Well This Sucks
"Cause of death: Gravel."
((Funny story. In third grade, I was hanging upside down over pea gravel. I fell. My mom had to postpone Christmas pictures for a month. It was ugly.))
Real conversations:
Me: Do you know...the muffin man?
My best friend (with a shifty look on her face): Uh...maybe.
Me: Does [her boyfriend] know that you know...the muffin man?
Best friend (still shifty): Uh...maybe not.
((Whatever. It was funny at the time.))
(Remember, Boyfriend's last name is Hicks.)
Me: Well, you could just look up his number in the phone book.
Her: You kidding? Do you know how many Hicks there are in [mid-sized town in Georgia]?
THAT was funny. Read it again if you didn't get it.
And my personal favorite for melodrama:
"Fate...don't mess with fate, son. Because if you mess with fate, it'll mess back."