The Anti-Guide

How do you try to improve your writing?

I try to avoid old, stupid things.	17.5%	[ 2292 ]
I add new things.	14.9%	[ 1951 ]
A combination of both (if one more than the other, pick it).	67.6%	[ 8852 ]
Total Votes:			[ 13095 ]

[KiwiOfDestruction]

Now remember-- if (God forbid) your main character gets drunk, they should reveal in their drunken state their angsty secrets that they are too stoic to share with the world, and they should also give an "ooooooooooh"-worthy insult to their nemesis that they always wanted to give. They shall never do any of the "uncool" things that people do when drunk, such as raping someone, vomiting, passing out, stripping, or revealing skeletons in their closet. Also, hangovers do not exist. Or, if they do, your protagonist will just shrug the unbearable headache like the silent sufferer they are.

[Peaceful Revolution]

1. The hero and heroine must always fall for each other. Always. Breaking this acnient sacrament is like, well, I don't know a word for it.

2. Whenever the cool guy ravishes/rapes the girl she should always resist the first half and then fall under his incredibly sexy spell the other half.

3. There are always five elements. Each element has its own kingdom. The Dark Kingdom is ruled by Satan, and the Light by God. Water Kingdom is inhabited by mermaids, and Wind Kingdom people can fly or control the wind.

4. When inserting a main character in a fanfiction, it should always be a OMFG cooler version of yourself with an OMFG shitty life, and you should always fall in love with the character you like the most.

5. Any female character that stands in the way of the yaoi relationship you want in a fanfiction needs to be bashed for nit picky/stupid reasons. (I.E. Relena Peacecraft for DuoxHeero, Sakura for SasukexNaruto, Katrina for IchabodxThe Hessian.)

6. All of the cool characters who stand up for themselves have black hair. No, make that RAVEN BLACK hair.

7. Your heroine should wear beautiful gowns, live in an incredibly snobby scoiety, be a tomboy, scandalize everyone by acting manish, swordfight, be overly sarcastic, and live in an aristocracy.

8. All incredibly strong men are reduced to tears/helplessness from a slap by the woman they love.

9. By God, when she gets injured he better carry her bridal style.

10. All men need to wear a long black or red cape and have it flutter in the breeze at oppurtune dramatic moments.

11. You should always have the dying mother give a necklace to her daughter to remember her by. It's also cool for the necklace to have a hidden secret, or mystical powers that help her.

12. Love comes in no better shape than a triangle.

13. All cute, beautiful animals are good, smart, and blessed. All ugly animals are evil, attack the main characters for no apparent reason, and are stupid as all hell.

14. Female robots are drop dead sexy. Male robots are just male robots.

15. If she gets attacked, it better be late at night in a dark alley by a drunk man who attempts to rape her.

16. Women should always fall in love with childhood friends or losers.

17. There are no such things as peopl who aren't skinny. Anyone who isn't skinny is a mean relative or a drunken father.

18. Always name your badass girl character after a Greek goddess, namely Artemis, or her Roman counterpart Luna.

19. Swords never break. NEVER.

20. Your main character should be between the ages of 16-19.

21. Have the Prince of one family fall in love with the Princess of another family, and then make their parents each other and start a war.

22. Midgets are only to be used for comic relief.

23. If you make a team, make sure it has five people. The cool hero, the hero's girlfriend, the stupid sidekick, the strong guy, and the smart sarcastic person.

24. Make the bad guys try to take over Japan. Everyone needs to try and take over Japan. Make your starting place Tokyo.

25. You should have cherry blossoms fly down from the sky during a romantic kiss scene, regardless of the fact if the climate supports cherry trees, or if there were previouslly cherry trees around.

26. Double suicide is ROMANTIC.

27. The parents of your characters should always be away on business trips.

28. All your villians should either want to take over the world, blow it up, kidnap an obscure love interest, get revenge, or any combination of those mentioned.

29. Make sure the fate of the world rests in the hands of a high school student.

30. When something desturction happens, it is common for the police to never be around, but you can have them show up after you make your heroic sneak-away.

31.The guy should always tease the girl he hates until she bursts into tears, and then run after her and comfort her, and magically begin to like her for some unexplained reason.

32. If you kill of a family, make sure the youngest child survives. With horrible memories. And a passion for revenge.

33. No one's hair can be messed up, regardless of gravity, the wind, rain, or the will of God.

[KiwiOfDestruction]

neochibiprincess

1. The hero and heroine must always fall for each other. Always. Breaking this acnient sacrament is like, well, I don't know a word for it.

2. Whenever the cool guy ravishes/rapes the girl she should always resist the first half and then fall under his incredibly sexy spell the other half.

3. There are always five elements. Each element has its own kingdom. The Dark Kingdom is ruled by Satan, and the Light by God. Water Kingdom is inhabited by mermaids, and Wind Kingdom people can fly or control the wind.

4. When inserting a main character in a fanfiction, it should always be a OMFG cooler version of yourself with an OMFG shitty life, and you should always fall in love with the character you like the most.

5. Any female character that stands in the way of the yaoi relationship you want in a fanfiction needs to be bashed for nit picky/stupid reasons. (I.E. Relena Peacecraft for DuoxHeero, Sakura for SasukexNaruto, Katrina for IchabodxThe Hessian.)

6. All of the cool characters who stand up for themselves have black hair. No, make that RAVEN BLACK hair.

7. Your heroine should wear beautiful gowns, live in an incredibly snobby scoiety, be a tomboy, scandalize everyone by acting manish, swordfight, be overly sarcastic, and live in an aristocracy.

8. All incredibly strong men are reduced to tears/helplessness from a slap by the woman they love.

9. By God, when she gets injured he better carry her bridal style.

10. All men need to wear a long black or red cape and have it flutter in the breeze at oppurtune dramatic moments.

11. You should always have the dying mother give a necklace to her daughter to remember her by. It's also cool for the necklace to have a hidden secret, or mystical powers that help her.

12. Love comes in no better shape than a triangle.

13. All cute, beautiful animals are good, smart, and blessed. All ugly animals are evil, attack the main characters for no apparent reason, and are stupid as all hell.

14. Female robots are drop dead sexy. Male robots are just male robots.

15. If she gets attacked, it better be late at night in a dark alley by a drunk man who attempts to rape her.

16. Women should always fall in love with childhood friends or losers.

17. There are no such things as peopl who aren't skinny. Anyone who isn't skinny is a mean relative or a drunken father.

18. Always name your badass girl character after a Greek goddess, namely Artemis, or her Roman counterpart Luna.

19. Swords never break. NEVER.

20. Your main character should be between the ages of 16-19.

21. Have the Prince of one family fall in love with the Princess of another family, and then make their parents each other and start a war.

22. Midgets are only to be used for comic relief.

23. If you make a team, make sure it has five people. The cool hero, the hero's girlfriend, the stupid sidekick, the strong guy, and the smart sarcastic person.

24. Make the bad guys try to take over Japan. Everyone needs to try and take over Japan. Make your starting place Tokyo.

25. You should have cherry blossoms fly down from the sky during a romantic kiss scene, regardless of the fact if the climate supports cherry trees, or if there were previouslly cherry trees around.

26. Double suicide is ROMANTIC.

27. The parents of your characters should always be away on business trips.

28. All your villians should either want to take over the world, blow it up, kidnap an obscure love interest, get revenge, or any combination of those mentioned.

29. Make sure the fate of the world rests in the hands of a high school student.

30. When something desturction happens, it is common for the police to never be around, but you can have them show up after you make your heroic sneak-away.

31.The guy should always tease the girl he hates until she bursts into tears, and then run after her and comfort her, and magically begin to like her for some unexplained reason.

32. If you kill of a family, make sure the youngest child survives. With horrible memories. And a passion for revenge.

33. No one's hair can be messed up, regardless of gravity, the wind, rain, or the will of God.

That was totally awesome. If I was a man I would ask to have your babies. No, wait.....

[hecate-athena]

KiwiOfDestruction

neochibiprincess

1. The hero and heroine must always fall for each other. Always. Breaking this acnient sacrament is like, well, I don't know a word for it.

2. Whenever the cool guy ravishes/rapes the girl she should always resist the first half and then fall under his incredibly sexy spell the other half.

3. There are always five elements. Each element has its own kingdom. The Dark Kingdom is ruled by Satan, and the Light by God. Water Kingdom is inhabited by mermaids, and Wind Kingdom people can fly or control the wind.

4. When inserting a main character in a fanfiction, it should always be a OMFG cooler version of yourself with an OMFG shitty life, and you should always fall in love with the character you like the most.

5. Any female character that stands in the way of the yaoi relationship you want in a fanfiction needs to be bashed for nit picky/stupid reasons. (I.E. Relena Peacecraft for DuoxHeero, Sakura for SasukexNaruto, Katrina for IchabodxThe Hessian.)

6. All of the cool characters who stand up for themselves have black hair. No, make that RAVEN BLACK hair.

7. Your heroine should wear beautiful gowns, live in an incredibly snobby scoiety, be a tomboy, scandalize everyone by acting manish, swordfight, be overly sarcastic, and live in an aristocracy.

8. All incredibly strong men are reduced to tears/helplessness from a slap by the woman they love.

9. By God, when she gets injured he better carry her bridal style.

10. All men need to wear a long black or red cape and have it flutter in the breeze at oppurtune dramatic moments.

11. You should always have the dying mother give a necklace to her daughter to remember her by. It's also cool for the necklace to have a hidden secret, or mystical powers that help her.

12. Love comes in no better shape than a triangle.

13. All cute, beautiful animals are good, smart, and blessed. All ugly animals are evil, attack the main characters for no apparent reason, and are stupid as all hell.

14. Female robots are drop dead sexy. Male robots are just male robots.

15. If she gets attacked, it better be late at night in a dark alley by a drunk man who attempts to rape her.

16. Women should always fall in love with childhood friends or losers.

17. There are no such things as peopl who aren't skinny. Anyone who isn't skinny is a mean relative or a drunken father.

18. Always name your badass girl character after a Greek goddess, namely Artemis, or her Roman counterpart Luna.

19. Swords never break. NEVER.

20. Your main character should be between the ages of 16-19.

21. Have the Prince of one family fall in love with the Princess of another family, and then make their parents each other and start a war.

22. Midgets are only to be used for comic relief.

23. If you make a team, make sure it has five people. The cool hero, the hero's girlfriend, the stupid sidekick, the strong guy, and the smart sarcastic person.

24. Make the bad guys try to take over Japan. Everyone needs to try and take over Japan. Make your starting place Tokyo.

25. You should have cherry blossoms fly down from the sky during a romantic kiss scene, regardless of the fact if the climate supports cherry trees, or if there were previouslly cherry trees around.

26. Double suicide is ROMANTIC.

27. The parents of your characters should always be away on business trips.

28. All your villians should either want to take over the world, blow it up, kidnap an obscure love interest, get revenge, or any combination of those mentioned.

29. Make sure the fate of the world rests in the hands of a high school student.

30. When something desturction happens, it is common for the police to never be around, but you can have them show up after you make your heroic sneak-away.

31.The guy should always tease the girl he hates until she bursts into tears, and then run after her and comfort her, and magically begin to like her for some unexplained reason.

32. If you kill of a family, make sure the youngest child survives. With horrible memories. And a passion for revenge.

33. No one's hair can be messed up, regardless of gravity, the wind, rain, or the will of God.

That was totally awesome. If I was a man I would ask to have your babies. No, wait.....

Ditto. The only thing was, love is best in a rectangle. Or some weird angle thing where everyone is in love with your main character and one or two are in love with them.

[Jabberwocky Sinope XXVII]

neochibiprincess

6. All of the cool characters who stand up for themselves have black hair. No, make that RAVEN BLACK hair.

Whenever a character's hair is described as such, I picture it flying off their head screaming "Nevermore!"

[hecate-athena]

If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps. And they will be able to perform them well. Because as we all know, everyone can dance well, and in tune with people they have never met before.

[Sergeant Sargent]

hecate-athena

Ditto. The only thing was, love is best in a rectangle. Or some weird angle thing where everyone is in love with yout main character and one or two are in love with them.

Hmmm... or how about a love octagon?

[hecate-athena]

Sargent_Stupid

hecate-athena

Ditto. The only thing was, love is best in a rectangle. Or some weird angle thing where everyone is in love with yout main character and one or two are in love with them.

Hmmm... or how about a love octagon?

I was thinking...decagon.

[Sergeant Sargent]

hecate-athena

Sargent_Stupid

hecate-athena

Ditto. The only thing was, love is best in a rectangle. Or some weird angle thing where everyone is in love with yout main character and one or two are in love with them.

Hmmm... or how about a love octagon?

I was thinking...decagon.

Better yet, how about a pretty love asteris? *

[hecate-athena]

Sargent_Stupid

hecate-athena

Sargent_Stupid

hecate-athena

Ditto. The only thing was, love is best in a rectangle. Or some weird angle thing where everyone is in love with yout main character and one or two are in love with them.

Hmmm... or how about a love octagon?

I was thinking...decagon.

Better yet, how about a pretty love asteris? *

Oh, I like.

[x_haphazard_x]

neochibiprincess

Actually, wouldn't that be Diana...?

[Raincrow]

And always keep in mind--elves may not have red hair. Heaven forbid that your elves have anything but long blonde or maybe brown hair--er, pardon me. Rich, chocolate-colored hair. There could maybe even be an occasional raven-haired elf. But never, never, never give an elf red hair. It just isn't done! The literary gods will damn you to hell if you do!

[Jasper Riddle]

hecate-athena

Sargent_Stupid

hecate-athena

Sargent_Stupid

hecate-athena

Ditto. The only thing was, love is best in a rectangle. Or some weird angle thing where everyone is in love with yout main character and one or two are in love with them.

Hmmm... or how about a love octagon?

I was thinking...decagon.

Better yet, how about a pretty love asteris? *

Oh, I like.

if you're a really good writer, it shouldn't even be a recognizable shape when you're done.

[Lord_of_the_Funk]

gay characters must be the horrniest people on the planet. They must always want to have butt sex with anyguy they see because everybody knows that gay people dont have a normal esx drive come on....also they must never be the main character and they must alway were versochi shurts and black lether pants (even though they seldom match)

[KiwiOfDestruction]

Sargent_Stupid

hecate-athena

Sargent_Stupid

hecate-athena

Ditto. The only thing was, love is best in a rectangle. Or some weird angle thing where everyone is in love with yout main character and one or two are in love with them.

Hmmm... or how about a love octagon?

I was thinking...decagon.

Better yet, how about a pretty love asteris? *

NOOOOOO! That would be requited love with zero complications! That's not brain-cramping enough.