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- Posted: Fri, 20 Jan 2012 19:36:22 +0000
Jason Adolf Sullivan
Outside the rain's fallin' down
There's not a drop that hits me
There's not a drop that hits me
- It's that feeling you have, where you're invincible, high as a kite, the world is great, and nothing is real. What started as simple quizzing and probing questions about Bailey's mental health ended with him going just a tad bit too far. The first clue was when she flipped out, the shouting jogged him from his invincible feeling and he was stuck feeling numb. It's like being lifted up in an elevator only to find that the bottom of the elevator has disappeared and you're left falling into nothingness. At that moment he was stuck in that sickening weightlessness just before gravity takes over and pulls you down. He stared at her stunned, and gulped as it sunk in that what he was doing wasn't actually helping anything. He had thought that if he had called her out while she was hand cuffed and virtually benign under their control that they could question her about her master, that they could finally solve the mystery that was Fable. Unfortunately his idealistic thoughts were wrong. He had only hurt and terrified Bailey who didn't deserve it at all. "I'm sorr--" Jason was about to try and make it better. He reached out to try and comfort the girl and tell her he hadn't meant what he said and that he was sorry. He wanted to tell her he had only been trying to figure out if it were a split personality or a possession. He really hadn't meant to make her so scared.
He couldn't finish what he was saying, "What the ******** is your problem?!" his face went pale, and flushed all at the same time ans a sense of shame went through him. He flinched and pulled away from Bailey and pulled his knees to his chest instinctively as Jim yelled at him. "I'm sorry!" He felt like a child caught with his had in the cookie jar because he was getting a cookie for his mother and his father was going to beat the s**t out of him because he thought the boy was stealing. "No, that's cool. She's obviously in a fragile, emotional state and you want to try to trigger that thing? If you're enabling the deaths of others, then you are no better than Waldo's puppets. Cuff him-- if he's going to ******** act like a criminal, cuff him!" "No, please I didn't mean--" “You’ve done enough why don’t you go play with kids your own damn age.” As always Jason shut up. He stopped trying to defend himself. He stopped trying to fix it. No one would believe him, they thought he was a monster.... ”Vi, Jim is right. You need to keep Jason under control or we’ll have to cuff him." That last one cut deep. He hadn't hurt anyone. Not physically, cuffs were restraints... In his opinion a gag would be more advantageous in this situation, but what did this matter? Apparently he wasn't a person, he was a dangerous animal who needed to be cuffed up because he was trying to help. He wasn't a person... No one thought to talk to him... or reason with him... no, he was a monster trying to bring out more monsters...
He glanced over at his twin and wondered if everyone wasn't right. It wasn't his fault he was still alive, Garvey was the one who kept insisting that Jason live. It was all Garvey's fault... None of these people deserved to go play with Kili. They were all so mean, even Piran, who he thought was his friend... Even Piran wouldn't give him the benefit of the doubt... and of course his brother would try to protect him, but it didn't matter, they all hated him... and all he had tried to do was help. "Who am I fooling... you're here, but nothing is better... You're just a fake," He mumbled into his knees quietly ignoring the tears stinging the back of his eyes. He looked away from Kili's hurt face and a his feet, "Don't look at me like that... I didn't kill you..." As a defensive mechanism Jason blocked out everything an just stared at his toes trying to breathe deep even breaths even as the sobs threatened to erupt from his chest and make him looks stupid. Boys don't cry, especially over a little reprimand... Of course it wasn't the reprimands that had done it, he had felt bad in the first place, and then the yelling had hurt, but he could have shrugged it off... It was how Jimmy had been so harsh wanting to tie him up without even attempting to understand first. Sure they didn't have a whole lot of time, sure things were stressful... but he didn't have to do that... did he... Jason couldn't help but feel that he did deserve it... It was what he got for trying to help and ******** it all up.
Jason's eyes fell on Jim's Cigarette as everyone's attention was off of Jason and on the riddle, no one was looking at him, no one really cared... They were all talk. 'cuff him' 'make him miserable' but no one was actually doing anything. Was it because he looked so pathetic? Had Vivi protected him well enough...? What was going on? Did it matter? No. Kili was gone... and suddenly he cared that the apparition he saw was not his brother. Even if it was Kili was still dead, so what did it matter? He was crazy, and he could see it. One of his more lucid moments and one of his crazy moments had collided and now he was left... enlightened, and no better than before. Only this time he wasn't taking his meds like a good little boy. If anyone was ******** up, it was him... and he didn't care. He saw he cigarette just hover there and a sort of compulsion went through him. He needed to be punished for hurting Bailey, he wanted to hurt Jimmy. All he knew was that if he were going to be cuffed and seen as a monster, then he might as well deserve it. Jason stood up slowly, or at least it felt that way to him, and he walked forward quiet as a mouse, unnoticed, at least until it was too late. Jason took the mostly smoked cigarette from Jimmy's hand before the Serious could react, and put it out on the back of his own him.
His face remained passive, even slightly pleasured as he smelt the burning of his own flesh. He could feel the pain flash all through his arm concentrated at his hand and he didn't care. He looked up at Jim with two dead eyes, "Smoking is bad for you." He blinked slowly once and dropped the cigarette holding his wrists up and together in front of Jim his fingers splayed out. "You can cuff me now, it doesn't matter, he's coming for me... I'm going to see Kili again... His gun ran out of bullets last night, but he'll come back for me, but it's okay, 'cause I'll be one less person to worry about, one more pair of handcuffs you can use one someone who actually needs them." It was bold, it was rebellious, it was totally against everything that was Jason, but he didn't care anymore, he couldn't make people like him, and those who said they liked him were lying. What did it matter? "Better yet..." He lowered his hands. "You might as well just leave me here, Less danger for the group... but when Bailey turns into Fable when your backs are turned and kills someone because you think she won't do so eventually... I hope you remember the pair of handcuffs you left behind." He heard a deep warning tone from his brother behind him and froze before turning to look at him with the same dead eyes. "You know I'm right, 'criminal' that I am, we're all going to die because you three want to save everyone, yet you step on the same people you want to save!"
Jason ignored the angry tears that ran down his cheeks and waited for the sentencing to fall. He tried to convince himself that he didn't care about how bold he had been... but now that the initial pain and anger had subsided he was trembling inside. He hoped they would leave him there, he ran his hand over the burn and smeared the white blood cells trying to heal it already, and winced as the pain finally penetrated the adrenaline. It was about this time that Eliza came in freaking out, and the attention shifted to her... He was more than a little thankful for this, but he was sure that he would reap the 'benefits' of this little endeavor very soon, and it only left him feeling empty. He felt something on his hand and looked down at Kili's little hand and wanted to weep.
2nd Floor, Building B in the Cafeteria Standing in the middle of the three detectives.
Scream at the sky but no sound
Is leavin' my lips
I keep running into walls that I can't break down
I said I just wander around
With my eyes wide shut because of you
I'm a sleepwalker walker walker