which involves screaming and bands like Linkin Park. When they're confused, they're also angsty, even if they're just confused about why their friend is acting rebel and other minor things and when they are, they also sing and scream Linkin Park and Green Day.