14. because
the edge of the desk pressed painfully into my shins and i sat with my legs bent and my feet barely on the chair, and i tried to get comfy, and my elbows hit the wall and it smarted. and i did something along the lines of rippingly whip a paper out of my notebook, and the paper was wrinkled, and i slammed it on the desk, and it was all very desperate. and my pen couldnt make many words, only ugly blue lines, and the phrase "i love you." if it was possible, i would have just vomited my heart onto the paper and let it speak for itself. i calmed down.
"i love you"
"i love you"
"i love you"
it was all i could get out but it wasnt sufficient. how could i give you a note that had nothing but 500 unexplained "i love yous" accompanied by some frenzied signature sprawling diagonally across the bottom of the page?
"i love you because"
because why? because why? i love you because your face is your face? i love you because you are there? i love you because i love you? i groweled at myself and slammed down my pen and calmed down again. the ink looked annoying. i crumpled the paper and it didnt help. i ripped it and threw it down. another failed note. i glanced moodily at it from the corner of my eye.
i wish plain "i love you" was good enough