Something from the heart (all opinions welcome)

[Nyphry]

This is something I sort of wrote from the heart toward the ending, it's a TLDR, I just want to know if I should follow my dream, weird question... but I'd love opinions. Please also take note what you are about to read, is very relevant to my life and I really put some feeling into this. I'm not great with editing and please excuse any typos, I just wrote what I felt. If you read this, thanks for your attention I really appreciate it.

I've been writing for as long as I remember, I wrote poetry with "shrimpy" fingers,
I had lots of struggles growing up and they still bear their teeth in front of me today. However one thing I never understood growing up is why I was never pushed by either of my parents and why no one really taught me how to use what I have in "the right direction"; maybe because I have a right to choose, or most likely because the lack of information I possessed each time wasn't enough for me to ask myself these questions. I never knew that these, still very, naive hands which hold pens and pencils and these fingers that pound away harshly at each key on this keyboard were able to just "write. Yet, I still don't understand. . . Why cant I embrace what I've possessed since childhood?
Every grade, each English teacher has told me at some point, "this is good" or has asked "have you ever thought about becoming a writer?" I slumped myself short. I let my home life over rule me, I let it blind me and steal me away from what could be my only ticket out and into a better life; but that's only because writing wasn't my only focus, I always got distracted. I can be a drama queen it's quite ridiculous. . . In fact, this is more like a self righteous rant more than a call for criticism. I wrote a piece which everyone I've asked to read has liked and asked for a sequel but I never wrote one because I didn't want to ruin the significance of the first, and only, piece. It would automatically cancel out my main purpose of writing said story, and that main purpose was to allow the reader to visualize, think and be stuck wondering "Why?"
I have a knack for including that "guessing game" characteristic in my stories, but one thing I find myself to afraid to admit is that I love to write, as if you couldn't tell by this long a** "paragraph?" haha more like an essay if you ask me, and the first half of it is pretty irrelevant to my topic; but it does give you a bit of an insight on why I lack such confidence in my skill(s). Some call it talent, some say it's skill, and with that said, at this point in my life I don't know what to call it.
I am strong enough to admit that I have passion, a passion to accomplish all I hope for in the future, my goals are big, and my passion burns more than the standard blue flame and when I see what I want I go, I keep running, I keep going I pick up the pace and I stride, until I realize that I wasn't just running I was flying... I was flying into something my small body couldn't muster up the strength to carry and hold up. . . and then I stop. Reality catches up with the best of me and thinking about it now, "This economy is too weak to support anyone's dreams" and so I find myself here... a college student with her heart set on a specific major in the art of film making, hoping to write and produce films not only for my own benefit but to make people smile. . . Not because if I can hit it big I can strike it rich, but because I have soo much faith left in humanity despite the silliness it's succumbed to, to make people smile. Our economy is weak but my heart is strong and with the heat that burns inside me I found it in myself to admit finally that despite my struggles and my oh so "horrible life" I can't make everyone happy, but I can entertain those who've had a bad day.
Coming home from work, stressed, the best I can do is provide a physical representation of my imagination, I want to instill a sparkle in the eyes of the people who don't have the courage to press on, even if it's for a couple minutes or even a few seconds, as long as I know that I can make at least a few people happy with what I have a passion to do I will try harder and harder for each person who had a chance but let it go because they needed to make money for the family they care for, for the single mothers who had to give up their hopes to care for the child a father doesn't even want to deal with, for the men who were told from childhood that they couldn't dance because it wasn't manly, for the children who don't have parents to tell them that they can do it, for the kids who smoke and drink their lives away because they feel no one understands.
I will continue to write and hope and dream in the places of the people who don't even have the strength to keep up with school and work a minimum wage job just to make it through for a degree and a hope for a job that isn't even promised. I will write to remind those people that it's not over and it will never be over until the heart says "I'm done" until the feet and the belly's of the children who have nothing become weak and slowly lose strength, even if what I come up with is bad, even if I can't make those people smile, I'll feel better knowing that I tried, and it is those people whether they are wealthy or poor, weak or strong, perfectly pieced together or broken, I will write for all, and I will succeed in my dreams and I don't care about reality anymore, but I'm well aware that's it's there and I'm too far gone in my dreams that I'm flying, and I'm flying into a nirvana where I can still walk the streets with my pistols in both hands, literature and music. . . just to make the faces of many stranger smile, even if its just for a few seconds.

[terradi]

No matter what you do and where you go in life, there is always room to pursue a passion. My major was education. I work in food service. When I have free time I write. One day, if I get lucky and actually get something published, I'd like to write full-time.

It's not likely to happen. Even most published authors have a day job that keeps the roof over their head, and then writing is their hobby and passion. And that's okay.

It's good to have a realistic goal for the future that will support you even if writing doesn't pan out. Doesn't mean you can't write. Certainly does not mean that you shouldn't write! But consider that writing professionally means writing for other people, means making changes they tell you are best. Writing as a profession is different than writing as a passion. There are deadlines and expectations and sometimes that kills the fun of it for people.

There is nothing wrong with writing as a hobby and passion and then waiting to see if something bigger and better comes along for you and your work. Even if you're not looking to go pro now or in the immediate future, every time you write you get a bit better at your art. And that is worthwhile all in itself.

[Nyphry]

terradi

No matter what you do and where you go in life, there is always room to pursue a passion. My major was education. I work in food service. When I have free time I write. One day, if I get lucky and actually get something published, I'd like to write full-time.

It's not likely to happen. Even most published authors have a day job that keeps the roof over their head, and then writing is their hobby and passion. And that's okay.

It's good to have a realistic goal for the future that will support you even if writing doesn't pan out. Doesn't mean you can't write. Certainly does not mean that you shouldn't write! But consider that writing professionally means writing for other people, means making changes they tell you are best. Writing as a profession is different than writing as a passion. There are deadlines and expectations and sometimes that kills the fun of it for people.

There is nothing wrong with writing as a hobby and passion and then waiting to see if something bigger and better comes along for you and your work. Even if you're not looking to go pro now or in the immediate future, every time you write you get a bit better at your art. And that is worthwhile all in itself.

Thank's a lot for the response, just recently I finished up my freshman year of college and now I'm diving into my sophomore year. It took a while for me to realize that I have to put my passion aside for a more realistic goal when it comes to financial stability and I'm just about okay with that. I love to write and no matter how much I'd like to escape and tell myself, "well you're not that good at it anyway", but I always seem to hover back to it; and that resulted in me ranting in this forum.
I can't get enough of writing science fiction, preferably "dystopian" societies with rebellions, or stories about my protagonists on drugs and lately I began to smother myself in the art of "cryberpunk" which, in my opinion, is great for ideas. Although, when I write I see it more in a perspective of being on screen because literally all I do is visualize and maybe one day I'd be able to visualize just enough to put it out there for everyone to see. I really hope that one day you make it out and do what you'd really like to do, as anyone else. I'll keep writing, despite it all I'll still do it, but I will always keep reality in mind because well. . . life is hard, haha. Thank you for taking the time out to reply, I really appreciate it.