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I wrote this little blurb when I was bored, and I got a really great story idea from it. I haven't decided if I want to use this for the first chapter or a prologue or something along the lines of that. I would also like some opinions on the writing itself and what I could do to improve it. I would really appreciate it!

In a town far away, there stood a lone boy, about twelve years of age. He wore a forest green cloak that was in tatters, and he was crouched low to the ground. The boy was alone and always had been. Every household that had ever welcomed him had crumbled due to a series of terrible events. The heads of those households either got rid of him before he could cause any more tragedy or crumbled because they kept him present. Tears streamed down the boys cheeks and splashed on the soil beneath him. He was at the site of his mother's grave. She had died giving birth to him.

The boy's sobs turned into a loud wail. His small, pale hands clutched at his dirtied cloak. His chest heaved with sobs. "It's all my fault." The boy screamed to no one in particular. His first victim had been his mother, fighting for her life while bestowing the boy his own. Then, his father was thrown from a horse and killed on the way to his house from the graveyard where they had buried his wife. The boy had been with him then but by some strange miracle, had escaped unscathed. The boy was shipped off to a foster home and was taken care of. He made two friends there. Shortly afterwards, those two caught an illness and died. The others avoided him in fear of losing their lives. the foster home then burnt down, and the boy had been taken into a poor family with many children. He lived there for a year, but there had always been violence. The father beat three of his children to death, and the wife fled with the others, leaving only the father and the boy. The father then fell into a deep depression and committed suicide.

The houses that the boy had taken refuge in after that had all ended in similar ways. Doom clung to the small, frail boy like a leach. However, no matter how hard the boy tried, he couldn't bring himself to end his life. He had tried countless times, but whenever he finally gathered the resolve to do so, someone would be introduced into his life and save him temporarily. Twelve years of the repeated ordeal had brought about an introvert. He hardly ever talked at length, and he had trouble making friends. The boy had no interests save one. He sang or hummed wherever he was. Some of his previous adoptive parents had become annoyed by it and would constantly scold him for it. However, their efforts were in vain. The boy had a way with music and could play any instrument flawlessly, having had no lessons.

The boy was surprised when a pale, well-groomed hand stroked the boy's dirt-streaked, greasy, black hair. He looked up with his azure eyes and was only able to make out that there was a woman with long, green hair that went all the way down to her feet. The boy couldn't see her eyes or much of her face because it was hidden by a navy blue cloak. The stranger was very tall, even taller than the average man, and had to crouch very low to reach the boy. She spoke in a smooth voice with a certain iciness to it. "Well, what have we here?"

The boy remained speechless for a few moments, having no clue what to say. She hadn't asked for a name or what he was doing here. Should he tell her? Maybe she would have some sympathy and care for him. The boy was about to tell the woman but stopped. He didn't want to be the one to bring her to ruin. "I am nothing but a boy. Just a boy." He whispered and adverted his gaze from the woman. He wasn't very good at talking to others. The boy just followed orders and did as he was told.

The woman chuckled and brought her other hand to cover her mouth, She continued to stroke the boy's hair as she spoke in her icy voice. "A boy, hm? What makes thou say that? Thou dost not remind me of a normal boy." The woman cocked her head slightly and waited for a reply. When the boy did not give any indication that he had one, she spoke again. "Dost my manner of speaking make it hard for thee to understand what I say?"

The boy looked back at the woman and shook his head. He brushed her hand away and backed away from her. He realized that she had been just inches away from him and wondered how she had slipped that close without him noticing. She was like a giant shadow, silent when she walked and menacing when she talked.

"What is thy name? Surely, thou must have a name. If not, I shall give thou one." The boy noticed for the first time that she had a sneer on her face. Her teeth were the whitest the boy had ever seen, and the dark red of her lipstick reminded the boy of a red rose blooming late in the springtime.

At last, the boy spoke and stuttered a little as he did so. His voice came out very hushed as if anything more than a whisper would shatter the woman's presence. "My name is Oliver. I have had many last names throughout my life, but I have been told that my given name is Oliver Wynston." It was the most words Oliver had spoken in a row in two years, since he had been taken into his utmost favorite family.

The woman drew back once the boy had backed away from her. She twirled a piece of green hair around her finger and contemplated what the boy had said. "Ah, many names. How dreadful! 'Tis the cause of an identity crisis, indeed!" She belted out laughter and clutched her stomach. After many moments, the laughter ceased, and the woman held up a hand. "Please, forgive me! 'Twas very unladylike of me to do that just now." Oliver only stared at her in bewilderment.

"Well Oliver, what art thou going to do? Thou hast not even thought to question me and my arbitrary existence. Thou art quite the strange child indeed, if I may say so. The truly hilarious aspect of it is that thou dost not have the slightest idea of who thou truly art." A shiver ran down Oliver's spine listening to the strange woman talk. A sudden gust blew around him and almost ripped his cloak from his body. The woman's hair and cloak where whipped around violently, but she didn't seem to pay any mind to it. The trees at the edge of the clearing where the graveyard was almost snapped right in half like matches. The woman's laughter picked up with the wind. She moved in closer to Oliver and held his face in her hands. "What dost thou truly desire? I am just dying to know!"

At her statement, Oliver thought for a few moments. He knew next to nothing about what he wanted or what he liked. He wanted his mother back desperately, but he knew that there was no way to bring her back. There was one thing that kept nagging at his mind. It was the annoying voice that always tried talking him into suicide. Oliver listened to the voice. "I wish to disappear from this world. I don't want to bring anyone else tragedy. I'm sick of it." He said firmly.

The woman said nothing, and Oliver began to wonder if she could hear him over the violent gust. He opened his mouth to speak again but closed it, however, when the woman flew back from him. "Thou wishes to disappear? Thou absolutely cannot! He will never allow it! Please, that is not what thou truly desires. Thou art listening to 'her' again, no?"

At the mention of the voice, Oliver gasped. How could she possibly know about the voice that was always ordering him around and continuously trying to take over his body. The voice was female and very tempting, but Oliver had always had enough will to not give in to her sweet words and offers. "'Her'? How do you know about-" Oliver tired to say but was cut off by the woman.

"I apologize for confusing thee. However, I wish to know what thy desire is. Thy desire, not that vile creature's." Her words were sharp and frightened Oliver, who got the feeling that the woman was someone he didn't want to mess with under any circumstances.

"My true desire? I guess I want someone who I can befriend and be around without killing them or hurting them in any way." Oliver looked at the ground shyly. It was indeed what he wished for all of his life since his other two friends had died so suddenly. He missed the companionship and warmth they brought. They had made him smile and laugh. Oliver missed his friends almost as much as his parents. Oliver knew it was impossible never to hurt them, but he wanted to be as best of a friend as he could.

The woman seemed shocked by his answer. "A friend whom thou will never hurt? 'Tis impossible never to hurt anyone, so I shall compromise with thee and provide thou with a friend who will be able to be around thou and not perish. Shall that suffice?" She asked, extending her hand for a shake to indicate that the deal was sealed. The woman then spoke again. "I had thought that thou would ask for thy mother back. However, thou art rather smart. No one can perfect necromancy."

Oliver grabbed her hand and shook firmly. The wind got even more violent and roared fiercely like a large crowd of a thousand lions. There was a bright purple glow around the two as their hands made contact. Before the boy was blown away, he called out to the woman. "Wait! I still never learned your name!"

The woman smiled and waved farewell. She didn't shout, but for some reason, Oliver could hear her voice clear as day. "My name? Well, they call me Genesis." That was the last thing he remembered before blacking out.

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Is it too long for people?
*cries tears of sadness*

Night Light

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Dry thine tears! 'Tis not too lengthy a read for I! ^ u^

First off, holy smokes, does this concept intrigue me. Already I love your protagonist and his encounter at the graveyard. Your dialogue is exceptionally pleasing to read — spaced comfortably with descriptions of setting and speaker, speech neither brief nor rambling. One note I might add here is that your use of "thou" and "thee" (&c.) for Genesis seems to be a tad inconsistent; I believe that "thou" is used for subjects, and "thee" for the direct object or object of a preposition, and you seem to interchange these occasionally within her speech. Also — it struck me as a bit odd to hear the modern slang "okay" amidst all the lovely old-timey speak. I anticipated perhaps something along the lines of "Shall that suffice?", but if you were intentional upon her speech being a blend of archaic and modern alike, do feel free to disregard!

Secondly, the exposition on how Oliver unintentionally inflicts ill fortune upon those he cares for seems a bit blunt in spots, particularly where your sentences themselves are brief. For example, "He was at the site of his mother's grave. She had died giving birth to him." Here, I might link a bit more directly to the misfortune you've just described in the previous sentences, perhaps something along the lines of "He lay in a miserable heap at the grave of his first victim, she who had given him life — his mother", or such. Otherwise, your tale unfolds in a wonderfully, bitterly sweet wrenching.

Overall, this seems a very solid opening piece, should you feel keen on continuing the thread of story (and I hope you shall!). I would suggest using it as first chapter instead of a prologue, unless Oliver is not your main character, or you plan on jumping far further along in the tale's timeline. Can't wait to see more of your work!

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Aurauris
Dry thine tears! 'Tis not too lengthy a read for I! ^ u^


Eep~ I'm honored that thou hast come to read my work! (Just to keep my brain on track, and so I don't jumble everything up, I'm going to break your critique down and address each point individually.)

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First off, holy smokes, does this concept intrigue me. Already I love your protagonist and his encounter at the graveyard. Your dialogue is exceptionally pleasing to read — spaced comfortably with descriptions of setting and speaker, speech neither brief nor rambling.


Thank you! I'm glad to hear that the descriptions weren't too irrelevant, or I was too rambling. Sometimes, I have the tendency to ramble, so this is a good start. Also, I'm glad you're liking my protagonist. When I was writing this, I started to wonder if maybe he was all doom and gloom.

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One note I might add here is that your use of "thou" and "thee" (&c.) for Genesis seems to be a tad inconsistent; I believe that "thou" is used for subjects, and "thee" for the direct object or object of a preposition, and you seem to interchange these occasionally within her speech.


Okay, thanks for pointing this out. I was aware there was a difference between the two. However, I don't know how to properly use each, and I shall be conducting some research on that shortly. Is the inconsistency distracting? It's a kind of stupid question because in most cases, inconsistency is annoying and distracting. I just want to get a reader's opinion on it, so I can prevent this from happening again in the future.

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Also — it struck me as a bit odd to hear the modern slang "okay" amidst all the lovely old-timey speak. I anticipated perhaps something along the lines of "Shall that suffice?", but if you were intentional upon her speech being a blend of archaic and modern alike, do feel free to disregard!


I see what you're saying. I wasn't intending to have her mix modern speech with archaic grammar, and I will be changing that shortly. I thank you for bringing that to my attention. Reading it over, I see that it disrupts the flow of the writing. Do you mind if I take "Shall that suffice?" verbatim, or do you want me to change it up a bit?

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Secondly, the exposition on how Oliver unintentionally inflicts ill fortune upon those he cares for seems a bit blunt in spots, particularly where your sentences themselves are brief. For example, "He was at the site of his mother's grave. She had died giving birth to him." Here, I might link a bit more directly to the misfortune you've just described in the previous sentences, perhaps something along the lines of "He lay in a miserable heap at the grave of his first victim, she who had given him life — his mother", or such. Otherwise, your tale unfolds in a wonderfully, bitterly sweet wrenching.


You bring up another good point. I didn't notice that when I read this over, and I see what you're saying. I also like the example line you provided because it sounds really dramatic and would provoke emotion in the audience. I won't take that line exactly, but I'm glad you gave me a sort of example. That way, I'm not sitting here for two hours, trying to come up with something. Are there any other major places that need revision other than that. or am I good for now?

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Overall, this seems a very solid opening piece, should you feel keen on continuing the thread of story (and I hope you shall!). I would suggest using it as first chapter instead of a prologue, unless Oliver is not your main character, or you plan on jumping far further along in the tale's timeline. Can't wait to see more of your work!


Thanks for your opinions and critique! I'm really glad you took the time to read over what I have written. I do plan on continuing this and turning it into a novel (hopefully). I will most definitely change what you have brought up, and I will be using the revised piece as the first chapter. Oliver is one of the main characters. I have many more waiting to be revealed. *laughs maniacally* In fact, I have an entire journal entry dedicated to the character interactions, character profiles, and chapter outlines. I'm also thinking of titling this Misanthropic Melodies, but I may change the title as the story continues. Again, thank you so much! I will share more of my work with you if you would like.

Edit: I forgot to mention earlier that this story takes place in a Victorian era, which I will most likely be describing soon, most likely in the next chapter. Also, I edited my original draft using your advice and going over some things that didn't sound right to me. I looked into the "thou" versus "thee", and the edited version portrays my best understanding of all that I have read.

Night Light

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Dumpling-San
Eep~ I'm honored that thou hast come to read my work! (Just to keep my brain on track, and so I don't jumble everything up, I'm going to break your critique down and address each point individually.)

Ah! A clever idea, monsieur, and one I shall emulate.

Dumpling-San
Okay, thanks for pointing this out. I was aware there was a difference between the two. However, I don't know how to properly use each, and I shall be conducting some research on that shortly. Is the inconsistency distracting? It's a kind of stupid question because in most cases, inconsistency is annoying and distracting. I just want to get a reader's opinion on it, so I can prevent this from happening again in the future.

Nu worries! I myself peeked over in Google before commenting on this tidbit to make sure I wasn't bringing up something incorrectly. And 'tis not in the slightest a stupid question; it had been a little difficult to read, but it was intriguing enough to keep me going! If you sort out the "thee"s and "thou"s, I think it'll ease the flow of meaning and comprehension of Gensis' speech. C:

Perhaps it might help as well if you were to write her a few more sentences that don't contain "thee" or "thou" interspersed throughout, to give small pauses from the words — only if you'd like!


Dumpling-San
I see what you're saying. I wasn't intending to have her mix modern speech with archaic grammar, and I will be changing that shortly. I thank you for bringing that to my attention. Reading it over, I see that it disrupts the flow of the writing. Do you mind if I take "Shall that suffice?" verbatim, or do you want me to change it up a bit?

I'd be honored if it be a pleasing enough phrase to you to use, hee.

Dumpling-San
You bring up another good point. I didn't notice that when I read this over, and I see what you're saying. I also like the example line you provided because it sounds really dramatic and would provoke emotion in the audience. I won't take that line exactly, but I'm glad you gave me a sort of example. That way, I'm not sitting here for two hours, trying to come up with something. Are there any other major places that need revision other than that. or am I good for now?

No no, it's your work and your voice to convey, so please feel free to reword or rehash that suggestion however you like! I had just wanted to give a snippet of example, in hopes of making my meaning a bit clearer. ^ u^

As for other spots, I don't think there were any places that came off quite as abruptly as the one I just discussed. Personally, I'm a sucker for richly-detailed backstory, and as such would love even more explanation when Oliver is thinking back on all the people he has loved and lost due to his curse — that's just me, thuu! I think what you've got is a fabulous start, and lends itself as plot to moving forward, rather than being bogged down from the very beginning with heavy musings upon the past. Perhaps if the idea intrigues you, such in-depth reflections might be useful or satisfying later on in Oliver's adventures.


Dumpling-San
Thanks for your opinions and critique! I'm really glad you took the time to read over what I have written. I do plan on continuing this and turning it into a novel (hopefully). I will most definitely change what you have brought up, and I will be using the revised piece as the first chapter. Oliver is one of the main characters. I have many more waiting to be revealed. *laughs maniacally* In fact, I have an entire journal entry dedicated to the character interactions, character profiles, and chapter outlines. I'm also thinking of titling this Misanthropic Melodies, but I may change the title as the story continues. Again, thank you so much! I will share more of my work with you if you would like.

I know -exactly- what you mean about having oodles of characters and interactions tucked away in a safe place for musing and future use, hee! I think the title you've chosen so far is lovely, if not at least a wonderful start.

I'm honored to have helped out even a little bit, and I wish you flowing fortune in your ponderings! Please do update if ever you wish; I'd love to see how this tale matures. ^ u^

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Aurauris
Nu worries! I myself peeked over in Google before commenting on this tidbit to make sure I wasn't bringing up something incorrectly. And 'tis not in the slightest a stupid question; it had been a little difficult to read, but it was intriguing enough to keep me going! If you sort out the "thee"s and "thou"s, I think it'll ease the flow of meaning and comprehension of Gensis' speech. C:


Thanks for the reassurance. It's good that we both learned something from this experience. XD Sometimes I ask the stupidest of questions, and I thought that this was another one of those. Okay, I'll try to keep it so that Genesis isn't difficult to understand for the rest of the book. From now on, I'll double and maybe even triple check to make sure I'm using them correctly, and I can only hope that with time, I'll master it. Again, I would like to thank you. ^.^

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Perhaps it might help as well if you were to write her a few more sentences that don't contain "thee" or "thou" interspersed throughout, to give small pauses from the words — only if you'd like!


I think I might try this suggestion in the future. In upcoming chapters, I don't think I'll have Genesis talk all about him and about other things for a little break. Although, I won't ignore Oliver completely because he's a key character.

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I'd be honored if it be a pleasing enough phrase to you to use, hee.


I'm honored that you suggested such a beautiful sentence for me to use freely! :3

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No no, it's your work and your voice to convey, so please feel free to reword or rehash that suggestion however you like! I had just wanted to give a snippet of example, in hopes of making my meaning a bit clearer. ^ u^


I changed the line to "His first victim had been his mother, fighting for her life when going into labor with him." I personally think that sounds better and fuller of emotion. I am planning on making this book into a fantasy book with a thriller sub-genre. The more thrilling and provoking it is, the better I've done my job. XD Your thoughts on the line?

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As for other spots, I don't think there were any places that came off quite as abruptly as the one I just discussed. Personally, I'm a sucker for richly-detailed backstory, and as such would love even more explanation when Oliver is thinking back on all the people he has loved and lost due to his curse — that's just me, thuu! I think what you've got is a fabulous start, and lends itself as plot to moving forward, rather than being bogged down from the very beginning with heavy musings upon the past. Perhaps if the idea intrigues you, such in-depth reflections might be useful or satisfying later on in Oliver's adventures.


That's good to hear! I love myself a nice story that flows together, so I beat myself up over disrupted flow and abrupt tidbits. I'm glad you like backstory because there's plenty more where that came from! I just wrote myself a little character profile for him, and his backstory is really deep. Thanks for the compliments! I'm glad to have tackled a few issues with my writing, but trust me, I know there are going to be many more to come. T^T" However, with your help, I'm sure I can overcome all future obstacles.

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I know -exactly- what you mean about having oodles of characters and interactions tucked away in a safe place for musing and future use, hee! I think the title you've chosen so far is lovely, if not at least a wonderful start.


I'm glad you understand! I've devised my own way of planning out stories and plots over time, and I have written 4,166 words of pure character relationships and interactions between them. I've tried using other methods of planning story ideas out like the Snowflake Method, but it just doesn't work for me. Thank you! I think so as well, and I find that the word "misanthropic" isn't really used daily, so it's a nice change.

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I'm honored to have helped out even a little bit, and I wish you flowing fortune in your ponderings! Please do update if ever you wish; I'd love to see how this tale matures. ^ u^


Aw, thanks! XD I'm glad for you help, and if you don't mind, can I add you as a friend? I'm thinking I may produce an update either later today or early tomorrow, so I'll keep you posted.

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Dumpling-San
Again, I would like to thank you. ^.^
[…]
I'm honored that you suggested such a beautiful sentence for me to use freely! :3

My pleasure!

Dumpling-San
I changed the line to "His first victim had been his mother, fighting for her life when going into labor with him." I personally think that sounds better and fuller of emotion. I am planning on making this book into a fantasy book with a thriller sub-genre. The more thrilling and provoking it is, the better I've done my job. XD Your thoughts on the line?

That's a great start! The end of the sentence feels just a -tad- anticlimactic; perhaps "... his mother, fighting for her life while bestowing Oliver his own", or something along those lines? Totally your choice!

Dumpling-San
Aw, thanks! XD I'm glad for you help, and if you don't mind, can I add you as a friend? I'm thinking I may produce an update either later today or early tomorrow, so I'll keep you posted.

I don't mind at all! *Bounces softly in excitement to see the coming progress*

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Aurauris
That's a great start! The end of the sentence feels just a -tad- anticlimactic; perhaps "... his mother, fighting for her life while bestowing Oliver his own", or something along those lines? Totally your choice!


Thank you! I will be changing this shortly. Squee~ ^~^

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I don't mind at all! *Bounces softly in excitement to see the coming progress*


Okay, so after a long while, I finally wrote something! Originally, I had something different, but my computer was being a butt. Although, I guess I'm glad because when I rewrote it, I liked it a lot more. I can't wait to see what you think. One more thing, I was wondering if I should separate what I wrote into two different chapters, the dividing feature being the line. Should I have them as two separate chapters or keep them as one? I've been thinking about it ever since I wrote it.

Oliver awoke suddenly, drenched in sweat and gasping for breath. He had a chronic throbbing in his head, and it felt as if his skull was about to shatter under the pain and the pressure. His azure eyes flew open, and slowly, he tried to sit up. Wincing in pain, Oliver had to lie back down. It was hard for him to move even slightly. His fingers and hands were so weak that he could barely make and hold a fist.

Despite his pain, the weather outside was peaceful in the small colonial town outside. Sunlight streamed in through the white, almost translucent curtains that adorned a tall window to Oliver's left. Fluffy white clouds billowed through the deep blue sky, and a slight breeze ruffled the trees. Leaves were shaken off of the trees and descending slowly down. Oliver could hear the chirping and singsong of birds as they soared through the sky merrily. He could also hear the steady, rhythmic sound of a horse's hooves on the cobblestone streets as it carried a noble away to some important business. Oliver then recognized where he was. He was back at his first orphanage, the one he attended as an infant, a toddler, and a small child.

Oliver began to wonder just how much the place had changed since the time he spent here. He thought of the quiet nights that he had spent telling ghost stories with other boys his age, before he became an outcast. He remembered the wondrous library that was crammed to the top with books. Oliver also recalled running through the halls after finishing his chores, whooping and laughing as he tried not to get caught by the person who had been it. A melancholy feeling filled Oliver. He was glad to be in a place that held so many good memories for him, but it was all ruined now. He was cursed. People all around him dropped dead like flies. It would only be a matter of time before another disaster occurred.

Sighing, Oliver then looked away from the window, to his right instead and was surprised to see a girl dozing there. She had wavy auburn hair that was chin length and sticking up in random places. When she awoke moments later, the first thing that caught Oliver's attention was her mint green eyes. Her eyes met his, and he looked away sheepishly. Growing up, Oliver had become aware that eye contact was a powerful thing. Being beaten and even owned as a slave in one household had trained Oliver to follow orders and keep his mouth shut. He did as he was told, and that was the end of it.

The girl noticed that Oliver had looked away. Concerned, she leaned forward and placed her hand on top of his and tried to reassure him. "I'm sorry if I startled you. My name is Erin, and I brought you here. I found you outside, sleeping on the cold, hard ground. I knew you weren't dead because you were still breathing and-" She trailed off once she saw Oliver's look of confusion. "What is it?" Erin asked, puzzled.

Oliver had been staring at her as she talked, seemingly forgetting about eye contact. "I was sleeping out there?" He gestured to the well-groomed lawn of the orphanage. "Impossible! I was in the graveyard last night!" He rested his chin in his hands and tried to piece things together. Oliver remembered meeting the cloaked girl named Genesis in the graveyard. They had made a deal, and a furious wind had blown, the sky glowed purple, and he had passed out. Had all of that just been a dream? Oliver pondered the question for a few moments while Erin stared at him, wide-eyed and very confused. No, it hadn't been a dream. Oliver got a feeling deep in his gut that something large was at work here.

He then remembered that Erin was present and watching him. He turned to face her and placed a hand on one of her shoulders, wincing as he did so. "I thank you for bringing me to the orphanage and keeping watch over me. I am truly grateful." Then, Oliver's eyes darkened as he continued. "However, you can't be around me. I know I look like an ordinary boy, but the truth is, I'm not." Here, he paused and inhaled a shuddering breath. His voice thick with emotion, Oliver picked up where he had left off. "I'm cursed! Many have died by just being in my presence! If you value your life at all, I suggest you go away and stay away. It's the best option you've got."

Oliver looked down at the white bedspread and took his hand away from Erin's shoulder. He clutched the duvet covers and listened as Erin stood up and shuffled away. As she left, Oliver felt a hollow loneliness in his heart, wanting to be filled with the joy of company. However, he didn't want to hurt her. The voice in his head laughed hysterically. Calming down to a slight chuckle, she began speaking to Oliver. "Ooh, how divine! You drove her away! Now, there's no one to witness when I destroy you and take over this body. It belongs to me, and you stole it!" At the sound of the voice, Oliver's head hurt even more. He clutched his head in his hands and gritted his teeth.

The pain started to ebb, and Oliver relaxed his jaw a bit. He shuddered at the laughing and the voice itself. "Go away!" He cried fearfully. "I don't want to hear from you ever again!"

The voice laughed at his plea. "You don't want to hear from me? Well, that's utterly impossible! We do share the same mind, you know. However, I do think you need a bit of break. After all, I want you to put up a real fight when I try to take this body from you, so I'll let you rest up for a while." She said, and the pain went away entirely. Exhausted, Oliver relaxed every muscle in his body and tried to think things over. How long would she leave him alone? What would happen if she successfully took over his body? Pondering these questions, Oliver slipped into a restless sleep.

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As the days passed, movement began to become easier and more painless for Oliver. He was soon walking around the orphanage and doing small chores. He spent a lot of time watching the kids play in the recreation room, where he had enjoyed playing as a kid. Oliver remembered his old instructor who had been amazed to find out that he could play the violin flawlessly. The instructor ha given the violin to Oliver as a gift, so he could practice anytime. He carried the case everywhere with him and never let it out of his sight. Oliver treasured it almost as much as his old friends.

Once mobility because a breeze, Oliver began seeing more and more of Erin. She worked hard and often took on the other orphans' chores to give them more time to play and spend with their friends. She even took care of the sick and cooked some of the food. Erin babysat some of the young children to give the caretakers a break. She was friends with almost everyone. Oliver wanted so badly to walk up to her and apologize for being a jerk. The scene at the graveyard with Genesis was still fresh in his mind, and he was almost certain that Erin was the girl Genesis had sent to be Oliver's friend.

The next day, Oliver gathered up his courage and left a note for Erin, He was sure that she was the one cleaning his room. He wanted her to meet him in the orphanage's library an hour after lunch. Thus, he sat in the library, poring over a book about woodland animals and humming to himself to pass the time. It was a half hour before she was to arrive if she even decided to show up. Oliver wouldn't hold it against her if she did. He had been extremely rude to her.

He was so focused in his reading, that Oliver wasn't aware when a group of five boys, aged around fifteen, entered. Two of them stood guard at the door, and the other three, leader included, sauntered over to Oliver and crowded around him. He still paid them no mind until the leader yelled for him to look up. When Oliver looked up, the leader punched him in the nose, knocking Oliver out of his chair onto the ground.

The boy grabbed his by his shirt collar and lifted him up, leaning in close to his face for intimidation purposes. "You think you're so big, eh? You think you can just waltz around insulting who you please?" Oliver looked down at his worn, leather shoes and their almost completely rusted buckles. Not giving a response angered the leader of the group of boys. He smacked Oliver across the face with his free hand. Still, Oliver remained silent. "Erin took the trouble to drag your sorry little butt in here, and what do you do? You repay her by spitting in her face." The two boys that had come along with their leader nodded and crossed their arms. The leader was about to throw another punch but stopped short when he heard a yell.

Erin burst into the room, fuming. She might as well have set them on fire with the glare she sent the boys. She pointed an accusatory finger at the leader. "I order you to let him go! He has his own reasons for avoiding us, for not getting too close to others. It's none of your concern." The boy released Oliver, who collapsed into a heap on the floor. He was still awake but very much in pain. Erin pointed to the door next and ordered the boys to leave.

After they left, Erin went over to Oliver and examined his nose, which was broken and bleeding somewhat badly. She reached into her pocket, grabbed her handkerchief and wiped the blood away. "I'm so sorry they did that to you. I wish they didn't fawn over me so much." Erin then sighed, her green eyes brimming with concern. "Are you okay?"

When Erin apologized, Oliver held up a tentative hand. "It's fine. It's not your fault they beat me. I shouldn't have been so rude to you." He pinched his nose to stop the bleeding. "I'm okay, just a tad bit in pain. I'm Oliver by the way. I forgot to introduce myself the first time." Oliver outstretched his free hand.

Erin giggled as Oliver talked while pinching his nose. "Nice to meet you Oliver. All is forgotten. Just don't do it again, or I'll be the one to punish you next time." She smiled jokingly and took his hand in hers, giving it two shakes before letting go. Erin leaned closer and whispered into his ear. "I should mention that when you talk like that, it's hard to take you seriously."

Oliver immediately let go of his nose. "Well, you should take me seriously! I'm being sincere and honest with my apology!" He cried indignantly. He flushed with embarrassment, and Erin giggled at seeing him blush.

Later, they were sitting in the dining room, eating dinner. All of the other orphans were focused on their own conversations and paid no mind to the serious conversation between the newly-found friends. Oliver's loneliness disappeared, and he finally had a chance to truly enjoy himself.

Oliver began telling Erin that others around him had always been dying and how he was ostracized from the others. He told her that this was the first place he had ever taken refuge. He explained about the abusive family he had been a part of. Erin listened to his story, fully engaged. Once Oliver finished, she leaned back. "That's horrible! I feel so bad that you had to go through that all alone. Being alone sucks, I would know." She said with empathy apparent in her voice.

Oliver was confused. "What do you mean? Everyone around here likes you. They're always crowding around you!" He frowned, trying to understand.

Erin sighed. "Now, I'm not lonely, but when I came here I was. You see, I have no memories other than my name and my age. I woke up in that same room, just like you did. I was scared, and I wanted so badly to who I truly was. In fact, I still have no idea." She put down her fork and fidgeted with the place mat in front of her. "i just want to know who I am and why I was born. That's all.

Oliver smiled and chuckled to himself. Erin glanced over at him, bewildered. "I know who you are! You're Erin! You're caring, sweet, hardworking, impatient, and quite scary when you're angry. You cry when you're sad, laugh when you're happy, et cetera. That's you. You are you and no one else" Erin smiled warmly, and Oliver continued on. "As for the reason why you're born, I have absolutely no idea. I have no idea why I was born either, but we should both search for the reason of our existence with each other. It beats having to go through it alone. Besides, maybe it has to do with each other."

Oliver was certain now that Erin was the one Genesis brought to him. If his ability was killing off the others around him, Erin must have an ability that negates his, or that was his reasoning. Erin brought life into others. When they were sick, she showered them with kind words and encouragement. She gave them medicine. She also breathed life and joy into those who were emotionally sick and paid attention to those that were socially sick. She accepted them into her own society.

Erin smiled at what Oliver had proposed. She raised her glass for a toast. "I sure hope so."

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