Nothing to see here

[hhthufbchffdstrv]

Nothing to see here

[I_Write_Ivre]

Copy pasta doesn't work like than on the internet as the key does something else. Hence when there are two Enter key clicks instead of an indent.

If you wish for this to be readable, you will have to take effort to hit the Enter key where appropriate.

Walls of text drive people away from offering even simple praise of 'it's good' , let alone deeper and more constructive stuff.

From what I did manage to read (it is very hard to tell who is talking without using the Enter key, or 'adding whitespace' as it is referred to), this is a Titans fic. Which continuity is it, as DC has published and syndicated several.

[hhthufbchffdstrv]

I_Write_Ivre

Copy pasta doesn't work like than on the internet as the key does something else. Hence when there are two Enter key clicks instead of an indent.

If you wish for this to be readable, you will have to take effort to hit the Enter key where appropriate.

Walls of text drive people away from offering even simple praise of 'it's good' , let alone deeper and more constructive stuff.

From what I did manage to read (it is very hard to tell who is talking without using the Enter key, or 'adding whitespace' as it is referred to), this is a Titans fic. Which continuity is it, as DC has published and syndicated several.

I'll try. I'm still getting used to the tablet keyboard. I put spaces in between but that's another thing I will need to work on.

As for continuity, I'm using the characters from the show but it might turn into AU.

[I_Write_Ivre]

Is this Terra from the cutesy cartoon with two different opening themsesongs or Terra II or something else?

Because that's a a 40-something dad stroking a 14-year-old girl's hair. Depending on continuity, that scene alone could mean three completely different things.

Also, I can't fix minor details without knowing the continuity, so all I can say is that there should be a period after 'carefully.'

[I_Write_Ivre]

Ignore my continuity comment, please. It was posted the same time you answered.

Did they have a close relationship in the show? I thought it was more a dad/daughter thing. Also, I thought all version except the latest he was an expert at judging emotions after his wife left with his kids. If I'm wrong, please tell me.

If anyone harps on you for saying y'all, tell the Mark Twain is a famous author and its on every page of his works.

[hhthufbchffdstrv]

I_Write_Ivre

Is this Terra from the cutesy cartoon with two different opening themsesongs or Terra II or something else?

Because that's a a 40-something dad stroking a 14-year-old girl's hair. Depending on continuity, that scene alone could mean three completely different things.

Also, I can't fix minor details without knowing the continuity, so all I can say is that there should be a period after 'carefully.'

There will be no sex scenes between these two. I don't write that type of story. It's just a comforting thing he is doing, no other motive. It's still more of a dad/daughter relationship. She will still be his apprentice but Slade is going to be more human than he is portrayed in the show.

[I_Write_Ivre]

UnmaskedHearts

I_Write_Ivre

Is this Terra from the cutesy cartoon with two different opening themsesongs or Terra II or something else?

Because that's a a 40-something dad stroking a 14-year-old girl's hair. Depending on continuity, that scene alone could mean three completely different things.

Also, I can't fix minor details without knowing the continuity, so all I can say is that there should be a period after 'carefully.'

There will be no sex scenes between these two. I don't write that type of story. It's just a comforting thing he is doing, no other motive. It's still more of a dad/daughter relationship. She will still be his apprentice but Slade is going to be more human than he is portrayed in the show.

I'd recommend changing stroking her hair to something else then. That has a bit too strong of sexual vibe to me. If it doesn't to you, then ignore me

They did do it on the comic (Terra I), before the reboot.

[hhthufbchffdstrv]

I_Write_Ivre

UnmaskedHearts

I_Write_Ivre

Is this Terra from the cutesy cartoon with two different opening themsesongs or Terra II or something else?

Because that's a a 40-something dad stroking a 14-year-old girl's hair. Depending on continuity, that scene alone could mean three completely different things.

Also, I can't fix minor details without knowing the continuity, so all I can say is that there should be a period after 'carefully.'

There will be no sex scenes between these two. I don't write that type of story. It's just a comforting thing he is doing, no other motive. It's still more of a dad/daughter relationship. She will still be his apprentice but Slade is going to be more human than he is portrayed in the show.

I'd recommend changing stroking her hair to something else then. That has a bit too strong of sexual vibe to me. If it doesn't to you, then ignore me

They did do it on the comic (Terra I), before the reboot.

I guess it could seem that way. I'll look into it more tomorrow. I'm going to bed and try and get some sleep. Good night and thanks for replying to my thread smile

[I_Write_Ivre]

Huzzah. I helped.

[GH0ULFRIEND]

If this is a fanfic, it should probably be in the fanfiction section, right? I don't know exactly what this is a fanfic of, however. So I can't help you in that aspect. If you put it in the fanfic section (or at least put the NAME of whatever you're writing about in the title) you will attract more people that have a solid understanding of your topic and that can give you a better opinion on your characterization.

So, because I have no knowledge of the series/characters your are writing about, all I can offer is my opinion based on your words and that alone.

I was very confused while reading this. You jump from one thing to another really quickly. Just as I'm getting used to one way that a character is acting/feeling, you switch it around on me. It makes your story hard to follow.

You give an information overload about Terra. I go from knowing nothing about Terra to literally everything in 2.5 seconds. You gotta have some build up or your readers will lose interest. I now interpret Terra as clingy/whiny/annoying instead of the lost/confused girl in need of attention that I think you wanted to make her out to be.

I can say that I did like the way you introduced the whole "Slade has a daughter thing" because it gave a pretty clear reason why he has this affection for Terra. However, because I didn't know that until close to the end of your story, the entire interaction between Terra and Slade made me feel VERY awkward. I was under the assumption that he was a mysterious and hardened mentor (from how you described him early on in the story) and then all of a sudden you have him stroking hair and carrying her to bed. His thoughts were also about as frantic as a deer in the headlights. You give one kind of impression of him and then completely change it around. I'd advise you give a clearer representation of the kind of character you want him to be from early on so other readers aren't confused like I was.

But most importantly, in my opinion, you need to clearly establish what kind of relationship you're trying to have between Terra and Slade. I don't know whether this is supposed to be a father/daughter relationship or a romantic one. You make mention of her reminding him of his daughter and that he'll have to learn to be a father again, but then throughout the entire dialogue between the two of them, I felt like Terra was trying to flirt with him. I felt very awkward reading it.

The overall story concept has potential. I know you said this is only a rough draft, so maybe your final one will feel less awkward to read. Maybe if you gave me more info on the characters/series you're writing for, I can have a better understanding of everything and give you better, more specific advice.

[I_Write_Ivre]

Fanfic excepts are allowed here, so long as we can critique them (someone needs to rewrite the rules). The fanfic section only allows links to be posted (last I checked).

Sinister, do you want a Terra/Slade summary?

[GH0ULFRIEND]

I_Write_Ivre

Fanfic excepts are allowed here, so long as we can critique them (someone needs to rewrite the rules). The fanfic section only allows links to be posted (last I checked).

Sinister, do you want a Terra/Slade summary?

It'd def be helpful, so sure.

[I_Write_Ivre]

Sinister Obsession

I_Write_Ivre

Fanfic excepts are allowed here, so long as we can critique them (someone needs to rewrite the rules). The fanfic section only allows links to be posted (last I checked).

Sinister, do you want a Terra/Slade summary?

It'd def be helpful, so sure.

In the comics before the reboot, Slade was an assassin for hire who often tried to kill a hero team called the Titans (sometimes Teen Titans). He worked with Terra, who infiltrated the team. She smoked, drank, and had sex with Slade, who by then had two adult estranged kids. All of it, including infiltrating the Titans was her idea and on her volition.

Later things got awkward when Jericho, Slades's son and the reason Slade's wife left him and took the kids, joined the team and her betrayal was revealed.

She died and was replaced by a clone.

In the show, she was just a runaway teen scared her power would hurt people. Slade taught her to hone her powers, she betrayed them to him (in the comic she betrayed them to a giant cult that murdered people, in the show, she just betrayed them to Slade). She came back later and died redeeming herself.

In the reboot, not even the characters know what they're doing.

[GH0ULFRIEND]

I_Write_Ivre

In the comics before the reboot, Slade was an assassin for hire who often tried to kill a hero team called the Titans (sometimes Teen Titans). He worked with Terra, who infiltrated the team. She smoked, drank, and had sex with Slade, who by then had two adult estranged kids. All of it, including infiltrating the Titans was her idea and on her volition.

Later things got awkward when Jericho, Slades's son and the reason Slade's wife left him and took the kids, joined the team and her betrayal was revealed.

She died and was replaced by a clone.

In the show, she was just a runaway teen scared her power would hurt people. Slade taught her to hone her powers, she betrayed them to him (in the comic she betrayed them to a giant cult that murdered people, in the show, she just betrayed them to Slade). She came back later and died redeeming herself.

In the reboot, not even the characters know what they're doing.

THIS IS A TEEN TITANS THING. OKAY.
I actually vaguely remember these two now. Terra's the blonde one who had the hots for Beast Boy? If she is, I don't know nearly enough about her to say whether her character is being accurately portrayed. If I recall correctly, she was a bit more fiesty than this?

Idk, I only watched part of the original show. I know some stuff about the main Titans but that's really about it. Don't think I can really be of much more help. :/