I confess that when the Alpocolyps comes, I will be waiting with my good friend Ricky, for my own personal Christmas At Ground Zero for One More Minute. I'll make Phony Calls to all of my friends telling them just how White And Nerdy I am. I'll run to the nearest confessional and cry out to the Midnight Star, crying out that the Checks In The Mail, wailing how I Lost On Jeopardy! I'll take my Velvet Elvis in my hands, and begin my long walk down the Nature Trail To Hell, with my King Of Suede and Waffle King beside me, holding my hands as we fight off the evil Germs of the raptor. However, as the Saga Begins, I'll use my Polka Power to fight through the villainous Party At The Leper Colony. Realizing that I'm just a useless Couch Potato, I'll sing an Ode To A Super Hero and ask for a Genius From France to help me see that It's All About The Pentiums. But then, its just a Complicated Song. In the end, I won't be able to win, however, with a last rousing call to Bob, I know that I'll be able to do at least some good in fighting off the powers of evil by running to the Hardware Store, and in remembering the Night Santa Went Crazy, I'll reach for my wrench of power, tipping the cashier with a donor Pancreas, I'll be Close But No Cigar, with how fast I have to get the Virus Alert out. Letting everyone know that in my Confessions Part 3, I joined in on Weasel Stomping Day, but then, I was just a Canadian Idiot. But you can't get mad at me for this, because not only do I have CNR on my side, but baby, I Perform This Way!