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Can someone proofread my composition essay about my music??? And give me some feed back.


My music

We all have things that make us unique, make us well us. Whether it's having vast knowledge on a subject or a freckle in a unusual spot. My unique “thing” is with my every where I go. School, home, out with friends, etc. It's my music. It's my life line. My music made me realize there is a lot more to life.
Well first off, I get lost in the music, whether it's my own or someone else's like Three Days Grace or He is We. Music is a place were I can escape, music can help me get through anything. I can change the music to fit my mood ; whether I'm happy, sad, angry, jealous, etc. It like fills my soul. Music is the one thing that can bring people together. It helps other people, just like it helps me.
And secondly, though I may not be known like all these stars music is my life. I practice every day. Whether it's with my guitar, piano, or singing. I got my first guitar when I was eight. It was a barbie guitar. I colored it's face with black marker. Though when I played my guitar then it was just me strumming. When I was ten, for christmas I got a real acoustic guitar with a book of all kinds of chords and I started to practice. That same year I signed up for orchestra (4th grade) I played the violin. It helped me learn how to read music. I joined choir in the 6th grade, and did the talent show, it made me realize that I really do love to sing. Last year I got a keyboard. And immediatly started to learn how to play music. I try really hard to be good at everything I do musically.
And lastly, I'm trying to get myself known. I post videos on youtube as much as I can. My videos have about a thousand views each. I only have about 27 subscribers, but I plan on getting many more. I also have a blog where I talk about my music interests and my favorite artists. I know I have the talent to get far in the music field.
So I mean overral, my music is very important to me. It's the one thing I can turn to if I'm having a bad day.
Colin Singleton's avatar

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Sure, and I wrote all my edits in red and comments in parentheses.

IAmTheNoodLeR
Can someone proofread my composition essay about my music??? And give me some feed back.


My music

We all have things that make us unique, thatmake us, well, us. Whether it's having vast knowledge on a subject or a freckle in a unusual spot.(Great example! Love it!) My unique “thing” is with me everywhere I go. School, home, out with friends.(Try not to use etc. It doesn't go smoothly. Only use it when listing stuff in parentheses. It's like using the word "and" everywhere, slightly annoying and distracting.) It's my music. It's my life line. My music made me realize there is a lot more to life.
Well first off, I get lost in the music, whether it's my own or someone else's like Three Days Grace or He is We. Music is a place (It would be nice if you could define music as a place, like, "Music is my happy place, my nirvana, my...... ) where I can escape. Music can help me get through anything. I can change the music to fit my mood, whether I'm happy, sad, angry, jealous, etc. (Again, limit the usage of etc.) It (try not to use "like" as an interjection.) fills my soul. Music is the one thing that can bring people together. It helps other people, just like it helps me.
And secondly, though I may not be known like all these stars, music is my life (just like them?). I practice every day (Specify). Whether (you seem to use "whether", a lot too.)it's with my guitar, piano, or singing. I got my first guitar when I was eight. It was a barbie guitar. (Please detail that sentence, such as, "It was a dinky pink plastic guitar with a picture of Barbie's face painted across the body.) I colored it's face with black marker. Though when I played my guitar then it was just me strumming. When I was ten, for Christmas I got a real acoustic guitar with a book of all kinds of chords and I started to practice. That same year I signed up for orchestra (4th grade) I played the violin. It helped me learn how to read music. I joined choir in the 6th grade, and did the talent show, it made me realize that I really do love to sing. Last year I got a keyboard and immediately started to learn how to play music. I try really hard to be good at everything I do musically.
And lastly, I'm trying to get myself known. I post videos on youtube as much as I can. My videos have about a thousand views each. I only have about 27 subscribers, but I plan on getting many more. I also have a blog where I talk about my music interests and my favorite artists. I know I have the talent to get far in the music field.
So I mean overral, my music is very important to me. It's the one thing I can turn to if I'm having a bad day.


Your writing is quite good grammatically, just be cautious and be modest about interjections such as and, like, whether, I mean, etc., and others. When writing a paragraph like this, try to strengthen your points and thesis with strong details, varied sentences, and examples. "I saw a dog" is not as strong as "I watched the neighbor's elderly golden retriever sink down into the freshly cut grass, lolling its tongue about in the sweltering July sun."
And lastly, great job for writing such a composition and being brave enough to launch it out into the public! (Plus, hope you do well in the music industry.)
I don't like to beg, also, but could you do me the honor of reading one of my compositions that I posted in the art arena? It's called "Adam and I". Send me a PM of what you think of it. Many thanks.
dhezre_ice's avatar

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That's a nice composition but try to make it more deep. I mean, you can look around you and focus more on what you feel by observing all those people or things surrounding you. just a suggestion...

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