Need help with this little story

[Lin Inazuma]

I just wrote something to my sister, and..since English isn't my first language i'm not sure if it is absolutely understandable.


here it is.

"
The Dormouse lived in her little round warm house when one summer day her house was stroked by a tornado, or well, five tornadoes: Two twin cats, a red coyote and his little pup and a spectacled bear.

The cats are always looking to get into each other throats, and sometimes into other people throats, just because it seems fun. The black cat is never sure about anything and rather keeps herself without doing anything at all, and the white cat is searching for the moment to get advantage of any situation, especially if it means cookies at some point.

The big Coyote is a newbie father and... He can’t keep the rhythm with that, so he just shares his daughter. He would prefer firing things up, literally, or maybe slashing dragons. While the little pup is just learning to walk, and discovering that the water is wet.

But maybe the most dangerous part is that the Spectacled Bear is truly interested in alchemy, or that’s what he says it is, so he is constantly making experiments and testing them, IN the house, and no one knows where.

All apart are mildly manageable, but under the same roof and by surprise, it is a new level of getting along.

“Surprise!” they said at the door.
"


and thanks for any help~

[Lin Inazuma]

hey

[I_Write_Ivre]

Lin Inazuma

hey

It's 4am for a lot of people. It's also a slow forum.

[Iysander]

some of these aren't necessarily errors but i figured i'd include them for the sake of readability. i tried to keep it as close to the original as possible, especially with meanings that are a little vague to me.



The Dormouse lived in her little, round, warm house when one summer day her house was struck by a tornado— or well, five tornadoes: Two twin cats, a red coyote, his little pup, and a spectacled bear.

The cats are always looking to get into eachother's throats (and sometimes into other people's throats) just because it seems fun. The black cat is never sure about anything and rather keeps to herself without doing anything at all, and the white cat is searching for the moment to take advantage of any situation, especially if it means cookies at some point.

The big Coyote is a new father and... he can’t keep up with the pace, so he just shares his daughter. (1) He would prefer firing things up, literally, or maybe slash at dragons. Meanwhile, the little pup is just now learning to walk, discovering things like how water is wet.

But maybe the most dangerous part is the fact that the Spectacled Bear is truly interested in alchemy (or that’s what he says it is). so he constantly conducts experiments and tests them, INSIDE the house— and no one knows where.

All apart are mildly manageable, but under the same roof and by surprise, it is a new level of getting along.
(Apart, all are somewhat manageable, but under the same roof, it's a whole new level of getting along.)

“Surprise!” they said at the door.



(1) this bit is a little confusing. i'm not sure what you mean by "shares his daughter"— do you mean that he lets his wife take care of her? you should probably clarify.

i hope this helps. i'm not sure if this was what you were looking for, but.

[I_Write_Ivre]

Why is coyote capitalized?

[Lin Inazuma]

cuil theorist

some of these aren't necessarily errors but i figured i'd include them for the sake of readability. i tried to keep it as close to the original as possible, especially with meanings that are a little vague to me.



The Dormouse lived in her little, round, warm house when one summer day her house was struck by a tornado— or well, five tornadoes: Two twin cats, a red coyote, his little pup, and a spectacled bear.

The cats are always looking to get into eachother's throats (and sometimes into other people's throats) just because it seems fun. The black cat is never sure about anything and rather keeps to herself without doing anything at all, and the white cat is searching for the moment to take advantage of any situation, especially if it means cookies at some point.

The big Coyote is a new father and... he can’t keep up with the pace, so he just shares his daughter. (1) He would prefer firing things up, literally, or maybe slash at dragons. Meanwhile, the little pup is just now learning to walk, discovering things like how water is wet.

But maybe the most dangerous part is the fact that the Spectacled Bear is truly interested in alchemy (or that’s what he says it is). so he constantly conducts experiments and tests them, INSIDE the house— and no one knows where.

All apart are mildly manageable, but under the same roof and by surprise, it is a new level of getting along.
(Apart, all are somewhat manageable, but under the same roof, it's a whole new level of getting along.)

“Surprise!” they said at the door.



(1) this bit is a little confusing. i'm not sure what you mean by "shares his daughter"— do you mean that he lets his wife take care of her? you should probably clarify.

i hope this helps. i'm not sure if this was what you were looking for, but.

This is exactly what i was looking for, thank you ; O ;

Now I read it and I can't understand how I wrote some of those mistakes (plus writing at 4 am and in a foreign language doesn't help at all...)

Thank you!!!

[Lin Inazuma]

I_Write_Ivre

Why is coyote capitalized?

For the graphic I'm doing.... the species of all the animals are capitalized.

[I_Write_Ivre]

Lin Inazuma

I_Write_Ivre

Why is coyote capitalized?

For the graphic I'm doing.... the species of all the animals are capitalized.

As long as there's a consistent reason.

[Iysander]

no problem! i'm glad i was able to help. c: