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[RelinaPeacecraft]

My friends and I are making a musical spoof on spys to film. We need some ideas for random gags. Additionally, we need some funny character names. For example, there is a nameless rock star villan who remains nameless as of this point in time. So, if anyone has any ideas please pm me.

[kiandrae]

Thank you so much Penden! It really helps alot to hear feedback, some of which I can definately use. 3nodding
I was thinking most likely the brother will be killed by the Prince himself. The new Master idea sounds good to fix the slave's part, but I was also thinking that their relationship could build overtime (from pretty much a brutal life to an otherwise peaceful one) so she had atleast a more decent existence with him.

[Rended Angel]

RelinaPeacecraft

My friends and I are making a musical spoof on spys to film. We need some ideas for random gags. Additionally, we need some funny character names. For example, there is a nameless rock star villan who remains nameless as of this point in time. So, if anyone has any ideas please pm me.

How about a spy who thinks he is very refined and glamorous for wearing excessive cologne, and always gets foiled in his spying attempts because people can literally follow his scent?

Sorry, that was random.

[Akirai]

I'm making up a fantasy story where there is a universe with several gods, but only the evil villain knows about them and sees it as his holy quest to make them known to the world, by force if necessary, and only a couple of twins can stop him, and put the gods to slumber once again since these twins are half-gods themselves. I'm also thinking of turning one of them evil. Oh yes in the world there are also 3 forms af magic, AKA Talents, there the Talents of Healing, the Mind & Destruction. You can guess what Healing and Destruction stand for, and the Mind stands for influencing someones mind. Gods can also influence time and space (the twins can do this too, only much less powerful, and with less control over it).
Anyways I'd like to now what you all think

[Wynnn]

Sounds great, Akirai. I like the idea of the twins having less control over their powers. That could create some interesting twists. And I really like the idea of one of the twins turning bad. Sibling rivalry at it's finest, right? wink Something like that could really add intrigue by messing with their chemistry. But their chemistry, of course, really depends a lot on gender. Are they boy-boy, girl-girl, or boy-girl? I personally like the boy-girl setup because it allows so much variety. But I like boy-boy, too. And girl-girl works fine. But those are just my preferences. You probably have all this figured out already, though. Anyway, just make sure you have some good, logical backstory in there or else it might crash and burn.

[Wynnn]

Jack Validity

Joe is a girl who grew up in a cruddy orphanage in some run-down skid row section of a city. When she's twelve the orphanage burns down and instead of sticking around with all the other escaped kids on the sidewalk, waiting for the firemen to show up and help them out, she runs away in a panic. She comes across Paul, an older man and owner of a cheesy diner who helps her out for a night and gives her some too-big clothes to wear instead of her pajamas. But other than giving a few free meals every now and again, Paul wants nothing to do with her because he's too old, too busy, and too poor to take care of a child. Joe ends up a homeless ragamuffin, adjusting to being a bum just enough to survive but not enough to ruin her childish personality. When she's sixteen, she meets Wes, an eighteen-year-old boy who is also homeless, but has a better idea of how to get along. Wes, unlike Joe, knows a little about his past, like the fact that he's the son of a whore who was killed when he was five. He sometimes relies on the other ladies of the house his mother worked in to give him food and such during especially rough times. But for the most part he gets on well by himself. He sort of takes Joe under his wing and they become wonderful friends. They start to dream of someday getting out of their life and making it in the real world, with a real house and real clothes and stuff. But then Wes does something that upsets a local gang and their dreams of moving up in life get put on hold really quickly. In the end, a gang member gets hold of Joe and sort of has his way with her, but Wes finds her again and they run away. But they end up running straight into an ambush and they're both caught up in a bloody fight. Wes pulls out a knife and distracts the members long enough to allow Joe and him some escape time. As they run off, guns are being shot and then police sirens are heard. Joe (I should note that the story takes place in her point of view) doesn't look back and soon she and Wes are huddled terrified in an alleyway. It's only then that Joe realizes Wes has been badly injured. The story ends as the two go to sleep there in the alley, both knowing that Wes won't be waking up in the morning. (And there's a moral buried in there somewhere...)

Comments?

Is it pathetic to quote yourself? stare

Anyway, for some reason, I just got reminded of an important question I wanted to ask for my story, since I'm having some trouble with it on my own. Can anyone think of a good way for Joe and Wes to meet? (see above if you're totally lost)

[Akirai]

since u commented on my story it's my turn now ain't it blaugh ?
well maybe Joe's fallen on some rough times and tries to steal from Wes but Wes sees her and immediately falls in love with her. It also depends if you want them too fall in love or just be great friends... if you want friends you might say that Joe's begging somewhere and still doesn't have any food at midnight and is huddling somewhere and crying her eyes out till Wes comes to rescue her by bringing her to his mothers house it'd also give you an opening to let Wes explain his past

BTW I was thinking of a boy-boy and possibly to let one grow up as royalty and the other as a very gifted student which because of his Talent (Mind) will become a diplomate and has always been great friends with the prince in this case I'll think I'll let the prince go evil, fall from his throne and let mostly through a series of accidentle braveries let the student succeed the throne. But I'll see, normally once I start writing the story kinda unfolds as long as I have a solid beginning.

[Lill Kai]

okay I need help finishing a line of dioaloge here's what I have so far: (and by the way it's a Swat Kats fan fic if that helps anyone out)


Chapter 2: -Insert name of chapter here-



Razor let out a moan of protest as he began to come to. ”Where am I?” he muttered, as he attempted to sit up in bed, but immediately fell back against the pillow due to a wave of dizziness that over came him.
“Whoa Ace, take it easy”, T-Bone stated, Razor looked over to see his friend, still dressed in his Swat Kat gear, walking towards him with a damp cloth in his hand, “Welcome back sleeping beauty. How are you feeling?” he asked with a look of concern on his face, as he placed the damp cloth on Razor’s forehead.
Razor sighed, the cool rag felt good on his overly warm forehead. “I feel like I was hit by a truck T-bone”, he joked smiling a little so that T-Bone would think that everything was okay.
“Yeah you had me a little worried there when you didn’t decide to wake up last night.”, T-Bone replied, sitting down in a chair beside Razor’s bed, “maybe that stuff Viper had you drink was just a dud after all.”
Razor shook his head. “I don’t think so T-Bone”, he replied with a grim look on his face,”I don’t think Viper and Dark Kat would have gone to all that trouble to make a prototype if it didn’t work.”
T-Bone shrugged as he helped Razor sit up. ”I suppose your right”, he agreed,” <---I need something for him to say here!!!

please help!

edit: I have no idea why stray little "?" keep popping up in my typing bu toh well and here's a link to the first chapter if you want to look at that and get ideas please r/r while your at it biggrin http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2207129/1/

thanks!!!

[Rynn]

Mike had just finished putting away his last suitcase under his bed, sitting down on the bed, leaning back. He wondered when his roommate was going to show. All he really knew about the guy was his name was Jason Anderson and he was from Washington State. He briefly wondered if the guy was gay or straight or even bi. Well, he'd find out sooner or later.
He hoped the guy wasn't a homophobic. Mike had his share of those jerks. All it took was one fight though, and most backed down from him. He was pretty strong and the strange thing was, he had never worked out in his life. It was just inborn it seemed.
Mike was startled from his thoughts as there was a knock on the door. A blond head peeked in, green eyes looking around. "Mike Earnhardt?" the guy asked.
With a nod of his dark head, the blonde guy walked on inside. He smiled, seeming to be relieved.Mike looked him over as he set down his suitcases. "You must be Jason Anderson."
Jason nodded. "Yeah. Nice to meet you." He held out his hand, which Mike took, shaking it.
Mike looked up at Jason, really taking him in. He was a cute one, he noted. He looked heavenly. Once contact was broken, Mike seemed to blush but hid it quickly.
Jason smiled warmly, then turned to his suitcases and boxes his parents brought into the room. There were quick introductions, then they left. Jason closed the door after them, pulling out his bedsheets and cover. Mike watched as the young man proceeded to make his bed, cool soft colors that went well with his side of the room.
Mike adored the color black. His bedspread, the sheets underneath, all his clothes, everything he owned was black. Only exceptions were his underwear and socks. Some people called Mike a goth, but that was far from the truth. Black was just his favorite color.
It seemed Jason on the other hand, favored colors.

Not liking the last couple of paragraphs. Help?

[Lill Kai]

what happened? I hope I didn't kill the thread with asking for help. sweatdrop

[Lill Kai]

yep I killed it...*sighs and disaapears into the shadows* I'll be back.

[Supraman]

Rynn

Mike had just finished putting away his last suitcase under his bed, sitting down on the bed, leaning back. He wondered when his roommate was going to show. All he really knew about the guy was his name was Jason Anderson and he was from Washington State. He briefly wondered if the guy was gay or straight or even bi. Well, he'd find out sooner or later.
He hoped the guy wasn't a homophobic. Mike had his share of those jerks. All it took was one fight though, and most backed down from him. He was pretty strong and the strange thing was, he had never worked out in his life. It was just inborn it seemed.
Mike was startled from his thoughts as there was a knock on the door. A blond head peeked in, green eyes looking around. "Mike Earnhardt?" the guy asked.
With a nod of his dark head, the blonde guy walked on inside. He smiled, seeming to be relieved.Mike looked him over as he set down his suitcases. "You must be Jason Anderson."
Jason nodded. "Yeah. Nice to meet you." He held out his hand, which Mike took, shaking it.
Mike looked up at Jason, really taking him in. He was a cute one, he noted. He looked heavenly. Once contact was broken, Mike seemed to blush but hid it quickly.
Jason smiled warmly, then turned to his suitcases and boxes his parents brought into the room. There were quick introductions, then they left. Jason closed the door after them, pulling out his bedsheets and cover. Mike watched as the young man proceeded to make his bed, cool soft colors that went well with his side of the room.
Mike adored the color black. His bedspread, the sheets underneath, all his clothes, everything he owned was black. Only exceptions were his underwear and socks. Some people called Mike a goth, but that was far from the truth. Black was just his favorite color.
It seemed Jason on the other hand, favored colors.

Not liking the last couple of paragraphs. Help?

I'd have some dialogue between the two, as Jason is putting his stuff up, or at least have Mike do something, like read a book. Also, I'd talk about the parents some more, or just cut them out, and say that Jason started unpacking the two boxes he had been carrying, or something.

[hlmtwin]

Rynn, sometimes instead of using narration to explain someting it breaks it up a little better by having it in the dialogue. Especially as yu don't like the two last paragraphs. Instead of narrating that Mike likes black, and is often thought a goth because of this, and Jason likes colors. Have this as a discussion. For example: "You like black, huh?" "Yeah, I'm not a goth or anything... it's just my favorite color." "No that's fine..."

Obviously you can word it however you want... that's just an example.

[Lill Kai]

hlltwin

Lil Kai, Sometimes instead of using narration to explain someting it breaks it up a little better by having it in the dialogue. Especially as yu don't like the two last paragraphs. Instead of narrating that Mike likes black, and is often thought a goth because of this, and Jason likes colors. Have this as a discussion. For example: "You like black, huh?" "Yeah, I'm not a goth or anything... it's just my favorite color." "No that's fine..."

Obviously you can word it however you want... that's just an example.

Yeah---good point I'm just not very good at decription yet sweatdrop but practice makes perfect right? I actualy got past that part last night and now I'm having trouble with another part that and it sounds way too cheesy what I have so far *uber sighs*

[MrsMica]

hlltwin

Penden:
Thanks for the help. I was in a bit of a block there about how to carry on. Thanks again.

You're welcome.

And just so every one knows, it's usually better to ask about scenes you've already written in a seperate thread in the prose forum. You can still link them from here and summarize your concerns/questions about them, though. That way you have two possible venues of feedback, one from this thread and one from the prose subforum regulars.