New age of vampires? My idea for a potential story.

[Bloodbayne]

MAJOR EDIT: okay I know what the title says but after much consideration the whole vamp thing is crap *sigh* this is just a concept I came up with for an potential story I have in mind, problem is I was orginally thinking vampires intially but now that I've looked back at how its set up its just not going to work that way and I refuse to call them demons (which, if no one has noticed is equally over used) I'm currently on the hunt to rename them, please any suggestions would do.



Right now my mind is firing off at max trying to come up with something to write(I've been in a writers slump for years and I"m trying to get back into writing with this project of mine)

Anyways, as well all know Vampires are as played out as elves, werewolves, and furries which prompted me to try something different (especially after watching Blood: The last vampire)

Anyways here's my vision. Now rather then your traditional vampires who are usually the pretty people who hang out in night clubs and what not (or depending on what time period you place them aristocrats or whatever) I see vampires as more like...well insects of sorts...let me explain

Vampire hieracrhy:

Grand/Holy Mother- She is essentialy kinda like a queen ant. Grand/Holy Mothers come about when a female vampire(perferably if she's the only one left) devours the remains of the orginal Grand Mother and then after some time she finds a sutiable place where her body transforms becoming a tower of throbbing flesh with four massive appendages at the base(each one has a set of jaws and tentcles to draw bodies into them) however inside this tower of flesh is the Grand Mothers true form which would be her torso only now attached to this mountain of flesh. Since the Grand Mother cannot move from where spot she relies on her ghouls (which will be explained) to bring her human bodies which she can devour and normally it only takes one full grown human to keep her alive and breed ghouls out of her body, however if and when she wishes she can command her ghouls to bring her an abundance of bodies (usually like a thousand people) which enables her to have enough energy to breed a vampire who will always be female and should anything happen and only one vamp survives she can devour her mother's flesh and continue the process all over again.

Vampires- Now these are a step down from the Grand Mother, they are always female just like an Queen bee or Ant makes females that will potentially make future queens. They are human in appearance but have the ability to transform into rather gruesome forms (havn't gotten to describing them yet) The Grand Mother usually never has more then 4 daughters as there is always the possiblity that the sisters will fight amongst themselves or even try to kill the Grand Mother and take her place if she isn't killed. Since they are second in power they have control over Ghouls as well though they will always respond to the Grand Mother if she commands them herself.

Ghouls- These are the creatures the make up the majority and kinda function like worker/soldier ants or bees. they to can assume human form as well and do not require blood to live as there task is to bring humans for the vampires and the Grand Mother to feast upon. There are also Ghouls that do not assume human forms and are usually created to performs specific tasks like guardian certain areas and what not. They are not affected by sun light but are not active untill night fall

Ayouls- These are a special breed of ghouls which are created when a Vampire actcually bites a human. Their power and skill vary but they have the ability to transform into beastly like creatures at will and their powers is second only to the vampires and the Grand Mother, usually they are the ones who command the lesser ghouls in the Vampires stead.

Overall it functions like a giant colony of sorts, the ghouls do the hunting for the vampires (note: if anyone can find a better name I'd gladly appreciate, specificly anything that means daughters and of course a better name for the Grand Mother) they have magic like abilities that allow them to cast illusions and what not to hide themsleves from.

anyways what do you think? this is just the basic rough draft of sorts and revisions will be made as opinions come in.

[MaemiKurotoku]

sounds awsome

[A Soporific]

I am beginning to find the whole race of Vampire hackneyed. It has nothing to do with the quality of your idea, but it's just that so many people are so focused upon Vampires, Werewolves, Elves, Dwarves, and Goblins that newer races such as Lutran, Rodentia, and Grace are totally ignored in newer story-writing circles.

[Blacktail]

Sounds a bit too unlike a vampire. It looks as if you're copying the insect world and just replacing the bees or ants with vampires. Not horribly original, but it could go somewhere, I suppose, if the rest of the world was equally as similar to a bug's life, do you understand?

[minigilesstyle]

That sound very well thought out. I hope I'll be able to read it when you finish.

[Comrade Clara]

Vampires are doomed. They've been used so much in the same, angsty way. I feel a sudden urge to write a story about a sit-covered half-vampire teen girl who complains a lot but is none the less optimistc. Just to show all those so-called "vampires" out there.

[AT]

Plenty of people have used ant/bee hierarchy systems, so you can take it two ways. It's not that origional, or it's a time-tested success. Either way, you sound like you've got the system thought out, have fun writing a story to it.

[Water_Neko]

nice i like it.

[FlamingMidget]

Sounds like a good idea, I think you should expand it into a modern New York like setting. Then useing your system to form an under ground ring of crime, (kinda like the mob) with their own hang outs and stuff. You could also go as far as haveing the story be about the vampiric underground fighting the "Hunters", (again kinda like the Mob vs the Police) for power of the streets of the city. Just a thought though.

[Bloodbayne]

Thanks for the comments thus far, oh well I suppose the fate of vampires is utterly inevitable eh? Their gonna be whored out and be put under the knife of every persons imagination (no matter how unoriginal it may seem) and will one day die out or if we're lucky will be made new in a sorta literary revival*shrugs*

FlamingMidget

Sounds like a good idea, I think you should expand it into a modern New York like setting. Then useing your system to form an under ground ring of crime, (kinda like the mob) with their own hang outs and stuff. You could also go as far as haveing the story be about the vampiric underground fighting the "Hunters", (again kinda like the Mob vs the Police) for power of the streets of the city. Just a thought though.

I've been pondering on where I should make the setting, I really don't want a real world type place but I want big modern looking cities and stuff

AT

Plenty of people have used ant/bee hierarchy systems, so you can take it two ways. It's not that origional, or it's a time-tested success. Either way, you sound like you've got the system thought out, have fun writing a story to it.

If you know of any good examples I'd appreciate it if you point them out, it will definatly give me some more insight on how it works

Shadow Clara

Vampires are doomed. They've been used so much in the same, angsty way. I feel a sudden urge to write a story about a sit-covered half-vampire teen girl who complains a lot but is none the less optimistc. Just to show all those so-called "vampires" out there.

I say go for it, I'm tired of the same old "oh miserable me and my boring eternal life" types that appear so often in stories about vampires (D is the ultimate exception, he isn't angsty he just kicks a** wink )

Snoop Bunny

Sounds a bit too unlike a vampire. It looks as if you're copying the insect world and just replacing the bees or ants with vampires. Not horribly original, but it could go somewhere, I suppose, if the rest of the world was equally as similar to a bug's life, do you understand?

Yep I understand perfectly, I suppose it would be on line with someone who makes a race of fair colored human looking brutes with long ears and they call them orcs or something to that nature. I really don't want to call them vamps but I can't think of a better name, like I said I'm open to any/every/all suggestions if people have them. And by the way, A bug's life was a cool movie (warning you may now commence pellting the nerd with stones xd )

A Soporific

I am beginning to find the whole race of Vampire hackneyed. It has nothing to do with the quality of your idea, but it's just that so many people are so focused upon Vampires, Werewolves, Elves, Dwarves, and Goblins that newer races such as Lutran, Rodentia, and Grace are totally ignored in newer story-writing circles.

Tell me about it, these races have been so whored out I sometimes want to club the people who have these deep obssession with them
"Yeah I'm a vamp hiss!"

"No your not. Your some depressed little geek who has no semblence of a life and and your skin is all nasty and pale from the lack of sunlight, go outside for once its good for you!"

Also if you know of any other races(least known ones) I'd be glad to hear and learn about them 3nodding

[timeless elegance]

A Soporific

I am beginning to find the whole race of Vampire hackneyed. It has nothing to do with the quality of your idea, but it's just that so many people are so focused upon Vampires, Werewolves, Elves, Dwarves, and Goblins that newer races such as Lutran, Rodentia, and Grace are totally ignored in newer story-writing circles.

Word.

[Bloodbayne]

Now that I've started to give it second thought, I relised that this sorta thing isn't the kinda route I wanted for the setup of the enemy. Orginally I did want to use vampires of the sort (after all the heroine of the story is the daughter of a hunter so it only made since) but after coming up with this and then hearing what others have to say so far using the words vampire and ghoul bastardizes my idea stressed scream damnit I need a new name for them...but I don't want to wind up calling them demons either

*sighs*

[Mystic Blossom]

Very interesting. Only problem is, it's too uniform. I can't see a conflict arising in this world of yours that would make for a good story.

[quirkyguy18]

It sounds like an interesting idea...but I'm a little confused. The ghouls aren't effected by the sun, so are the vampires? And if they are does that mean that the Grand/Holy Mother is a tower of flesh in some cave or something? Besides...I think people would notice a tower of flesh in the middle of a field. And I for one would immediately vacate the area if I saw something like that. But still it's an interesting idea I guess.

[Bloodbayne]

Mystic Blossom

Very interesting. Only problem is, it's too uniform. I can't see a conflict arising in this world of yours that would make for a good story.

That's not nessciarly so, the Ayoul (i'm sticking with that name) and the daughters of the Grand Mother all ahve independent wills of there own thus creating situations where they could turn on each other or the Grand Mother if they had the nerve for it (one of the hero's is actcually an Ayoul)

quirkyguy18

It sounds like an interesting idea...but I'm a little confused. The ghouls aren't effected by the sun, so are the vampires? And if they are does that mean that the Grand/Holy Mother is a tower of flesh in some cave or something? Besides...I think people would notice a tower of flesh in the middle of a field. And I for one would immediately vacate the area if I saw something like that. But still it's an interesting idea I guess.

I know its all funny sounding but I'm not even going to call them vamps or referre to them as such from hence forth(damnit I need new names stressed ) And also the Grand Mother wouldn't just sit in the middle of the feild, she'd find some underground shelter to hide herself in and I'm elimating the whole weakness to the sun bit as well since I"m killing the whole vamp bit.