Critique this thesis?

[The Psychotic Artist]

Ello, I have to write a topic proposal paper, but honestly this will be the first I written.

I wanted a critique in this thesis.

Does it focus on one area?
Is it evident that I am only talking about bipolar disorder?
What topics does it imply I am speaking about? :3

Thank you.

"Having a better understanding of bipolar disorder can help with better communication towards having a friendship with someone who may have this, as well as teach us a lesson about why people need to recognize that mental illnesses ARE just a provident as physical ones. Starting with recognizing the common symptoms that follow bipolar disorder, I will showcase how these actions can be misinterpreted and be problematic without the proper understanding."

[Whispering Embers]

First sentence is a bit to long. Instead of "...of this, as well...", break up the sentence. "having a better friendship with a person with this type of disorder. It can also...".

[The Psychotic Artist]

Ms Magic Man

First sentence is a bit to long. Instead of "...of this, as well...", break up the sentence. "having a better friendship with a person with this type of disorder. It can also...".

Thanks for the grammatical input, any on the content? o:

[probiee]

Fantastic!
You get an A+

[Whispering Embers]

The Psychotic Artist

Ms Magic Man

First sentence is a bit to long. Instead of "...of this, as well...", break up the sentence. "having a better friendship with a person with this type of disorder. It can also...".

Thanks for the grammatical input, any on the content? o:

Well I personal disagree with your thesis
I am bipolar and should be treated just like everyone else
It can be manage with the proper medication
Understanding the symptoms does help understand what a person is going through
Such as one someone is going through the manic stage they might snap at you easier
However, to me it sounds like someone with this illness needs to be treated a special way
At least that's how I view it. Of course I might just be biased.
If you do write about the behavior differences, which there are, I would love for you to also say is can be managed
Most people judge if they find out someone is bipolar without knowing any facts....

[The Psychotic Artist]

Ms Magic Man

Alright well, I actually had changed the thesis but wanted input on that one. I just didn't like it very much. I have a few friends that have BD and asked them to help me write this proposal. And I had to change my thesis because I'm writing about the common misconceptions that follow the well-known symptoms, living with it, and treatments.

[Whispering Embers]

The Psychotic Artist

Ms Magic Man

Alright well, I actually had changed the thesis but wanted input on that one. I just didn't like it very much. I have a few friends that have BD and asked them to help me write this proposal. And I had to change my thesis because I'm writing about the common misconceptions that follow the well-known symptoms, living with it, and treatments.

May I see the thesis if that's alright with you?
Also curious: Are you using quotes from people?

[The Psychotic Artist]

Ms Magic Man

And yes, you should be treated just like everyone else. I'm just annoyed at the bullying one of my friends received for it. Writing about it seemed better than punching someone's face. XD

[The Psychotic Artist]

Ms Magic Man

The Psychotic Artist

Ms Magic Man

Alright well, I actually had changed the thesis but wanted input on that one. I just didn't like it very much. I have a few friends that have BD and asked them to help me write this proposal. And I had to change my thesis because I'm writing about the common misconceptions that follow the well-known symptoms, living with it, and treatments.

May I see the thesis if that's alright with you?
Also curious: Are you using quotes from people?

Sure, once I finish I'll let you read it. I have to finish this by tonight so I have time to get it proof read.

And yes I am.

[Whispering Embers]

The Psychotic Artist

Ms Magic Man

The Psychotic Artist

Ms Magic Man

Alright well, I actually had changed the thesis but wanted input on that one. I just didn't like it very much. I have a few friends that have BD and asked them to help me write this proposal. And I had to change my thesis because I'm writing about the common misconceptions that follow the well-known symptoms, living with it, and treatments.

May I see the thesis if that's alright with you?
Also curious: Are you using quotes from people?

Sure, once I finish I'll let you read it. I have to finish this by tonight so I have time to get it proof read.

And yes I am.

Thank you ^ ^
For your quotes: Is it what people assume about bipolar and/or people who suffer from bipolar? (personally quotes)
Or just academic quotes

[The Psychotic Artist]

Ms Magic Man

The Psychotic Artist

Ms Magic Man

The Psychotic Artist

Ms Magic Man

Alright well, I actually had changed the thesis but wanted input on that one. I just didn't like it very much. I have a few friends that have BD and asked them to help me write this proposal. And I had to change my thesis because I'm writing about the common misconceptions that follow the well-known symptoms, living with it, and treatments.

May I see the thesis if that's alright with you?
Also curious: Are you using quotes from people?

Sure, once I finish I'll let you read it. I have to finish this by tonight so I have time to get it proof read.

And yes I am.

Thank you ^ ^
For your quotes: Is it what people assume about bipolar and/or people who suffer from bipolar? (personally quotes)
Or just academic quotes

I'm wanting a section to be about living with it so I'm getting actual quotes from people who have it. I doubt what a doctor writes in journals or books without the life experience will be helpful. XD I wont be able to fit them all in this short paper, but I'll be able to focus more on it once I write the research paper later on.

[Whispering Embers]

The Psychotic Artist

Ms Magic Man

The Psychotic Artist

Ms Magic Man

The Psychotic Artist

Ms Magic Man

Alright well, I actually had changed the thesis but wanted input on that one. I just didn't like it very much. I have a few friends that have BD and asked them to help me write this proposal. And I had to change my thesis because I'm writing about the common misconceptions that follow the well-known symptoms, living with it, and treatments.

May I see the thesis if that's alright with you?
Also curious: Are you using quotes from people?

Sure, once I finish I'll let you read it. I have to finish this by tonight so I have time to get it proof read.

And yes I am.

Thank you ^ ^
For your quotes: Is it what people assume about bipolar and/or people who suffer from bipolar? (personally quotes)
Or just academic quotes

I'm wanting a section to be about living with it so I'm getting actual quotes from people who have it. I doubt what a doctor writes in journals or books without the life experience will be helpful. XD I wont be able to fit them all in this short paper, but I'll be able to focus more on it once I write the research paper later on.

Ohhhh
A short paper
Thought maybe this was a research paper or something >.<

[The Psychotic Artist]

Ms Magic Man

The Psychotic Artist

Ms Magic Man

The Psychotic Artist

Ms Magic Man

May I see the thesis if that's alright with you?
Also curious: Are you using quotes from people?

Sure, once I finish I'll let you read it. I have to finish this by tonight so I have time to get it proof read.

And yes I am.

Thank you ^ ^
For your quotes: Is it what people assume about bipolar and/or people who suffer from bipolar? (personally quotes)
Or just academic quotes

I'm wanting a section to be about living with it so I'm getting actual quotes from people who have it. I doubt what a doctor writes in journals or books without the life experience will be helpful. XD I wont be able to fit them all in this short paper, but I'll be able to focus more on it once I write the research paper later on.

Ohhhh
A short paper
Thought maybe this was a research paper or something >.<

XD Well eventually it will be 8-10 pages, so yes. That one will be a research paper. But the one I am writing now is a proposal, so it's pretty short.

[The Psychotic Artist]

Ms Magic Man

May I ask a few questions about living with BD later on? o:

[Whispering Embers]

The Psychotic Artist

Ms Magic Man

May I ask a few questions about living with BD later on? o:

Go ahead
I'm not afraid to share if someone is curious