Poetry By Mister Grimm

[PomegranateLord]

I wanted to make a mark and show the world a little bit of me,please i would love to have some feedback...i really do appreciate it
Go read my poem in link below thanks! biggrin
http://www.gaiaonline.com/journal/?mode=view&post_id=34683737&u=34390643

[LadySnark]

Firstly, this thread is in the wrong forum. It should be in the Original Poetry forum. You can ask a mod to move it.

Secondly, if you want people to read your poem, actually post it in your thread. If you are going to give us a link to your journal, just leave the link in you sigi. I would understand if it was a story as those are much longer and a pain in the a** to have to reformat, but a poem is much shorter and easily transferred. Plus, it makes it much easier for people to quote it and give you feed back.

As for your poem, I didn't read the entire thing. Forgive me. But from what I did read, I'm not a fan of your rhyme scheme. A lot of times people think that because its a poem it has to rhyme, but this isn't true. Rhyme in a poem is used for expressing something of the poem without needing words. The way you used it here makes it seem almost like a nursery rhyme. Now if you wanted it to give a childish aspect to the poem on purpose by doing that then bravo, but I feel it would be more effective with another type of rhyme.

Also, the way you break each line seems unnecessary to me.

Doing something like this. Just seems
Strange. For
Your purposes.

Anyway, there are my two cents on your poem. The good news is that you have a completed poem. Bravo! Now you just need to edit it to make it special!