Smexyful testing - do not click, do not post.

[Bifflestick]

◀ ◁ яσχαηηє ιη∂ιαηηα ѕυммєятση ▷ ▶

❝there are no stupid questions but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots❞
xoxoxoxo« ✿ anoymous ✿ »

Insert fabby and marvy RPing text herr. xD




you've got me thinking that
lately i've been wishing
the television would show me more
than just a picture of the things i've grown to detest

[Bifflestick]

◀ ◁ яσχαηηє ιη∂ιαηηα ѕυммєятση ▷ ▶

❝there are no stupid questions but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots❞
xoxoxoxo« ✿ anoymous ✿ »

What on Earth had she gotten herself into?

That was the single thought that floated through her head as she walked into town. So, she'd been asked. So, he'd begged. Did she really want this? The answer was a resounding yes, and she damn well knew it. Roxanne Summerton sighed and ran a hand through the tangles of her dark hair. Her green eyes lacked their usual sparkle, replaced instead by an edge of worry. She was going to see him again. Maxx. Her ex boyfriend. She knew she still had feelings for him, and that she quite possibly always would do, but a part of her was screaming to turn in the opposite direction and run. Connor had rang her up, begging her to help Maxx out. He wasn't himself anymore. Aparently, he hadn't been since she'd left. But Roxie had a hard time believing that Maxx would fall apart just because she'd left - he was much stronger than that. Not like her. The tour had made her more independant, yes, and given her the courage to defy her parents wishes and do a writing course rather than become a doctor like they wanted, but recently she'd been a mess. Editor of Lavender, one of the biggest magazines of the moment, was stressful enough. But then her dad had died, and Roxie had lost it. She wasn't dealing well without him around, and she had started drinking to help deal with it. Her mother was worried, her friends were worried...maybe seeing Maxx again would help her out, though Roxie seriously doubted it - seeing him again would probably just re open the old wounds that had just about healed.

Some people passed her and said hello, and Roxie smiled and raised a hand in greeting, her own hello soft and quiet. Why had she agreed to this? Because she wanted to see him again. More than anything. But why? Because she still loved him. After all this time? Yes. It hadn't faded. If anything, it had just grown stronger, the longing she felt for him. Roxie cursed her stupidity mentally. Falling out of love just wasn't possible, it seemed. Maxx still had a pretty firm grip on her heart, much as it pained her to admit it. Not that she did admit it to anyone but herself, because Roxie hated admitting that she wasn't okay. She didn't want anyone's pity - she'd brought everything on herself. Her heartbreak, her reliance on alcohol, her stupidly high stress levels. It was her fault and she didn't want anyone to take pity on her because of her own idiocy. She had gotten herself into this horrible mess and she could very well get herself out again, even if it was the last thing she did. Which it very well might be, if something didn't change soon.

She was getting closer to the restaurant where she was meeting Maxx. She slowed, all too aware of the fact that in the restaurant sat the guy who had stolen her heart way back when and had yet to give it back. She nibbled nerviously on the lower lip, her chipped left front tooth catching the light. Maxx would know all too well how that tooth had been chipped - a drunken fight after a concert one night - and the thought caused her to stop nibbling. It was a nervous habit that she really needed to break herself of, since she was forever breaking the skin and drawing blood. She was doing it more and more often recently, too, and there was an almots constant sore spot on her bottom lip. She sighed and her fringe fluttered madly. She tucked it impatiently behind her ear and a frown creased her pretty features, but as soon as she saw the restaurant and stopped, staring through the window in amazement.

She could see the top of Maxx's blonde head. The hair that she'd loved so much was shining in the light, and she tried to neaten her mass of unruly waves to no avail - her hair always had been a total mess. She wasn't feeling one hundred per cent anyway from one too many vodkas the night before, and as she stared at the back of Maxx's head she felt faintly sick. A mixture of anticipation, fear and longing shot through her, immobilising her on the spot. She couldn't move. She could only stand there, staring at the back of her ex boyfriend's head, her breathing becoming slowly more shallow as she tried to get her feet to obey her brain and go inside. A waitress gave her a weird look, and Roxie finally managed to turn herself away from the window. She ran a hand through her hair and nibbled furiously on her bottom lip, the sore spot complaining at her. She had to go in. She'd promised, and Roxie didn't break her promises. What was she scared of anyway? Wasn't she the fearless, up for anything Roxie Summerton, editor of one of the most popular magazines of the moment? Wasn't she the idependant, never-take-no-for-an-answer, I-can-help-myself-out-of-my-own-messes Roxie Summerton? Yes, she was. But she was also scared senseless of seeing Maxx again and all the feelings that would bring with it.

After a few more moments of working up to it, Roxie smoothed down her plain white button down shirt and tugged at her black trousers, staring at the toes of her small heeled black boots. She'd come straight from a meeting at work, so she looked smarter than maybe she would normally when she just dressed in jeans and whatever shirt she came across first in the morning. But meetings required her to dress up. Roxie wished that the meeting hadn't run on so long so she'd had a change to go change. But saying "sorry, guys, I have to go because I am meeting my ex to sort out all the crap that is going off in our lives, so I need to get out early". Like the investors would buy that one. She shook her head, tucked her hair behind her ears, took a deep breath and entered, walking as confidently as she could over to the table. She slid in opposite Maxx and gave him a small, lopsided smile. When she spoke, her usual lightly Scottish accented voice veered towards it's Scottish roots, something she'd been hoping to avoid, since then Maxx would know she was nervous. "Well, hello there, stranger. Long time no see."




you've got me thinking that
lately i've been wishing
the television would show me more
than just a picture of the things i've grown to detest

[Bifflestick]

『 ☆ 』 тαηzιє 『 ☆ 』
the ¢ σ υ я α g є σ υ ѕ gryffindor triplet

Insert fabby and freakin' marvy RPing text herr, m'kays? xD





••••••••••••••••••••
you are everything i want
••••••••••••••••••••
'cause you are everything i'm not
••••••••••••••••••••

[Bifflestick]

『 ☆ 』 тαηzιє 『 ☆ 』
the ¢ σ υ я α g є σ υ ѕ gryffindor triplet

It was getting harder to slip away.

She managed just fine, but it was getting harder. She was sure that her brothers were noticing the distinct lack of her in the room, but they hadn't said anything. Not yet, anyway. If she thought her oldest brother wouldn't notice it was missing - he was such a weirdo, checking that everything was still in its place every single night - she'd take the invisibilty cloak. She did sometimes, telling him she needed to go to the library but had forgotten to get a note to say she could after hours. She couldn't do that all the time, however, and often just had to slip out as quietly as possible. But when you were one of the most well known and well liked students around, slipping out quietly was hard. But she needed to get out. She had to. Because if she didn't, she wouldn't see him.

She shouldn't be doing this. She knew it, he knew it, but they did it regardless. She sighed an ran a hand through the tangles of her long dark hair, then darted behind a suit of armour as a ghost floated past. She couldn't be seen here. There would be hell to pay if a teacher found out she was sneaking around. Her deep green eyes glittered like emeralds - she had to admit that she relished the challenge, loved the danger. She knew she wouldn't get expelled or anything like that, but surely a good detention would be her punishment. If you'd call it that. As one of the famous Gryffindor triplets, Tanzie Lily-Katherine Silverton was loved by just about everyone. It was pretty much impossible to not love a girl like her. She was the kind of girl that you searched desperatly to find something to hate about but could never find anything. But she was sure that if they knew what she was sneaking around to do quite a few people could find a reason to hate her. What she was doing now violated the unwritten - and unspoken - laws of the houses. She wanted to stop doing it, but she couldn't. Why not? Because Tanzie was in love.

She sighed, but in a totally different way this time. It was a happy sigh. Thoughts of her boyfriend floated in her head. What it was about him, she wasn't sure. But they shouldn't be together. For a start, he was a Slyherin and she was a Gryffindor - it went against all those unwritten and unspoken house rules. And then he was judgemental and could be so arrogant - two things that Tanzie hated. But when he put his mind to it, he was funny and charming and he smiled at her in a way that made her feel as though she was the most important person in the world. The most amazing thing in Tanzie's eyes, however, was that he felt the same way. That he left his common room to sneak off with her. That he was willing to risk the detentions - especially going back to their common rooms late at night - and the fact that if anyone, anyone, found out, they'd quite possibly be exiled. They'd just be ignored by everyone. And much as Tanzie loved Zeik, she knew she'd hate it if her brothers stopped talking to her. As was the way with triplets, they were very close. She'd miss them like hell if they stopped talking to her. She was sure that, actually, they wouldn't, but they'd have to ignore her in class and in the common room and whenever there were other people around. Everyone would. Being a social creature, that was pretty high on Tanzie's list of things she never, ever wanted to happen. But she had to go and tempt fate and fall in love with a Slytherin, didn't she? She was stupid. So very, very stupid.

She glanced around nervously, looking for any more ghosts or the caretaker. Or a teacher. She saw none and darted to the end of the hallway and around the corner, hiding behind another suit of armour as Professor Valor passed. She held her breath, hoping that her head of house didn't see her. She didn't and carried on towards her office, and Tanzie sighed gently, darting down a couple of suits. It always took far too long to get to her destination, but it was worth it. Everytime. It was worth it to see Zeik to and have him hold her and to kiss him. A look of total and utter delight spread across Tanzie's face at the thought of Zeik's kisses. He truly was amazing. She was so caught up in her daydreams of her boyfriend that she failed to notice that another couple of ghosts - talking to Professor Wilson, the headmistress, no less - was coming towards her. She started and hid futher behind the suit of armous, holding her breath, not even daring to blink. Once the ghosts and Professor Wilson were out of range, Tanzie darted down the hallway and ran towards her destination, hiding when she needed to, but hardly encountering anyone else on her travels.

Finally, she'd arrived. The hallway was bare. She looked around and listened carefully, but there was no one around. She walked past the spot three times, thinking carefully of what she wanted and nothing else, then darted inside the Room of Requirement. It was different again today. It never was the same, though it didn't need to be. A bare room would have been perfect - anywhere where she and Zeik could meet in secret. But the Room always changed for them, giving them something new every day. Today there were a couple of soft looking chairs and a sofa around a crackling fire, and there were towering bookshelves filled to bursting with more books than Tanzie cared to think about, many of which she suspected had been taken from the library and left here for future reference or just to keep them out of the way because they were outdated or something. Tanzie walked over to the bookshelf nearest to her and pulled out a transfiguration book. A quick look inside told her it was eighty five years old, and she took it over to the sofa and sat down, enjoying the warmth that the fire provided and using the light from it to read while she waited for Zeik to arrive. It was very old - some of the spells in this were old when the book was written. Tanzie smiled as she read through them. Many of them were actually still used now, she noted. Transfiguration was one of her favourite lessons, and she excelled at it - she was already an animagus at seventeen, which was pretty rare. She'd managed to master the skill at fourteen, much to the surprise of Professor Valor. It was still slightly odd to walk around on four legs rather than two, but Tanzie loved the skill she had. She was proud of the fact that she was an animagus, and had been for a while. She figured it was a good skill to have, though she still hadn't found a valid reason for thinking that.

She curled her legs under her and pushed some dark hair from her eyes, which were glittering even more now at the prospect of seeing Zeik soon. The book was interesting, but it had nothing on her boyfriend. She grinned to herself, wishing she wasn't being so soft and pathetic about a guy but at the same time really not caring. Her eyes followed the words on the page, but she hardly took any of them in. He'd be here soon. They always met here at about the same time pretty much every day, unless they couldn't make it for any reason - usually homework overload or Quidditch. She looked at the door, then directed her gaze back to the book. It was pretty fascinating to her, comparing her transfiguration book back in her dorm to this one, seeing how much everything had changed. But nothing stayed the same. As a first year, Tanzie wouldn't have set foot anywhere near a Slytherin. Only during lessons when she had no choice did she go near them. But now...well, that had all changed now.

Tanzie looked longingly at the door again. "Hurry up, Zeik," she said softly, her Scottish accented voice low. She couldn't wait to see him again. Of course she'd seen him around school, but it was different then. No one knew that they were dating - if that were the correct word for it, since they hadn't been out on an actual date because of the seperation of the houses - and so during the day around everyone else they had to pretend to hate each other like a good Gryffindor and Slytherin did. And then at night they hid in the Room of Requirement and made up for all that. "C'mon, Zeik. Don't leave me," she whispered, knowing even as she said it he wouldn't. They always managed to let each other know if they couldn't make it, and he'd said nothing today. He'd be here. He had to be. He always was.





••••••••••••••••••••
you are everything i want
••••••••••••••••••••
'cause you are everything i'm not
••••••••••••••••••••

[Bifflestick]

◀ ◁ яσχαηηє ιη∂ιαηηα ѕυммєятση ▷ ▶

❝there are no stupid questions but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots❞
xoxoxoxo« ✿ anoymous ✿ »

He said her name. That was all. But the breathy voice in which he said it was enough to send her pulse sky rocketing. Trying to control her suddenly staggering pulse, she smiled lightly at him. He seemed pretty amazed to see her. But then Connor had said he wasn't going to let Maxx know it was her he'd phoned. He said Maxx might not come then. But he had, and she was there with him, and she couldn't help but want to lean over and run a hand through that gorgeous hair of his and press a kiss to those lips. God, how she'd missed those lips, his kisses. She watched cautiously as Maxx's eyes ran over her. He even took his sunglasses off to get a better look at her. The part of her that had been screaming to run the entire way down was screaming at her to run now. To get up, say a hurried goodbye and run away. But then another, much bigger part of her refused to let that happen. She wanted nothing more than to stay here with Maxx, even though she knew it'd all end in tears. Again.

She wanted to do the same to him, to drink him in, but she kept her gaze locked firmly on his. If she allowed her eyes to start roaming, she knew that she couldn't be held responsible for her actions. If she leant over and planted one on him, for instance, which was what part of her wanted more than anything. So she kept her gaze firmly on his. It didn't little too stop the urge, but at least she didn't come over all impulsive and do something she'd surely regret. She gave him a small smile when he said she was the person Connor had got in touch with. "Would I be sitting here if I wasn't? Who else would he contact, Maxx?" she asked, raising her left eyebrow questioningly. There was a small scar in her left eyebrow from a dog bite from when she was younger. It was a scar that Maxx had once said he utterly adored, but if Roxie remembered rightly they were both out of it at the time and so he could quite possibly have said anything. There were some blank spots from when she was drunk that she didn't really care to know about, since whatever happened in them surely wasn't good. It was another thing on the list of reasons why the rockstar life just wasn't for her. At the time, she'd managed to convince herself that the negatives outweighed the positives, but now she wasn't so sure. In actual fact, Roxie hadn't been sure of anything since she'd been back.

He never thought he'd see her again? Roxie gave him another smile, a sad one this time, her emerald eyes clouding over. "Maxx...look. I'm sorry I left the way that I did. It wasn't too dignified and I didn't leave you enough time to get used to not having me around, I just up and left. I should have done it differently, I know. And for that I'm sorry," she said, finally happy to have gotten that off her chest. She hadn't exactly left on the best terms with him. She'd just left. Really, she realised now, she should have moved out first for a while and then moved back here, let him get used to not having her around twenty four seven, like he was used to. But she hadn't. She'd wanted out. And that decision was the one she regretted most of all. If she hadn't, they'd still be together now. They'd still be travelling the country, waking up somewhere new every day, driving each other totally and utterly insane...and she'd be loving every minute of it. As she was musing about all this, she noticed that Maxx was staring at her. She tried to figure out what it was, and she finally realised it was her attire. "Oh, sorry. I've come straight from work. We had a meeting that ran long, or I would be dressed more normal. I'm not exactly a fan of looking like a smart arse business woman, but I didn't have much of a choice. I hate being late even more," Roxie finally managed to get her mouth shut. Why did she always babble so much? Now Maxx really would know how nervous she was. The babbling combined with the thick Scottish accent gave everything away, and she nibbled on her bottom lip again, then stopped as that was a nervous habit too. He seemed to be trying to hide his tattos from her, and she wondered why. It wasn't like she hadn't seen them before - and the others in less obvious places. She herself had three - a star on her left foot, a swallow on her left hip and her name in caligraphy on her right shoulder blade. But hers were much less on show than his were...which was exactly why she had them where they were.

God, he sounded monotone. Roxie pulled her "frowny face". Her head tilted slightly to one side, her eyebrows furrowed, one corner of her mouth tilted upwards and the other down. She was trying to figure something out, trying to make the pieces all fit together. She quickly wiped it off and went back to a neutral expression. Before she could answer, a waitress finally came over and took her order. She ordered a diet Coke and the waitress went off. She was back before Roxie could answer again - making her wonder when the service had gotten so fast - and she thanked her and took a sip, then composed herself to answer. "I'm doing alright, I guess. How about you?" she asked. That was so boring! Why were they making small talk? They'd never needed small talk before. They'd never run out of things to say to each other. And even if they did, they'd just stopped talking. Roxie shook the thought from her head and sighed softly. She looked at Maxx and then came to a decision. "Maxxy, what the hell are we doing? Why are we making small talk? Connor rang me so we could sort out all the crap that's going off right now, so let's drop the pretences and work this out, alright?" she said, her expression deadly serious. She then registered the fact that she'd just called him Maxxy, which had been her nickname for him back when they were dating. Slowly, her face turned a most unflattering shade of scarlet and she dropped her head to hide it with her hair. She truly was an utter idiot.




you've got me thinking that
lately i've been wishing
the television would show me more
than just a picture of the things i've grown to detest

[Bifflestick]

『 ☆ 』 тαηzιє 『 ☆ 』
the ¢ σ υ я α g є σ υ ѕ gryffindor triplet

Tanzie was so totally absobed in the book by the time the door opened that she started, her emerald eyes wide as she looked up, startled. As soon as she saw Zeik, however, a dazzling smile spread across her face. He was gorgeous. He was amazing. He was perfect. Actually, Tanzie knew he was far from perfect...but then, he never claimed that he was perfect. But that didn't stop her loving him. Nothing could do that. No exile, not detention, not even her bothers not talking to her anymore. It would hurt - she knew it would hurt - but she was way too far gone now. She was totally, utterly, completely head over heels for him. There wasn't anything that could change that now. it was far too late.

He sat opposite her, stretching his long body out, and Tanzie took him in hungrily. His dark hair and eyes. The shape of them. She traced his features with her eyes, running them along the length of his body and slowly back to his gaze. Whatever she'd done or been in a past life much have been good - in this one, she'd been given Zeik. And yes, they were pretty much polar opposites and everything was against them, but what they had was amazing. It never failed to knock her off her feet - a sky rocketing pulse, heart skipping beats, butterflies...the whole bit. She grinned when he asked if she'd missed him. "Of course I did, handsome. Did you miss me?" she replied. And then his lips were against hers.

Tanzie may not have any other experience with relationships - Zeik had been her first kiss - but she knew that when Zeik kissed her it was extraordinary. Her heart pounded so hard in her chest she was surprised it didn't burst free. Her breathing became shallow and she had to gasp for breath. It was like someone set off several sparklers inside her at once and she pressed herself against Zeik, melting into his embrace, her lips pressed as firmly to his as was physically possible. She could feel his heart beating beneath hers, and it amazed her that he was feeling something similar. Her fingers curled into his soft hair and she wanted to stay there for as long as possible. Until something came up and they had to break apart. Until they had to eat or drink or use the toilet or had to go to lessons or something. All too quickly, Zeik pulled away. She pushed his hair from his eyes affectionatly, smiling at him in return. He sat back and took her with him, and she buried her face against his shirt, breathing in his scent. He smelt good, too, and she smiled. She could hear his heart beating and she listened to the rhythm that matched herself almost perfectly, smiling to herself the entire time. She really must have done something truly spectacular to deserve this, to deserve to feel this good. When Zeik spoke again, she felt it reverberate through his body and she giggled, then lifted her head and tangled her fingers back into his hair.

"I don't mind. I think that it is your night to choose," she said, burying her head against his neck this time, brushing her lips against his throat. They obviously couldn't do anything much, since if they went anywhere and we seen by anyone, they'd be in trouble. So they had to stay in the Room of Requirement. Which Tanzie was perfectly happy to do, since they got to be together, but it was a little depressing when you couldn't go anywhere with your boyfriend for fear of being seen. Normal couples wanted to be seen when they went out. But then, their relationship was pretty unconventional anyway, considering the fact that by the house rules, they should hate each other's guts. They pretended to by day, and then by night they more than made up for it. Even during a Quidditch match they had to pretend to hate each other. Both of them playing seeker was awkward, but they'd worked out a system - they took it in turns to win. Very odd, but it worked well enough for them. They'd fight it out and just let the other win. No one had clicked so far, which was good.

She sighed and lifted her head again, playing absently with Zeik's hair, pushing it away from his eyes. One hand dropped to trace the outline of his lips, then went back to his hair, before she leant over and pressed a soft, brief kiss to his lips. "I wish we didn't have to hide," she whispered. She said it a lot, and she hated how much she said it. But she couldn't help it - the only thing she really wanted more than being with him was to able to let people know that they were together. To say "screw you guys", throw caution to the wind and just be together. But they couldn't. Much as she wanted to, Tanzie saw the idiocy in being that reckless, that stupid. Courageous as she was, that was beyond even her. For now, she'd just have to be happy with being together in secret, hiding from everyone else that they were together. Not exactly perfect, but she could live with it. And for now, she didn't have much of a choice. It was this or exile for the rest of their time here.

"Had anything thoughts yet?" she asked, lifting his hair upwards and giggling because it looked rather silly. She dropped it again and kept up with trying to push it from his eyes - where is kept stubbornly falling back to. She frowned at it and pushed it away again. If she'd had a hair clip she would have clipped it back, despite the fact that Zeik would have moaned at her for it. "Your hair is very stubborn," she told him, still trying - and failing miserably - to make it stay out of his eyes. She pouted slightly and then sighed and gave up, tangling her fingers into the back of his hair and smiling at him, resting her head back against his chest, her ear resting against his heart and listening to it beat. She closed her eyes and sighed happily. This was where she felt safest - in Zeik's arms. Where nothing could hurt her...because he wouldn't let it. She sighed again and made a contented kind of noise, pressing herself as close to him and humanly possible, trying to imprint every second of their time together in her memory for when they were torn apart by curfew. Then she'd have to hurry back to the common room and try to explain where she'd been. She wished, now more than ever, that no one noticed when she vanished. It would be so much easier if she wasn't recognised by everyone - then she'd never have to explain anything. It was a nice thought, but one that would never be her reality. She was, and always would be, a Silverton. Even when - and if - she married, she'd still be known as a Silverton. Such was the legacy of her family.





••••••••••••••••••••
you are everything i want
••••••••••••••••••••
'cause you are everything i'm not
••••••••••••••••••••

[Bifflestick]

◀ ◁ яσχαηηє ιη∂ιαηηα ѕυммєятση ▷ ▶

❝there are no stupid questions but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots❞
xoxoxoxo« ✿ anoymous ✿ »

Roxie sighed, running her fingers through her hair. Maybe she did have every right to leave, but that didn't mean she had to leave like she did. "I just think that I could have handled it better. I guess I didn't leave it on the best of terms, how I left. It was impulsive and stupid. I realise that now, but then...well," she trailed off. Her blush had finally faded and she lifted her head. Why were they ever talking about this? Surely it wasn't good for either of them? Maybe she should have said no to Connor. That was the sensible thing to do. But she hadn't, because she knew she still loved Maxx and she'd wanted to see him again, regardless of the pain that caused her. A confused expression passed across her face when he said it wasn't his dream anymore. "But Maxxy...for as long as I can remember, that's all you ever wanted. What do you mean, it isn't your dream anymore? You were living it, breathing it...are you telling me that you changed your mind?" she asked softly, reaching over to rest a hand on his, then quickly withdrawing it again because it made her feel funny. A good funny. She didn't even care that she'd called him Maxxy again. What had happened to change his mind?

He was looking at her like he didn't know who she was. She wasn't exactly the Roxie he remembered. Sure, before she'd left she'd been far more independant and she had changed a lot, but she'd changed a lot since she'd been back too. She was far more tempremental now that she'd ever been - a side effect of all the stress of her job and all the alcohol she was consuming. It was pretty widely known that she shouldn't be messed with - her temper had become pretty formidable. She was trying to change it, trying to be less serious and more fun, but it was hard to change when there was so much stress and so many hangovers. Clearly, she wasn't how he remembered her. She rarely dressed smart - she still only did that now if she had to - and she'd never exactly been the business type. People had never seen her as that, and then she'd become an editor and everyone was pretty shocked. They'd always seen her as a doctor, like her parents wanted. Then she'd had a whirlwind romance with Maxx, travelled around with him and everything had changed. She had to thank him for that. He gave her the courage she needed to get where she was now. But another part of her hated it - that courage had meant she lost the only guy she'd ever truly loved. Then she mentally cursed herself for being so corny.

He seemed to take a while to register what she'd said, and then he leant forward, licking his lips. She didn't think he'd meant it to send her heart skittering, but that's what it did, and now more than ever she wished she could just lean over and kiss him. She raised an eyebrow when he said nothing needed to be worked out, her expression quite clearly screaming "oh, really?" Of course they needed to work stuff out. She wasn't stupid. Lavender had done interviews with Seventh Dawn Fading, and she could tell that he wasn't the Maxx she remembered being with. She watched him for a while, taking his words in and carefully planning her next move. Obviously, this wasn't going to be as easy as she thought. But then, Maxx always had been stubborn. At least that hadn't changed, and Roxie smiled to herself. Some things never changed, and she was glad of that at least. He might not be exactly how she remembered him, but he obviously hadn't changed too much.

She gave a sigh and looked Maxx dead in the eye. "Maxx, cut the bullshit. We both know that we have issues to work through. Both of us. Connor wouldn't have rang me if he wasn't worried about you. And he is worried - really worried. As worried as any of my friends are about me. And don't lie to me about everything being just dandy, alright? I've seen the interviews, hell Maxxy, I've even edited some of them. And I am fully aware that while it is not your fault, you play a big part in it. So stop denying it and let's work through it, alright? That's what I'm here for," Roxie said. She'd stopped beating around the bush long ago - she'd discovered that to get what she wanted, getting to the point and fast was the best method. As an editor, being able to talk like that to just about anyone was useful. She didn't give a damn about what they thought of her. She just wanted the job done, and she wanted it done right. An amazing friend but a formidable enemy, Roxie was definatly someone you wanted on your side. Getting on her good side was easy, but staying there for long was hard. Once she was impressed - which was very hard to do - she expected that level from you at all times. All in all, she'd become very hard to please. A perfectionist at work, but at home she was a total sloth. She never used to be...only since she'd left Maxx.

She gave him her best sarcastic look when she said he had everything under control. "You sure don't look as if everything is under control. Trust me, I'd know. And here - you might want a couple of these. Hangovers are a b***h," she said, digging a packet of paracetomol from her bag and pushing it across the table to Maxx. She knew that look - it was the look she had on her face more often than not. On her way here she'd taken a couple to ward of her hangover - which had come back with a vengence half way through the meeting - and she was starting to feel alright again. She knew, of course, that it wouldn't last forever. But for now it was working its magic, and she took a sip of her coke, watching Maxx closely over the rim of her glass. Just looking at him you could tell he wasn't alright - that he was far from alright. Even someone who didn't know him could see that. And those around here that did know him would surely be amazed to see Maxx looking like he was now. It amazed Roxie. "Come on, Maxxy, I'll get it out of you eventually so you might as well just tell me now," she said lightly.




you've got me thinking that
lately i've been wishing
the television would show me more
than just a picture of the things i've grown to detest

[Bifflestick]

『 ☆ 』 тαηzιє 『 ☆ 』
the ¢ σ υ я α g є σ υ ѕ gryffindor triplet

Tanzie giggled. "Don't hurt yourself," she quipped in reply to his comment about letting him think. She sat quietly - unsual for her, since normally she never stopped talking - while he thought and looking around, still playing absently with his soft dark hair. She hummed softly to herself, then it slowly turned to singing. Tanzie loved singing, and could often be found around Hogwarts somewhere, just singing softly to herself. She often went to the owlery to see her snowy owl, Olander, and sang to him. With his solemn amber eyes and soft, haunting calls he seemed to enjoy her singing, and Tanzie enjoyed being with him. Almost as much as she enjoyed being with her brothers, but nowhere near as much as she enjoyed being with Zeik. Nothing could top that.

She watched him ponder for a while, happy just to be with him. To feel the warmth from him, to hear his heart beating. She carried on singing softly, her Scottish accent giving the song a lilt that wasn't normally there. Tanzie loved her accent and was proud to be Scottish, and all that brought with it. She didn't like haggis, however, but did like kilts and had tried to learn to play bagpipes, but had failed at that miserably. She often sang old Scottish songs, as she was doing now, but she tended to change the song as and when the fancy took her. She'd get halfway through a song and then decide that actually, she didn't want to finish it and moved on to a different song. She rarely, if ever, actually got the whole way through a song, usually stopping part way through to change songs. She smiled to herself as she thought about how they'd met. She'd been so annoyed when she'd been moved to sit next to him, thinking is slacking off would bring her down. But it hadn't, and they'd quickly bonded. She helped him out when he was stuck - which was often - and she knew that he'd stared at her when he thought she wasn't looking. He did it now. The way he looked at her when he thought she wasn't looking was amazing. Like she was something precious that he needed to take care of. Something amazing. He'd asked her out and she'd hesitated straight away, even though she knew full well she had a crush on him by that point. She hadn't wanted to. They were too different. It would never word. They'd have to hide from everyone. It just wouldn't work. But he'd shown her the charming, funny, caring side to his personality and after that, she'd been unable to say no. And almost every night since they'd come here. It really was weird, how things changed, and Tanzie grinned again.

Her singing stopped as Zeik said he had an idea. She looked up at him, curiosity lighting her eyes. His tone made her think that his idea didn't involve staying here, and that intrigued her. Whatever it was, it was sure to be interesting, and she waited for him to inform her of it. Instead, however, he said the reason she loved his hair was because it was stubborn. A little anti climatic, but it made her giggle. "If you say so. I'd prefer it if I could see your eyes sometimes, though," she said, flicking his ear affectionately. His smile was sly, and Tanzie raised an eyebrow. She might like it? She knew that expression. It meant he was plotting something. It was very similar to the expression she knew she got on her face when she was plotting something - that usually ended up with her and her brothers in detention - and the expression caused excitement and a hint of worry to flow through her. She was vastly intrigued as to what he was planning, but at the same time worried about whatever was going off in his head, since it clearly wasn't all that good. She smiled lopsidedly at him, pushing some of her own hair from her eyes so she could see clearer without the dark strands obscuring her vision. She waited patiently for him to tell her his amazing idea, getting more and more annoyed the longer he took. He was working up to it, and she realised that she did it too, and made a note to not do it as much - it really was bloody annoying.

She pulled right back when he said they should go off grounds. She looked at him like he was insane for a few moments, then her expression changed to a very thoughtful one. It was rare to find Tanzie being quiet and thoughtful at the same time, since usually she talked to herself, spoke through her thought processes. But she didn't this time. She stared at Zeik's knees, her green eyes clouding with thoughts, a slight frown creasing her features. Off grounds? What Zeik was thinking, she wasn't quite sure. Where would they go? How would they get there? What if they were seen? How would they go about not being seen? How did they avoid everyone? Thoughts bounced around in her head and she tried to get them into some logical order but to little avail. She grasped at them, trying to think about one of them for more than a passing moment, wanted to make some sense of them all rather than just having them all flying around. It took her a while but she finally got them in order and looked up at Zeik to tell him her thoughts on it, and then he was tracing her chin with his fingers and pulling her closer, looking deeply into her eyes. She was about to say something again when his lips met hers and she utterly incapable of even remembering what it was she'd been going to say anyway. It was always like that when Zeik kissed her - sometimes she even had a little trouble remembering her name. She slid her arms around his neck, feeling him pull her closer and pressed herself against him accordingly. She loved the closeness they had here, how they could be as close as they wanted without anyone knowing. Without anyone to worry about. They didn't have to worry inside the four walls of this room, but Tanzie could fully understand Zeik's want to go outside, to be together some place other than this room.

He pulled away and Tanzie's head was swimming. He had to do that, didn't her, manipulate her with his lips and his kisses. Her must know that she was pretty much totally incapable of saying no to him after a kiss like that. Not that she'd been going to say no before, but now it took her a while to remember what they were talking about before he went in for the kill. She stared up at him, her eyes sparkling, her mind slowly catching up. He asked again what she thought, and she grinned at him. "I think it sounds great. But where do we go, how do we get there, and how do we go about not being discovered?" she asked. Might as well get straight to the point - messing about wasn't going to get them anywhere. They only had a limited time before they were torn apart anyway, so they had to make the most of it. She waited for Zeik's answer, her gaze trained on his to see his reaction.





••••••••••••••••••••
you are everything i want
••••••••••••••••••••
'cause you are everything i'm not
••••••••••••••••••••

[Bifflestick]

◀ ◁ яσχαηηє ιη∂ιαηηα ѕυммєятση ▷ ▶

❝there are no stupid questions but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots❞
xoxoxoxo« ✿ anoymous ✿ »

Roxie gave him a hard look. "It was worth it then. Why isn't it worth it anymore?" she asked. She was sure he wouldn't recognise this side of her, either. The hard, harsh, take-no-crap-from-anyone side of her that had only really come out in the past couple of years that she'd been editor. The sweet, loving, giving Roxie of the past - the one they shared - was somewhere...probably locked in a cupboard with her wrists and ankles tied together and her mouth taped shut. She certainly wasn't coming out anytime soon, and Roxie knew why. She didn't want to be a doormat anymore. She'd had a taste of independance and she'd found that, actually, she rather liked it. She tried not to look too far forward in the future - it scared her now more than it ever had done - but she saw a family. Marriage, maybe, or maybe not. But children, sure - Roxie loved kids. If she could get over her reliance on alcohol, she'd loved to be a mum. Having little Summertons running around - or little whatever-surname-her-husband-hads. She wanted that, really she did...just not right now. Right now she was stressed and screwed up and she couldn't handle anything life threw at her. Her composed, totally in control facade was crumbling. Her best friend - Annie, one of the interviewers for Lavender - had noticed. She'd been asking Roxie if she was alright for a while now. But what was the answer? No, I'm screwed up and drinking too much because my dad died and I am still hung up on my ex boyfriend, who by the way is a rockstar whose image isn't exactly the best? Yeah, because Annie wouldn't send her to the loony bin. Or at least the doctors. It just wasn't worth it.

She frowned at him when he spoke again. The last sentance stung. Really stung, and Roxie's face crumpled sadly. For just a few seconds, her entire demeanor screamed sorry and sadness, but she quickly regained her composure and the neutral expression was back on her face. She had to keep it together. If she didn't, she'd just make it harder on herself. "I'm sorry. Really, I am. I don't know what Connor was thinking. But this is his last resort - he's turned to me. I don't know why, and I've no idea why it seemed like a good idea to him, but it did. He thinks I can help you, Maxxy, and by God I am going to try. Not for him, and not for me, but for you. You know why? Because you look like s**t. And I know full well that talking about your issues does bugger all, otherwise my therapist would have shooed me away by now rather than asking me to keep going back. See? I'm in therapy, Maxxy, because I am ******** up too. But I have never seen you look worse than you do now. You aren't the Maxx that I remember, and I am determined to get him back, whatever it takes," she said firmly. That, she thought, was a fairly good speech. She had done a course in writing, after all - creativity was her thing. She might be an editor now, but she still like getting those creative juices flowing as often as possible. When Maxx spoke again, Roxie sighed sadly. He used to say that a lot. That as a pair, nothing stood a chance. She smiled at him, but it was a sad smile and it didn't quite reach her eyes. "Oh, yeah. A pair of screwed up twenty-something year olds with hangovers. I'd be shaking," she joked, trying to keep it light.

"You are welcome. Keep them if you want - I think you might need them more than I do. You should always have some handy, just in case," she said. She gave a tiny laugh when he said he didn't have things under control. She already knew that, of course, but it was good that he had said it out loud. She'd admitted she was in therapy, after all, something she'd only actually told Annie so far. Not even her parents knew. And Annie only knew because Roxie had to cancel on her one day for a session and she'd just felt like she should be honest with Annie, because she put up with all her crap. Annie had been totally fine about it, happy that she was "getting the help she needed". If you'd call what Flo - which was what she asked to be called - was doing help. "Of course if affects me, Maxx. I may have walked out of your life but that doesn't mean I don't care. I do care. Too much to be healthy, I am sure. But I want to help you. If I didn't, I never would have agreed to go along with this crazy scheme," she gave him a lopsided smile, trying to reassure him. She was sure that it wasn't all that reassuring, but she tried. She had to try. For him, not for anyone else. Because he really didn't look good, and she didn't want to remember him this way. So she had to get him back to how he'd been and then send him back off to Connor and then keep on feeling sorry for herself until she died or someone slapped her out of it. Which ever came first.

She tilted her head when he talked about quitting the band. But...that was his dream. For as long as she could remember, it was all he wanted. It was all he'd ever wanted. "I don't know, Maxxy. I mean, it's clear you've thought about it, but have you weighed up the positives and negatives? I know you never were a perfectionist like I was, but you should consider everything carefully. You've worked so hard to get where you are - is it worth throwing it all away like that?" she said cautiously. But it appeared he wasn't finished, and he carried on talking. It seemed that he liked alcohol too much, too. So it wasn't just her. She tilted her head and listened, keeping her mouth shut and just letting him rant. It was what Flo did. On one level, it helped her, but then she was always like "so what are you going to do about it?" That one always got her - what was she going to do about it? Nothing, obviously. What could she do? She had her lot in life and she should be happy about it. Flo though she should go and get Maxx back, but he didn't love her anymore. She should get friendly with her mum again, but her mum was losing it like she was. She should give up alcohol, that was a no brainer, she just couldn't do it. She should join an alcoholics group to help, but she knew it would drive her mad. She should stop stressing so much, but her job title was basically walking stress machine.

"If your liver is dead that I'd hate to see what state mine is in. But why are you doing it? That's what I don't get. Why have you changed? What happened? What went wrong?" she asked. She was truly curious for the answer, curious as to what had caused Maxx to change so dramatically. She smiled when he said about spending his time. Strip clubs weren't somewhere he used to go. But then, alcohol wasn't something Roxie used to drink on a regulas basis, since she became an uber b***h when she did. "Strip clubs, huh? Bit of a change of scene for you. A little degrading, but if that's your thing. I reckon I can beat that, though. My time is spent either totally off my face, crying, sleeping, ranting to my therapist, ranting while crying, or in a work induced super stressed out mode. See, you aren't the only one who has gone a little crazy," she said, almost laughing as she said it. It felt good to be saying out loud at last, all the crap in her life. She shook her head, chuckling lightly even though there really wasn't anything funny going off - she was just so relieved to have said it out loud. She took a swallow of coke and sighed, smiling lopsidedly at Maxx. "God, Maxx, where did it all go wrong?" she asked, shaking her head again.




you've got me thinking that
lately i've been wishing
the television would show me more
than just a picture of the things i've grown to detest

[Bifflestick]

◀ ◁ яσχαηηє ιη∂ιαηηα ѕυммєятση ▷ ▶

❝there are no stupid questions but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots❞
xoxoxoxo« ✿ anoymous ✿ »

She raised an eyebrow again. Maxx was being deliberatly vague, and that both confused her and made her very curious. "But what is it you are giving up? A mediocre job and a mediocre life? I thought you were happy, I thought that's what you wanted," she said. She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. It was never particularly neat - the best she ever managed was presentable - but it was looking more and more wild everytime she ran a hand through it, messing it up further. But it was at its very worst when she got up. Sleeping on it all night caused her hair to explode and she sometimes had a hard time seeing anything because it frizzed all over her face. Annoying but she was stuck with it, so she lived with it and didn't complain too much. It was pointless complaining about something she couldn't change, so she didn't bother anymore. She'd learnt that one long ago.

Her neutral expression faultered slightly when Maxx said she should start CPR. Why did he have to tempt her so much? The longing was there for only a couple of seconds before her expression was neutral again, or as neutral as she could manage anyway. He couldn't know how much longing had shot through her when he said that. Longing to take him up on it and lean over and kiss him. But she couldn't do that. They weren't dating anymore. He didn't love her anymore. If she kissed him, he'd run away and she'd never see him again. Which was probably better for her, emotionally, but her heart was ruling her head for once. She couldn't remember the last time that had happened. Ever since she'd left Maxx, her head had lead her everywhere. It had gotten her a job, it had gotten her to the top. It had gotten her where she was in life and she wished that sometimes it would just shut the hell up. Sometimes she just wanted to feel stuff and not think about it. Thinking was just painful. Because when she thought too much, she always ended up going back to when she was happiest, when she was with Maxx. And it hurt. It really hurt. She knew it shouldn't, because she was the one who left him, but it did. Irrational as it was, she couldn't help still loving him. She didn't want to. Her head and her heart were saying it wasn't a good idea, but that didn't matter. She was ignoring both of them.

She sighed sadly when he started saying she went wrong. He blamed himself, clearly. He hadn't kept balance. She had that problem now. Too much work and too much play - except that her play involved copious amounts of alcohol and taking home some guy she wasn't attracted to, she just wanted to feel wanted again. It didn't work. "Maxx...I...oh, God, I don't know. It wasn't you. I know it's corny and stupid, but it was me. I just...I just wanted out. It's not like I didn't enjoy travelling around with you, because I did...I just didn't want to be that girl anymore. I didn't just want to be Maxx Zimmerman's girlfriend, the chick all the female fans hated. I wanted to do something with my life and make something of myself, but I guess I failed at balance too. But trust me, it isn't your fault. Please don't blame yourself for me leaving," she said. She knew he'd skirted around saying that she'd left, but she hadn't. It was her own stupid fault that she'd lost him, and she didn't want Maxx blaming any of it on himself when it was entirely her fault. He couldn't do that. He had a career ahead of him, fame and fortune and all that other stuff. She was stuck in her hometown in a job that, yeah, she loved, but that was so stressful it was making her crazy. She was sure of it. If it wasn't, why did Flo keep asking her to go back? Sane people didn't need as much therapy as she did. Maybe she did need to be locked up.

She chucked when he asked what was wrong, what she meant. Doing great. Right. On the outside, Roxie was your regular success story. From no one to editor of a huge magazine, calm and reserved, everything she wanted. But in reality, she had nothing she wanted - everything she wanted sat across the table from her right now. She took a sip of her drink while she pondered how to reply. "What happened? I did a writing course - you remember how much I always loved writing. I am awful at song writing, stories are more my thing. I figured maybe I'd become an author or something, not a doctor like my parents wanted. Anyway, then the local magazine, Lavender picked me up straight out of college. I started right down at the bottom, an unpaid intern, but I figured that it would be good experience. And it was. I bonded with another intern called Annie, and we are still friends now. I started getting ideas and started throwing them around, and I started getting promoted. Photographer, interviewer, that kind of thing. Annie did too, she's still around. Anyway, I'm editor now, right at the top, and the magazine is really popular pretty much all over the country thanks to me. I love it, honestly I do, but it's so stressful. That's what I mean by stressed. Everyone thinks that I'm happy, but I'm not really. Make up and smiles hides so much these days. My mum knows something is wrong - she knows me better than I know myself - and so does Annie, but only because she knows about Flo, my therepist. No one else knows that inside I'm seriously messed up, and I have been for a while. Ever since dad died, I guess. I started drinking too much because I just couldn't deal, and now I'm relying heavily on alcohol just to get myself through the day," she sighed. She'd just told him everything. How did he do that? Get her to tell him everything, everything that she couldn't bring herself to tell everyone else. She was unloading on him, figuring she'd never see him again anyway, and she'd fade away in his memory of the girl he once dated who went crazy without him around. "Sorry to be unloading all my crap on you. I should have gone to see Flo..." she muttered the last part, mostly to herself.

Expiration date. He was right there. Too right. "And I guess I brought ours forward," she said quietly. She didn't think he'd meant it like that, but that's how she felt. That she'd ended their relationship because of her own idiocy, he need to make something of herself. She knew that she left for the right reasons, but she hadn't done the right thing. She could have made something of herself some other way. She could have written a book or something. She knew she never would have, but still. A part of her didn't regret that she'd left, but a much bigger part of her wished that she'd stayed with Maxx. At least she'd been happy then. He started running his hands through his hair and Roxie stared at him. She loved his hair, she always had done. She preferred it messy, though. Rumpled. It made him look adorable. Without thinking about it, she reached over and grabbed his hands, lacing their fingers together. It sent electric shocks up and down her arms and her neutral expression melted away, replaced but utter longing. "Don't. I prefer it messy," she breathed. She stared into his blue eyes, marvelling at how gorgeous they were. How gorgeous he was. She wasn't thinking clearly anymore, staring at him, her hands in his. Slowly, she tugged him towards her and leant across to meet him, pressing her lips gently against his. She groaned against his lips. She'd missed this, feeling this good. After a moment, she realised what she was doing and pulled back, dropping his hands as if they had caught fire. Her face was on fire, and she buried her burning cheeks in her hands. She dropped them and dug around in her bag, finding her purse and taking a note out and slamming it on the table. "For my drink. Keep the change or use it as a tip of something. I'm sorry I came and wasted your time," she said, gathering her things and getting up to leave. She was such an idiot. Why had she done that? She'd ruined everything with her stupidity. Again.




you've got me thinking that
lately i've been wishing
the television would show me more
than just a picture of the things i've grown to detest

[Bifflestick]

◀ ◁ яσχαηηє ιη∂ιαηηα ѕυммєятση ▷ ▶

❝there are no stupid questions but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots❞
xoxoxoxo« ✿ anoymous ✿ »

She was stupid. She really was. She was also quite possibly a masochist. She wanted the pain. She loved the damn pain. Why else would she have done that? Why else would she have kissed him? That hadn't been part of the plan. The plan had been to sort Maxx out and send him back to Connor, not to kiss him and then run away because she'd liked it. A lot. As soon as their lips had met Roxie realised just how much she'd been missing him. She'd felt whole again, like the last piece of the puzzle had fallen into place. Job, friends, even her cat was amazing. The only thing that was missing was a permanant fixture in her romantic life. There was a hole, roughly the same shape and size as Maxx, that she knew full well no one else could fill. She'd tried, by God she'd tried, but it had never worked. She heard Maxx say something, but it was lost as she hurried away. He called after her but she ignored it, wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. She pushed past people, ignoring their greetings, just wanting to escape. She hurried over to where her ride was parked - a mint green Vespa with a cream leather seat. Everyone knew it was hers - it was hard to go unnoticed on a Vespa around here, it not being the favourite mode of transport. Not that Roxie let that bother her - she loved it. She lifted the seat up and took out her matching cream helmet and shoving her bag in there. She closed the seat and jammed the helmet on her head, doing the buckle up and zipping up her jacket hurridly. She dug her keys from her pocket and flung a leg over the seat, started up and drove off.

She drove around for a while, her thoughts taking over. She was on total auto pilot, but she was still a good driver. She'd never crashed, in a car or on her Vespa. The wind tugged at her hair and buffeted her slender frame, but for once she failed to enjoy it. All she could think about was Maxx's lips on hers and how good it had felt. The weirdest thing was that he hadn't pushed her away. He'd kissed her back, she knew he had. He'd kissed her like the world was ending and they were going to be the first to die. Or something like that. It had been desperate, and had become more desperate when she'd groaned. Her lips and the place where his hand had rested on her face still tingled delightfully, and she tried and failed to think of something else. After a few more times around the town she turned and headed towards the one place she knew no one would judge her. The one place that she could talk and know it wouldn't be splashed all over everywhere. The one place she could go to get good, solid advice that, though she never took it, made her feel better. She parked in front of the fairly nonedescript building and sorted out her Vespa, exchanging the helmet for her bag, locking it and shoving the keys into her pocket, slinging the bag haphazardly over her shoulder and hurrying inside. Sue, who was behind the desk today, looking up and smiled. "And what may I do for you today, Roxie?" she asked. She was reading the lastest Lavender and Roxie smiled at her. She liked Sue - she was a sweet lady. Plus, she utterly adored Lavender, which had fans as young as eleven and as old as ninety, at least according to the fan mail they got. "Is Flo around? I want to see her," she said. Sue nodded empathetically and pointed at the door that was slightly open, the brass sign on the front saying Dr Florence Smith.

Roxie went over and peeked her head around. The fact that the door was open told her Flo was alone - she always shut the door when she had a client. But the weird thing that was Flo looked very different. Her blonde hair was usually up in a bun - held in place with a pencil, usually - and she was usually dressed smart, like Roxie was now. But today her hair was down and curled and she was wearing a black dress - a dress! - and was putting lipstick on in a mirror. Flo hardly ever wore make up. Roxie cleared her throat and Flo looked up and smiled. "Roxanne. What a pleasant surprise. Come in, sit down. What have you come to see me about?" she asked, her blue eyes looking brighter due to contacts. It was weird to see Flo without her rimless glasses on, too. She was also the only person apart from her grandmother who called her Roxanne at all times - her mother only called it her when she was mad with her or when Roxie was upset. Shutting the door behind her, Roxie went and sat in the big leather chair opposite Flo, trying to figure out why she was all dressed up but getting nowhere. "Maxx arrived today," was all she said. Flo knew about Maxx, knew what had happened, knew that Connor had ran and knew that she was going to meet him despite the fact that she had a really, really bad feeling that it would all end badly and in tears. Again. Flo put down her lipstick and mirror and focused all her attention on Roxie, though she still looked so odd all dressed up like that.

"And? How did it go?" Flo asked. Flo didn't beat around the bush, and that was why Roxie liked her so much. She'd actually tried a few therapists in the building before she'd found Flo. One of them was Flo's best friend from uni, Rayner. But he'd been way too hyperactive for Roxie's tastes. She'd tried most everyone when they gave her to Flo, and the pair clicked from day one. If Roxie was feeling bad about something, Flo usually said "go sort it out then". She didn't do any of that usual therapist crap - unconventional, but Roxie liked that. She was pretty unconventional herself. She took a deep breath, composed her thoughts and got ready to tell Flo all. "Well...I got there and I saw the back of his head and I swear I just wanted to run away but I didn't, I went in and sat down and it was all going alright, I think. He's not how I remember him, he's so spacey and I never thought he'd be how he is. I figured he wouldn't have changed so much, but I guess Connor wasn't lying when he said he needed my help. Anyways, we got talking, and I tried to get him to open up about what was bothering him. He's thinking about quitting the band, but that was his dream for as long as I can remember. Long before we were going out. It's all he's ever wanted, but he said he isn't sure it's worth what he had to give up in order to have it. I have no idea what the hell he meant by that, but whatever. He also has this uncanny way of getting me to tell him everything, and I unloaded all my baggage onto him and he seemed more than a little shocked that I was in therapy. He said he was sorry about my dad, which was alright, especially since they had basically hated each other. I loved my dad and all, but he was a right pain in the arse. And we just talked about crap and how my life was going and all that, and then he starts trying to neaten his hair up. I think I said, right, that I always loved his hair? Messy, rumpled - he rarely had it neat, and I prefered it that way. We were alike in that sense, with our messy hair. Anyways, I lift my hands to stop him and before I know what has happened, our fingers are all entwined and I can't think straight. My thoughts are all going haywire and all I can think of is the longing I have for him, to be with him, to kiss him, just one last time. So, like the great stupid masochist I am, I pull him towards me and lean in to meet him and kiss him. And, oh God Flo, it felt so amazing. And he even kissed back, though I've no idea what that was about, because he doesn't love me anymore. Not after I just walked on him like that. And...and...I don't know what to do! I left and came here. Help me, Flo, because I think I'm finally losing it," she buried her face in her hands again. Flo had been quiet through out the entire speech and now she looked thoughtful.

"Roxie, you love him, right?" Flo asked. Roxie didn't lift her head but nodded and gave a muffled affirmative from behind her hands. "And you want him back, right?" Roxie did the same again, and Flo made a thoughtful sound. Roxie peered at her between her fingers. Flo was looking directly at her, and her warm smile caused Roxie to drop her hands and looked catiously back, wondering what Flo was going to say. "He kissed you back. How?" Flo asked. A frown creased Roxie's features. What on Earth did Flo mean? She thought about it for a while, her frown slowly melting away as she figured out what Flo meant. "It was...pretty desperate, really. Like it was the last time we'd ever kiss, like we had just a few moments left alive and together," she said softly, and Flo smiled again. It was a knowing smile, and Roxie tilted her head, vastly intrigued. Flo was amazing at reading people. It had been the reason Roxie had opened up to her and not to any of the other therapists she'd tried - Flo had just gone "you lost someone important recently, didn't you?" and everything had just poured out. She was like Maxx in her ability to just get her to spill all. "I think he still loves you, Roxanne, and that you should go and get him while you still have the chance. If you don't, you may lose him forever. It might be your last chance," Flo said. Roxie looked at her like she was certifiably insane, which she sometimes thought that Flo was, actually.

"Flo! I can't do that! Because what if he just laughs in my face?" she asked, horrified. Flo laughed and shook her head, as if Roxie was the funniest thing she'd heard in ages. Roxie stared at her, still trying to figure out what - or who - she was so dressed up for. "Roxie, if you don't try, you'll never know. Now, go on, I need to finish getting ready," Flo said. Roxie stood, still confused, and started for the door. Then it clicked. Flo was in such a good mood. She'd once told Roxie that she'd been madly in love with Rayner for years - as a way of relating to her Maxx problem - but that to him, she was just his dorky best friend. Whenever he was around, she had much the same look on her face, except now it was full of utter joy. She'd reached the door, but she turned around. Flo was inspecting her eyebrows closely in the mirror. "Flo?" Roxie said softly. Flo looked up, a questioning look on her face. "Enjoy your date with Rayner," she smiled, and Flo's answering smile was so dazzling that she knew she'd guessed right. Roxie grinned. "You look great. Just remember to use a condom," she said, then left, ignoring Flo's protests at her teasing.

She went back to her Vespa and exchanged her bag and helmet again, buckling the cream helmet onto her head and sitting on her Vespa for a long time, thinking about her next move. She must have sat there for about twenty minutes, just thinking. Flo and Rayer came out hand in hand, and Roxie smiled and waved at them - they waved back. The pair of them looked for happy, and while Roxie was happy that Flo had finally gotten asked out by Rayner, she was also sad and a little jealous that she'd lost that. They'd driven off when Roxie finally started her Vespa up. She drove around town for about an hour, searching for Maxx but never finding him. She wanted to cry but kept it in. She didn't want to be that weak, not now. Not when people could see her. She hated crying in front of people - it showed a weakness in her that she hated. After a final circuit of the town, an idea came to her. She'd go to their place. She hadn't been there in years, not since she and Maxx had left on his tour. She certainly hadn't been there since she'd been back - it held far too many memories. But if she went there now, maybe Maxx would be there. Or maybe he'd turn up there if he wasn't already. It was a long shot, but she had to try. Although she certainly wouldn't blame him for jetting off already.

She turned her Vespa around and headed for the park. It didn't take her long, and she took longer than normal exchanging helmet for bag and locking up. She gave her Vespa a final glance and then started towards the small woods at one end of the park. She passed by the trees that she'd passed by so many times before, running her fingers over the rough bark. Birds flew off calling loudly in protest at her being there, and squirrels chattered and ran around as she passed, hoping she harboured nuts. But they were all disappointed as she had none. Finally she arrived at the clearing the centre. It was a fairly small clearing, a rough circle of trees around the edge. In the centre was a wooden swing, left over from before the trees were around. It was a double swing, made for two, and she and Maxx had gone there to escape. It was their place, and as Roxie went over to the swing memories assulted her. Happy memories, of better times. From when she and Maxx were together. She sat on the swing and found that, happily, it was still as creaky as ever and still held her weight. She drew her knees to her chest and rested her chin on them, staring sadly at her the ground beyond her toes. If he came here, she'd be amazed. But this was her last chance. She hadn't been able to find him around town, and she just hoped that he came here. She wanted to explain. She needed to. She had to tell him how she felt. If he didn't feel the same, at least she'd have tried. It would still hurt if he turned her down, her heart would still be ripped from her chest and torn into pieces, but at least she'd have tried. He had to come here. He just had to.

Because what was she going to do if he didn't?




you've got me thinking that
lately i've been wishing
the television would show me more
than just a picture of the things i've grown to detest

[Bifflestick]

◀ ◁ яσχαηηє ιη∂ιαηηα ѕυммєятση ▷ ▶

❝there are no stupid questions but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots❞
xoxoxoxo« ✿ anoymous ✿ »

Roxie had been sitting there a while before Maxx arrived. She'd been starting to give up hope that he'd come when he did. She'd been staring at the ground, tears stinging at her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. She knew that if she did, they wouldn't stop - they'd just keep falling and falling. And she didn't want that, not now. Her head was filled with memories of her and Maxx here. Of good memories. The first time they found this place was the best. It had been a total accident. They'd been walking through the forest when they'd stumbled across the clearing and after that it had been their place. They'd just gone there when they wanted, needed to be alone. If she'd not been able to find him, she'd gone to the clearing, knowing he'd be there. But he wasn't there now. He'd probably already gone and she'd screwed up again. A warm droplet hit the back of her hand, quickly followed by another. She was unable to keep the tears back now, and they started to waterfall down her cheeks. God, she was pathetic. She'd left him! Why was she so upset? If he'd left her then she could understand it, but her heartbreak was entirely her fault, so she shouldn't be quite so upset right now. She shouldn't be, but she was. Because she'd lost the one person that she'd ever loved, and it was her own stupid fault. Her trousers were doing an adequate job of absorbing her tears at the moment, but she knew that wouldn't last for too much longer.

Maxx was coughing. He had a cigarrette, that was why. Despite her tears, Roxie still pulled a face. She hated people smoking, and she hated Maxx smoking even more. When he spoke, he sounded so sad that Roxie's expression softened. "Maxx...I...no, wait! Maxx!" she called after him, reaching out an arm as he ran away. He was gone. He wouldn't wait around for her, she was sure. But she had to try. She stood and wiped away her tears, and most of the damage they had caused to her make up. She started after Maxx, but after ten minutes she decided she wasn't going to find him. He was long gone, and it was her fault once again. She'd lost him. Again. Because she was so stupid. She gave a groan of frustration and kicked a nearby tree, but all that did was send a jolt of pain up her leg. She groaned again and stomped back to the clearning, sitting back on the bench and hugging her knees back to her chest. She couldn't leave now, not surrounded by all the happy memories. If she went home she knew she'd take out a bottle of vodka and start drinking it...straight from the bottle, most likely. She knew that. She had to stay here if she wanted to keep at least some semblance of normality. She wanted to stay here and think of better times, times when she was an emotional trainwreck, times when she was happy and full of life. Times when she and Maxx were still dating and whatever crap life through at them, they just came out the other side stronger for it. No matter what. The pair of them against the world. It wasn't like that anymore, no matter how much she wished it was. It was her against the world now.

She buried her face in her hands and allowed the tears to fall. It didn't matter now. No one could see her. She could be as weak and pathetic as she wanted and she didn't have to worry about anyone seeing her. No one could see her being so weak. They couldn't berate her for bringing it onto herself. She did that enough herself. Her make up had all been washed away, and she was sure that she looked a right state, her hair a mess, probably with bits of leaves in it from when it had gotten caught coming here, her eyes all red and she knew that when she cried she just looked plain awful anyway. Some girls could look all sweet and girly when they cried, but Roxie just ended up looking like someone who had escaped from the lunatic asylum. Maybe that's where she belonged. Maybe she should get locked up there. Maybe she could get Annie to take her there - since sane people didn't drive themselves there - and then maybe they'd give her some meds that would space her out so much she'd forget about Maxx. That was what she needed. She needed to forget him. She needed to move on. Maybe she could find a nice crazy guy and form a relationship with him and maybe they could have crazy kids. Roxie gave a humourless laugh. Her imagination didn't half like messing with her - just the idea of growing old and having kids with anyone but Maxx was painful. Annoyingly so.

She heard footsteps and looked up to find Maxx was back. She didn't hide it now, the longing and sadness that was on her face. This would probably be the last time she ever saw him, and she drank him in hungrily, trying to imprint everything about him in her memory banks, to burn it there forever. He was yelling at her, clearly pissed. She listened to him in silence, his words taking a while to sink in. She...she was what he thought wasn't worth losing? It was her? She was the reason he was being so self destructive? Her?! Roxie's tears slowly dried as she stared at him in amazement. Flo was right. Maxx still loved her. He still loved her! She still had a chance. She had to take it carefully, though, and she decided to answer each of his questions in turn. She didn't want to scare him away. Not with what he'd just said. Her heart was pounding furiously in her chest and she was worried it might actually burst free of her ribcage. She let go of her legs and stretched them out. She didn't stand, but her gaze was locked firmly on Maxx. "I agreed to help because Connor asked me to. It had to be me because, hell Maxxy, no one else around here would do it. Either they don't know you or they remember you and just don't give a s**t. I do still care, Maxx. I wouldn't have said yes if I didn't. I'm sorry that I hurt you, today and all that time ago. I really am. If I could have done it differently, I know now that I would. I'd go back in a heartbeat and change it. But I can't. What's done is done," she said.

Slowly, she stood up from the swing and made her way over to Maxx. She looked up into those blue eyes and kept her gaze there, despite the fact that she really didn't want to. Now she had to answer his lasy question. The hardest one. The one even she wasn't sure of the answer to. "Maxx...honestly, I have no idea why I kissed you then ran away. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just wanted to help you, but I guess I didn't do a very good job of it. All I know was that as soon as our fingers were laced all I could think about was how much I'd missed you. All I wanted was to kiss you, just one last time. And then...God, I don't know! I just thought you didn't love me anymore. I thought you hated me for what I did to you, for how I left everything. I've torn my own life apart over what I did. I got new friends and a new job and a new life, but I lost you. You said that you thought your dream wasn't worth giving me up for, but it is Maxxy. Because I'm damaged goods now. I ******** up big style. I thought it was what I wanted. I had this drive, this urge, to prove to everyone that I wasn't just a follower, that I could make something of myself. But after a while, I realised that all I really wanted was to be with you. It's all I ever wanted, ever since we were set up way back when. I figured you would have moved on. After all, I was just the dorky girl you dated. I wasn't important. And ever since, I've been screwing my life up - drinking too much, allowing stress to rule my life. I had to go into therapy because I couldn't deal when my dad died, and I am pretty much totally reliant on alcohol. You said you never stopped loving me and the truth is, Maxxy, that I'm still in love with you. And despite the fact that I'm damaged goods and that I have been for a long time, I want you back. If you'll take me. Even though I ******** up, Maxxy, I honestly never meant to hurt you. Please. I love you," she said, and started crying again at the end. She couldn't help it. She'd just rambled away and told him everything - everything - and she just hoped he meant it when he said he still loved her. But she couldn't blame him if he chose to just walk away, to break her heart. She couldn't blame him at all - it was entirely her fault.

She tried to wipe the tears away, but as soon as she did new ones took their place. It wasn't the first time Maxx had seen her looking so bad, and it wasn't the first time he'd seen her breakdown in tears, but she still hated crying in front of him. "Oh, Maxxy," she said, and then she'd flung her arms around him in a vague aproximation of a hug. He hated her, she knew he did, but she couldn't help herself. She buried her face against his chest, breathing in his scent. He smelt the same as always, but tinged with cigarrette smoke. But that didn't matter - he still smelt good. Pretty much the same. That was something that hadn't changed. Roxie was sure that she'd never see him again after this. That he'd just look at her in digust and walk away. She lifted her head and stared at him. She had to take a chance - it was the last one she had. She curled her fingers into his silky soft hair and pulled his head down, pressing her lips firmly to his. She kissed him desperatly, her breath coming out in little gasps. She never wanted it to end. She kept her lips pressed very firmly against his, not wanted to break apart even for a second. But she did, eventually, and her green eyes sparkled up at his. "I love you, Maxxy," she said, before her lips were back against his. She pressed herself against him, her heart pounding in her chest, gently prising his lips open with her own. Their warm breath mingled and then their tongues were entwined. Roxie moaned softly, pressing herself ever closer to Maxx, knowing that at any moment he'd be tearing himself away and leaving her. She had to make the most of what little time they had left. If she didn't, she really wouldn't be able to forigve herself.




you've got me thinking that
lately i've been wishing
the television would show me more
than just a picture of the things i've grown to detest

[Bifflestick]

『 ☆ 』 ησνα¢αιηє 『 ☆ 』
you just don't м є ѕ ѕ with a ѕ υ ρ є я η σ ν α

Nova's face assumed a thoughtful expression as she pondered what they could spend half an hour doing. Terry and Sid were doing their thing and since pretty much everyone else had buggered off doing their thing, Nova was more than happy to bugger off with Vince. Star Burst was an interesting nickname to give her, and Nova pondered why he'd called her that. There could be a huge long list of reasons why, knowing Vince, and she made a mental note to ask him later. Her mind had drifted again and she pulled it forcefully back to the topic at hand. Half an hour wasn't very long at all, and Nova pulled what was affectionaly called her "frowny face" by her friends back home. Eyebrows furrowed, one corner of her mouth tilted upwards and the other downards, head tilted to the side. It had to be seen to be believed, and she pulled the face when she was thinking. Sometimes she did it when she was concentrating, but mostly when she was concentrating she actually just ended up looking really pissed off. She turned her frowny gaze around the kitchen, trying to think what to do. Nothing immediatly jumped to mind, and she considered Vince's suggestion. The animals would like to know about them. That seemed very odd in her view, which was strange in itself since Nova found very little odd. Did Vince often talk to the animals about her? She frowned again, tilting her head to one side. "You...talk to the animals about me?" she questioned, vastly intrigued. Clearly he was being sarcastic about the animals and them wanting to hear about them, but Nova was flattered and immensly intrigued.

"If they want to know let's not keep them waiting," she said, unwrapped her arms and grabbing Vince's hand instead, dragging him out of the kitchen. She dragged him down the hall and outside, taking a deep breath of fresh air and turning to smile at him. The trees flickered slightly in her excitement, not changing to anything in particular, just becoming blurred and then becoming stable again. "I didn't know you talked to the animals about me. What do they say? Is it really true that squirrels can't actually remember where they bury their nuts? I have always wanted to know that. God, carente, that's so much more interesting than illusions," she beamed. She had many more questions but stemmed the flow, not wanting to overload Vince with all her daft questions about stuff that probably seemed mundane to him, stuff that he did naturally. Much like her water control, talking to animals was just something Vince did. She could control water, he could talk to animals - she'd come to accept long ago that her power was what it was. Although talking to animals fascinated her immensly, and she wanted to question Vince further, utterly fascinated into how it worked and what all the different animals said and if they were as individual as people, though she was sure that they were. Her eyes sparkled and the trees flickered quicker. She tried to stabilise them but didn't get too far, they just flickered a little slower.

She turned her emerald gaze to Vince. She was so lucky. What she'd done to deserve this, to deserve him, she didn't know - but it must have been something pretty damn good. She gave his hand another tug, pulling him closer to her. She looked at him closely, analysing him like he did to everyone else. The only difference was that she knew when Vince analysed people, he found imperfections there, little things he didn't really like or that annoyed him. But when she analysed his face, she found nothing there that was imperfect, though she knew that he wasn't perfect. He didn't claim to be, and Nova was always felt intimidated as hell by people who appeared perfect - they scared her for reasons she didn't know. Probably because she wasn't perfect, she was pretty much as far from perfect as you can get, and she knew it. They knew it too, and they looked down their noses at her - which was hard considering what a giraffe she was - and just generally made her feel inadequate. She tilted her head slightly - something she always did when she was thinking - and smiled lightly.

Suddenly, something occured to her. She frowned slightly, the smile finally fading from her face for the first time since she'd kissed him. He'd never answered her on that one, and she racked her memory, trying to figure it out. Had he not answered her? She had no memory of it, and the memory was pretty much scorched onto her brain cells. "Vinnie, you never told me. If you know that I was creating illusions of you, why didn't you say anything before? It doesn't matter much, I'm just the curious type," she said. And in all honesty, it really didn't matter - she just wanted to know. Nova was the cat in the saying "curiousity killed the cat" - she'd explore everywhere and anywhere just to find out what was hidden there. She felt a strange need to know things that other people brushed aside - like if squirrels forgot where they hid their nuts, or if it was just rubbish made up. Her head was filled with strange and useless facts that were of no practical use in the outside world, but were great conversation starters are parties. A few "did you knows" and she was off, talking to anyone about anything. It was a talent, really, being able to talk to anyone about most anything. She sized the person up, decided what they'd be interested in and dove in head first. It was the way she was wired up, and it meant she made and kept friends easily.

"C'mon, carente, let me know and then I'll show you my paradise," she said, the smile reappearing on her face at the thought of her clearing, her zen place, and the thought of Vince being there with her - for real this time. She was sure she'd be uncapable of keeping her illusion up for long while he was there, but she'd try regardless. She wanted him to see the place she often vanished to, the place she was when no one could find her and no one had an explanation for where she was. She was either there or in the attic, usually on the cliff since it took her back, made her all nostalgic. Much as she loved it here, she still missed her home. She smiled at Vince, waiting for his reply, bouncing slightly in anticipation. Her curiosity really was going to get her into big trouble some day soon. Nova looked forward to that day, in a strange way, because maybe it'd teach her to keep her nose out where it wasn't wanted.

[ ooc ] sorry it took me so long! [ ooc ]





••••••••••••••••••••
if you can't handle me at my worst
••••••••••••••••••••
then you don't deserve me at my best
••••••••••••••••••••

[Bifflestick]

『 ☆ 』 ησνα¢αιηє 『 ☆ 』
you just don't м є ѕ ѕ with a ѕ υ ρ є я η σ ν α

She watched and listened carefully as Vince spoke. He spoke to everyone about her?! He actually discussed her with Kale and Alex, and, God forbid, even Bae? Nova felt her face start to flare up and turn a most unflattering shade of scarlet. It was rare for her face to start burning because the word embarrass was simply not in her dictionary, but it seemed to have weaseled it's way in somehow and now her entire head felt as though it were on fire. She tried to hide her flaming cheeks in her hands, but it didn't work. "So...everyone knew? Lordy, carente, that...everyone? I'm sorry I acted so odd, I just couldn't keep my head straight around you and you know that makes me illusions play up. I don't understand how disorientating it is, remember, because I am so used to it and it simply doesn't seem to affect me. I didn't want everyone to click on to how nervous I was. It was hard enough with three people knowing it. But...for how long? I mean, how long have you been talking to them about me for?" she asked. She wasn't surprised that he'd noticed her odd behaviour around him recently - whenever he walked into a room she shot out about five minutes later, which was hardly what you'd called normal, even for her. Even the fact that Vince said the animals didn't have any idea what he was talking about, it was still a big reason for the blood that had rushed to her face and which was only slowly starting to fade.

She managed to return Vince's smile. It was a small, embarrassed smile but it was still a smile. His smile was sheepish - perhaps he was worried how she'd perceive the fact that the animals told him to mate with her? That did cause her to flush again, but for a totally different reason this time. She turned her gaze to her feet - never had they been so interesting as they were now - her entire face glowing. What he'd make of that, she didn't know, but she couldn't think of anything to say to that one. She listened to him talk about squirrels and grinned. "Well, you should have asked them. I've always wanted to know if they remember where they bury stuff," she giggled, her blush finally fading away. She looked at him, his elbows on his knees and his head cupped in his hands. She hugged her own knees to her chest and rested her chin on them - when she was sitting down, she usually did that. She was just more comfortable that way, and she gave Vince another smile. Of course he wouldn't have asked them - he was wired up differently to her. He didn't feel an odd need to know a whole load of useless facts just because he found them funny or just wanted an answer to a daft question. Vince wanted to know hard facts. Nova pondered that for a while, letting her mind wonder too far away with her. It was only when she noticed that they were not sitting under a tree anymore but were in the middle of a desert that she pulled back, the trees and the building coming back. "Sorry," she said, smiling apologetically at Vince.

He was looking at the sky and Nova followed his gaze. The sky was big and blue and there were a few wispy looking clouds that wouldn't last long. Nova watched absently as the clouds skittered across the sky, pushing along by the breeze that tugged half heartedly at her hair. She loved cloud watching but these clouds weren't made for watching - they would burn off fairly soon, she was sure. She looked at the absently, tracing the fluffy outlines with her eyes and trying to figure out if they actually looked like anything or if they were just bits of fluff. When Vince spoke again Nova tore her gaze from her inspection of the clouds and looked at him. Kale. Nova felt a light blush creep over her face, but it was different. Kale knew. Of course he knew - he knew all the crap that went off in her head, the poor soul. But he'd never said anything. A part of her wished that he had and then maybe she and Vince could have been together for much longer, but another part of her was eternally grateful that he hadn't. Kale was someone Nova would trust with anything. It wasn't like she had a choice, since he was privvy to everyone's secrets, but he was very trustworthy. She had to give him that - he at least didn't go blurting everyone's thoughts around. Kale was alright, really, and Nova smiled again.

She thought for a while about how to reply. There were many angles she could take with this and she flicked through them, trying to decide upon the best one. She sighed softly and moved closer to Vince, slipping her ankle under his, entwining their legs. "Kale knew full well who it was and I am grateful that he didn't spill all - remind me to thank him later. You are a smart guy, carente, it shouldn't have been too hard for you to figure it out. Sid is with Terry and besides, he gets on my nerves after a while; Bae is adorable but I see him as a little brother; and Kale, Brayden, Spencer and Alex aren't exactly interested in girls, now, are they? I thought that you knew and weren't saying anything because you weren't interested, and that made me act all crazy too. I wish you'd spoken to me about it, even if you weren't sure. I honestly thought that you knew and just...didn't feel the same," she said softly, looking down at her ankle wrapped under his rather than at his face. She wasn't sure what he'd say to that, if he'd even say anything. Nova was fairly good at reading people, yes, but she'd never been able to get an accurate read on Vince. She wasn't sure why, but she never had done. Possibly because he showed so little of his emotion on his face, whereas with her you didn't exactly need Bae's power most of the time since it was more often than not splashed across her face for all to see. Which was of course another reason she had kept slipping away whenever Vince appeared, because it was pretty clear from her expression how she felt about him, and since at the time she'd been so sure he hadn't felt the same, she'd always slipped away rather than let him catch her staring.

She was then beaming again and untangling her ankle from his. She grabbed his hand, stood and dragged him up with her. Her eyes were sparkling again as she locked them on his, grinning broadly. "Well, carente, I do believe I told you'd that I'd show you my paradise. And since you will be there for real this time, it really will be perfect. So come on, we don't have much time. I want you to see where I always was when no one could find me or offer an explanation as to my whereabouts. It was where I was this morning, when I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep," she grinned, and started to drag him through the trees. Hopefully they had enough time for her to show him, since she wanted him to see her favourite place. She passed the trees she so often passed, tracing a path that was starting to become worn into the ground, she'd followed it so often. The smells, the sounds - everything was familiar to her, and though she loved to shake things up, the familiarity was comforting regardless. She finally burst out from the trees onto the cliff and dragged Vince into the centre. She let go and turned to him, grinning madly. "The place I am about to show you if my very favourite place on the planet. I might not be able to keep it up to long because you are a rather big distraction and I am fairly easily distracted, but I want you to see it. And whatever you do, don't go beyond the trees where the cliff is. It might not appear to be there but it most certainly is, and I'd rather not have you falling off the cliff, so stay close, alright? And prepare yourself, I've heard everyone say it's fairly disorientating," she said. She gave him a careful look, then made sure that they weren't touching - since she'd never be able to do anything then - and closed her eyes, picturing where she wanted to go, which she only had to do when she actually wanted to go somewhere, since when she daydreamed her illusions just acted on their own accord. After a few seconds, she opened her eyes to the clearing in New Zealand. Everything was exactly the same as earlier that morning - the waterfall, the pool, the rock she liked to perch on, the trees, the circle of blue sky...everything was perfect. She focused on it, not wanted to lose it, not daring to shoot Vince a glance because she knew that if she did it would vanish just as quickly as it appeared. Focusing hard on it, she managed to speak.

"Welcome to my paradise."





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if you can't handle me at my worst
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then you don't deserve me at my best
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[Bifflestick]

◀ ◁ яσχαηηє ιη∂ιαηηα ѕυммєятση ▷ ▶

❝there are no stupid questions but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots❞
xoxoxoxo« ✿ anoymous ✿ »

Maxx broke away and Roxie prepared herself for him walking away. She couldn't say she blamed him, she honestly couldn't, because she'd done the same to him. She clung to him, drinking him in, trying to extend the moment for as long as possible before he tore himself away. Tears were already prickling at the corners of her eyes at the thought of him leaving, even though he had a perfectly valid reason to leave. She was an idiot - she gave up the best thing that ever happened to her. He didn't have to stay with her now. He might claim to still love her, and she did believe him, but if she were him she wouldn't hesitate to walk. She stared up at him, willing him not to be like her. And the weirdest thing was, he wasn't. He started talking. Roxie stared at him, amazed, and his words took a long time to sink in. But when they did, it took a while for her to be able to formulate a reply. She was suddenly so indescribably happy she felt she might just explode on the spot. Yes, he'd said that he wasn't sure if it was a good idea that they got back together, which she fully understood, but he still said he wanted her. Needed her. That she truly was important to him and that he didn't want to lose her again, but that maybe it was better for both of them if he just walked now. She knew how uncomfortable talking about his feelings made him, and she lifted a hand and rested it against his cheek. His skin was warm and smooth, but she dropped her hand again as she racked her head for something intelligent to say. She didn't come up with much - so much for being the creative good with words type.

"I'm sorry, Maxxy. So sorry words can't even begin to explain it. I never, ever meant to hurt you like I did. I didn't think that my leaving would do that to you. If I'd know what it would do to you - to both of us - maybe I wouldn't have left. A part of me actually doesn't regret it. I found something amazing when I left. But there is another, much bigger part of me that can't believe what I did. The part of me that would give anything to turn back time and stop myself from being so damn stupid. But I can't change it now, Maxxy, and I'm not even sure that I would. I never set out to hurt you, I promise you that. You have to believe me that that was never what I set out to do, even if it seemed like it was," she said softly. She was rambling again, and she just shut up. Sometimes her mouth worked independantly of her brain and all sorts of rubbish came out. She'd gotten so much better at it recently, too, but around Maxx she'd never been very good at keeping her thoughts in line, and that was when they tended to find their way out of her head and to her mouth.

His hands dropped from her shoulders, and he was running his hand through his hair again in a gesture so familiar to her that she couldn't stop a small smile from creeping across her lips. Maxx was the indecisive type - it was another reason they had worked well together. While Maxx needed time to decide, Roxie found decisions easier. It worked, in a strange way. She listened to him talk about forgetting each other, how it was impossible for him. "I thought once that I'd be able to move on. A long time ago. I knew that I loved you, but I thought I'd learn to love again. I was wrong. I was wrong about myself and how I work. Of course I couldn't move on. Forgetting you is...impossible. I want to come up with a romantic metaphor or something but that only thing that springs to mind is that forgetting you is like licking my elbow, which isn't romantic in the least," she said, smiling lightly. And besides, Roxie was double jointed and could lick her elbow, so that metaphor didn't even work. But he's know what she meant, and she smiled a little ruefully and ran a hand through her own hair, causing it to flop annoyingly into her eyes. She made no move to push it aside however - she was pretty used to it by now.

She listened to him with a sense of impending dread. He was leaving tomorrow. Roxie felt on the verge of tears again but she managed to keep them at bay this time. She looked crazy enough as it was without crying again. He was trying, at least, to be normal. Drinking less and controlling his temper. Roxie pondered her own habits and decided that maybe if Maxx was around, they could help each other. But he was leaving tomorrow. He was leaving her like she had left him. Karma was such a b***h. It had caught up with her at last, and now it was tearing Maxx away from her. It was payback. She'd left him and now he would leave her and find another girl to fall in love with, someone sane and stable and normal. Roxie felt utterly depressed at that thought, and then Maxx said something that amazed her to her very core. He didn't ask it. It was a statement, not a question. Come with me. Go with him. Travel around the country. Stay in hotels. Drive each other insane on the tour bus. Argue. Fight. Get drunk. Find out that the beds on the tour bus were not nearly large enough for both of them, especially when they were giddy from a little too much drink, and were not nearly private enough.

She stared at him for a long moment before she found the words. "Where are they picking you up and at what time?" she asked. She closed them space between them and wrapped her arms around him, resting her head against his chest. She pressed her ear against his heart and listened to its rythm, closing her eyes and smiling. This was all she needed. Slowly, her mind caught up with what she was just agreed to and she pulled away slightly, staring up at Maxx. "Tomorrow? I may need a little longer than that. I mean, I need to sort stuff out at Lavender. I reckon if I appoint Annie editor for a while I could do an on the tour kind of thing and send stuff back - that'd be good. I am sure Annie can handle it, and then maybe once the tour is finished I could come back for a while. Also, there is no way I am leaving Zorro, although he'll need to learn to use a littler box again. I hope no one has anythng against cats," she said. Her cat, Zorro, was not getting left behind, no matter what. And she was sure that she could sort it out at Lavender and do some stories from the road - the readers would like that. She pondered it for a while. How long exactly would she need? "Give me a week? If you have to leave tomorrow, me and Zorro will come meet you wherever you are. I can't leave him, Maxxy, don't try and make me, and I need to sort things at the magazine. If I have to quit, so be it, but I don't think it will come to that. I am the best damn thing that ever happened to them and they know it. How does that sound? I'd love to leave tomorrow, but I can't just up and go. I have responsibilties that need sorting. But I'll come with you," she explained.

Then Maxx was talking again and Roxie shut up. "Maxxy. I promise you that I won't break your heart again. You aren't the only one who ended up badly after out split, you know. I can't do that you myself again, and more importantly I can't do that to you again. I love you, Maxxy. I always have, and I always will," she murmered. She traced his features, taking him in, drinking him in. She curled the fingers of one hand into his hair and slowly brought his head closer until their lips were just milimetres apart. His breath grazed her cheeks and she gave a soft, happy sigh. "But right now...how about you come back to my place?" she gave him a small, flitatious smile and then pressed her lips against his once more.

[ ooc ] sorry it took me so long! [ /ooc ]




you've got me thinking that
lately i've been wishing
the television would show me more
than just a picture of the things i've grown to detest