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Cannibalistic Sex's avatar

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http://www.wattpad.com/story/1271399-a-twisted-tale

I uploaded the beginning of my story on wattpad and no one on there has really read it or given me any feed back,can I get some opinions or suggestions?
I recommend you fix your signature because I read it and decided it wasn't worth my time to read anything else you've written.
I don't have the time to read all of it right now, but by just reading the first paragraph or so, kinda makes me want to come back and read the rest later.
emotion_yatta
Can you post part of it here or say what genre the story is? Give us a little more than a link to work with. I'm sure the link is fine, but it's a internet thing. Random links = bad.

You may not have gotten any feedback due to it not being done. I know I dislike commenting on work that's not complete.
Cannibalistic Sex's avatar

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SexySailorScout
I don't have the time to read all of it right now, but by just reading the first paragraph or so, kinda makes me want to come back and read the rest later.
emotion_yatta

Thank you 4laugh
Cannibalistic Sex's avatar

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Sir Icehawk
Can you post part of it here or say what genre the story is? Give us a little more than a link to work with. I'm sure the link is fine, but it's a internet thing. Random links = bad.

You may not have gotten any feedback due to it not being done. I know I dislike commenting on work that's not complete.

Okay I'll make sure to do that.
Cannibalistic Sex's avatar

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Cogent Dream
I recommend you fix your signature because I read it and decided it wasn't worth my time to read anything else you've written.

I enjoy my signature its my attempt at humor.
I read the first few lines of your story. Your grammar really needs work. Your sentences are run-ons, there are points where you have verb tense issues, you have a number of misspellings, and it is more telling than showing.
marshmallowcreampie's avatar

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What is your story about? Are there any aspects you feel we should particularly concentrate on?
Your grammar is absolutely terrible, it was pretty hard to read just for that reason. Commas impose a pause in the thought, a pause in the tongue when the character is thinking or speaking. So instead of the character spewing what sounds like a mindless, childish sentence like "I mumbled under my breath walking over to the door I cracked it open," That sounds like toddler babble.. There should be pauses, some emphasis, if you will. "I mumbled under my breath. Walking over to the door, I cracked it open." You see? The actions are separated, making the scene more collected, maybe even more chilling?

Also, your character is not likable, is not relate able, and has no just motivation. Why would anyone want to read about a character like that? I love villians, but your character has nothing in her to keep a reader interested. She's not even a "villian," she's just a psychopathic killer. Even psychopathic killers get boring if there is no depth to them.

/Opinion.
Cannibalistic Sex
Cogent Dream
I recommend you fix your signature because I read it and decided it wasn't worth my time to read anything else you've written.

I enjoy my signature its my attempt at humor.


Considering everyone's complaining about your grammar, I think I was correct in judging the quality of your writing by the poor standard of your signature. So, again, I think it will benefit you to fix up your signature.
Thirteenth King  's avatar

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I went through it briefly. You have to work on your grammar, Cannibalistic. The story will benefit greatly with better grammar. Practice and keep writing!

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