Help with developing a character...

[en-ost]

...If you find this whole thing to be ridiculous, I honestly can't blame you....


In a story that I have been working on for years, there is a character named J.. He comes into the story somewhat late compared to the main family who has been at the center of things for quite a while. (He and his brother are cousins to the main family, by the way.) But, he became quite vital to the story while I was writing and has turned out to be quite complex.

Now that quite a bit of time has gone by within the story, it has been revealed that he has struggled with some kind of sexual addiction. His family found out that he witnessed a someone being sexually abused at a young age and the trauma from witnessing it manifested into an addiction. He is a rather charming person at first glance and is relatively handsome...but has grown up being quite promiscuous. This is his background in summary. In the present time within the story, he is trying to overcome his addiction.

He has managed to remain abstinent but still suffers from the shame of having been sexually abused and having been promiscuous.

This character kind of unraveled in this way without me really meaning him to, but I can't help but really appreciate him in the story. What I am stumped on right now is how to develop him so that he can actually overcome his shame. If anyone has any ideas, that would be so great.

I write my stories with my sister. They are typically complex due them being very comedic at first glance, but have surprisingly dark and sometimes bitter-sweet elements to them, and can be quite surreal and very bizarre.

So, once again, any help on this would be great. smile I have tried doing research on the topic, but I was really curious to see what people on gaia would suggest.

[Umbre]

Shame is often the result of one acting against what society tells us is not acceptable to the "norm". It's basically a social construct that's meant to make us conform.

Sexual abuse is of a particular challenge as it basically takes away from one's sense of self in the fact that your ability to decide what happens to your physical body has been taken away from you by another person. Some people never fully recover from the trauma of it, having flashbacks even when they're being intimate with someone they love and trust. That and it really makes their ability to trust again exceptionally hard, as they are always looking for that ulterior motive.

How one heals from such a thing really depends upon the support structure that they had. His promiscuity is likely his way of trying to form intimate attachments to people to find that piece of him that he lost. Or he just enjoys the endorphins which help him not to think about things. He wants to be close, but he's afraid of letting anyone truly be intimate ( in an emotional sense).

Basically having a healthy friendship / connection with someone who won't let him do the deed may help him better form a dynamic that he finds more fulfilling. Or he comes to peace with the fact that he was dealing with an obsessive response to the trauma. It wasn't entirely in his control, he was acting out due to a trigger.

Maybe even have him meet someone else with a similar issue that manifests in another way. Such as not wanting to leave the house or even someone who compulsively strokes their hair to keep calm.

Also, promiscuity in itself isn't a bad thing, but the motivation behind it is where the real evil lies and the potential to spread disease.

[en-ost]

Thank you, Umbre, for your thought out response. I was able to think about it more and come up with some ideas, I think. Your reply has been helpful and reinforced some of the ideas I was starting to have.

I myself have suffered from a type of sexual addiction as well, so this character hits close to home.

[Umbre]

If you need any further help, feel free to PM me. I'm usually open to test read when I get out from work. smile

Although it sounds you have a good deal of the idea of how your characters' psychologies work. I wish the best to you and your sister.