"The soul of Chaos is always depicted laughing wildly and revealing himself from, or holding an object like, a Pandora’s box."
- "Demons Among Us: Uncovering Evil", Dr. Abraham Lockheed
Now ladies and gentleman - let's not forget the kids, I'm a fan of a good show. And believe me, I put on the best. But we're gonna give ya a fair shot. If your murdering skills are up to snuff you could win some fabulous prizes!
Or we'll let you live a couple of minutes longer.
Categories:
Most Creative Kill:
Novelty items and cute little stunts alone aren't gonna be enough here. Now say if you use an explosive pumpkin, a carving knife AND a unicycle... then we might be impressed!
Most Intricately Planned:
This is gonna go to our master murderer. The guy (or gal, hey, we're equal opportunity murderer enthusiasts!) who can make his kill have so many twists and turns there's a chance you can die just on the ride, we might just be impressed!
Most Devastating
There's something about murder we don't often appreciate. The effect it can have on another person when do the deed right in front of 'em. For this award we're gonna need to see someone in a pool of tears and blood for the climax, then we might just be impressed!
Most Collateral Damage
Sure any old super powerful beast or regular sadist can rip a guy apart, but where's the fun in that? ...oh. Oh, hah! I forgot, there's so much fun in that I'm tearing up a little. But still! We're talking about killing someone in such a destructive way you mess up the venues themselves! (No suing, we promise) Do this, and we might just be impressed!
Cleanest Kill
I gotta be honest with ya folks. My least favourite award. If I'm not bathing in the fluids of my victims I'm just not having fun. But for some, they take pride in this part of the job. Kill your target in the swiftest and least gory way - then we might just be impressed!
Goriest (without breaking the ToS) Kill
Let me be clear about this one: I WANNA SEE BLOOD, I WANNA SEE GORE, I WANNA SEE ORGANS STREAMING THE WALLS LIKE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS! Because remember, it's never too early to think about Christmas. For this, we might be impressed!
Stealthiest Kill
Isn't the best scene the one where the killer is quietly lurking in the room the entire time the two teens are having sex? That's what we're looking for here! Minus the sex, I guess. Make your terrifying presence known to a room by dropping a guy without them even seeing ya! For this, we might just be impressed!
Funniest
Head in a microwave! Corrosive acid pie to the face! The good old boxing glove! All classically hilarious methods of murder, boys and girls. But we need something so side splittingly (maybe literally!) hilarious we'll have a hard time telling ya you've won! If you can manage that we might just be impressed!
Best in Show
And here it is folks. The big prize. The ultimate murderer's reward for the the ultimate murder by the ultimate murderer. Ya gotta be pretty ultimate to land this one!
Now I hear ya bitching about prizes. First of all: Kills don't count if they're during the day, since the no-kill rule is active at that time. Now. First seven categories get material prizes (like the big puppy plush filled with bones or gold or somethin') but for Best in Show - they win Fear's Favour. What's that you ask?
Fear's Favour: Guaranteed immortality for a period of five days (if character isn't already immortal), and a set of powers as decided on by Fear himself. Impress the man enough? You get to run the show on Halloween night. Powers only work after sunset.
Here's a riddle for ya, see if you can guess the punchline! What's the difference between a scream and a shriek?
A longer blade! Ahahahaha!