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[ResonantWill]

I_Write_Ivre

Mooni Aria

I_Write_Ivre

Mooni Aria

okay i'm back here after a year and I've had writers block on a script I'm writing for a couple months now
Basically I have a set up in a mining town where two new people come and discover an exit to the mine, but these two characters are shady, as nobody in the town recognizes them, so later, they bomb the mine when everybody's in a hype over the new exit, making the mine collapse as these two new people are now given time to start taking the minerals from the houses of the citizens.
I don't know how to make the transition from the citizens praising the two for their discovery into when the mine is bombed. There are three important characters in this scene that are relevant to this, and once I have this part of the script done I can vomit more script easily since i know the events afterwards.

If necessary I can post the whole script.

Miners don't get to keep the minerals they mine. It all goes to the company paying them to mine.

Also, unless this is China, how would they not know of an exist to the mine?

Unlike my last story, this isn't set to be realistic.

This is a fictional story, and in this, they use the minerals they mine as resources.
The thieves steal the minerals to also use as resources.

And the reason for an exit to the mine is because maybe they just hadn't mined it out yet.

I'd appreciate it if you tried less picking apart of my literature.

Pointing out plot holes I part of the purpose of this thread. It points out areas author hadn't considered or prompts further explanation, which leads to better understanding the problem.

Mining is extremely dangerous and not done for small personal gain. This and the exit siuaion sound more like a quarry than a mine. This could definitely affect the transition and timing of the bomb.

again this is fictional
i could call it a quarry then

[I_Write_Ivre]

Mooni Aria

I_Write_Ivre

Mooni Aria

I_Write_Ivre

Mooni Aria

okay i'm back here after a year and I've had writers block on a script I'm writing for a couple months now
Basically I have a set up in a mining town where two new people come and discover an exit to the mine, but these two characters are shady, as nobody in the town recognizes them, so later, they bomb the mine when everybody's in a hype over the new exit, making the mine collapse as these two new people are now given time to start taking the minerals from the houses of the citizens.
I don't know how to make the transition from the citizens praising the two for their discovery into when the mine is bombed. There are three important characters in this scene that are relevant to this, and once I have this part of the script done I can vomit more script easily since i know the events afterwards.

If necessary I can post the whole script.

Miners don't get to keep the minerals they mine. It all goes to the company paying them to mine.

Also, unless this is China, how would they not know of an exist to the mine?

Unlike my last story, this isn't set to be realistic.

This is a fictional story, and in this, they use the minerals they mine as resources.
The thieves steal the minerals to also use as resources.

And the reason for an exit to the mine is because maybe they just hadn't mined it out yet.

I'd appreciate it if you tried less picking apart of my literature.

Pointing out plot holes I part of the purpose of this thread. It points out areas author hadn't considered or prompts further explanation, which leads to better understanding the problem.

Mining is extremely dangerous and not done for small personal gain. This and the exit siuaion sound more like a quarry than a mine. This could definitely affect the transition and timing of the bomb.

again this is fictional
i could call it a quarry then

We'd only have a clue about nonfictional mining bless you explain how it works I you world. This isn't a thread full of psychics.

Is using is quarry any different in your story? How is it different and how is this presented to the reader.

[ResonantWill]

I_Write_Ivre

Mooni Aria

I_Write_Ivre

Mooni Aria

I_Write_Ivre

Mooni Aria

okay i'm back here after a year and I've had writers block on a script I'm writing for a couple months now
Basically I have a set up in a mining town where two new people come and discover an exit to the mine, but these two characters are shady, as nobody in the town recognizes them, so later, they bomb the mine when everybody's in a hype over the new exit, making the mine collapse as these two new people are now given time to start taking the minerals from the houses of the citizens.
I don't know how to make the transition from the citizens praising the two for their discovery into when the mine is bombed. There are three important characters in this scene that are relevant to this, and once I have this part of the script done I can vomit more script easily since i know the events afterwards.

If necessary I can post the whole script.

Miners don't get to keep the minerals they mine. It all goes to the company paying them to mine.

Also, unless this is China, how would they not know of an exist to the mine?

Unlike my last story, this isn't set to be realistic.

This is a fictional story, and in this, they use the minerals they mine as resources.
The thieves steal the minerals to also use as resources.

And the reason for an exit to the mine is because maybe they just hadn't mined it out yet.

I'd appreciate it if you tried less picking apart of my literature.

Pointing out plot holes I part of the purpose of this thread. It points out areas author hadn't considered or prompts further explanation, which leads to better understanding the problem.

Mining is extremely dangerous and not done for small personal gain. This and the exit siuaion sound more like a quarry than a mine. This could definitely affect the transition and timing of the bomb.

again this is fictional
i could call it a quarry then

We'd only have a clue about nonfictional mining bless you explain how it works I you world. This isn't a thread full of psychics.

Is using is quarry any different in your story? How is it different and how is this presented to the reader.

no, calling it a quarry won't make a difference.
Same concept.

[I_Write_Ivre]

Mooni Aria

I_Write_Ivre

Mooni Aria

I_Write_Ivre

Mooni Aria

Unlike my last story, this isn't set to be realistic.

This is a fictional story, and in this, they use the minerals they mine as resources.
The thieves steal the minerals to also use as resources.

And the reason for an exit to the mine is because maybe they just hadn't mined it out yet.

I'd appreciate it if you tried less picking apart of my literature.

Pointing out plot holes I part of the purpose of this thread. It points out areas author hadn't considered or prompts further explanation, which leads to better understanding the problem.

Mining is extremely dangerous and not done for small personal gain. This and the exit siuaion sound more like a quarry than a mine. This could definitely affect the transition and timing of the bomb.

again this is fictional
i could call it a quarry then

We'd only have a clue about nonfictional mining bless you explain how it works I you world. This isn't a thread full of psychics.

Is using is quarry any different in your story? How is it different and how is this presented to the reader.

no, calling it a quarry won't make a difference.
Same concept.

Same concept as what?

A nonfictional mine? Those are notoriously dangerous for workers, who are punished for keeping what they mine as personal. Not to mention mined minerals tend to be useless as ore. Miners have had a long history of oppression and exploitation and even today some minerals carry a connection to such harsh treatment (like diamonds and zinc, which are mostly done by forced child labor).

A nonfictional quarry is a bit different as work is seasonal, what's cut or blasted out can immediately be used, quarry workers can take the occasional price home or buy from smaller companies (or keep it if the quarry is jointly owned by them), and quarry work was sometimes associated with the craftsmen who worked the material.

A fictional mine could be in the clouds where marshmallows are mined for all anyone else knows.

Are these people happy, healthy, and able to keep materials mined? We need an actual explanation beyond 'fiction' to understand how they'd react to two strangers. How often and how long do people mine? Is the mine guarded? Why or why not, other than 'fiction'? This will help in how best to recommend anything for the transition.

If 'fiction' is the only reason, then just write 'fiction' for the transition. When you have a made up world, you replace one reason with another; you don't ignore reasons altogether.

[I_Write_Ivre]

again, two separate worlds, one ours and one magic, yadayada.

The worlds are not overlapped in anyway; what happens in one does not affect the other.

Short story: while there is no overlap, people do occaisionally cross from one to the other. in the other world women tend to be in charge, property is passed to the daughters and rulership of any kind tends to also pass to women. While some places are very liberal about men, he out regions are strict in that women own men as mates.

One man fled to our world, but the woman who claimed him has caught up with him and wants to take him back. As our world has no such laws of ownership like that in irst worl countries, how do I solve this (he's an ikllegal alien from a place no one knows about)? Also, how do I use this to make our world care about the magic one?

[Neko Writer]

I'm trying to write two stories at once, just so you guys know. ><

Anyway, I have a second story. It's about a severely autistic girl who's name is London. It's based on the song London Bridge sort of and the title is "London's Bridge Won't Fall Down". I haven't really figured out what I want it to be on though. I thought of maybe something a little fantasy wise but... I don't know how that would work. D: If anyone has some ideas, please let me know. D:

[ResonantWill]

I_Write_Ivre

A nonfictional mine? Those are notoriously dangerous for workers, who are punished for keeping what they mine as personal. Not to mention mined minerals tend to be useless as ore. Miners have had a long history of oppression and exploitation and even today some minerals carry a connection to such harsh treatment (like diamonds and zinc, which are mostly done by forced child labor).

A nonfictional quarry is a bit different as work is seasonal, what's cut or blasted out can immediately be used, quarry workers can take the occasional price home or buy from smaller companies (or keep it if the quarry is jointly owned by them), and quarry work was sometimes associated with the craftsmen who worked the material.

A fictional mine could be in the clouds where marshmallows are mined for all anyone else knows.

Are these people happy, healthy, and able to keep materials mined? We need an actual explanation beyond 'fiction' to understand how they'd react to two strangers. How often and how long do people mine? Is the mine guarded? Why or why not, other than 'fiction'? This will help in how best to recommend anything for the transition.

If 'fiction' is the only reason, then just write 'fiction' for the transition. When you have a made up world, you replace one reason with another; you don't ignore reasons altogether.

the story is fiction, is what i meant
the way you described it sounds like a quarry. The characters are happy, healthy, and able to keep materials mined, yes. Everybody in the town has worked in the cave at one point besides children, which may be offered to go into inside whatever this cave is, not to work, but to sightsee with tight supervision. Typically, since there's most likely more than one character entering and exiting the cave at once, there's no need for guarding. Only a few were considered about the fact that the two thieves were foreign to the town. Since the two bombed the cave, the citizens reconsider afterwards to start guarding the cave, as they were a generally peaceful town, and a couple families were broken up in the process. A main character is separated from his parents during a sightsee when the new exit is discovered as a result from the explosion. He then makes his way to the other town on the other side of the cave.

And no, it's not suddenly anything different because i called it a cave, it's only a placeholding name that'll be changed once i can clarify what it is.

[I_Write_Ivre]

Mooni Aria

I_Write_Ivre

A nonfictional mine? Those are notoriously dangerous for workers, who are punished for keeping what they mine as personal. Not to mention mined minerals tend to be useless as ore. Miners have had a long history of oppression and exploitation and even today some minerals carry a connection to such harsh treatment (like diamonds and zinc, which are mostly done by forced child labor).

A nonfictional quarry is a bit different as work is seasonal, what's cut or blasted out can immediately be used, quarry workers can take the occasional price home or buy from smaller companies (or keep it if the quarry is jointly owned by them), and quarry work was sometimes associated with the craftsmen who worked the material.

A fictional mine could be in the clouds where marshmallows are mined for all anyone else knows.

Are these people happy, healthy, and able to keep materials mined? We need an actual explanation beyond 'fiction' to understand how they'd react to two strangers. How often and how long do people mine? Is the mine guarded? Why or why not, other than 'fiction'? This will help in how best to recommend anything for the transition.

If 'fiction' is the only reason, then just write 'fiction' for the transition. When you have a made up world, you replace one reason with another; you don't ignore reasons altogether.

the story is fiction, is what i meant
the way you described it sounds like a quarry. The characters are happy, healthy, and able to keep materials mined, yes. Everybody in the town has worked in the cave at one point besides children, which may be offered to go into inside whatever this cave is, not to work, but to sightsee with tight supervision. Typically, since there's most likely more than one character entering and exiting the cave at once, there's no need for guarding. Only a few were considered about the fact that the two thieves were foreign to the town. Since the two bombed the cave, the citizens reconsider afterwards to start guarding the cave, as they were a generally peaceful town, and a couple families were broken up in the process. A main character is separated from his parents during a sightsee when the new exit is discovered as a result from the explosion. He then makes his way to the other town on the other side of the cave.

And no, it's not suddenly anything different because i called it a cave, it's only a placeholding name that'll be changed once i can clarify what it is.

A quarry would definitely work better then. Happier, healthier, and more comfortable people tend to be more accepting of foreigners and better at handling tourism (in a friendly manner, not 'take their kidney' way). A quarry could also work as the bomb could be disguised and planted during the off season (when the quarry fills up with seasonal rain) and set off when people return to the quarry, but think the rain caused a rock slide. You could have either a long or quick transition of the newcomers showing up, being greeted, buying from locals, planting the bomb while looking like sightseers or helping people out of the mud, laughing to themselves in private, the bomb going off, and then contrast them stealing with glee while the townspeople go through the dead and search for survivors.

[ResonantWill]

I_Write_Ivre

Mooni Aria

I_Write_Ivre

A nonfictional mine? Those are notoriously dangerous for workers, who are punished for keeping what they mine as personal. Not to mention mined minerals tend to be useless as ore. Miners have had a long history of oppression and exploitation and even today some minerals carry a connection to such harsh treatment (like diamonds and zinc, which are mostly done by forced child labor).

A nonfictional quarry is a bit different as work is seasonal, what's cut or blasted out can immediately be used, quarry workers can take the occasional price home or buy from smaller companies (or keep it if the quarry is jointly owned by them), and quarry work was sometimes associated with the craftsmen who worked the material.

A fictional mine could be in the clouds where marshmallows are mined for all anyone else knows.

Are these people happy, healthy, and able to keep materials mined? We need an actual explanation beyond 'fiction' to understand how they'd react to two strangers. How often and how long do people mine? Is the mine guarded? Why or why not, other than 'fiction'? This will help in how best to recommend anything for the transition.

If 'fiction' is the only reason, then just write 'fiction' for the transition. When you have a made up world, you replace one reason with another; you don't ignore reasons altogether.

the story is fiction, is what i meant
the way you described it sounds like a quarry. The characters are happy, healthy, and able to keep materials mined, yes. Everybody in the town has worked in the cave at one point besides children, which may be offered to go into inside whatever this cave is, not to work, but to sightsee with tight supervision. Typically, since there's most likely more than one character entering and exiting the cave at once, there's no need for guarding. Only a few were considered about the fact that the two thieves were foreign to the town. Since the two bombed the cave, the citizens reconsider afterwards to start guarding the cave, as they were a generally peaceful town, and a couple families were broken up in the process. A main character is separated from his parents during a sightsee when the new exit is discovered as a result from the explosion. He then makes his way to the other town on the other side of the cave.

And no, it's not suddenly anything different because i called it a cave, it's only a placeholding name that'll be changed once i can clarify what it is.

A quarry would definitely work better then. Happier, healthier, and more comfortable people tend to be more accepting of foreigners and better at handling tourism (in a friendly manner, not 'take their kidney' way). A quarry could also work as the bomb could be disguised and planted during the off season (when the quarry fills up with seasonal rain) and set off when people return to the quarry, but think the rain caused a rock slide. You could have either a long or quick transition of the newcomers showing up, being greeted, buying from locals, planting the bomb while looking like sightseers or helping people out of the mud, laughing to themselves in private, the bomb going off, and then contrast them stealing with glee while the townspeople go through the dead and search for survivors.

The concept of it being a seasonal thing does sound nice now that you mention it.
The transition would be odd. I want the bomb to go off fairly soon after they were introduced into town, the issue is that everyone is in a hype over the new exit fairly soon after it's found. The bomb should go off when mostly everyone is in the quarry. I've some ideas now, hopefully i can get out of this funk now.
EDIT:Thanks

[I_Write_Ivre]

Neko Writer

I'm trying to write two stories at once, just so you guys know. ><

Anyway, I have a second story. It's about a severely autistic girl who's name is London. It's based on the song London Bridge sort of and the title is "London's Bridge Won't Fall Down". I haven't really figured out what I want it to be on though. I thought of maybe something a little fantasy wise but... I don't know how that would work. D: If anyone has some ideas, please let me know. D:

Can you expand on how the story is based on London Bridge?

[Neko Writer]

I_Write_Ivre

Neko Writer

I'm trying to write two stories at once, just so you guys know. ><

Anyway, I have a second story. It's about a severely autistic girl who's name is London. It's based on the song London Bridge sort of and the title is "London's Bridge Won't Fall Down". I haven't really figured out what I want it to be on though. I thought of maybe something a little fantasy wise but... I don't know how that would work. D: If anyone has some ideas, please let me know. D:

Can you expand on how the story is based on London Bridge?

Like... the song. It's not based on the bridge itself. She was named after the country of London because her father used to visit there. That's where his family is from. He used to sing the song London Bridge to her as a lullaby, but the lyrics were changed a bit to fit her more:

London's Bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down. London's Bridge falling down, my fair lady. Sing this song and calm her down, calm her down, calm her down. Sing this song and calm her down, my fair lady.

[I_Write_Ivre]

Neko Writer

I_Write_Ivre

Neko Writer

I'm trying to write two stories at once, just so you guys know. ><

Anyway, I have a second story. It's about a severely autistic girl who's name is London. It's based on the song London Bridge sort of and the title is "London's Bridge Won't Fall Down". I haven't really figured out what I want it to be on though. I thought of maybe something a little fantasy wise but... I don't know how that would work. D: If anyone has some ideas, please let me know. D:

Can you expand on how the story is based on London Bridge?

Like... the song. It's not based on the bridge itself. She was named after the country of London because her father used to visit there. That's where his family is from. He used to sing the song London Bridge to her as a lullaby, but the lyrics were changed a bit to fit her more:

London's Bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down. London's Bridge falling down, my fair lady. Sing this song and calm her down, calm her down, calm her down. Sing this song and calm her down, my fair lady.

There's a lot more to the song, did he match the entire song to be a lullabye?

The song is suspected to imply child sacrifice (no evidence though), and is thought to be about a number of women killed in the tower, From Matilda to Anne Bolyen. Is any of that related?

Anyway, unless the story is similar to the Narnia chronicles and he hid something int he fantasy world, I don't feel any need to add fantastical elements, just an important even in her childhood involving the song.

[Arciene]

I_Write_Ivre

again, two separate worlds, one ours and one magic, yadayada.

The worlds are not overlapped in anyway; what happens in one does not affect the other.

Short story: while there is no overlap, people do occaisionally cross from one to the other. in the other world women tend to be in charge, property is passed to the daughters and rulership of any kind tends to also pass to women. While some places are very liberal about men, he out regions are strict in that women own men as mates.

One man fled to our world, but the woman who claimed him has caught up with him and wants to take him back. As our world has no such laws of ownership like that in first worl countries, how do I solve this (he's an illegal alien from a place no one knows about)? Also, how do I use this to make our world care about the magic one?

Hmm kinda like an inverse world from our normal world? Maybe if someone else found out about the man, maybe that someone would get curious and try to help the man. In my opinion, that someone should be a girl to... You know, make the male realize that the girls in the normal world different than the girls back in his home world. That's just my opinion on it :3

[I_Write_Ivre]

Arciela

I_Write_Ivre

again, two separate worlds, one ours and one magic, yadayada.

The worlds are not overlapped in anyway; what happens in one does not affect the other.

Short story: while there is no overlap, people do occaisionally cross from one to the other. in the other world women tend to be in charge, property is passed to the daughters and rulership of any kind tends to also pass to women. While some places are very liberal about men, he out regions are strict in that women own men as mates.

One man fled to our world, but the woman who claimed him has caught up with him and wants to take him back. As our world has no such laws of ownership like that in first worl countries, how do I solve this (he's an illegal alien from a place no one knows about)? Also, how do I use this to make our world care about the magic one?

Hmm kinda like an inverse world from our normal world? Maybe if someone else found out about the man, maybe that someone would get curious and try to help the man. In my opinion, that someone should be a girl to... You know, make the male realize that the girls in the normal world different than the girls back in his home world. That's just my opinion on it :3

Should the woman sympathize with his plight, or would it be better if she was fully liberated herself, but interested in helping him as knowledge could benefit the world, such as using magic and medicine together?

[Arciene]

I_Write_Ivre

Arciela

I_Write_Ivre

again, two separate worlds, one ours and one magic, yadayada.

The worlds are not overlapped in anyway; what happens in one does not affect the other.

Short story: while there is no overlap, people do occaisionally cross from one to the other. in the other world women tend to be in charge, property is passed to the daughters and rulership of any kind tends to also pass to women. While some places are very liberal about men, he out regions are strict in that women own men as mates.

One man fled to our world, but the woman who claimed him has caught up with him and wants to take him back. As our world has no such laws of ownership like that in first world countries, how do I solve this (he's an illegal alien from a place no one knows about)? Also, how do I use this to make our world care about the magic one?

Hmm kinda like an inverse world from our normal world? Maybe if someone else found out about the man, maybe that someone would get curious and try to help the man. In my opinion, that someone should be a girl to... You know, make the male realize that the girls in the normal world different than the girls back in his home world. That's just my opinion on it :3

Should the woman sympathize with his plight, or would it be better if she was fully liberated herself, but interested in helping him as knowledge could benefit the world, such as using magic and medicine together?

The citizens of our world could be interested about the magic world if they find out anything about it though. And which woman are you talking about by the way?