XxJessicaelisexX
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- Posted: Wed, 27 Jan 2010 00:02:26 +0000


She wasn’t there, as if she had bolted the doors to all feeling and was pushing the door closed with her back. She was being Matthew and he had to admit, she as doing a pretty good job. She was running away from her feelings instead of feeling them, at least she wasn’t physically running. That was something right? He heard her scoff, seen her shrug. Saw the blankness in those eyes, eyes that were normally full of life. Full of feeling, full of things Matthew could only dream to understand. Matthew had use to call Cindre Baby when they were getting on, which got less and less within their short relationship. At first the male had said nothing but, James even joked he did it because he couldn’t remember her name. But this was untrue, he knew her name alright. He looked at it this way, she had been his baby, his person. Everyone needed one right? Since he used the name for her, he had yet to use it again. Like the phrase ‘baby girl’ never again would he utter it from his lips to anyone but her. See, there was more to Matt than met the eyes, would you be able to stick around to see it? Who knew, things happened and people changed. Would Matt? Only time would tell.
He saw the evil grin and forced himself to stay near her…she wanted to rip someone’s balls off. He was sure of it…he was only hoping they weren’t his. He rather liked where they were now, where they were suppose to be. He rolled his tongue over his lower lip as she answered him, her voice was the same as her eyes. Emotionless. It pained him to see, pained him to see him in her AND not in the way he would of liked…in the future. He looked at her as she spoke again and he frowned. “Don’t talk like that Cindre…I don’t want to break you. I don’t want to hurt you…” He said, the softness in his voice was becoming permanent. Argh! The male was understanding, where was the real Matt? See, he was good when they weren’t talking about him and HIS feelings. He was fine, he wasn’t all that awkward. Of course tears caused him discomfort but how would he be when he wasn’t the reason why she was crying? This wasn’t him, this had nothing to do with him. At least not yet, maybe he’d be fine with the leaking eyes?
The laugh that came to her lips sounded just as hollow as her voice had sounded. He had no idea what to do with this, no idea to make her feel better. Was he simply making it worse? As she expressed her hate for him, it took him a moment to realise it wasn’t him. Glad of such, he was still pissed off to the fact the other had effected her so. He could of saved her! He had no idea how…but surely… ‘Stop! This isn’t your fault and it isn’t hers.’ As she expressed cutting her hair off, his hands went up to touch it but he stopped himself. Looking at her he frowned, having no idea what to say. Would his words make any difference? Would he put his large foot up his own arse if he spoke? “Hatred is something you need to feel. But as it hurting yourself, why? This isn’t your fault Cindre. I don’t want to see you hurt, don’t want to see you hurting yourself.” He said and rubbed the back of his neck, hoping he was helping somewhat and he wasn’t ruining all of this by simply saying the wrong thing.
He looked up as she laughed and the frown that came to his face seemed permanent. Was she laughing at him? Here he was being nice and she threw it back in his face? Was that it? He was about to let go, when she spoke. He didn’t, he didn’t move. He simply stayed close, erasing the frown and listening. Being her ears and listening, she needed someone. Was he now that someone? “You’ll be alright, I’ll make sure of it.” He said and nodded firmly. He wasn’t sure how yet…but he was willing to give it a try. Even if it meant she wasn’t with him…would he be willing to put his confused feelings aside for her and let her live her life? Of course and he knew this wasn’t because he wanted too. Did he? ‘Hell, don’t confuse yourself. Back to her!’ He nodded to his thoughts and looked at her. He smiled softly, a reassuring smile, a kind smile…a smile that seemed somewhat alien on Matt’s lips. It suited him none the less. Then she spoke about forgetting him…so this was his fault? Guilt racked his stomach and he felt sick. “I’m sorry…sorry I made you need to forget.” He said in a low whisper, looking awfully shitty right now. She didn’t know what to do with herself, Matt looked up as he heard her say Matty. It was something she was allowed to do, it was a name that sounded too cute for anyone else’s lips. Wednesday had called him Mattie-boy it was different. Close to Em’s nickname for Cam though. He looked back to her, her tears were falling, still falling and Matt hadn’t reacted badly. He simply continued to attempt to comfort her.
As she pulled back slightly in his arms to stroke his cheek and then his chest, he shuddered slightly. Her touch sparking something in him that made him pay attention. The girl had his full attention, who knew a touch could do so. He looked at her and nodded slightly as she stopped. He had been listening well before, imagine where she had him now? Through out the whole conversation she had been leaning into him and hugging him, but the last one felt different. He felt her thinking something over, even saw it in her eyes. As she kissed his cheek he smiled slightly and looked at her. How her hair fell from the bun was like something out of a movie…it annoyed him. How come his hair didn’t always look that good? ’What are you a women? Shut up man.’ God, he was on top form today, wasn’t he? Her soft fingers on his cheek once more, from the corner of his eyes he could see her cuts. All the while he looked into her eyes, his eyes never moving off hers, unless she broke the contact between them.
Her finger softly trailed over his lips and he felt the after effect, felt them tingle, felt his mind expect more. He pushed it down and looked at her, confusion apparent in his eyes. He hoped this wasn’t going to go where he felt like it was going to go. She was always confused enough, she was already hating herself. How would she deal with him pushing her away? Stopping her make right what Alex wronged? She leaned upwards, there came a time he could no longer hold the contact as she kissed the corner of his lips, Matt leaned down slightly. Leaning into the kiss that was place onto his lips. His hands in her hair as he kissed her back, for a moment he didn’t expect anything more. This surely wasn’t making her feel any better? But the man inside him was egging to get out, as her hands stroked his chest and made their way downwards. He felt the heat between them raise and he pressed himself back down, they she placed with the fabric on his jeans, slowly her hands slipped inside and Matt’s lips left hers. He stood a small step back, his own breath had already quickened. His heart beat was banging against his chest, to have to stop himself three times in one day was enough for any man. “I can’t Cindre…I can’t.” He said and looked down. She turned away from him and muttered that she was disgusting. “No, you are not.” He said and gently he took hold of her wrist and eased her back to him. He looked at her and spoke, his voice firm but soft. “You are not disgusting, this between us is nothing you need to feel guilty about. We both know these types of urges have been with us since the beginning. You are not doing this because you are disgusting. This is natural, what he did was disgusting. He forced himself upon you Cindre, this is nothing you should blame yourself for or feel ashamed off. Shout it to the world if you must. HE was in the wrong not you, this is not and should never be a dirty little secret. Tell as many people as you can, why should you have to work through this alone? In fact, you’re not alone. Never will be, as long I have breath in my lungs Cindre. I’m here for you. It may not always be the way you want it, lord knows I have some s**t of my own to deal through. But I’m here.” He said, compassion in his voice.
He wasn’t ready to lock the doors the single life, who knew when he would be. But when she needed him…he would be there. Whether he needed to come to her or not…wait was Matt willing to chase after someone? No, this wasn’t chasing. This was caring, remember that. We may need it in the further. He looked into her eyes and kissed his lips softly. “Nothing about you will ever be disgusting. Nothing.” He said and kissed her forehead. “What he did to you was wrong, there is no excuse for him raping you. Nothing you did made him do it, he decided not to listen. It was his choice, his mistaken and we both know he’s going to pay for it.” He said, angry building up the more he spoke about him. He frowned and swallowed the lump rising in his mouth. No one was hurting her again…not in that way. He wanted to say he wouldn’t either, truly wanted to believe he wouldn’t. But even when he sorted through his head, it was impossible not to hurt the ones you cared for. He looked at the female in front of him, running his hand softly through her hair. He allowed his arms to go back to his side, in case she wanted to leave his side.



















