xxxxxxxxxxҬφɼι ȷą∂ℯ Ɍφϛℯηxxxxxxxxxx
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☾I'm so sick, infected with, where I live
Let me live without this, empty bliss, selfishness!☽━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
•xxxx Nag, nag, nag. That's all those people ever did. They nagged at every move that she made and every decision that she came to. She had an image to uphold and they reminded her of the consequences should she ever forget. How could she? They had taken everything from her. The love that she had found, the person she had come to be...all of it. It was gone. Lost in the facade she had created in a desperate fit of self preservation. All of the events and planning and parties that she put on or attended could not fill the void within her soul. This person, this girl staring at her in the mirror with haunting brown eyes, was not the Victoria Rosen of old. This girl, though having been around for awhile, was a stranger. A shell that one day she would get to shed. Oh how glorious that day would be, she thought to herself. Once she came of age and was able to rip herself from their clutches, she could be free. Free to love who she wanted, to do as she pleased, and to never answer to these uptight and unimaginative persons who called themselves her parents. Those annoying and ever present reminders that pushed and pulled and molded her to what they wanted her to be. The preparations for this weekend had been no different. They had warned her about how she was expected to behave. As if Tori wasn't already used to putting on that fake smile and laughing a laugh that grit on her nerves every time that she heard it. Did anyone else hear the tinge of sadness? Did they hear the regret in her voice when she made fun of someone and put down their beliefs? Couldn't anyone see the real girl within? Not for the first time, the girl was forced to swallow down her thoughts and move forward with life. Soon. Soon she could be free.
•xxxx A ghost town wasn't exactly her idea of a great class trip, but the location mattered little. What really mattered was getting out of her prison. Away from the restraints of people who didn't know a thing about her but were supposed to be the closest people to her. Before this trip she had finished up some last minute details for various activities through the next month and then slipped away on the bus. There were people there that made her nervous for herself. Namely Emma....She was so open about who she was and her preference for her own gender that it made Tori nervous. There was no love lost between Emma and Tori as the world saw it, but it pained the dark haired girl every time she had to put the other girl down. Every word that left her mouth as an insult directed at her for her way of life, killed a part of Tori's soul. Everything she said these days were so fake and forced. It was little wonder that once the buses arrived at their destination that Tori threw herself into every bulletin on the itinerary. Every activity and amenity offered she took advantage of. Only in those quiet moments before sleep claimed her did she allow herself to relax. She thought on her life and where it was headed. If it were up to her parents she would remain the impostor in her skin. They would have her go to some fancy college and become a lawyer or other fancy, well paid stick in the mud. As her thoughts roamed, her eyelids drifted shut to sweet slumber.
•xxxx While falling asleep had been the easy part, waking up had proved incredibly hard. It was the day that they would all leave and she would be forced to walk back into that house with them. The house of Teresa and Kevin Rosen. Long ago Victoria had stopped calling them mother and father. They had waived those rights by stepping on her and pushing her down with their beliefs and expectations. They didn't so much care about what happened to her as much as they cared about how she affected their image. A grimace formed on her face as she was forced to wake for the day. Sleep had been easy despite the inferior quality of the mattress in this bunk bed. How long had she slept? Her eyelids still felt heavy and when she went to run her hand through her dark hair the curls were dreadfully tangled. Tori groaned and rolled over, pulling her blanket tighter around her. She didn't want to get up because getting up would lead to going home. And yet, she really needed to get going. There were things that needed her attention and she wouldn't let down the others involved simply because she didn't feel like doing it anymore. Tori sighed to herself and threw away the covers, only to mutter to herself about how cold it was and shiver. Victoria and cold weather simply did not get along.
•xxxxThe sound of the door opening and someone greeting whoever was on the other side was at the back of Tori's mind. She didn't much care who came and went as long as they left her alone. The whole trip she had been surrounded by people. It had been exhausting instead of the relaxing and invigorating trip that she had wanted. Now she was climbing out of bed and searching for her phone. She needed to shut off the alarm before it went off and woke anyone else up. It took her a moment to find her phone twisted and buried in her blanket, and what she found irritated her. It was dead. Dead as a door nail. Where was her charger? Would she have time to find it and charge it before the buses left? As the sound of the shower could be heard, Tori started the search for her charger, only to realize about fifteen minutes later that she didn't have it with her. Had she forgotten the damn thing? She retraced her steps and realized with a clarity that she had meant to pack it in her bag when her parents had cornered her to give her another lecture. She had left it lying on her bed when she had angrily snatched up her bags. Victoria could feel a headache coming on. This was going to suck. Not that her phone was her life line, but it was important.
•xxxx Tori sighed and turned to get up and head to the bathroom. She no longer heard the shower running which was a good thing as she needed to pee desperately. Stretching out for a moment she looked around the room and froze. Emma was in the cabin now...but she wasn't clothed. At least, not entirely. She was leaning over one of the other beds and signing to the girl laying there. Tori didn't know the first thing about signing and therefore had no idea what was being said, but her brain wasn't even trying to process that information. Instead her eyes were drawn to the exposed breasts of the other girl. She felt her mouth go dry. When was the last time that she had seen a pair of breasts? It had been so long that she didn't even remember...and even now her brain was telling her that she shouldn't be looking. It was wrong...It was going to get her into trouble. No good could come from her ogling a half naked girl. Hadn't she been trying to stuff this side of her down? But it all came rushing back. The lust for the lush feel of a woman's body pressed against her own. The unforgettable feel of soft, silky skin as her hands ran over every inch of her lover's body. Tori shivered with memories that flooded her brain. How she missed that woman. The first love of her life and she had been torn away from the young girl's arms by people too rooted within their religion and faith to see that there was nothing wrong with loving someone of the same gender. And wasn't this just the kicker? The first pair of breasts she saw in a long time and they belonged to the one girl that Tori was always putting down for her lesbianism. Oh the irony and torture.
•xxxx Forcing herself to look away, Tori gathered the few supplies that she would need to freshen up. Stealing a glance back at the half naked Emma. Stealing herself, she stood and walked towards the bathroom at a pace that was just a little too fast to be casual. Words that should have come to her naturally if Emma would have just been wearing some damn clothes stuck at the back or Tori's throat. She couldn't trust herself to speak for the fear that what she had intended to say wouldn't come out and rather she'd say something that would out her for the lust that she felt. It had been so long. The urge to reach out and caress the soft skin, to cup just one....Tori shook herself free of her preoccupation with Emma's nakedness. At the door to the bathroom she hissed, "Put some clothes on for God's sakes, dyke!" Then she disappeared inside, slamming the door to hide her shame for the nasty comments she was forced to make to maintain an image that she detested. Anything to keep herself out of boot camp...How selfish.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☾I'm so sick, I'm so sick!☽━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━