The Anti-Guide

How do you try to improve your writing?

I try to avoid old, stupid things.	17.5%	[ 2292 ]
I add new things.	14.9%	[ 1951 ]
A combination of both (if one more than the other, pick it).	67.6%	[ 8852 ]
Total Votes:			[ 13095 ]

[Alea Facta Est]

wingnut the improbable

One of your main character's parents, who supposedly died when your character was very young (but of course!), is actually very much alive and a king or queen. Nobody will see it coming.

Or, if s/he is not a ruler...get ready, this is so totally shocking...s/he has been awaiting execution in the secret and most miserable dungeon of the evil tyrant that your main character was destined to kill by a sign placed upon him/her at birth.

And the 42 answer is no one's ownage but DNA's. We're just allowed to use it.

[hecate-athena]

The scar and or making that they have is never disfuguring in any way, shpae or form. It must make them look battle-worn (but in a good way), handsome, or not be noticeable at all. Because all scars are like that. Anyone who tells you differently doesn't know what they're talking about. Not at all. ninja

[x_haphazard_x]

Quark Serpent

wingnut the improbable

One of your main character's parents, who supposedly died when your character was very young (but of course!), is actually very much alive and a king or queen. Nobody will see it coming.

Or, if s/he is not a ruler...get ready, this is so totally shocking...s/he has been awaiting execution in the secret and most miserable dungeon of the evil tyrant that your main character was destined to kill by a sign placed upon him/her at birth.

And the 42 answer is no one's ownage but DNA's. We're just allowed to use it.

((I have a character who's parent dies... actually two (brothers). But of course, it doesn't turn out like that. But the event in which they die DOES have something immense to do with the plotline.))

[wingnut the improbable]

Quark Serpent

wingnut the improbable

One of your main character's parents, who supposedly died when your character was very young (but of course!), is actually very much alive and a king or queen. Nobody will see it coming.

And of course, this parent MUST not be a human. S/he must be an elf or demon or something. Not only will it make your character LIEKSOOOOOKEWL!

Or, if the parent isn't a ruler...s/he is...get ready, this is totally exciting...trapped in a dungeon awaiting a horrible death sentence under a tyrant! :O

And the '42' thing is totally copyright DNA, no one else...we are just allowed to use it.

{(Of course. I just like sticking it inside a bunch of exclamation points. It's more creative than typing 'one'. Ah, never mind. Now I need to think of another thing one shouldn't do to make their story LIEKREALLYREALLYGOOD!!!!!!fortytwo! so this post has a purpose.)}

And then your characters go on a UBERKEWL KWEST! where they must rescue said parent using the Six MAJIKULL JEUWELLS! that represent T3H ELEMENTZ!

No matter how good a situation your character is (of course she is! You must pamper her! Conflict is for idiots!) she will be unhappy with it. Princess? Angst about it. Not a princess? Angst about it. Nobody likes characters who react realistically to their surroundings.

And, of course, said scars must be the result of either a battle wound or the a spell that your character survived but no-one else has (:coughharrypotter smile . These scars must have an odd shape that is elegant in its scar-osity.

And the elements are fire, water, earth, and air, occasionally with light and dark. Ignore all the crap about hydrogen, tungsten (I love that word xd ), oxygen, and phosphorus that your science teacher tells you about. He's a nerd, anyway, and who needs nerds?

'Dark powers' are a must for any villain. So what if darkness is simply the abscence of light? Who cares? Likewise, it is possible for a character to manipulate shadows. Shadows have NOTHING to do with the blocking of light by an object. 'Cos that's just dumb.

There, their, and they're are interchangeable. Ditto it's and its, and too, to, and two.

{(No sarcasm: There's nothing ridiculously wrong with doing one or two of these 'hints'- heck, my book-in-progress-in-progress has quite a few of them. It's when you start to pile them on that they start to make your book bad. I believe a few are unforgivable, though, namely the ones about grammar.)}

[hecate-athena]

And lightning. Don't forget lightning!

Punctuation apostraphes and commas are for losers your story will be much better if you make it just one long sentence isnt it cool how it goes on and on and on and on and on and on

[wingnut the improbable]

Always post love poelms about your favourite threads twisted

Oh Anti-Guide! Oh Anti-Guide!
You couldn't be cooler if you tried!
Your stashes of knowledge misinform
You always make my heart go warm!
You're full of arguements in 1337
The Anti-Guide can't be beat!
You love promoting Mary-Sues
And SuperAngsty (tm) pasts, too!
You have your n00bs, but that's OK
The Anti-Guide is here to stay!
(I hope)

{(That was crappy, yet fun. I can't write poetry.)}

[x_haphazard_x]

wingnut the improbable

Always post love poelms about your favourite threads twisted

Oh Anti-Guide! Oh Anti-Guide!
You couldn't be cooler if you tried!
Your stashes of knowledge misinform
You always make my heart go warm!
You're full of arguements in 1337
The Anti-Guide can't be beat!
You love promoting Mary-Sues
And SuperAngsty (tm) pasts, too!
You have your n00bs, but that's OK
The Anti-Guide is here to stay!
(I hope)

{(That was crappy, yet fun. I can't write poetry.)}

Mmmn, to fit with the song, wouldn't it be better like this? (my additions in brackets)

Oh Anti-Guide! Oh Anti-Guide!
You [could not] be cooler if you tried!
Your stashes of knowledge misinform
You always make my heart go warm!
You're full of arguements in 1337
The Anti-Guide [it] can't be beat!
You love promoting Mary-Sues
And [those] SuperAngsty (tm) pasts, too!
You have your n00bs, but that's OK
The Anti-Guide is here to stay!

...Unless it's supposed to be more like poetry. If that's the case, then I have just stomped all over your emotional domain.

[wingnut the improbable]

x_haphazard_x

wingnut the improbable

Always post love poelms about your favourite threads twisted

Oh Anti-Guide! Oh Anti-Guide!
You couldn't be cooler if you tried!
Your stashes of knowledge misinform
You always make my heart go warm!
You're full of arguements in 1337
The Anti-Guide can't be beat!
You love promoting Mary-Sues
And SuperAngsty (tm) pasts, too!
You have your n00bs, but that's OK
The Anti-Guide is here to stay!
(I hope)

{(That was crappy, yet fun. I can't write poetry.)}

Mmmn, to fit with the song, wouldn't it be better like this? (my additions in brackets)

Oh Anti-Guide! Oh Anti-Guide!
You [could not] be cooler if you tried!
Your stashes of knowledge misinform
You always make my heart go warm!
You're full of arguements in 1337
The Anti-Guide [it] can't be beat!
You love promoting Mary-Sues
And [those] SuperAngsty (tm) pasts, too!
You have your n00bs, but that's OK
The Anti-Guide is here to stay!

...Unless it's supposed to be more like poetry. If that's the case, then I have just stomped all over your emotional domain.

Either way, it works. I can't tell what it was supposed to be. I just wrote it because I decided the Anti-Guide needed its own official love song.

[x_haphazard_x]

wingnut the improbable

x_haphazard_x

wingnut the improbable

Always post love poelms about your favourite threads twisted

Oh Anti-Guide! Oh Anti-Guide!
You couldn't be cooler if you tried!
Your stashes of knowledge misinform
You always make my heart go warm!
You're full of arguements in 1337
The Anti-Guide can't be beat!
You love promoting Mary-Sues
And SuperAngsty (tm) pasts, too!
You have your n00bs, but that's OK
The Anti-Guide is here to stay!
(I hope)

{(That was crappy, yet fun. I can't write poetry.)}

Mmmn, to fit with the song, wouldn't it be better like this? (my additions in brackets)

Oh Anti-Guide! Oh Anti-Guide!
You [could not] be cooler if you tried!
Your stashes of knowledge misinform
You always make my heart go warm!
You're full of arguements in 1337
The Anti-Guide [it] can't be beat!
You love promoting Mary-Sues
And [those] SuperAngsty (tm) pasts, too!
You have your n00bs, but that's OK
The Anti-Guide is here to stay!

...Unless it's supposed to be more like poetry. If that's the case, then I have just stomped all over your emotional domain.

Either way, it works. I can't tell what it was supposed to be. I just wrote it because I decided the Anti-Guide needed its own official love song.

I thought it was supposed to be like "Oh Christmas Tree." But don't mind me. There ain't nothin' in my head besides us chickens.

[wingnut the improbable]

x_haphazard_x

wingnut the improbable

x_haphazard_x

wingnut the improbable

Always post love poelms about your favourite threads twisted

Oh Anti-Guide! Oh Anti-Guide!
You couldn't be cooler if you tried!
Your stashes of knowledge misinform
You always make my heart go warm!
You're full of arguements in 1337
The Anti-Guide can't be beat!
You love promoting Mary-Sues
And SuperAngsty (tm) pasts, too!
You have your n00bs, but that's OK
The Anti-Guide is here to stay!
(I hope)

{(That was crappy, yet fun. I can't write poetry.)}

Mmmn, to fit with the song, wouldn't it be better like this? (my additions in brackets)

Oh Anti-Guide! Oh Anti-Guide!
You [could not] be cooler if you tried!
Your stashes of knowledge misinform
You always make my heart go warm!
You're full of arguements in 1337
The Anti-Guide [it] can't be beat!
You love promoting Mary-Sues
And [those] SuperAngsty (tm) pasts, too!
You have your n00bs, but that's OK
The Anti-Guide is here to stay!

...Unless it's supposed to be more like poetry. If that's the case, then I have just stomped all over your emotional domain.

Either way, it works. I can't tell what it was supposed to be. I just wrote it because I decided the Anti-Guide needed its own official love song.

I thought it was supposed to be like "Oh Christmas Tree." But don't mind me. There ain't nothin' in my head besides us chickens.

Actually, it sort of started off as 'Oh Christmas Tree', before I decided it was a bad idea. Then I just wrote a few rhyming couplets until I was sick of rhyming couplets.

[hecate-athena]

heart 'Tis making me feel all fuzzy inside. 3nodding

[Ming Shii]

ok, this is gonna sound super-corny, but everyone needs this:

A Writer's Need List!
writers need...
*a pencil (duh!)
*some paper (duh, again)
*a thesaurus ( so that they can really put a spin on their writing)
*a dictionary (just in case they don't know what a word in the thesaurus means)
*a really descriptive and favorite book (ideas, ideas, ideas!)
*a computer (so that they can research about facts for their story/poem or whatever and for the final draft to look pretty!)

[wingnut the improbable]

Harmony_Candy

ok, this is gonna sound super-corny, but everyone needs this:

A Writer's Need List!
writers need...
*a pencil (duh!)
*some paper (duh, again)
*a thesaurus ( so that they can really put a spin on their writing)
*a dictionary (just in case they don't know what a word in the thesaurus means)
*a really descriptive and favorite book (ideas, ideas, ideas!)
*a computer (so that they can research about facts for their story/poem or whatever and for the final draft to look pretty!)

NONONONONO. Read the first post.

[hecate-athena]

Harmony_Candy

ok, this is gonna sound super-corny, but everyone needs this:

A Writer's Need List!
writers need...
*a pencil (duh!)
*some paper (duh, again)
*a thesaurus ( so that they can really put a spin on their writing)
*a dictionary (just in case they don't know what a word in the thesaurus means)
*a really descriptive and favorite book (ideas, ideas, ideas!)
*a computer (so that they can research about facts for their story/poem or whatever and for the final draft to look pretty!)

I spork thee.

[Minion Ripley]

Harmony_Candy

ok, this is gonna sound super-corny, but everyone needs this:

A Writer's Need List!
writers need...
*a pencil (duh!)
*some paper (duh, again)
*a thesaurus ( so that they can really put a spin on their writing)
*a dictionary (just in case they don't know what a word in the thesaurus means)
*a really descriptive and favorite book (ideas, ideas, ideas!)
*a computer (so that they can research about facts for their story/poem or whatever and for the final draft to look pretty!)

Actually, let me make a motion to amend that. Just slap the title off and put in "A Writer Doesn't-Need List". Get creative! Do macaroni art, use glitter & glue, and so on. This is best for sending those manuscripts you've worked, like, minutes on to publishers, who so won't mistake your superspeshull piece of art for some toddler's mess and throw it out.