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Hey guys, so I have to send out my entire manuscript to an editor tomorrow, and I'm working on a synopsis of the book right now. Here's what I got so far:

Another Day In Paradise

Hookers, pimps, death, and high rollers are all prevalent in a normal work week for Slick Rick, a security agent in a prominent Las Vegas property who struggles daily with his own worst enemy, the City of Sin itself.

ANOTHER DAY IN PARADISE tells the story of a young security officer as he goes through what a 'normal' five day work week will offer employees in Las Vegas. Split into five parts, each part representing a different day, the reader follows how Slick is engulfed in the beautiful city and it's 'regulars' on Thursday, struggles with drunks and fights on Friday, watches his best friend gets stabbed on Saturday, has to clean up a suicide on Sunday, and watches an Arab prince live the high roller life on Monday.As the story progresses, Slick is affected emotionally by each different situation every day and constantly struggles with his will to continue in a job that he feels doesn't appreciate him. Slick relies on getting drunk in bars and visiting different strip clubs as a way to cure the constant headaches in his work, but he doesn't realize that he is in a constant battle with the City of Sin itself. By the end of the story, Slick is immersed in a Vegas nightclub experience and where he finally realizes the reason why people literally kills themselves for the pleasure of the city. Las Vegas doesn't care about any color, creed, or condition. The city only cares about gathering people who are willing to spend money together, and as one giant community, the city allows people to achieve all of their guilty pleasures without any public opinions.

The reason why I put it up is because I feel as if the synopsis is just too long. I want to cut off some stuff and replace some information. What do you guys think? Would you be interested in reading an entire 260 page manuscript after reading this? Thanks for the help in advance smile
This may or may not be what you're looking for, but I'd certainly be interested. I know synopsis are hard to nail. What you have certainly peaks interest, but I think it may include too much detail. It doesn't leave much to imagination, the majority of essential plot points are covered. The main suggestion I have is to cut some of the more in depth points. Without them I'd still look forward to manuscript.
Query Shark. Google it. Read a bunch of it. That'll help a lot.

It sounds like he already lost this battle with the city. He's constantly getting drunk and going to strip clubs. The days part you might be able to trim down, since that's just where it's going and not the actual conflict. You like mention we're spending a week with him as he deals with things like X, Y, and Z.

That last line is broken. Not public opinions, public repercussions or humiliation I think is what you mean. The word I'm looking for is on the tip of my tongue...

I don't know. It's been a while since I've looked at a synopsis for queries. It's tricky to get these right, which is why I'd live on Query Shark for a few days. I will say I'm not that interested. It comes off as a downer story. His realization also seems like sort of a "duh."
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Sometimes less is more. You don't want to give the reader cliff notes--they'll never read the book! Keep it simple and imply that there is more to the story--the main character is going on a journey, wouldn't you like to come? You need to entice and hint that there is something great inside! It's the mystic to a well dressed women as opposed to one who leaves nothing to the imagination.
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Sounds good but it seems he already lost the battle between him and Las Vegas!

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