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«x» ___ Satine Brewer ___ «x»
» b a s ii c s . o f . l ii f e «
→ a. k. a. ≠ Mignonette: My real name is Mignonette. This should be enough of a reason for me to go by a nickname.
Claire: And Claire is my middle name. During my brief flirtation with stardom, I went by the name Claire...but in the end, I always go back to my stage name.
My stage name used to be Kitty, because I was so 'cute and sweet'. But when I got back on stage after surgery, Roxy decided that Satine should be my stage name. Henry loved it, and I started introducing myself in public by this. But you must admit, it is an improvement from 'Mignonette'.
→ candles on a cake ≠ Twenty-two years went by too fast..
→ surprise day ≠ April 30th
→ I am . . . ≠ Bisexual: Love me, and I'll be whatever you want me to be.
→ work, work, work ≠ I was a performer at a nightclub in New York. Um...to be precise..I was a stripper. Henry was very strict about enforcing the rule that no one touch 'his' girls..the ones that performed on stage, anyways. Some of them would be out there to give patrons private dances, but I was kept as one of the few who did -nothing- but perform on stage. I was grateful for that.
» d ii g ii n g . d e e p e r «
→ image in the mirror ≠ Is it bad if I'm not uncomfortable saying that I'm pretty?
I'm the spitting image of my mother when she was younger, right down to my slender hands. Slender..that's a good word to use to describe me. I'm small, but Connie says I'm stacked...which isn't really true, but when she's only comparing me to herself..maybe I am? At five feet, three inches, most..no, all of my friends tend to tower over me..I'm the one who gets stuck in the front for group pictures. I'm relatively slight too, about 109 pounds. I'm not..I don't really have that many curves; they're soft, but still there. I have a shape, which is good enough most of the time. I've got some muscle, but not really enough for you to be able to see a lot of it. It's mainly my stomach, and my arms. I don't really look that strong, and I'm really not.
I'm pale, which was a bit of a rarity at Hard Candy. I don't tan; I burn. Though my skin isn't paper-white, thanks to some hints of peach, it's pretty obvious that I avoid sunlight like the plague. But hey, we all have things like that, don't we? I have a few flaws on my skin; scars from childhood and my own clumsiness, mostly. The most noticeable is a scar at my neck, from my surgery. I do my absolute best to cover it up most of the time, and when I absolutely have to show my neck off, it takes quite a bit of makeup to cover it. My ears are only pierced once, and I must have been the only one of of Henry's girI who didn't have her bellybutton and/or her 'downstairs area' pierced. I have one tattoo..Roxy convinced me to get it when I was probably a bit drunk and stupid enough to agree. It's a small four leaf clover, high up on the inside of my thigh. You...um, you can't really see it unless I have my legs spread really wide. L..let's just leave it at that! I'm not going to show it to you..Roxy just thought it would be hilarious. Um..moving on!
I am very, very fortunate that I didn't require much in the way of chemotherapy. I tend to be a bit obsessive over my hair, and the fact that I didn't lose much of it really did make me happy. My hair is long, probably a bit past my waist..and it's white-blonde. Actually, minus the pink in my scales, it's about the same color as my fins in my cursed form. Is that a recurring thing..? Oh, nevermind. My hair is relatively straight, but it has body.. Connie had always wanted to be a hair stylist, so I was usually her favorite test subject; actually, she was the one who gave me my side-swept bangs. I had some pretty interesting hairstyles for the stage, and for public. She gave me her favorite curling iron as a going-away present before I left for Japan too. I've taken to pulling a good part of my hair back, pinning it in some messy way, and curling whatever hangs down..it never looks exactly the same. But that isn't to say that my hair doesn't just look good hanging free. I have dark blue eyes, too..my mother's classic beauty, I guess. But she had sharper features than I am
When it comes to clothes...well, I'll wear anything, to be honest. Nina, a friend of mine who wanted to be a designer, enjoyed using me as a model for some of her clothing. Well, she did before she went to France with my ex-fiance...we'll get into that later. I kept with her idea of leather and lace though, and a lot of times, I try to play sweet and sexy at the same time. I can wear lace, I can wear leather, and I can be just in comfortable in them as in a t-shirt and jeans. Connie, Roxy, and I always kept something more signature so we could tell our own wardrobes apart..or, at least, so Connie and Roxy could tell each other's apart. For the most part, Connie wore leather and fur patterned stuff, Roxy wore cropped shirts and jeans that sat too low on her hips, and me? Well, I had ruffles and lace and softer, more feminine things. If I showed anything off, it was my shoulders..which usually provided contrast to Connie's legs and Roxy's chest. I always enjoyed shopping, and since we split that cheap apartment between the three of us, we could always save up enough money for big shopping sprees. It was fun, and I have a lot of clothes and shoes because of it! I like jewelry too, yes, but I don't have much of it..any of the expensive jewelry I had, I sold..except for my engagement ring. I wear it on a chain around my neck, against my better judgement.
Maybe I really am frillier than I should be...
→ sides of me ≠
Well, lets see. Roxy says I'm a 'girly-girl' most of the time, and..lets just see if I can explain it to you.
I'm not pessimistic most of the time; I always prefer to look on the bright side of things. The glass, for me, is half-full, and if something can get better, then it will. That's the way I've tried to live my life until now. However, at certain points in my life, I will admit that I've simply..given up. The doctors tell me that there's no reason why I won't be able to sing again, but I know I won't be able to. Even if I can, I won't sound the same, and I'll never be able to perform on a stage...
I'm sorry, I was starting to angst, wasn't I? Hmm..lets try a different approach.
They say that Pisces people are compassionate..among other things. I'll focus on that first. Well, I am compassionate. Cold-hearted, me? No, never! I care about people, even complete strangers. Children, old people, people who just need help..I want to be able to help. If someone needed it more than me, then I would give them the shirt off my back. I trust people unconditionally, sometimes with a very, very poor outcome for myself. I don't.. Roxy always told me that I was going to wind up giving away everything I had to someone greedy jerk(-not- the word she used) who didn't deserve it. Gullible? Yeah, but I'd rather give something to someone who doesn't need it than to ignore someone who really does need my help. If I commit to helping someone, I tend to get too involved in their problems..so if it doesn't work out, I'm oftentimes more hurt than they are about it. Sometimes, I get so involved in focusing on what seems like it's a problem, that I don't notice when it isn't. When that happens, I don't immediately get why they get mad at me. Connie and Roxy figure the easiest thing to call me is naive..or delusional.
I care too much about what people think of me sometimes. I don't like the looks people give me when they learn what my job is, like I'm trashy or something because I like my job sometimes. I'll try to be what people think I should be. Although, a lot of the time, it doesn't work out. People think I should be rough and edgy, but...well, I'm about as edgy as a marshmallow. I'm not violent, and I tend to take things lying down. I'm a bit of a doormat..well, there's no bit about it. I -am- a doormat. I let people walk over me. All someone has ever had to say to me is 'Trust me', and I'll believe them. I want to see the good in people so badly, that it takes someone else telling me that I'm getting hurt before I realize it myself. That brings me to my next point.
I need someone to look after me. I want to be loved, to be treated like I'm special. I'm not strong enough to take care of myself..not really. My parents took care of me, Henry took care of me, and my girls took care of me..I've never -had- to take care of myself. This isn't saying that I'm not smart enough to balance finances and pay rent and bills and everything else, but I'm just accustomed to having someone there to pick me up if I take a stumble. I'm weak, and I can't pretend that I'm strong so people don't fuss over me. I like it when people fuss over me..it means that they still care about me, right? As long as someone loves me, I will do whatever they want me to do, unless my gut just tells me it's wrong. And if I care about someone..well, I'll be as protective and fussy over them as I think they might need me to be. Just as I like affection, I enjoy smothering the people I love with that same affection. I'm like a cat, rubbing around your legs for attention.
Is that it..? I think it is.
I have my ups, and my downs. More ups than downs though. But after a certain point, everything just seems steadier than it actually is with me. If you'll give it a try, if you just wait and promise that you won't break my heart, maybe you can see me for who I am.
→ retell the tale ≠
Um..do you really want to hear this? Well, alright then..I guess I can tell you. It's not a very good story, but it's mine.
We should start with my parents. Lauren Devearaux was my mother; she taught French at a highschool in New York. My father's name was Nathan Brewer. He was a businessman, the older brother of one of her students. She was twenty-six, and he was twenty-seven. I don't thin Aunt Megan approved of the marriage, but she overdosed when I was three so she probably didn't approve of much of anything. Speaking of me..I was born on Mum's twenty-eighth birthday, two months earlier than I was supposed to be. I was healthy though..for the most part. When Papa took me from my mother, something happened that turned their entire world upside down. With a poof of smoke, I was gone. Instead of his baby girl, Nathan was holding..a fish? I'm sure it was very distressing; Papa said that Mum even fainted. One of the nurses ran to get something to put me in, and my mother came to right as I transformed back. They were...confused, among other things. Why had it happened? But my parents were both determined to stay together..to keep our family together. So they raised me anyways. I was an exceptional child, regardless of what they said. My aunt never liked me..neither did my grandfather, but the only two people that mattered to me were Mum and Papa.
When I was eleven, Mum got sick. I didn't really think about it until later, but I should have thought of her later on in my life when..well, we'll get to that later. The doctors said it was leukemia...I think it was too advanced when they discovered it. All we could do for her was try to keep her going, and pray for a miracle. But it didn't come. On Papa's forty-second birthday, my mother left us. It was hard on him, but he was determined to raise me. He was the only one left who could; Grandfather had died a few weeks after I turned ten, and aunt Megan.. well, I already mentioned her, right? I don't think Papa ever really recovered from losing Mum though. He was depressed, and, when I was seventeen, a bigger name took over his company. I was all he had left...and I don't think that was enough. He faded fast once he started drinking, and the day before I graduated high school, he went for a drive and never came home. Most girls go to graduation with a smile on their face. I was left trying to figure out how I was going to settle any debts my father may have had. Though Papa was honest, he had more than a few debts to pay. And by the time I got all of those sorted out, there was about $20,000 left. I was still young..I didn't want to try to sell the house I'd grown up in, but I didn't have many options. I sold the house, rented an apartment, and started looking for work.
But I wasn't ready to live on my own, without someone to fall back on. It was hard for me to hold a job, if only because I couldn't stand the confinement that came with it. As a matter of fact, I had just been fired from a job at a fast food restaurant when I, quite literally, ran into Henry Whittaker. See, I had run to a park, so I could maybe watch the ducks and clear my head, but I wasn't looking and..I crashed right into him. It was very embarrassing. I'm not sure what he was thinking when he grabbed me and tossed me into a pond(furthermore, I'm not sure how I survived -that- little trip..), but he was very interested in me when I transformed back. He offered me a job while I was in the process of getting dressed. That's Henry for you, though; if he thinks someone will be useful to him, then..well, that's all that they need. He sent me to three of his girls; Nina, Roxy, and Connie, to see if I could be made appropriate for the job. Those girls became my new best friends. Nina was almost as ditzy as I was, though she was a good six years older than me. Connie..well, Connie's about as cuddly as a sawblade, but she looked after me like I was her little sister. Roxy didn't take to me until later, but she was the one who taught me how to work a pole..much to the displeasure of my stomach muscles.
It was mortifying for me, starting out, being a stripper at Hard Candy. But my employer looked out for me, and after one too many spilled drinks when someone slapped my a**, he figured out that I wasn't going to cut it on the floor. So, he put me up on stage. Stripteases, 'playing' with one of the other girls(usually Nina, now that I think about it..) on stage..he had rules about people touching his girls when they were giving performances. He paid me the same as the girls who worked on the same level as the customers for a while, but I didn't mind. I got along with the girls easily enough, and once I got over my mortification, it was kind of..fun. Henry looked after me like I was his own daughter. Roxy and I went to see a musical once, and that was when I decided that I wanted to be on stage...and not the stage at Hard Candy. I wanted to be an actress, or a singer, or maybe both. I practiced, I tried to get into lesser known plays, I performed at hole-in-the-wall clubs..I don't think I'd ever wanted something so badly in my life.
At least, until I met Daniel.
Daniel Bernard...the love of my life..well, the ex-love of my life. I met him after a performance at a club. Well, sort of. I was running late, so I gave him a brief introduction as 'Claire Brewer' before I ran off to Hard Candy. I didn't actually realize that he'd followed me there until later, when I was up on stage in the process of..well, nevermind that. He stayed until I got off work, and, with Connie behind me like a personal bodyguard, he told me what he wanted. He was directing a play..it was small, but he had connections enough to get some relatively well-known critics in to see it. If he could make it work, it might be able to hit a big stage..and he wanted me to be his lead. Where a relationship came into the mix, I don't know. I had a few happy months with him though. Connie and Roxy fussed over me every time I went on a date like a pair of nervous parents, and Nina...well, I thought she was happy for me too. I was barely twenty, and I was having everything I wanted handed to me on a plate. Four months after I met Daniel, he proposed to me. Connie said it was too soon for that, but I accepted anyways.
Two weeks later, I started coughing hard enough to cough blood on stage at Hard Candy, and Henry took me to the hospital. I had been having more and more trouble singing and swallowing and just breathing, but it took that for me to actually go and get checked out. What I had, I learned, was throat cancer. It was rare, very rare, and they weren't sure if they'd caught it in time. When all was said and done, it was Connie and Roxie and Henry who looked after me. The very moment that doctor said "You have cancer", Connie was ready to make a suicide pact with me...which was weird, but I loved her for it anyways. I had to go through chemo, just so they could be -absolutely- certain that the tumor would be small enough for them to operate on, and after a few months, they did operate. I couldn't talk for a while, but once I could, I learned a few things. One, my fiance was , according to Connie, a 'mother expletive-ing slime ball' who ran out on me when I couldn't sing. He couldn't find anyone to replace me, so he'd ran off for greener pastures...and that would be number two. The second thing I learned was that part of those greener pastures had involved..Nina. I didn't ever think that she would do something like that to me, but I was wrong. I was..mortified, to be honest. And as soon as I got home, I wanted to just curl up under the covers and die.
But I couldn't waste away in self-pity for forever. I had a job to keep and bills to pay. Until I grew comfortable enough to go back on stage, I stayed behind the bar. I like to imagine that it was because of the curse that Henry accommodated me so well..I wasn't normal, and..he was the only person who knew that. He let me stay safely behind the bar until I was ready, and Connie nearly got herself arrested trying to take care of me. Heck, even Roxy got me drunk and made me get a tattoo, which probably shouldn't have helped any, only it did. I had friends who cared about me ,and that was all I really needed in the end. When the scar had faded enough, Roxy did my makeup to hide it the rest of the way, and I went back on stage. I was different then. That was when she christened me Satine. I stuck with that name, too. It was something new, for a new me. The me that simply wanted to enjoy being with her friends, even if it was on a stage doing something lascivious.
It was after work when someone approached me, mentioning the curse. I had to explain it to Roxy and Connie then. They thought it was..kinky, I think was the word Connie used? I love my friends. I was invited to a banquet, and I think Connie accepted for me. I sold most of the remaining jewelry that I had from my relationship with Daniel to pay the absolute last bits of my medical bills, so I would have nothing but that stupid engagement ring tying me down. In the end though, it was Henry who had to force me on the plane, the morning after they threw me a going-away party. Henry Whittaker, stripclub owner extraordinaire, closed down Hard Candy for one night so the girls could give me a 'proper goodbye'. When he did that, I didn't want to leave my best friends, or the place I had come to call home. But he told me something that I guess he thought I needed to hear.
"You need a fresh start, kitten."
And so I did.
→ don’t tell a soul ≠ Don't tell anyone about:
The Curse
My ex-fiance
I'm really afraid that my cancer is going to come back...it's in remission right now, and the doctors don't think that it will come back, but....
Umm...people expect things from me when they figure out that I was a stripper...so don't tell anyone please?
» p e r s o n a l . ii n f o r m a t ii o n «
→ i love ≠
-+-Dancing
-+-Acting
-+-The Stage
-+-Swimming
-+-Shopping
-+-Being Loved
-+-Ice cream
-+-Chocolate
-+-Coffee
-+-Seafood(I am -not- a cannibal! ..Am I?)
-+-Champagne
-+-Perfume
-+-Clothes
-+-Diamonds
-+-Shoes
-+-Presents
-+-Rain
-+-Boys
-+-Romance novels(You know; the ones written to give middle aged women hot flashes?)
-+-Fashion
-+-Decorating
-+-Privacy
→ get away ≠
--Cats
--Snakes
--Rude girls
--Hot weather
--Snow
--Cigarettes
--Sunburn
--Alcohol
--Being drunk
--Stiff people
→ shaking in my boots ≠
-x-Being Alone
-x-Surgery
-x-Thunder
-x-Spiders
-x-Guns
-x-Drunks
→ getting power ≠
Acting
Singing -- I can't sing anymore though....
Dancing in heels -- I worked a pole for about four years...that's extreme practice.
Bright
Upbeat
Creative
Polite
→ weak at the knees ≠
'Nice' people
Men with a fashion sense~
Materialistic
"Ditzy"
Childish
Gullible
Shallow
→ dance to the music ≠ Queen -- -- The Show Must Go On
Loni Rose -- -- Let me go Back
Faye Wong -- -- Eyes on me
→ be an oracle ≠
"A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer; it sings because it has a song." -- -- Maya Angelou
» c u r s e d . f o r . l ii f e «
→ are there any animals in here ≠ The fragile Pisces...?
→ fur, spots, stripes ≠ A siamese fighting fish? Is that what they're called? I'm a pretty fish, that's all I know. I'm really small, too. My body and fins are white in some places, and pale pink in others. Oh! Speaking of fins..I have very long fins, and they're very flashy. Just like me, yeah? I'm really delicate in this form..seriously, if I am out of water for more than a few seconds when I transform, I'll die.
» t h e . b ii g . m a n «
→ behind the mask ≠ C 4 r t 0 0 n M u f f i n
→ skittles, taste the rainbow ≠ It's DIAMONDS are a girl's BEST friend
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