A THOUGHT TO PONDER! Please enlighten me

[AllisonLockdown]

Alright, so my tough guy character is getting ready to act all tough while in an intimidating situation. He's about to ask this jerk:

Quote:

"What the hell do you want Ryan?"

And of course I'd like him to sound fierce and my first instinct was to have it:

Quote:

"What the hell do you want Ryan?" He spat angrily.

Then I thought about it for a second... I don't think I have ever said something and spit at the same time... Intentionally of course. Which got me thinking... What about all those: "....." He/She laughed, "....." He/She grinned.... ETC

Are they technically wrong? Does it take away from a story? I know I hate repeating the same thing like "said" and "asked" all the time and reading them over and over is annoying...

[I am The Compendium]

I don't think it takes away from the story, unless you use the wrong word. You can technically spit words, but you can't sigh or laugh words. You can say things and then sigh or laugh. Or interrupt yourself doing so.

[AllisonLockdown]

I am The Compendium

I don't think it takes away from the story, unless you use the wrong word. You can technically spit words, but you can't sigh or laugh words. You can say things and then sigh or laugh. Or interrupt yourself doing so.

Good point, but "spitting" out the words isn't what my character is doing.... I changed it to snapped. I liked snapped.... It's all snappy xd

[I am The Compendium]

DreamingStrange

I am The Compendium

I don't think it takes away from the story, unless you use the wrong word. You can technically spit words, but you can't sigh or laugh words. You can say things and then sigh or laugh. Or interrupt yourself doing so.

Good point, but "spitting" out the words isn't what my character is doing.... I changed it to snapped. I liked snapped.... It's all snappy xd

Works, so long as it's not a soliloquy.

[The Butter]

Hint hint: Don't worry about dialogue tags too much. They can get distracting when too many of them are decorated. The legendary "he said" works so well because it's an invisible tag.

[AllisonLockdown]

The Butter

Hint hint: Don't worry about dialogue tags too much. They can get distracting when too many of them are decorated. The legendary "he said" works so well because it's an invisible tag.

Oh I know, it's just that this is the first time he actually says anything and I want the first impression of him to come off as strong... Not only by his body movements and the classic description but by the way he speaks.

[Jagz the Insane]

Well if that doesn't work, HE SHOULD MARCH RIGHT UP TO THAT HO AND SLAP HIM A GOOD ONE. It's a very successful method.

[AllisonLockdown]

Jagz the Insane

Well if that doesn't work, HE SHOULD MARCH RIGHT UP TO THAT HO AND SLAP HIM A GOOD ONE. It's a very successful method.

Thanks I'll make him get right on that, lol.

[Ares Blade]

dont really mind that but i suggest use another word then that. it makes it should like he is drooling

[Macabre Saccade]

Oh, tags. For the most part, I stick to "he said/she said" or simply don't use one. Overcomplicating tags will just clutter your writing and take your reader out of the story. You can show your character's emotions more effectively through their body language and actions.

For example, if your character were to clench his fists or jaw directly before speaking, the reader would pick up on the fact that he is angry and bristling without you having to use complicated tags. They would automatically assume that he was saying the phrase with heat.


Also,

I am The Compendium

I don't think it takes away from the story, unless you use the wrong word.

I agree with this. It jerks the reader out of the story and you can also lose the respect of the reader if you do it too often.

Quote:

You can technically spit words, but you can't sigh or laugh words. You can say things and then sigh or laugh. Or interrupt yourself doing so.

I'd have to disagree here, though. You can sigh a word or even laugh a word, but only in certain circumstances.

Some examples:
One can, in fact, sigh the word "yeah." Try it if you don't believe me.
One cannot, however, sigh, "I wish a unicorn would pop out of that lasagna and give me a Ferrari." For one, it's too long a phrase to sigh, and for two it has sounds that simply can't be made while sighing.

One can, in fact, laugh the word "ha." Okay, so it sounds maniacal and won't charm the pants off of anyone, but it can be done. It helps that the word itself is an onomatopoeia.
But when you try to laugh, "the quick brown duvet jumps over the lazy xylophone," it comes out garbled, right? Any long phrase is hard to laugh. Words in general are hard to laugh and mostly come out as gibberish. Using "laugh" as a tag is generally a bad idea. Personally, it makes me think that the character is choking and grunting instead of actually talking.

And one of my biggest pet peeves, just because:

Hiss

He/she hissed.
Please, for the love of all things ever dewey-decimaled, use this properly.
People can hiss words with the letter S in them. That's about it. You can't hiss any other sound. It's not possible. It makes you sound like a malfunctioning machine.

A character simply cannot hiss anything and everything you intend to sound menacing.
Phrases like "I'll kill you," he hissed, just make me laugh. It makes me put down whatever I'm reading because I can't take the author seriously.


As for "grinned," I'd say seperate it from the dialogue.
"Why yes, I'd love to wash your laundry." He grinned.
Instead of
"Why yes, I'd love to wash your laundry," he grinned.
It's an action, not a way of speaking.

phew. Long post is long. Hope it helped. I sort of got carried away.

[Coffeetailor]

You could just leave it at 'he spat.' I can't think of any place you'd use that as a dialogue tag other than to express anger.

[1upMushroomCloud]

I agree with most people here. "Spat" Is acceptable since it's more describing how he's saying the words. Like he spits them out of his mouth. He says them sharply, quickly and cuts off abruptly, that's what I always thought of when I heard "he spat". It's a very descriptive tag and as a writer you must never undervalue description. "Show not tell".

However there are ways you can get carried away with this, and there are acceptable parameters for this sort of thing. Like it's been said, it's very hard to laugh/sigh/hiss certain words, and generally using elaborate tags aren't necessary. I find they help however when you want to emphasize HOW the character is speaking, or if you want to emphasize that he's speaking at all. For example, putting a more elaborate "he said" tag before the character speaks builds it up, it puts the reader in anticipation, waiting expectantly for him to say something, which can turn a normal observation into something very dramatic. However putting that same elaborate "he said" tag AFTER they spoke indicates that what he said resonated very well with the people the person was speaking to, which will help make this resonate more clearly with the audience.

For example:

This

"Tomorrow, we march on their camp," said the king.

Is not as effective as:

This

"Tomorrow, we march on their camp," the king triumphantly decreed.

You can really have fun there and really make a resounding and dramatic moment pop that way.

[Macabre Saccade]

XxX-Villainy-XxX

I agree with most people here. "Spat" Is acceptable since it's more describing how he's saying the words. Like he spits them out of his mouth. He says them sharply, quickly and cuts off abruptly, that's what I always thought of when I heard "he spat". It's a very descriptive tag and as a writer you must never undervalue description. "Show not tell".

It's only showing that the character has a problem with keeping his saliva in his mouth, really. In this case, I'd rather read the tag, "He said sharply" than "he spat." You really want to show action rather than use "exotic" tags.

Quote:

I find they help however when you want to emphasize HOW the character is speaking, or if you want to emphasize that he's speaking at all. For example, putting a more elaborate "he said" tag before the character speaks builds it up, it puts the reader in anticipation, waiting expectantly for him to say something, which can turn a normal observation into something very dramatic. However putting that same elaborate "he said" tag AFTER they spoke indicates that what he said resonated very well with the people the person was speaking to, which will help make this resonate more clearly with the audience.

For example:

This

"Tomorrow, we march on their camp," said the king.

Is not as effective as:

This

"Tomorrow, we march on their camp," the king triumphantly decreed.

You can really have fun there and really make a resounding and dramatic moment pop that way.

I'm going to have to say no. Overcomplicated tags are simply unnecessary. Especially if you haven't been using them consistantly. If you use "the king triumphantly decreed," when all other times you've been using the invisible tag, "he said," the reader will be confused, because it will have come out of nowhere.

[Tweetles]

I always thought of it as being a sort of '"this is what they said," this is what they did as they said it' kind of a thing.
so it would be like,
'"What is that?" he frowned, leaning into the strange item.'
The 'what is that?' part is what he's saying (obviously) and the 'he frowned....' part would be what he did while he said it.
Maybe that sentence that I used as an example isn't the best in the world, but it's all I could think of off the top of my head.

[Macabre Saccade]

Tweetles

I always thought of it as being a sort of '"this is what they said," this is what they did as they said it' kind of a thing.
so it would be like,
'"What is that?" he frowned, leaning into the strange item.'
The 'what is that?' part is what he's saying (obviously) and the 'he frowned....' part would be what he did while he said it.
Maybe that sentence that I used as an example isn't the best in the world, but it's all I could think of off the top of my head.

You're absolutely correct. However, because they are two different actions (speaking and frowning), they need to be seperated. You can either do this by making "He frowned" the beginning of a new sentence, or putting "and" between the two actions. It's just better grammar to seperate them, and it clarifies things for the reader.


And your example is fine, by the way. I always have trouble coming up with them off the cuff.