Need help with a kiss scene...

[Sage of Chaos]

If you don't know how to physically describe the kiss, stick to emotions. I find that the most powerful scenes talk about the apprehension or the longing or whatever the characters feel. Also, maybe you can focus strongly on the pre-kiss to build up some tension, like what they think of each other's lips.

[Hilde]

Wow, thanks for all the advice! heart I'm still unsure of how to write it. Maybe I should try each advice and then see which one works for me?

And about the 'can't kiss' part - I edited that in first post... sweatdrop I was unclear indeed.

[Uumie-chan]

I have to add - I think it's great that you've analysed your friend's characters that well. 3nodding Good luck on writing the scene.

[Apollo God of the Sun]

TinyPresca

Here's what I came up with:

She could feel the sunshine on her face through his half-opened window as she crept into his room that morning. She tried hard to ignore his friend who was asleep on the floor not more than a few feet from where he lay. Could she do this with his friend there? But, she had promised him a kiss, and she would keep her word.

What was she doing here? She'd never kissed anyone in her life. As she came down to kneel beside him, she could feel her knees tremble and nearly give way.

'Just wonderful! I'll collapse right on top of him! How romantic," she thought as she regained her composure.

She glanced down at his handsome face as a wisp of his chocolate-brown hair fell across his closed eyelids. He looked so much like a little boy like that. She could feel her pulse quicken as she fought to ignore someone talking beyond the paper-thin doors leading to his room. It was his friends from school. She prayed silently that they hadn't seen her moving along like the shadows in the early dawn.

She had to do this - no, she wanted to do this.

Gently, she leaned forward and brought her lips but a breath away from his when suddenly he turned in his sleep.

Startled, she jumped away from him and he turned over to face the wall. As she did, she banged her forearm into his best friend still sleeping behind them. The boy made a noise of annoyance but didn't wake up.

God, this was to be harder than she imagined. And now his back was turned to her!

So standing up, she went to the otherside of him and knelt down once more.

Yet the angle in which he slept with his hand covering his face made it next to impossible to get close.

Suddenly, a voice came out of nowhere - it came from the otherside of them.

"If you want to kiss him, just wake him up and tell him!"

She peered cautiously over her boyfriend's sleeping form to see his best friend smiling at her.

"Because if he doesn't kiss you, I will!"

She just tried to smile and laugh despite herself. He smirked at her bashful response and turned over on his side away from them.

When she looked back to her boyfriend's sleeping face, she found his eyes meet hers. He was awake.

She felt like getting up and running, but he reached out to grasp her wrist.

"Is it true?" he whispered.

"Ummm...what do you mean?"

"You want to kiss me?"

"It was a mistake..." she said, stumbling for the right words.

"How can wanting to kiss someone be a mistake. Come closer, it's OK."

She gulped visibly as she felt the pressure of his hand on her wrist when he gently brought her foreward. He sat up on his elbow and coaxed her to lie down next to him.

She felt as nervous as a little girl as he rolled her closer to him and took her into his arms. His arms circled her waist and she could feel his muscles rippling under the silk of his pajamas. The warmth of him was unmistakenable.

This felt too good, it had to be wrong. She wanted to get up once again, when all of a sudden his lips found hers. Slowly, his mouth moved like a gentle caress and with a gentle tug his tongue slid between her lips. It felt achingly wonderful as he moaned deeply into her cheek. She wanted every morning to be like this one. He smelled of day old cologne and cinammon from the paste he brushed his teeth with. Her mind drifted as she moved her arms up around his strong neck.

"So that's where you got off to!" came her sister's voice as she heard the bedroom door open above them.

Jumping apart they both looked up at her, she just smiled down at them with her arms across her chest.


Hope that helps smile

holy shizno this is really good...

[Presca]

Wohoo! Thanks smile I'm trying to become a real life author, so every chance I get to exercise my muscles I will smile

[Foxglove_Wanderer]

TinyPresca

Here's what I came up with:

She could feel the sunshine on her face through his half-opened window as she crept into his room that morning. She tried hard to ignore his friend who was asleep on the floor not more than a few feet from where he lay. Could she do this with his friend there? But, she had promised him a kiss, and she would keep her word.

What was she doing here? She'd never kissed anyone in her life. As she came down to kneel beside him, she could feel her knees tremble and nearly give way.

'Just wonderful! I'll collapse right on top of him! How romantic," she thought as she regained her composure.

She glanced down at his handsome face as a wisp of his chocolate-brown hair fell across his closed eyelids. He looked so much like a little boy like that. She could feel her pulse quicken as she fought to ignore someone talking beyond the paper-thin doors leading to his room. It was his friends from school. She prayed silently that they hadn't seen her moving along like the shadows in the early dawn.

She had to do this - no, she wanted to do this.

Gently, she leaned forward and brought her lips but a breath away from his when suddenly he turned in his sleep.

Startled, she jumped away from him and he turned over to face the wall. As she did, she banged her forearm into his best friend still sleeping behind them. The boy made a noise of annoyance but didn't wake up.

God, this was to be harder than she imagined. And now his back was turned to her!

So standing up, she went to the otherside of him and knelt down once more.

Yet the angle in which he slept with his hand covering his face made it next to impossible to get close.

Suddenly, a voice came out of nowhere - it came from the otherside of them.

"If you want to kiss him, just wake him up and tell him!"

She peered cautiously over her boyfriend's sleeping form to see his best friend smiling at her.

"Because if he doesn't kiss you, I will!"

She just tried to smile and laugh despite herself. He smirked at her bashful response and turned over on his side away from them.

When she looked back to her boyfriend's sleeping face, she found his eyes meet hers. He was awake.

She felt like getting up and running, but he reached out to grasp her wrist.

"Is it true?" he whispered.

"Ummm...what do you mean?"

"You want to kiss me?"

"It was a mistake..." she said, stumbling for the right words.

"How can wanting to kiss someone be a mistake. Come closer, it's OK."

She gulped visibly as she felt the pressure of his hand on her wrist when he gently brought her foreward. He sat up on his elbow and coaxed her to lie down next to him.

She felt as nervous as a little girl as he rolled her closer to him and took her into his arms. His arms circled her waist and she could feel his muscles rippling under the silk of his pajamas. The warmth of him was unmistakenable.

This felt too good, it had to be wrong. She wanted to get up once again, when all of a sudden his lips found hers. Slowly, his mouth moved like a gentle caress and with a gentle tug his tongue slid between her lips. It felt achingly wonderful as he moaned deeply into her cheek. She wanted every morning to be like this one. He smelled of day old cologne and cinammon from the paste he brushed his teeth with. Her mind drifted as she moved her arms up around his strong neck.

"So that's where you got off to!" came her sister's voice as she heard the bedroom door open above them.

Jumping apart they both looked up at her, she just smiled down at them with her arms across her chest.


Hope that helps smile

Oh. My. Godz.
That is freaking incredible! Totally amazing! In fact (is that one or two words?) you've inspired my to try writing my own kissing scene! Yay for first timers! (shouldn't be too hard if I stick with what I know, so I'll make sure neither character has any clue what their doing sweatdrop .)
Anyway, my advice is based on the reactions and effects more than the actual kissing. Ask yourself stuff like, "Are they going to be a major couple in this story?"
"What will their friend's reactions be?"
"Should I risk a kiss in front of everyone and stick the new(?) relationship in everyones faces all at once?"
"Will there be any jealous-types in the friends?"
"How far into the story is the kiss going to be?"
I doubt any of that made sense because I'm so tired that I may have just rambled, but whatever.

[minigilesstyle]

Many joy induced hugs to you for that wonderful scene. Are you sure this is a first time attempt cause I've seen experienced writers never get scenes like this right. They're usually too descriptive or not descriptive but you it dead on leaving little to add.

[Aevey]

Ugh...Kissing scenes...never tried one, and actually I'm afraid to. But It'll have to be done eventually...best of luck!

[Presca]

I've done many stories in the past, several romances and even sex scenes in some - so I have some experience. Also, I get a lot of feedback from friends and absorb what my friends write as well. Also, I just got done with a creative writing course in college smile

[Hilde]

Okay. This is what I came up with.
Sulfur = girl
Jamie = boy (is a former thief)
Miyuki = one of their friends

Tell me what you think and what I should improve on!

Sulfur and Jamie were sitting together. It wasn't planned at all. Nothing they ever did was planned, so it seemed. Jamie had been sitting there for quite a while, dozing off while the sun was slowly setting. Sulfur had found him like that, and had tried to get back inside. However, the thief had called for her to sit down, and, despite her nervousness, she accepted the request.

"It's almost down." Sulfur said, and Jamie nodded. "It's really beautiful. I've never seen it this close."

"Me neither." Jamie said.

Sulfur smiled at him, and took his hand. Nobody could see them, because they were on a small bench, which was behind the inn. Or so they thought. Miyuki was secretly peeking at them from behind some bushes. This was way more interesting than sundown, if you asked him. He started giggling when he noticed that neither Sulfur nor Jamie looked away.

Then, suddenly, Sulfur moved forwards and pressed her lips onto Jamie's. The thief's lilac eyes widened in surprised, and they both started to blush. The next moment, it was over. Sulfur's silver eyes opened, and she looked at Jamie's face. Sulfur ran a hand over Jamie's cheek, and rested her forehead against the thief's.

"I love you, too." Sulfur whispered, in reply to what Jamie had said almost two weeks ago. These four simple words made Jamie smile so broadly that tears came to his light eyes.

Then, Sulfur closed her eyes and kissed him again, tilting her head to one side this time, her small hands tangling in Jamie's hair. This kiss was deeper, more intimate than the previous one, making Jamie nervous. Sulfur smelled nice, Jamie thought. She smelled sweet, but also really fresh, like she had used some sort of strawberry shampoo. She didn't seem to mind that Jamie couldn't kiss at all. Jamie hestitantly tried to kiss back. That didn't work so well, but just the idea of Sulfur so close to him was enough, for today. The hammering of his heart gradually slowed down, when he accepted that Sulfur really did love him, and that he didn't have to be ashamed of anything.

"Where did you learn to do that?" Jamie asked, when they finally broke apart.

"I told you you aren't my first boyfriend." Sulfur grinned, and hugged him.

"We're not going to be some cliché lovestory couple, kay?" Jamie had said. "We're not gonna be the cheerful and strong guy and the depressed beautiful girl."

"No, we aren't going to be cliché like that." Sulfur had replied.

Then, they sat there in silence for a few minutes, holding each other and watching darkness wash over the land.

"We're cliché, aren't we?" Jamie had asked, and then they had bursted into laughter. The first time that they had laughed that long together, about themselves. After that, Sulfur had kissed him once more, and Jamie found himself to be less shy now. This evening couldn't have ended in a better way for him.


Well, that's it. Yes, the boy was the inexperienced one. Tell me what you think, please! heart

[malissgray]

oh my od that is great and i like how you used the idea i gave you about she said i love you too! but where does the friend come in? you said that this persone was hiding and looking as they kissed. may i say perhapes this this person, male i hope, is also in live with sulfur, causing a problem with there relationship. perhapes this man will find it in his heart to let there love go on knowing that he can still love sulfur but not like the man she loves. hilde e-mail me and tell me what you think of this ok. i may not go with the story line right now, but story's always have a twits.

malissgray

[malissgray]

oh my od that is great and i like how you used the idea i gave you about she said i love you too! but where does the friend come in? you said that this persone was hiding and looking as they kissed. may i say perhapes this this person, male i hope, is also in live with sulfur, causing a problem with there relationship. perhapes this man will find it in his heart to let there love go on knowing that he can still love sulfur but not like the man she loves. hilde e-mail me and tell me what you think of this ok. i may not go with the story line right now, but story's always have a twits.

malissgray

[Echelon Mykal]

This could somehow be weaved into the plot. This is my first try at writing this sort of scene. sweatdrop Bear with me.

For the sake of the story, the boy will be called Jay and the girl, Sahara.

Everyone in the party was asleep. Only Jay and Sahara were still awake. Sahara had noticed a prior connection. Jay caught her eye for too long. She knew he had feelings. She felt a lust for his body, and a love for his fiery soul. She wanted to be with him.

The night rolled on, and she and Jay had talked about their childhood and secrets. She was strengthening their bond. Preparing.

Sahara felt tired, and stretched out next to Jay, rested on the suede sofa. She gave a tiny shiver.

"Here, you're cold," hushed Jay as he draped a grey woolen blanket over her.

"Thankyou," she replied.

There was a long pause. They looked at eachother.

"Jay, there's one more secret I have yet to tell"

"What?"

"Jay. I have..." she paused, unable to judge if this was truly the right decision tro make. "I have feeling for you. Lover's feelings. Strong feelings"

Jay looked at her, with a slight kink in his eye. A strand of untamed hair fell onto his face. Sahara reached up, stroked his cheek, and brushed the stray hair aside. She stretched her hand to the back of his neck, and ran her fingers through his mane.

His neck prickled. Jay flinched, and hesitantly rested his hand on her thigh. They sat there for what seemed like an eternity, the fire dancing and with vigour, like an intense pyro flamenco. The bright aura of the fire cast dark shadows from the rustic wooden ceiling beams.

Then, in a brief moment of passion, they moved their heads together, and her soft lips pressed on his. They parted, and gazed into eachother's twinkling eyes. Gazing into eachothers cores. They knew this was right.

This time, with more intent and confidence, they kissed again. Jay slid his hand up Sahara's leg, and rested it on her hip. He parted his lips a fraction, and softly slid his tongue onto Sahara's. They embraced the passion, and kissed into the night...


So. what do people think?

[waterchiled]

i dont think it is souch a big deal i mean it is not real and everyone knows that so i say go for it! biggrin

[Echelon Mykal]

Is it good?