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Love?

Tracey calls me every morning, just to see if I'm going to go outside that day. I can only stand the sun so much, until my head starts to be eatten alive. She stole my blinds, so I nailed up some blankets in front of my window to keep the sun out.

People at school call me a vampire, but to be honest, I am no vampire. I'm very weak, I can't do push ups, and I weigh only 128 pounds. I can't see very well, that's why I have strong glasses. I can't smell people's blood through their skin, or even hear their hearts pumping in their chests.

Yes, I have very pale skin and black short hair, and yes, I have bright blue eyes that change brown, but look red. Yes, I wear mostly black, and I am skinny. Yes, my lips look red, maybe a little pinkish. I do have angles on my face, but I don't have fangs, and I'm never hungry.

I do have peircings, just the simple snake bites and right eyebrow. Nothing major like gages, those make me hurl. I hate them, I'd kill Tracey if she ever got them. I've had 3 boyfriends, and 7 girlfriends, throughout my life, and none of them I truly love.

I can tell that Tracey has a crush on me, but she keeps denying it. I can see the lust and hunger in her eyes everytime she watches me get dressed in my room.

Today, however, is a new day. The clouds are dark and gray, and the smell of rain is in the air. I walk outside, and it was 2 in the morning. I look at the dark sky, and couldn't wait for school to begin. It's been a few weeks since I've gone, and today is the first day of winter.

My phone vibrates in my pocket and I take it out, seeing that it's Tracey. I went ahead and answered it. "Hello?" "Drake! Your up!" I hear her squeal and giggle. "Yes. Why are you up?" I hear her giggle some more and finally say,"Can I come over?" I sigh,"Sure. Why not." She squeals once again. "See you in a few." Then the phone went dead.

I put my phone back in my pocket and went to the curb of the side walk, and sat down, holding my knees. I look up at the sky once again, and the sky was beginning to lighten up, letting me know the sun is coming. The clouds, lucky for me, are covering most of that light.

Tracey pounces on me and I fell over, and she was ontop of me. I saw her cheeks turn pink, as she got off of me. I sat back up and look at her. "Hey." She smiles at me. "You coming to school today?" I nod my head, then look at the road, thinking of what everyone will say to me this time.

Tracey puts her hand on my shoulder and I look at her, she looks as if she has something to say, but she keeps quiet and just smiles. I look out into the road again. "Are you okay?" I hear her voice, a little concern, sad, and happy, with warmth to it. I nod my head,"I'm fine."

"Why don't you ever smile anymore?" She asks and I push her hand off of me, and stand up. "Why does it matter." I don't say it as a question, I make it a statement. I shove my hands in my pockets and walk down the road, not sure where to go. Tracey rushes to catch up to me.

"Where are you going?" She asks, keeping my pace. "I don't know. Just anywhere, I guess." I walk a bit faster and Tracey slows. "Why won't you talk to me!!" She calls to me. I ignore her, not wanting to confess my problems to her.

I do feel sorry, but I don't want her to worry so much. I want her to not know anything, than to know one thing in my life. I have problems, you might think it's like everyone else, but the pain I have and everything, you just won't understand.

I reach my dad's pub and go in, as usual, he never locks it. I walk pass the bar and into the bathroom. I look at myself in the mirror and I have to admit, I look like s**t.

My eyes are light blue, my skin so white, there's no way you can miss all the gray under my eyes. I take my glasses off and look in the mirror, my reflection was blurry, and I'm glad I couldn't see myself anymore. I set my glasses on the sink's counter and walk to the opposite wall. I run my fingers through my hair and punch the wall.

My eyes begin to sting and my throat was clogging. I punch and kick the wall repeatedly and then sat down. Breaking down into tears, feeling dead, and wishing I was. There's no point in life when your parents continue to argue, blaming each other for my condition. Even when all the kids in school laugh and throw things at me, hoping to see if I'll burn to ashes.

"Drake?" I look up at the door, I couldn't see who she was, but from her voice, it sounds like Tracey. "Here, put your glasses back on." I take them and put them on my face, my hands shaking and my body trembling. I look up and see Tracey.

Tracey is annoying, but she's an amazing friend. She has blond hair with pigtails and has her nose peirced since we had an argument about gages. She was wearing her usual plain black tank top and skinny black jeans. With her purple vans.

She sits down next to me and takes my hand. "You need to stop, your gonna break your knuckles." I take my hand back. "Who cares, Trace." She looks at me with sad eyes. "I care." I look at her and I saw everything.

Her pain for me, her love, her care, everything. It was like an open book. I could only wonder if she knew I was reading her.

"Drake, please talk to me." I hear the pain in her voice and I almost wanted to cry. I couldn't look at her, so I looked away, unable to take her pain into my head. "I'm fine." I lied to her, but I could tell she didn't believe me.

"Drake, please." She pleads and I finally look at her. "Tracey." "Yes?" I lean in on her lips and lightly kiss them. I move away and look straight ahead, my lips, even though it was a light kiss, were tingling. Tracey was stunned, I feel her tense up and I could feel her staring at me.

I didn't look at her, I couldn't, my own face was on fire, and I didn't want her to see it. My heart was racing and fluttering. I felt like I wanted to puke, but didn't want to.

She finally broke the silence. "Drake.. Whenever your ready to talk, please come to me." I look at her and nod my head, I could tell she wanted a smile, but I wouldn't give it.

I stand up and reach my hand down to her, she takes it and I help her up. I let her hand go and walk out. That's all I'm really good at, is walking away from people who care for me. Why would anyone care for me, when everyone hates me.

I walk out of my father's pub and continue down the street, not going home. Tracey wasn't following me, she usually doesn't when I walk away from her twice.

I pass my house and don't look at it, or go inside to tell my parents goodbye. I couldn't, they'd argue more, so I'd rather leave without anyone knowing. I'd rather be missing than to be missed.

My phone vibrates in my pocket and I don't bother looking at who was texting or calling me. I was too upset and paranoid. I continue to walk, leaving the school grounds, leaving the neighborhood, going to the unknown streets of this city. I've never been outside of my own neighborhood.

All I'd do was stay in my room and go to school on cloudy days. I know you might think that's stupid or sad, but it's the truth.

I go to a light and press the cross walk button, there were some people out and about in their cars, driving to work or leaving from night school. Something from the night or for the morning.

I cross the street when the light came on. I kept my head low and hands in my pockets. I was a little nervous and scared for what I was doing, but I'm doing it, I can't stand my life.

I walk to a bridge, not sure what the name is. I go to the middle and lean against the railing on my elbows and forearms. I was looking out into the lake and saw it sparkle. I felt a rain drop on my neck, feeling the ice cold water run down my neck.

Sooner than I knew it, it began to rain. I was cold, but I didn't care, I'm usually cold. My phone vibrates again, I still ignore it. I was debating between throwing my phone into the ocean or keeping it.

I didn't want to lose contact with people, like my parents and Tracey, but would it be better if I wasn't heard from? Or would I be killing a good friend for not answering her calls?

I couldn't answer my own questions, I was confused, so I kept my phone longer. Maybe I'll know later on in life.

I push myself off the railing and continued down the bridge. It lead me to a park, so I went to a tree and sat under it. My a** will be dirty, but that's alright. Someday I'll get it cleaned.

I lean my head on the tree trunk and look into the rain. My glasses were covered in droplets of rain, so I took them off and wiped them with my shirt. I set them back on my face and saw a kid standing at the cliff of the park.

I stand up and walk toward the kid. "Hey!" I call, the child was a little girl. I saw her taking small steps, closer and closer to the edge, so I ran for her.

"Don't!!" I yell and run faster. The little girl didn't seem to hear me, so I ran as fast as I never ran before. I made it to the little girl, but I couldn't grab her and she stepped over the edge.

"No!!" I yell and watch her fall. She twirls around slowly and smiles at me, waving bye. My eyes were burning and I was soaked. Before she hit the water, she closed her eyes, and in she went. The splash was a little girl's size and I burst into tears.

I fell to my knees and slammed my hands into the soft mud and grass. I dig my fingers in it and cried for a long time.

A little girl has died in front of my very eyes, she was only 6, maybe 5. Why would someone leave their child here? Why would someone so young and tiny, walk off the cliff?

More questions ran through my head and I sat on my knees. I couldn't stop crying, the little girl had so much ahead of her. I was too slow, too late. I can't do anything right.

I stand up and thought of creating a little grave, of rememberance to her, right in this very spot.

I went looking through the park for rocks, flowers, sticks, and anything else I could find. I made a little reef with the flowers and created a circle of rocks. I tied the sticks together with vines and made a cross, setting the flower reef on it.

I sat there, with my head bowed, praying to her. Even though I'm Atheist and it didn't really matter, but I did so for the little one anyways. If only I was faster, if only I could've saved her, if only I could somehow contact her parents and let them know, I felt worse than how I felt before.
I look up at the flowers and kiss my two fingers and pointed to the little girls rememberance I made her. I turn and began to walk again. I couldn't stay there.

My phone goes off again and this time, I decided to take it. If I were to die out here, I'd want to tell Tracey goodbye, before it happens.

"Hello?" "Drake! Where are you?" It was Tracey, I could tell she's crying and panicing. "I'm in the park, but now leaving." "What! You left the neighborhood!!" She yells in the phone, not from anger, from fear.

"What bridge did you cross?" "Umm.." I look around as I cross it again and saw a sign. "The Fallen for Forgiveness." I heard her breathing heavily in panic. "That's the suicide bridge. Drake, please, don't jump." I guess that most suicides here are jumping off this bridge, but how young were those suiciders? Were they as young as the little girl or my age?

"I'm walking back, away from it. I'm going somewhere else." As I got off the bridge, I saw Tracey running across the street to me. I close my phone and put it in my pocket.

She hugs me, crying and trembling from cold or fear, I couldn't tell. "Drake.." Her voice was shakey and I felt terrible. "Trace.. I'm sorry.." I hug her back, holding her the way she deserves to be held.

She held me through my entire life, she always stood up for me since we were only 6 years old. I loved her when I was 13, but once I turned 15, I started feeling alone and terrible about myself, and that she deserved better.

She lets go of me and looks me in the eye. "Don't ever leave.. Do you hear me!" She slaps me, it hurt, but I knew I deserved it. "Tracey.." She quiets and gasps, surprised and scared that I said her name. I only say her name for when I'm angry, sad, and when I was little, happy.

This time, I'm hurting, depressed, and want her to live a life with others. I was hurt, because I knew I had to get rid of her. "I need you to live a normal life." She covers my mouth, we've had this discussion before, when I was 15, holding a knife to my throat.

"Drake. My life was nothing without you." She smiles, but I didn't return it. I shake my head and tell her firmly. "No. Tracey, go home. Your parents are worried about you as usual. Go to them and be with your friends. Fall in love and have a family." "Shut up! Your the one I'm in love with! Your my family! Your my Life Drake! I can't live without you.." She begins to cry and I feel like a shithead for doing that. I only want her to be happy, and for me to go away from her.

"You have no idea how hard it is to keep you happy.. You stopped smiling when you were 14, then you became suicidal. I couldn't lose you Drake. I love you." I only stare at her, I couldn't say a thing.
I knew she liked me, but Love. How? Why? Is she crazy!

"Drake.. Please. If you want to run away. I'm coming with you, and you can't say no." She says, through her falling tears. I sigh and look down, unable to stand seeing her crying. "Trace.." I look at her and nod my head. "Alright. You can come with me."

She smiles sadly, but once again, I didn't return the smile. I turn and began walking, not caring if she follows or not, but I know she is. I can hear her steps on the wet sidewalk. Her steps are off and I could tell she was mostly dragging her feet.

I really wished she chose to leave me alone, but she chose to follow. If only she didn't love me.

The rain had finally stopped pouring on our heads and I look behind myself. Tracey was still following, her head down. I felt sorry, so I stop walking and touch her shoulder. "Trace?" She looks at me. "Are you hungry?"

She nods her head and I look at the restauraunts. "Well, where do you want to eat?" She shrugs,"I don't care." I sigh and take out the cash I had left in my wallet. "I have 38 bucks, not much for survival." She giggles and takes out her money. "I have arounf 150 bucks, so we have enough."

I nod my head. "We'll use mine for your hunger right now." She nods in agreement and leads me to a Black Bear Dinner. The waitress takes us to our seats and she orders breakfast, I only ask for water.

I look out the window, the clouds were still blocking the sun, shocking too. I entertained myself with my thoughts. My parents won't find out until someone says something. The kids at school would only think I finally killed myself. Also, Trace, she will never leave my side, so I can't really tell what the future lays ahead.

I glance at her and she was looking at her phone, texting or playing games I assume. I take my phone out and there was nothing for me to see. I put my phone back in my pocket and the waitress comes back with Trace's order and my water. I saw the waitress's look at me, she bit her bottom lip and I look at Trace as the waitress gracefully walks away.

"Did you see her face?" I ask Trace, she looks at me, more of a glare. "What?" "Of course she looked at you like that. You better get use to it." She looks back at her food. I was confused, but I didn't push it. She seemed upset enough already.

As Trace eats, I watch the clouds move across the sky and I notice that the sun is starting to creep out. I squirm in my seat.

"What's wrong?" Trace asks. "Look out the window." I tell her and she does. Her eyes shoot wide and she stands, walking out of the restraunt. I hurry after her and she threw her sweatshirt over my head. "Keep it on." She says and lead some place.

I heard a car door open and she threw me in the back. I took a peek and she was hot-wiring the car. It sparks and the car was alive. "Trace...?" "Stay down!!" She yells at me and I could see her glowing. '********... The suns out.' I cover my face and close my eyes. Letting the roar of the engine soothe me to sleep.

A door slamming woke me and I uncover my face. It was super dark out. The door beside me opens and a hand reaches for me. "Come on Drake." I took the hand of Trace and get out of the car. I look at her, my eyes adjusting to the dark. "Trace? Where are we?"

"My dad's old workshop." I hear her voice distancing and a light turns on. It was a dim light and this workshop looks more like a house. "Trace... Why were you freaking out on me?"

Her face goes a little pale and she turns around. "I'll explain later.." She says and just simply walks away from me.

I was left there and confused. I hated the sun for like ever, but the way she freaked out, it just worried me. Why did she worry? Why didn't she explain? I just kept my questions to myself.


How do you like it so far???
You need to take some time and go through it, because right now, it's unreadable.

White space like that ^ and such would go a long way. Then we can tell ye what we thinkies.
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Why did Tracey steal the MC's binds when the sun hurts her so much?

My sister weighs 120 pounds and she's fine. How tall/short is the MC that 128 pounds is bad?

I kinda stopped reading, because I had no idea what the plot was and when I skimmed the piece, it didn't look like there was one.
Sir Icehawk
You need to take some time and go through it, because right now, it's unreadable.

White space like that ^ and such would go a long way. Then we can tell ye what we thinkies.


Is that better???
I_Write_Ivre
Why did Tracey steal the MC's binds when the sun hurts her so much?

My sister weighs 120 pounds and she's fine. How tall/short is the MC that 128 pounds is bad?

I kinda stopped reading, because I had no idea what the plot was and when I skimmed the piece, it didn't look like there was one.


Um... Okay...
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Why did Tracey steal the MC's binds when the sun hurts her so much?

My sister weighs 120 pounds and she's fine. How tall/short is the MC that 128 pounds is bad?

I kinda stopped reading, because I had no idea what the plot was and when I skimmed the piece, it didn't look like there was one.


Um... Okay...

This is a critique forum and those are some things you need to address.
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The third paragraph just describe me in HS. I wasn't called a vampire (no one even thought about that). They just though I was anorexic (I actually had a weight problem).

The school would to, possibly anemic because she's weak, but her weight is very normal.

But this all brings up another flaw. Why is the MC just listing things? Why not show these things or tell us in a way that gives the reader a feel for the setting or tone or characters?
I_Write_Ivre
The third paragraph just describe me in HS. I wasn't called a vampire (no one even thought about that). They just though I was anorexic (I actually had a weight problem).

The school would to, possibly anemic because she's weak, but her weight is very normal.

But this all brings up another flaw. Why is the MC just listing things? Why not show these things or tell us in a way that gives the reader a feel for the setting or tone or characters?


I sorry... I'm new at writing. I'm trying my best....
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                                              Um... this was rather angsty - on Tracey's part as much as Derek's - and bizarre overall. Anyway, two things. Start a new paragraph every time a new person speaks & stop switching between tenses.
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The third paragraph just describe me in HS. I wasn't called a vampire (no one even thought about that). They just though I was anorexic (I actually had a weight problem).

The school would to, possibly anemic because she's weak, but her weight is very normal.

But this all brings up another flaw. Why is the MC just listing things? Why not show these things or tell us in a way that gives the reader a feel for the setting or tone or characters?


I sorry... I'm new at writing. I'm trying my best....


That's the reason for critique: so you can do better.

So far the story makes little sense.

Do they cal her a vampire because of the sunlight-related condition or because of her looks?

Why would her weight make her weak? Is she 6 feet tall?

Who took her blinds? Why?

Critique is meant for you to improve your work. Improving your work means it's easier to read and understand. When it's easier to read and understand, the reader can make a stronger connection to the characters, plot, and setting.
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What is your reason for him avoiding the sun, specifically when you mentioned how it physically hurts him? At one point I figured that it might've been that he had an allergy to it, but reading the rest I didn't get that feeling from it.
I read some paragraphs and skipped a few. Read some, skipped some and came to the bottom of it all realizing that I wasn't missing anything by skipping some paragraphs.

It's typical teenage angst, but you did it a LITTLE TINY BIT better than what I've seen on the WF. That being said, what you've done so far is confuse the crap out of your readers with seemingly random things. The girl jumping off a suicide bridge? The sudden strange activity from Tracey? Hot wiring a car?

Aside from that, it's kind of obvious that there's no real plot. You've got a really, really long boring introduction of two characters which can be summed up in two MAYBE three paragraphs and with tons more atmosphere if you didn't just write a grocery list of what they looked like. I'll give you an example. You said Tracey was wearing skinny jeans.

Instead of saying:

"She was wearing skinny jeans."

you could say:

"She had a small frame, slender build, but somehow in her skinny jeans, she managed to look smaller. Whoever would suspect her in the center of a heavy pile of trouble?"

See what I mean?

Finally, I have to say, I couldn't tell what gender the main character was until the name and even then, I wasn't entirely sure because sometimes girls have guy names and vise versa. Might want to describe a teeny tiny bit of his/her lifestyle which points out the gender. I'd like to read a story, not keep guessing from which perspective I need to envision it.

Just a few things. ^_^
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I_Write_Ivre
I sorry... I'm new at writing. I'm trying my best....


No one's saying you're not, and being new is nothing to be ashamed of. These critiques are all very solid, so if you take them well and edit you'll be off to a good start. No one is trying to attack you here, writing's just a tough gig and most of the people who stick around these parts take it very seriously. Don't back off so easily; these aren't insults, they're critiques! ;3
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Love?

Tracey calls me every morning, just to see if I'm going to go outside that day. I can only stand the sun so much, until my head starts to be eatten alive.
Why? What medical condition makes him/her feel this way? Not a criticism, unless this is never addressed later on in the story. I actually like this beginning.
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She stole my blinds, so I nailed up some blankets in front of my window to keep the sun out.
Again, why? is this sun think all in the MC's head, or is it an actual condition and this Tracy girl is just an idiot?
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People at school call me a vampire, but to be honest, I am no vampire. I'm very weak, I can't do push ups, and I weigh only 128 pounds. I can't see very well, that's why I have strong glasses. I can't smell people's blood through their skin, or even hear their hearts pumping in their chests.
....okay. This is a kind of creepy intro...
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Yes, I have very pale skin and black short hair, and yes, I have bright blue eyes that change brown, but look red.
Alright, full stop: NO. This is not how eyes work. If it were fantays I might let it slide, but this reads as IRL. Pick an eye color and stick with it.
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Yes, I wear mostly black, and I am skinny. Yes, my lips look red, maybe a little pinkish. I do have angles on my face, but I don't have fangs, and I'm never hungry.
...anorexia?
Quote:


I do have peircings, just the simple snake bites and right eyebrow. Nothing major like gages, those make me hurl. I hate them, I'd kill Tracey if she ever got them. I've had 3 boyfriends, and 7 girlfriends, throughout my life, and none of them I truly love.

I can tell that Tracey has a crush on me, but she keeps denying it. I can see the lust and hunger in her eyes everytime she watches me get dressed in my room.

Today, however, is a new day. The clouds are dark and gray, and the smell of rain is in the air. I walk outside, and it was 2 in the morning. I look at the dark sky, and couldn't wait for school to begin. It's been a few weeks since I've gone, and today is the first day of winter.

Why is a teenager out at 2 am? WHERE ARE HIS/HER PARENTS? seriously seriously address this. It can be a personal choice and he's just stupid, it can be that he got locked out of the house. But address it.
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My phone vibrates in my pocket and I take it out, seeing that it's Tracey. I went ahead and answered it. "Hello?" "Drake! Your up!"
At two AM? More like NEITHER of these children ever slept.
Quote:
I hear her squeal and giggle. "Yes. Why are you up?" I hear her giggle some more and finally say,"Can I come over?" I sigh,"Sure. Why not." She squeals once again. "See you in a few." Then the phone went dead.

I put my phone back in my pocket and went to the curb of the side walk, and sat down, holding my knees. I look up at the sky once again, and the sky was beginning to lighten up, letting me know the sun is coming.
Unless they are really north/south (as in their address is closer to a pole than it is to the equator) and it is the middle of summer, The sky doesn't lighten until five or six am, depending on what time of year it is. Even then, the world just looks blue for about an hour.
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The clouds, lucky for me, are covering most of that light.

Tracey pounces on me and I fell over, and she was ontop of me. I saw her cheeks turn pink, as she got off of me. I sat back up and look at her. "Hey." She smiles at me. "You coming to school today?" I nod my head, then look at the road, thinking of what everyone will say to me this time.

Tracey puts her hand on my shoulder and I look at her, she looks as if she has something to say, but she keeps quiet and just smiles. I look out into the road again. "Are you okay?" I hear her voice, a little concern, sad, and happy, with warmth to it. I nod my head,"I'm fine."

"Why don't you ever smile anymore?" She asks and I push her hand off of me, and stand up. "Why does it matter." I don't say it as a question, I make it a statement. I shove my hands in my pockets and walk down the road, not sure where to go. Tracey rushes to catch up to me.

"Where are you going?" She asks, keeping my pace. "I don't know. Just anywhere, I guess." I walk a bit faster and Tracey slows. "Why won't you talk to me!!" She calls to me. I ignore her, not wanting to confess my problems to her.

I do feel sorry, but I don't want her to worry so much. I want her to not know anything, than to know one thing in my life. I have problems, you might think it's like everyone else, but the pain I have and everything, you just won't understand.

I reach my dad's pub and go in, as usual, he never locks it. I walk pass the bar and into the bathroom. I look at myself in the mirror and I have to admit, I look like s**t.

My eyes are light blue, my skin so white, there's no way you can miss all the gray under my eyes. I take my glasses off and look in the mirror, my reflection was blurry, and I'm glad I couldn't see myself anymore. I set my glasses on the sink's counter and walk to the opposite wall. I run my fingers through my hair and punch the wall.

My eyes begin to sting and my throat was clogging. I punch and kick the wall repeatedly and then sat down. Breaking down into tears, feeling dead, and wishing I was. There's no point in life when your parents continue to argue, blaming each other for my condition. Even when all the kids in school laugh and throw things at me, hoping to see if I'll burn to ashes.

Alright, medical condition. Great. He's getting on my nerves. You might want to lighten up on the depression.
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"Drake?" I look up at the door, I couldn't see who she was, but from her voice, it sounds like Tracey. "Here, put your glasses back on." I take them and put them on my face, my hands shaking and my body trembling. I look up and see Tracey.

Tracey is annoying, but she's an amazing friend. She has blond hair with pigtails and has her nose peirced since we had an argument about gages. She was wearing her usual plain black tank top and skinny black jeans. With her purple vans.

She sits down next to me and takes my hand. "You need to stop, your gonna break your knuckles." I take my hand back. "Who cares, Trace." She looks at me with sad eyes. "I care." I look at her and I saw everything.

Her pain for me, her love, her care, everything. It was like an open book. I could only wonder if she knew I was reading her.

"Drake, please talk to me." I hear the pain in her voice and I almost wanted to cry. I couldn't look at her, so I looked away, unable to take her pain into my head. "I'm fine." I lied to her, but I could tell she didn't believe me.

"Drake, please." She pleads and I finally look at her. "Tracey." "Yes?" I lean in on her lips and lightly kiss them. I move away and look straight ahead, my lips, even though it was a light kiss, were tingling. Tracey was stunned, I feel her tense up and I could feel her staring at me.

I didn't look at her, I couldn't, my own face was on fire, and I didn't want her to see it. My heart was racing and fluttering. I felt like I wanted to puke, but didn't want to.

She finally broke the silence. "Drake.. Whenever your ready to talk, please come to me." I look at her and nod my head, I could tell she wanted a smile, but I wouldn't give it.

I stand up and reach my hand down to her, she takes it and I help her up. I let her hand go and walk out. That's all I'm really good at, is walking away from people who care for me. Why would anyone care for me, when everyone hates me.

I walk out of my father's pub and continue down the street, not going home. Tracey wasn't following me, she usually doesn't when I walk away from her twice.

I pass my house and don't look at it, or go inside to tell my parents goodbye. I couldn't, they'd argue more, so I'd rather leave without anyone knowing. I'd rather be missing than to be missed.

My phone vibrates in my pocket and I don't bother looking at who was texting or calling me. I was too upset and paranoid. I continue to walk, leaving the school grounds, leaving the neighborhood, going to the unknown streets of this city. I've never been outside of my own neighborhood.

All I'd do was stay in my room and go to school on cloudy days. I know you might think that's stupid or sad, but it's the truth.

I go to a light and press the cross walk button, there were some people out and about in their cars, driving to work or leaving from night school. Something from the night or for the morning.

I cross the street when the light came on. I kept my head low and hands in my pockets. I was a little nervous and scared for what I was doing, but I'm doing it, I can't stand my life.

I walk to a bridge, not sure what the name is. I go to the middle and lean against the railing on my elbows and forearms. I was looking out into the lake and saw it sparkle. I felt a rain drop on my neck, feeling the ice cold water run down my neck.

Sooner than I knew it, it began to rain. I was cold, but I didn't care, I'm usually cold. My phone vibrates again, I still ignore it. I was debating between throwing my phone into the ocean or keeping it.

I didn't want to lose contact with people, like my parents and Tracey, but would it be better if I wasn't heard from? Or would I be killing a good friend for not answering her calls?

I couldn't answer my own questions, I was confused, so I kept my phone longer. Maybe I'll know later on in life.

At this point, you lost me. There's only so much angsty teen a person can take, and this kid burned through all my sympathy for people in record time, even for people with a chronic medical condition. All that's happened so far is a kid wandering around at night feeling sorry for himself while he ignores somebody who actively and urgently cares for him.

I've known people like this. IRL they are assholes and they need to grow up, pronto.

Now, maybe that's part of the story. If it is, you need to have him be a little less angsty and a little more active. How about he goes out at 2am to practice a hobby? Skatebording. He strikes me as a skateboarder. He loves skateboarding but he can't because he has porphyry (google it) and can't go out in the daytime. There, you have a perfect reason to be angsty and annoying at 2am.

Another thing is...speaking as a former teen, you grow out of this attitude FAST. You think that no one can understand you because this perspective (Life sucks, there's nothing to do, school sucks) is all you've ever known and no adult will sympathize with you. Well, no adult will sympathize with you because they've ALL gone through this phase, and they grew out of it so fast they all feel intensely embarrassed by it and wish their kids could have just avoided it altogether. It's why prolonged passages of teenage agnst don't work in most books; anyone over the age of 24 just feels vaguely embarissed because of how EASY it was to get over that nonsense.

EVERYBODY understands you, Drake. They just want you to get over it so that you can join the rest of the human race.

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