Closed.

[malalaliyah]

Looks like all my bravery went out the window. Haha, I suck.

[malalaliyah]

❤

[Turnilk]

It sounds interesting, but there are a couple of things I would pick at:

-- Spheres making a sphere? Are they all smooshed together? If so, they wouldn't be spheres anymore. Are they linked via pathways and the over all shape of the pathway/spheres make up the big sphere? It would sound like it would create a much bigger area than would be needed for a few thousand people.
-- Why sphere shaped? Its a strong structure shape, but not very space efficient.
-- Where is this sphere floating? If in space, okay. If on a planet, why and how is it floating?
-- Normally blood colorization cannot be seen from the outside of a person's body. So, how exactly do the people identify one another by blood color?
-- A couple of thousand years ago the average height of humans was much shorter than it is today. I would expect the appearance of humans would change much more over several million, maybe even become a new species.
-- Humans are fairly prolific when it comes to breeding. Why is the population so low?
-- Why is the word terminated in quotations? It doesn't seem like it needs to be.
-- You repeated the "safety of the greater good" thing three times in six sentences. It might just be me, but I dislike such repetition so quickly. It makes me think the author thinks I'm too stupid to remember something stare
-- The blood color names are somewhat strange to me. If not explained what color they actually are, I'd be lost while reading.

There isn't much else to say. If I read this on the back of a book to get a sense of what was inside, it would make me curious about it, or at least the setting. Since I've seen "the character goes against the mold" sort of story before a good number of times, I would hope for good world building and well built, interesting characters.

[Umbre]

Without wanting to steal the wind from your sails, wasn't this basically the plot to Divergence? The color distribution with personality types seems to match exactly. If you're inspired by something you may not want to borrow so heavily from it.

[malalaliyah]

Umbre

Without wanting to steal the wind from your sails, wasn't this basically the plot to Divergence? The color distribution with personality types seems to match exactly. If you're inspired by something you may not want to borrow so heavily from it.

Actually, this story was a work in progress long before I even heard of or read Divergent. I'm only just now being brave (stupid) enough to share it publicly. I think I might just srcap it. sweatdrop

[Turnilk]

All ideas need to be worked on in some way. Can't just have an idea pop up in your mind and assume it will be gold as is. Most stories go through some change from when they were first thought of. One of my own projects went from a rip off of Static Shock to a fantasy to a scifi. The characters went from card board cut outs to actually having personalities. Some things were dropped, some were gained. And none of that was instant. It took work and time and it still isn't perfected.

The reason I pointed out things is to help you think about your project and make it better. Think about the questions and even ask yourself some and then try to answer them. Do the answers work well together? Do they not? Why? What can you change or add to improve things?

If it is too similar to something else, make changes so that it is less so.

You can make the story you want work, just be willing and able to use the backspace key when needed.

[Kairi Nightingale]

PEYA SAKANO

I know this topic is closed, but I just wanted to say that you shouldn't scrap an idea just because there are problems. One of my stories is over five years old now and, while I like to think that it's a lot better than when it first started, it still has a buttload of plot and character issues I need to work out. So if you haven't completely lost interest in the story, don't give up. Just keep working at it. This forum is not only for criticizing, but it's also to help generate ideas and work out such problems. So if you run into any road blocks, come on back. We're blunt and sometimes harsh, but we honestly just want to help. I think I speak for most people in this forum when I say discouraging you from writing an idea is the last thing we want to do.

Writing is hard. We know that and as much as it might hurt to hear criticism, remember that with every issue we point out, you save that much time and energy on finding and fixing them yourselves.

But if you really want to quit, that's fine too. We won't judge. 3nodding Whatever you decide to do, best of luck to you.

[Umbre]

PEYA SAKANO

Umbre

Without wanting to steal the wind from your sails, wasn't this basically the plot to Divergence? The color distribution with personality types seems to match exactly. If you're inspired by something you may not want to borrow so heavily from it.

Actually, this story was a work in progress long before I even heard of or read Divergent. I'm only just now being brave (stupid) enough to share it publicly. I think I might just srcap it. sweatdrop

I realize the topic is closed, but please allow me to elaborate.

First I apologize for the brusque manner in which I approached the initial description. The focus of your story seemed to be more-so on the world building so far rather than on the actual characters thus far. So that was the thing that drew my attention.If someone were to pick the book up off the shelf with that description, that is the idea that they would have.

As far as your premise goes, it's a fairly common trope as its based back in the 4 humors ( Phlem, Black Bile, Yellow Bile, and Blood). Phlematic, bilious, choleric, and sanguine personalities. Even the Teenage Ninja Turtles, Avatar, and Harry Potter use this concept. So it's a solid starting point, but you may not want to be so heavy handed with how it is approached or at least described unless you don't mind having your work compared to them.

So I suppose what you may want to share with us without too much detail are where you're stuck at with it if you're having trouble going past the world building stage or if you're maybe having trouble layering up the plot bunnies.

Even if you scrap this idea, it doesn't mean that there weren't seeds worth saving to sow into another story so that it may grow organically.