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Rogue Destiny's avatar

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Damn it all. This chica is bored and wants to have a bit of fun, okay, a lot of fun.

So, guess what, TSF? We're gonna name the 101 ways (or more) to annoy the notorious douchebag of the year (or years)---EDWARD CULLEN!

Announcement: Don't worry about the numbering; I'll do it for ya'll!

The list is getting quite long, so maybe it's better than I do instead of everyone getting confused as to what number they so put down. Okaies? biggrin Thank you!


List:


I'll start. (1-10 by the OC that haunts Nightfall Duet's mind, Sana Ramere)

1) Ask Edward why he considers himself a monster and when he begins to explain, in purple posey detail, sing/hum the Jeopardy tune.
2) Poke him constantly with a large stick.
3) STALK HIM.
4) Make all his clothes sparkle by throwing glitter, really sticky glitter on them.
5) Paint his room in Rainbow. Throw a Rainbow flag in for kicks.
6) Also, add a Jacob poster and sign it like Jacob wrote him a "love note".
7) Tell him Bella died after jumping off the cliff. She hit her head on some rocks, really sharp rocks. (Hopefully, he'll join her.)
cool Make his bathroom really, really dirty. And like from Growing Up Cullen, he'll use a toothbrush to clean everything, ya know, to clean every itch of the place for hours upon hours with no end in sight. xD
9) Tell him that Jacob imprinted on him.
10) Ask him why he sparkles, and then yell out, "Wrong" every time he gives you an answer.
11) hide dildos where Bella and he are sure to be together (suggested by Dr Murdoc Niccals)
12) sign his e-mail up for various LGBT singles sites. (suggested by Dr Murdoc Niccals)
13) HACK. HIS. COMPUTER. (see if there's porn. XD This is suggested by me, Sana, the awesome.)
14) If there is a lack of incriminating porn, download some for him. Then leave it out where everyone can see it. (suggested by Kiba Shinzu)
15)Mock his appearance.
16)Photoshop his face to every guys to gay porn magazines.
17)Call him "Captain Planet".
1 cool Subscribe over 9000 gay porn websites with his name.
19) Put up "Missing Posters" of him everywhere.
(15-19 suggested by Cholix-chan)
20)`Dunk yourself in glitter, then point, laugh and say ``I``m sparkler then you!`
(suggested by Vampiremistress702)

21)Raid his makeup cabinet. (suggested by personwholikescookiezX3)
22) gives his number out to his fangirls.
23) Stinking up his whole house.
24)Fill his house with mouse traps.
(22-24 also suggested by Cholix-chan)

25)Tell him Jacob imprinted on CARLISLE!
26)This is something Bella could have done; Name his daughter "Victoria."
(25-26 suggested by Mangled Masterpiece)

27) Tell him he should get back together with Carlisle.
2 cool Replace all of the pants he owns with frilly pink tutus.
(suggested by Twilight Scribe)

29) Flamethrowers would annoy him, and keeping him away from his drug true love. (suggested by Mage Luna in the "Anyone else can't stand Twilight? V.4" thread in the Books forum)
30)Fill his house with traps.
31)Put up "No Edward Cullen allowed" poster in every stores and restaurants.
(30-31 suggested by Tsukasa Mason)
32)Photoshop him with Jacob in "compromising positions" and hang them in his bathroom. (suggested by Dr Murdoc Niccals)
33)Buy him a few new dresses. ( suggested by personwholikescookiezx3)
34)Extra frilly for more annoyance. ( added by Doctor Murdoc Niccals)
35)Sparkly gems for extra points. ( suggested by personwholikescookiezx3)
36)Report him as a child molester. (suggested by personwholikescookiezx3)
37)Mentally sing "It's a Small World" whenever he's around. "Song that Doesn't End" or some other variation of an irritating repeating song will work as well.
3 cool Point at him in shock and exclaiming loudly "CEDRIC! You're ALIVE!"
39)Ask him if rumors are true that he and his family practice inbreeding.
40)Exclaim that the glitter you were going to use for an art project is missing and accuse him of stealing it.
41)Destroy the Volvo. (Yessss...the Volvo must DIE.) <--Agreed. Those things are UGLYYYYY!
42)Photoshop his head onto a poster of Dr. Frank-N-Furter and call him a "Sweet Transvampire" whenever you see him. (tipping you x10000, if I had the gold.)
43)Install a flamethrower as a security device on Bella's window and set it to automatically go off for when he tries to enter.

(37-43 suggested by Nobody Famous)
44)-Play a*****e by Denis Leary whenever he's within hearing range.
45)Tell him Bunnicula was a better vampire than him. (And a cuter one.)
46)Sick a dementor on him to test if he has a soul.
47)Play "Got Your Nose" with him each time he acts like a petulant child. Do the same to his wife and daughter.
4 cool Steal a sonic screwdriver and examine him with it. Constantly.
49)Pour KY jelly all over him and claim you thought he needed plenty of lubrication in order to move.
50)Ask about rigor mortis.
51)Eat cheese doodles and Nutty Bars in front of him, telling him what a shame it is those things didn't exist when he was alive. Describe the flavours in great and loving detail. (Damn...you getting me hungry. XD)
52)Keep sending him links to TVTropes.
53)Make him watch all eight Harry Potter films without reading the books and refuse to answer his questions.
54)Ask if he would survive a nuclear holocaust. If he says yes, nickname him Cockroach. Get the other Cullens to do this as well.
55)Look behind him as he talks to you and say "Oh hi, Buffy!" Being enthusiastic and waving cheerily is advisable.

(44-55 suggested by Insane Scarheaded Whovian)


56) Have the Shapeshifters dance to a nice compilation that includes "Bad Romance", "It's Raining Men," "I'm Sexy and I Know It" and "Who Let The Dogs Out" while grinding up against Edward. Disclaimer: This may turn him on, especially if Jacob's in the group.

Edited for a silly mistake.

57) In a Maury Povitch tone about Renesmee:
"The Results are in. Edward, you are NOT the father!"

(56-57 suggested by Suiseiten)

5 cool Convince him that you're from the future and explaining to him how dangerous if you telling him about the future.
59)Keep telling him... [imitate Yami in a ghostly tone] "Ooh! Yugi, you must summon the Celtic Guardian! The fate of the world depends on it!"

(58-59 suggested by Cholix-chan)

60)Convince him that friendship is the best thing ever.
61)Keep talking to him about friendship.
62)Make him listen to all your friendship speeches.

(60-62 suggested by Tsukasa Mason)


63)Sing "Every Sperm is Sacred."

64)Wave a vial of glitter in front of him and say, "This vial was Rosalie. You're next."

65)Ask him how a corpse can reproduce. Kinda coincides with the question of Renesmee's paternity.

66)Ask him about his p***s.

67) That and if it'd be like riding an ice cube.

6 cool Ask him what brand of body glitter he uses.
69)Ask him if his mom is Tinkerbell or Navi.
70)Cosplay as Navi and everytime he looks to you, say, "Hey!", "Listen!", and/ or "Look out!"

(63-70 suggested by Suiseiten)

71) Station police officers around Bella's room.
(suggested by personwholikescookiezx3)

72) Talk to him in riddles.
(suggested by Cholix-chan)

73) Serenade him with "Ice Ice Baby."

( suggested by TheQuietRiversRage)

74)Tell him that his Volvo got stolen and has been destroyed MYTHBUSTERS STYLE! (My suggestion, folks)

(TheQuietRiversRage)

75)Point out Charlie's mustache. Comment about how epic it is. Remind Edward why he can't have one.
76)Steal his a**l beads. blame the spawn.
77)Download something you know to be a Trojan onto his computer. Giving a hacker or two remote access would also be fun to watch. Take bets on which hacker will annoy him most.
7 cool Grill a slab of ribs in the backyard. If Edward asks, tell him his wife was good for something, after all.
79)Load a full kindergarten class with caffeine and release them on an unsuspecting Edward.
80)Tell him Bela Lugosi wants a word.
81)Threaten to call Molly Weasley on his wife.
82)Set up a credit card in his name and buy nothing but little pink thongs and lacey bras with it. Makeup and tampons are also good items.
83)Cover his bed with used tampons.
84)Knock over his card castles when he's about to put the last card on. do this several times a day.
85)Put Bella and Kagome Higurashi in a whining contest.
86)Invite River Song over. Amy and Rory would be fun as well.
87)Send him to the DMV. Four hours after it opens.

(75-87 suggested by Insane Scarheaded Whovian)

8 cool Tell him, "Edward, I'm your father."
(suggested by Cholix-chan)

89)Tell Edward that the reason he can't read Bella's mind is because there's nothing in there to read.

90)Read the Twilight books to him. Loudly. Constantly. And as over dramatically as possible. Bonus points if you can time it properly so you're reading it AS Bella is thinking. (If he wants to know what she's really thinking so badly, he can suffer with the rest of us.)

(suggested by Nobody Famous, 89-90)


91)Change/ extend the whining contest to being with Misa Amane and the American version of Usagi/ Serena from Sailor Moon. Language specified because it feels that the one in the initial release- especially from the first two seasons- was a lot worse than the Japanese release. Hell, let's make it completely migraine enducing and throw in Miaka Yuki of Fushigi Yuugi!

92)Sit him down and have him read the Twilight books themselves. Then tell him that you're a fortune teller that has come to prevent the events from happening. If he says, "But fortune telling is a pseudo science with no volatile evidence of being real," retort, "and corpses move on their own after sucking blood?"

(91-92 suggested by TheQuietRiversRage)

93) Say "MAKE MEH A SAMMICH NOW!" and tell how you want it done in a certain way. Make it very complicated and extremely irritating for him to do so. (Suggested by Me!)

94)Tie him down force him to watch this video.
(Suggested by Doctor Murdoc Niccals)

95)Drug Bella and give her a "Team Jacob" tattoo on her neck.
(suggested by The Mangled Masterpiece)

96)Tie him to a ceiling and hold a disco party!*
( suggested byTheQuietRiversRage)


97)Since he claims to be a "vegetarian vampire," put him on a vegan diet.
(suggested by Suiseiten)

9 cool Feed him tofurky

99)Repeatedly ask where all the blood he drinks goes.

(98-99 suggested by personwholikescookiezx3)

100)Constantly remind him that no beating heart means no erection, therefore, in order to conceive Reneesmee, Bella had to have cheated on him."
( suggested by Minvera de Sade)

101) Frequently ask, "Can I touch your hair?" Edit: This may work best if you're another male or act like a shallow ditz that he can actually hear.


102) Because they use fail science to explain his vamp condition, ask which lab created him.


(101-102 suggested by TheQuietRiversRage)

103) Use a tuning fork on him! If the Nostalgia Critic--and Duck Tales--have taught us anything, it's that tuning forks can be used as weapons of mass destruction.

(suggested by NobodyFamous)

104) Remind him that the gay people don't want him as one of them.
(suggested by personwholikescookiezx3)

105)Tell him everything was created by The Flying Spaghetti Monster and tell him to repent for "He boiled for his sins".
(suggested by Doctor Murdoc Niccals)

106)Every time he sparkles in the sunlight, you must yell "Bright Light!"

107)Make "Captain Planet" references.

10 cool Hit him with a spoon every single second.

(106-108 suggested by Cholix-chan)

109)Inform him that if his cells were actually covered in crystalline, the friction from him trying to move should set him on fire and that if the sparklyness was at a cellular level, it would not look like he was glittering and have more of a shine effect, so he must actually enjoy makeup.

110)Spread his secret to Bella and hide his make-up.

(109-110 suggested by personwholikescookiezx3)

111)Tie him down and make him watch this whole video.
(suggested by Doctor Murdoc Niccals)

112) I'd also like to test the effects on Jacob because of how my dog looked at me like I was insane for playing the video. (Same video, folks.)

113)Follow him with a chisel and hammer and say that you want to run a skin sample.

114)Bind him and press a hot branding iron to his body. It doesn't matter where, just the heat should do a nice bit of damage.

(112-114 suggested by Suiseiten)

115) Ask him to write you an essay on why he thinks Bella smells so much like "Bacon". Tell him it has to be a 100-pages long and very detailed. Afterwards, when he's done, give him an "F" just because you can. (suggested by NightfallDuet, not the OC.)

116)Tell him you see Voldemort. Maybe he'll get a flashback.
(suggested by The Official Dani)

117)Duct tape his buns together.

11 cool Tell him that you revived Victoria.
(117-118 suggested by Cholix-chan)


119)Tell Seras Victoria that he's got a bed while she has a coffin and he doesn't even use it most of the time and watch her go nuts on him.

(suggested by Doctor Murdoc Niccals)

120) Make him eat these to see if it'll brighten his mood. xD

(Suggested by ME!)

121) Tell the police that he was hunting out of season
122) Like "gay porn" on his facebook account.
123) Give his address to Twilhards <---Very, very bad, but I love it. <3
124) Take away his thesaurus.

(121-124 suggested by personwholikescookiezx3)

125) Make him take a test based on Bella. Grade it with a Sharpie (any color of your choosing).
126) Make him read your mind, and see how right/wrong he is. (Remember say "Wrong", even if he's right. xD)

(125-126 suggested by Me!)

127) Make him watch the scene where Jacob forces himself on Bella on eternal repeat a la A Clockwork Orange.

(Suggested by Minvera de Sade)

12 cool Keep asking him, "how "Your kind" suck blood if they don't have fangs?".

(suggested by Cholix-chan)

129)Send him this:

(suggested by Shin Shiv Katana)



*Side Note: We replaced "Disco" with a Lightsaber-themed Pinata Party. biggrin
Doc HABIT Strider's avatar

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11) hide dildos where Bella and he are sure to be together
12) sign his e-mail up for various LGBT singles sites.
Rogue Destiny's avatar

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Doctor Murdoc Niccals
11) hide dildos where Bella and he are sure to be together
12) sign his e-mail up for various LGBT singles sites.


What's his e-mail? I wanna know!!! Tell meh!!!!
Doc HABIT Strider's avatar

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NightfallDuet
Doctor Murdoc Niccals
11) hide dildos where Bella and he are sure to be together
12) sign his e-mail up for various LGBT singles sites.


What's his e-mail? I wanna know!!! Tell meh!!!!

Lol, I wish I knew, Sana. I would totally do that and share with everyone. XD
Rogue Destiny's avatar

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Doctor Murdoc Niccals
NightfallDuet
Doctor Murdoc Niccals
11) hide dildos where Bella and he are sure to be together
12) sign his e-mail up for various LGBT singles sites.


What's his e-mail? I wanna know!!! Tell meh!!!!

Lol, I wish I knew, Sana. I would totally do that and share with everyone. XD


Hack his computer? NUMBER 13! HACK. HIS. COMPUTER.


Let's add it. biggrin
14. Mock his appearance.

15. Photoshop his face to every guys to gay porn magazines.

16. Call him "Captain Planet".

17. Subscribe over 9000 gay porn websites with his name.
Doc HABIT Strider's avatar

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NightfallDuet
Doctor Murdoc Niccals
NightfallDuet
Doctor Murdoc Niccals
11) hide dildos where Bella and he are sure to be together
12) sign his e-mail up for various LGBT singles sites.


What's his e-mail? I wanna know!!! Tell meh!!!!

Lol, I wish I knew, Sana. I would totally do that and share with everyone. XD


Hack his computer? NUMBER 13! HACK. HIS. COMPUTER.


Let's add it. biggrin

Yush, let's. >83
18. Put up "Missing Posters" of him everywhere.
NightfallDuet


13) HACK. HIS. COMPUTER. (see if there's porn. XD)



If there is a lack of incriminating porn, download some for him. Then leave it out where everyone can see it.
vampiremistress702's avatar

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`Dunk yourself in glitter, then point, laugh and say ``I``m sparkler then you!``
personwholikescookiezX3's avatar

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15) Raid his makeup cabinet.
21. gives his number out to his fangirls.
22. Stinking up his whole house.
23. Fill his house with mouse traps.
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"9) Tell him that Jacob imprinted on him."

rofl rofl rofl rofl
Mangledhasleftthebuilding's avatar

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Tell him Jacob imprinted on CARLISLE!

This is something Bella could have done; Name his daughter "Victoria."
25. Tell him he should get back together with Carlisle.
26. Replace all of the pants he owns with frilly pink tutus.

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