Let me test some sh** out..NO looking

[Nanari Uchiha]

Music is the spoken word of the heart as every note chimes the tune of emotions whisking in the air. “Why can’t you just listen to me?” The anger, the disappointment, the grief: They all strummed a cord along each syllable coiling a string of lethally around his ear. It’s barbed wire dripped in an acid searing through his brittle bones, but never had he warned himself back when the warmth of palms pressed against his cheek and lifted his gaze away from the phone. “You heard Yeongsu. He wants you to rest. You’ll go home and-” Kazuma and Ryo flinched at the sudden twist of Jin’s head whipping away from Jun’s gentle grasp and it was a miracle how the ticking time bomb held the patience for no one, but the man who slowly rose from where he sat. “You’re not disappointing anyone, you hear me?”

“Jun’s right. All that matters now is that you’re alright. So don’t worry about anything.”

“You’ll only upset lil’ Jun more if you stay.” A look of mild surprise quirked everyone’s brow because the imp surely wasn’t the type to care all that much for anyone but himself. The concerns could go through one ear and out the other, but for some reason, Jun was a special case. Like a symphony, their concerns compounded into a orchestra of lies and without no other choice but to exit the room, Jin left the other’s behind to do what he was told. Jin adjusted the face mask he draped over his mouth that morning, his free hand brushing along the wall just in case his headache took a turn for the worse and allowed gravity to take its course. Jun never got worked up about someone’s health over nothing, and with the recent news of H1N1 spreading around Korea like wildfire, there was no doubt in his mind Jun feared for the worse. But it couldn’t be that bad. Jin took his mentality into account and with musical notes and ghostly rhythms thrumming through his head, the severity of such a disease couldn’t be taken into consideration. So with his journal and his write-ups in hand, Jin looked over his shoulder. Jun, who was trailing behind him all this time, had suddenly began putting up a front for the imposing Yuhan that thankfully bought Jin enough time for a quick getaway.

There was no way he was leaving this building until the song was written and finished to his and everyone’s liking. It was his duty as an Al[tria] member to get things done without excuses getting in the way of his work, his ambitions and Yeongsu’s expectations. With twist and turns, Jin bee-lined his way into an empty recording studio where he usually frequented when composing songs back-up dancers and the like depended on to get their part of the job practiced as flawless as humanely possible. “I don’t want to disappoint anyone.” He muttered under the solemn breath confounded with a tone of remorse and fear clinging to his chest. Yeongsu had so much high hopes in himself and everyone around him that it made failure obsolete in the minds of those bequeathed by success. Jin wanted to make him proud, make him smile, and accept that accepting hand upon his own shoulder whenever Jin went above and beyond his expectations. To him, its what brought people to stay - what brought people like Yeongsu to keep his faith in him so walking out on his life never became an option. It was the reason why he stayed as far away from others as possible, for that fear to be alone was heartbreaking upon the one that couldn’t stand the silence of it all.

From between the binding of his journal, Jin retrieved an incomplete instrumental he worked on for days on end and played it on a loop through the studio speakers. When surrounded by the beats of his own heart, things were at peace and the world seemed to be filled with hope that there was someone out there looking after him. They may have not been there at the moment, but being alone never felt so distant when the music played and his sat on the floor filling in the proper notes for a song Yeongsu could be so proud of.

[Nanari Uchiha]

An enthusiastic figure hung over the white-picket fence, his smile broadening features that perfected every aspect of his youthful demeanor as a small giggle, or perhaps what others would call an attention-seeking laugh, took on the very ambiance of allure. He was courteous and kind, intelligent and wise beyond his years, protective and nurturing in all the right ways that allowed people their space, and yet his attentiveness in regards to human emotions were almost always spot-on and rarely dogmatized by the world around him.

Placed in a spherical tomb with nowhere else to go had constantly led him perched upon that very threshold that separated him from the teen who settled himself under the canopied leaves above. Smiling eyes looked upon the bark neither of them could claim as their very own, for the very roots of it stood along the borderline that made the marvelous oak tree ’theirs’. He could remember, a long long time ago, little fingers reaching out and touching those dark silk tresses that purposely sent his cheeks flaring in immense elation. A giggle here and a trill of laughter there didn’t stir the slumbering male from the tranquil realms beyond his bleak reality, but it did send his face leaning into the warmth emanated in the palm of his hand. It was a marvelous sight. The way lips smeared upon the base of his thumb had been an indescribable feeling forever locked into the valves and veins that made up his heart.

Each sensation encouraged the little boy to press on beyond the boarders that separated them both, his knees hoisting up and wedging against the fence as he bent forward to expose the arm that succumbed to the other‘s touch. What happened next began in a blink of an eye. A sudden tug pulled him up and over the fence, his world spun, the vast expanse of blue settled in view and his entire body was supported back against the other’s lap. Almost instinctual, the boy laughed while arms cradled him, supported him, and gave him that spark of hope that no matter what happened, those strong limbs would eternally be his to have, his to hold, and his to bury those smiling features right into as joy permeated the air. “You’ll always be there, won’t you?” Jungbae clung to him as if he was a new toy no one in their right mind would ever lay their filthy hands upon, because everyone knew how possessive he was and the efforts he’d go through to claim what was his and no other.

The smile hidden safely against the crook of his arm finally slipped from the shadows and looked into the light of the other‘s effortlessly curved lips full of what passion was all about. Eyes went aflutter once fingers began to stream into his hair, nails comfortingly dragging against his scalp as the child tilted his head back into each motion widening the corners of his lips. “If you’re always smiling, there’s no reason for me to go anywhere, right?” None at all; the question was invalid, stupid, idiotic, and pointless because Jungbae knew, from where ever their souls laid, there was no way he’d stop smiling for him no matter what life threw at the one who made promise after despicable promise that their joy would last for as long as they both lived.


------------------------------------------------


[******** up didn’t begin to describe the night Yeongsu revealed a side of himself that littered his eyes in both the pain and the agony one felt whenever a heart ached, or his mind swelled with thoughts and emotions his body couldn’t accept. [******** up had failed to describe the dawning twilight of his life when his past literally came back to haunt the blonde whose nails threatened to draw blood when they clawed and mauled at his very own hand. For all it was worth, [******** up was far from portraying the will-power it took for him to make a call he thought he was going to regret for a lifetime. But he couldn’t help it. How could anyone blame him for dialing the familiar number that once sent his happiness soaring through the roof? How could anyone every look down upon the man who tried his damn hardest to ignore what his delusional heart yearned for? Jin wasn’t answering his phone. He didn’t return to the studio like he was told. The lost little lamb who only every abided to his every whim went astray and it seemed his own body was doing the same. Jun made a call, he spouted out an address, the throbbing began in his chest and took over his entire body when he found his way into an aquatic center he use to always visit when life was simple, and they all took each coming day one step at a time.

Tired as he was, Jungbae kept his mind alert even as sharks swam overhead, those wondrous creatures keeping his attention for a long while as their razor-sharp eyes appeared lifeless beyond the plexigass they were ensnared in. He wasn’t sure how long he was there or why he waited beyond the minute he mentally allowed himself, but he stood there, gawking at life beyond the vast blue that emulated the sky.

At that moment, attentiveness, awareness and every ounce of vigilance slowly faded away into a void where he felt so empty, he almost overlooked the arms that held him as tightly as ever. The other’s grasp numbed every part of his body, as the hallow sensation loomed upon eyes that enveloped a kind of darkness he failed to describe. He couldn’t move even when his mind cursed the body pressed against his back, couldn’t say a word as the apologies fell hotly against his neck, and just couldn’t push him away because a part of him still remembered how much he cared about him, how much he once wanted a future with him and how he had entrusted him with the heart that was now as cold as steel.

He slowly raised a trembling hand in hopes, with what little strength he had left, he could pry that traitorous, god-forsaken arm away from him and lash out just as he did back at the studio. He couldn’t stand him! He wish the ******** was dead the moment he stepped back into this life! What he wanted was a way out and he couldn’t understand why Shin couldn’t give it to him. The anger, the spite he harbored and the resentment beckoned for a chance to say everything that he needed to say, but he stopped midway with his head dipped forward in despair. Fingers hooked desperately onto the arm crossed over his chest, each breath pressed against his skin reminding him what it would’ve been like to enjoy a past that had long since been forgotten. “You were the one that left us. You were the one that turned your back on me.” Shallow breaths quietly heaved out his every word, the pain tightening his vocal cords whenever his mind flooded with the memories of Shin’s smile, his words, his promises…his everything. “You were my bestfriend. You were…you were…” Teeth gritted, his words stammered out of control, and the acids deep at the pit of his stomach invaded every inch of his body that withered under his tightened embrace. He refused to let him go. Just as he did back when words fell so warmly against his skin, Jun sharply turned his head in attempt to overlook the lies that hit his ears. “I didn’t want to hurt you Jungbae.” His claims sounded so lovely when spoken behind a façade Jun tried to believe. “The last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you and Jinhwa the way I did. I’m sorry. I‘m so sorry I wasn‘t there. I‘m sorry that I left you. I‘m sorry Jun. I‘m sorry. I wish I could take it back. I wish I could take everything back.” The apologies could work like cupid’s arrow and hit straight into his heart, its lethal tip draped with the venoms love was always known to originate from, but it was bullshit.

It was all bullshit!

Jun turned around to get a good look at his pathetic face, as hands grappled and nails dug into the collar of his shirt. He had all the pent up anger in the world that would’ve pushed him away and could’ve sent fist flying like he did before. But the difficulties were ever present in his wavering gaze that couldn’t quite look the other in the eye. Jungbae flung his arms forward, pushed him away, and attempted to let Shin go with a fist retracting for a blow, but…for some reason, he couldn’t do it. Not because he was afraid or he was convince that the other was telling the truth, but because Shin physically stopped him from doing so. Wrists were captured in his unrelenting hold that kept the blond from executing the violence his vengeful heart sought out for. They began to move and with each step Shin took forward, Jun was forced to take one back with the struggles pitting the anger in his eyes. “You’re a ******** liar! You were just ******** around with me for the kicks and that was it! Just admit it you stupid b***h!” With all his might, he tried to break away from his captor, bucked and thrashed just for the chance to damage his pretty face, but everything - his efforts, his willpower, his strength all went in vain.

Sharply contrasting with the heat that pressed against his back not to long ago, a chill suddenly engrossed his spine as Shin pushed him up against the glass that displayed a whole new world beyond the anthropogenic sea. Jun’s stubbornness sent his arms pulling away from its cool surface, only for hands to pin them back in its place yet again. “Why did you come back?” His breath shuddered in immense frustration and to make matters worse, the restraints put him at an all-time low as it placed him under the mercy of that piercing stare he loathed the moment it emerged. “Because you’re pushing Jinhwa away.” The audacity! “I wanted to make sure that you knew you’re purposely pushing him away and if you keep going at it…” The nerve! “You’re going to lose him.” How dare he even feed him this crap! Jun felt the weight of his words strengthening his defenses faster than Shin had a chance to gather another round of bullshit he really didn’t need to listen to. His body absorbed the tremors of his own anger bustling like a storm that brewed at the very core of his soul; As if he even had a soul, but still, Jun couldn’t take the accusations wounding him far more deeper than the past ever could.

Jin meant the world to him. He sacrificed his entire life, his dreams and his career to cater to Jin’s ever whim because the happiness he felt long ago only ever truly existed beyond that white-picket fence where Jin had pulled him into his arms. But he didn’t remember. What they shared, the smiles that were supposed to engrave in their hearts, the laughter and their promises sealed with an entwinement of their pinky fingers, were all lost in a blink of an eye and it was all his fault. He couldn’t change it even if he sold his soul to the devil himself because there was absolutely nothing he could do.

“You can’t keep on suffocating him with the anger that’s only mines to bare only.” The sympathy in Shin’s eyes further twisted the knife Jin had constantly plunged right into him every time he made contact with that damnable cretin of a dancer he wanted so much to get rid of. Jun quietly shook his head, eyes draped in a sheet of denial hidden under dark forelocks. “You have to give him his space or you‘ll regret it.” But how could he? Jun was so afraid to lose him, so frightened of the little distance between them that his fears completely took over without his consent. He was completely lost in his own insecurity that he was convince he couldn’t possibly just let Jin wonder off with someone who didn’t deserve him. Soyoung was a spineless ********, an inconsiderate a** and an arrogant b***h who couldn’t get it through his thick skull that Jin didn’t need him nor anyone like him in his life.

But if that was true, then why does he always insist on being near that infuriating ******** ?

What exactly made Jin refuse him when Jun and Yuhan bumped into them in the hall? Why didn’t Jin push Soyoung away like everyone else? What made him so special from the rest of the world Jin refused to understand? It didn’t make any sense. He couldn’t piece it together and as much as he tried to understand, there was not an ounce of logic to everything that came to mind.

Jun attempted to struggled out of Shin’s hold once more, but it was no use. His determination and his reasons for doing so was far too weak, too pathetic, too worthless and too stupid for him to fight against because fear had already overcome his anger once the realization was made that someday, without so much as a hint of warning, Jin would leave him again just as he did before. If he left, if even so much as decided to deem Jun unworthy of his presence, it only meant he’d have to go back - go back to the memories, the pain, the agony and the torment that brought those scalding tears to his eyes.

“Why can’t everyone leave us alone? Just leave us the ******** alone.” Quiet as it was, Jun was still able to conveyed his message with lips quivering far too much than he was able to control. A lift of his head revealed the tears filled with an immeasurable amount of pain no one could have the heart to refrain from wiping away and as such, Shin released the hand that dropped limply at Jun’s side as fingers caressed the pale, wet cheek that followed and seemed to obey the warmth gliding effortlessly across his bottom lip. It was mystifying at first, rather confusing in the seconds that followed when Shin closed the little distance between them.

But never would it go any further.

Jun had a free hand to shove him as far away as he possible could, and yet the hesitation lingered with the comforting sensations paralyzing all efforts to stop what shouldn’t have begun. He could practically feel the other’s breath pulling him in and for all it was worth, he had the peace of mind to eventually turn his head away from lips that ventured far too close to home. “Don’t pull this s**t. Get the hell away from-” But he had said it so many times before? Whether the demand came out with a smile or begrudgingly fell from stern lips, there was always that need to ignore it, the desire to bypass the hate, the anger and the defiance Jun upheld because if Shin simply obeyed, there was no hope in reconciling the misunderstanding that broke them apart.

He didn’t mean to be so rough, didn’t intentionally try to evoke the shock in Jun’s eyes when he took his chin and directed his gaze solely upon him and him alone. It was stupid to infer that time stood still when the entwinement of lips took his breath away. But if that wasn’t so, and he could move beyond the restricting hold of his reality, then why didn’t he broke of the passion that sparked at the very tip of his tongue? Why did Jun bite furiously at his nemesis’s lips and subjected his senses into a passion that plunged and engrossed his tongue amongst the hot wet vice at the back of the other’s throat? Why was it, that whenever his mind told him to deny Shin’s advances and reject the supple groans spreading the heat throughout his body, Jun would defy and pretend as if the feverous cloud wiped his thoughts clean of the consequences that drew near?

Jun hated him with a passion. He couldn’t stand him, couldn’t be near him, couldn’t come to think of a day when adoration ever conjured up between them because the hate just went and ******** up the happy memories that might as well have been lost in a void of no return. That strong detestation conveyed in the raw animalistic intensity that bit down at the other’s lip enough to draw the slight tinge of blood that should’ve pulled Shin away. But he persisted onwards, ramming Jin’s back into the glass wall as some form of punishment that would put the blonde in his place. But how wrong of him to assume such delusional things because as the small whimpered cry surfaced at the sudden jolt of pain that hit his spine, it only encouraged him to retaliate. A small distance was shared and as quick as ever, Jun tilted his head back and sharply snapped forward as foreheads collided in a mind-splitting impact that reversed Shin’s steps away from him. He didn’t have time to recover, and why would Jun even give him that luxury when he deserved everything that unfolded thereafter.

The violence broke out as quickly as the passion ended and without constraint, Jun tackled Shin to the floor, a closed fist hovering in midair ready to strike; but just as he was about to let gravity take its course, the hesitation came back with full force as questions filtered the night air. “What gives you the right?” His throat tangled in knots, but in spite of his best efforts to control himself, the pain he evidently felt still lingered in his voice. “Jin needed you! I needed you but you left us. I had to take care of him, rebuild our lives after you decided to betray us and here you are, telling me you came back to make sure Jin wouldn’t leave me again. That’s ******** bullshit!!! The day he leaves me is the day I die and guess what, I’m not letting anyone come between us...not even you.” He did it once and he’d do it again. Jun would protect Jin to the ends of time because that was what love and devotion was all about. No one had what they had, no one shared a past like they had, and no one could compare to what they felt for each other because even if Jin forgot, Jun would always be there to remind him that at the end of every path that came his way, he’d be standing there with a smile he promised to keep for him a long time ago. And if anyone obstructed their paths, he’d curl his hands into a fist and fight his way through them no matter what it took.

[Nanari Uchiha]

An enthusiastic figure hung over the white-picket fence, his smile broadening features that perfected every aspect of his youthful demeanor as a small giggle, or perhaps what others would call an attention-seeking laugh, took on the very ambiance of allure. He was courteous and kind, intelligent and wise beyond his years, protective and nurturing in all the right ways that allowed people their space, and yet his attentiveness in regards to human emotions were almost always spot-on and rarely dogmatized by the world around him.

Placed in a spherical tomb with nowhere else to go had constantly led him perched upon that very threshold that separated him from the teen who settled himself under the canopied leaves above. Smiling eyes looked upon the bark neither of them could claim as their very own, for the very roots of it stood along the borderline that made the marvelous oak tree ’theirs’. He could remember, a long long time ago, little fingers reaching out and touching those dark silk tresses that purposely sent his cheeks flaring in immense elation. A giggle here and a trill of laughter there didn’t stir the slumbering male from the tranquil realms beyond his bleak reality, but it did send his face leaning into the warmth emanated in the palm of his hand. It was a marvelous sight. The way lips smeared upon the base of his thumb had been an indescribable feeling forever locked into the valves and veins that made up his heart.

Each sensation encouraged the little boy to press on beyond the boarders that separated them both, his knees hoisting up and wedging against the fence as he bent forward to expose the arm that succumbed to the other‘s touch. What happened next began in a blink of an eye. A sudden tug pulled him up and over the fence, his world spun, the vast expanse of blue settled in view and his entire body was supported back against the other’s lap. Almost instinctual, the boy laughed while arms cradled him, supported him, and gave him that spark of hope that no matter what happened, those strong limbs would eternally be his to have, his to hold, and his to bury those smiling features right into as joy permeated the air. “You’ll always be there, won’t you?” Jungbae clung to him as if he was a new toy no one in their right mind would ever lay their filthy hands upon, because everyone knew how possessive he was and the efforts he’d go through to claim what was his and no other.

The smile hidden safely against the crook of his arm finally slipped from the shadows and looked into the light of the other‘s effortlessly curved lips full of what passion was all about. Eyes went aflutter once fingers began to stream into his hair, nails comfortingly dragging against his scalp as the child tilted his head back into each motion widening the corners of his lips. “If you’re always smiling, there’s no reason for me to go anywhere, right?” None at all; the question was invalid, stupid, idiotic, and pointless because Jungbae knew, from where ever their souls laid, there was no way he’d stop smiling for him no matter what life threw at the one who made promise after despicable promise that their joy would last for as long as they both lived.


------------------------------------------------


[******** up didn’t begin to describe the night Yeongsu revealed a side of himself that littered his eyes in both the pain and the agony one felt whenever a heart ached, or his mind swelled with thoughts and emotions his body couldn’t accept. [******** up had failed to describe the dawning twilight of his life when his past literally came back to haunt the blonde whose nails threatened to draw blood when they clawed and mauled at his very own hand. For all it was worth, [******** up was far from portraying the will-power it took for him to make a call he thought he was going to regret for a lifetime. But he couldn’t help it. How could anyone blame him for dialing the familiar number that once sent his happiness soaring through the roof? How could anyone every look down upon the man who tried his damn hardest to ignore what his delusional heart yearned for? Jin wasn’t answering his phone. He didn’t return to the studio like he was told. The lost little lamb who only every abided to his every whim went astray and it seemed his own body was doing the same. Jun made a call, he spouted out an address, the throbbing began in his chest and took over his entire body when he found his way into an aquatic center he use to always visit when life was simple, and they all took each coming day one step at a time.

Tired as he was, Jungbae kept his mind alert even as sharks swam overhead, those wondrous creatures keeping his attention for a long while as their razor-sharp eyes appeared lifeless beyond the plexigass they were ensnared in. He wasn’t sure how long he was there or why he waited beyond the minute he mentally allowed himself, but he stood there, gawking at life beyond the vast blue that emulated the sky.

At that moment, attentiveness, awareness and every ounce of vigilance slowly faded away into a void where he felt so empty, he almost overlooked the arms that held him as tightly as ever. The other’s grasp numbed every part of his body, as the hallow sensation loomed upon eyes that enveloped a kind of darkness he failed to describe. He couldn’t move even when his mind cursed the body pressed against his back, couldn’t say a word as the apologies fell hotly against his neck, and just couldn’t push him away because a part of him still remembered how much he cared about him, how much he once wanted a future with him and how he had entrusted him with the heart that was now as cold as steel.

He slowly raised a trembling hand in hopes, with what little strength he had left, he could pry that traitorous, god-forsaken arm away from him and lash out just as he did back at the studio. He couldn’t stand him! He wish the ******** was dead the moment he stepped back into this life! What he wanted was a way out and he couldn’t understand why Shin couldn’t give it to him. The anger, the spite he harbored and the resentment beckoned for a chance to say everything that he needed to say, but he stopped midway with his head dipped forward in despair. Fingers hooked desperately onto the arm crossed over his chest, each breath pressed against his skin reminding him what it would’ve been like to enjoy a past that had long since been forgotten. “You were the one that left us. You were the one that turned your back on me.” Shallow breaths quietly heaved out his every word, the pain tightening his vocal cords whenever his mind flooded with the memories of Shin’s smile, his words, his promises…his everything. “You were my bestfriend. You were…you were…” Teeth gritted, his words stammered out of control, and the acids deep at the pit of his stomach invaded every inch of his body that withered under his tightened embrace. He refused to let him go. Just as he did back when words fell so warmly against his skin, Jun sharply turned his head in attempt to overlook the lies that hit his ears. “I didn’t want to hurt you Jungbae.” His claims sounded so lovely when spoken behind a façade Jun tried to believe. “The last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you and Jinhwa the way I did. I’m sorry. I‘m so sorry I wasn‘t there. I‘m sorry that I left you. I‘m sorry Jun. I‘m sorry. I wish I could take it back. I wish I could take everything back.” The apologies could work like cupid’s arrow and hit straight into his heart, its lethal tip draped with the venoms love was always known to originate from, but it was bullshit.

It was all bullshit!

Jun turned around to get a good look at his pathetic face, as hands grappled and nails dug into the collar of his shirt. He had all the pent up anger in the world that would’ve pushed him away and could’ve sent fist flying like he did before. But the difficulties were ever present in his wavering gaze that couldn’t quite look the other in the eye. Jungbae flung his arms forward, pushed him away, and attempted to let Shin go with a fist retracting for a blow, but…for some reason, he couldn’t do it. Not because he was afraid or he was convince that the other was telling the truth, but because Shin physically stopped him from doing so. Wrists were captured in his unrelenting hold that kept the blond from executing the violence his vengeful heart sought out for. They began to move and with each step Shin took forward, Jun was forced to take one back with the struggles pitting the anger in his eyes. “You’re a ******** liar! You were just ******** around with me for the kicks and that was it! Just admit it you stupid b***h!” With all his might, he tried to break away from his captor, bucked and thrashed just for the chance to damage his pretty face, but everything - his efforts, his willpower, his strength all went in vain.

Sharply contrasting with the heat that pressed against his back not to long ago, a chill suddenly engrossed his spine as Shin pushed him up against the glass that displayed a whole new world beyond the anthropogenic sea. Jun’s stubbornness sent his arms pulling away from its cool surface, only for hands to pin them back in its place yet again. “Why did you come back?” His breath shuddered in immense frustration and to make matters worse, the restraints put him at an all-time low as it placed him under the mercy of that piercing stare he loathed the moment it emerged. “Because you’re pushing Jinhwa away.” The audacity! “I wanted to make sure that you knew you’re purposely pushing him away and if you keep going at it…” The nerve! “You’re going to lose him.” How dare he even feed him this crap! Jun felt the weight of his words strengthening his defenses faster than Shin had a chance to gather another round of bullshit he really didn’t need to listen to. His body absorbed the tremors of his own anger bustling like a storm that brewed at the very core of his soul; As if he even had a soul, but still, Jun couldn’t take the accusations wounding him far more deeper than the past ever could.

Jin meant the world to him. He sacrificed his entire life, his dreams and his career to cater to Jin’s ever whim because the happiness he felt long ago only ever truly existed beyond that white-picket fence where Jin had pulled him into his arms. But he didn’t remember. What they shared, the smiles that were supposed to engrave in their hearts, the laughter and their promises sealed with an entwinement of their pinky fingers, were all lost in a blink of an eye and it was all his fault. He couldn’t change it even if he sold his soul to the devil himself because there was absolutely nothing he could do.

“You can’t keep on suffocating him with the anger that’s only mines to bare only.” The sympathy in Shin’s eyes further twisted the knife Jin had constantly plunged right into him every time he made contact with that damnable cretin of a dancer he wanted so much to get rid of. Jun quietly shook his head, eyes draped in a sheet of denial hidden under dark forelocks. “You have to give him his space or you‘ll regret it.” But how could he? Jun was so afraid to lose him, so frightened of the little distance between them that his fears completely took over without his consent. He was completely lost in his own insecurity that he was convince he couldn’t possibly just let Jin wonder off with someone who didn’t deserve him. Soyoung was a spineless ********, an inconsiderate a** and an arrogant b***h who couldn’t get it through his thick skull that Jin didn’t need him nor anyone like him in his life.

But if that was true, then why does he always insist on being near that infuriating ******** ?

What exactly made Jin refuse him when Jun and Yuhan bumped into them in the hall? Why didn’t Jin push Soyoung away like everyone else? What made him so special from the rest of the world Jin refused to understand? It didn’t make any sense. He couldn’t piece it together and as much as he tried to understand, there was not an ounce of logic to everything that came to mind.

Jun attempted to struggled out of Shin’s hold once more, but it was no use. His determination and his reasons for doing so was far too weak, too pathetic, too worthless and too stupid for him to fight against because fear had already overcome his anger once the realization was made that someday, without so much as a hint of warning, Jin would leave him again just as he did before. If he left, if even so much as decided to deem Jun unworthy of his presence, it only meant he’d have to go back - go back to the memories, the pain, the agony and the torment that brought those scalding tears to his eyes.

“Why can’t everyone leave us alone? Just leave us the ******** alone.” Quiet as it was, Jun was still able to conveyed his message with lips quivering far too much than he was able to control. A lift of his head revealed the tears filled with an immeasurable amount of pain no one could have the heart to refrain from wiping away and as such, Shin released the hand that dropped limply at Jun’s side as fingers caressed the pale, wet cheek that followed and seemed to obey the warmth gliding effortlessly across his bottom lip. It was mystifying at first, rather confusing in the seconds that followed when Shin closed the little distance between them.

But never would it go any further.

Jun had a free hand to shove him as far away as he possible could, and yet the hesitation lingered with the comforting sensations paralyzing all efforts to stop what shouldn’t have begun. He could practically feel the other’s breath pulling him in and for all it was worth, he had the peace of mind to eventually turn his head away from lips that ventured far too close to home. “Don’t pull this s**t. Get the hell away from-” But he had said it so many times before? Whether the demand came out with a smile or begrudgingly fell from stern lips, there was always that need to ignore it, the desire to bypass the hate, the anger and the defiance Jun upheld because if Shin simply obeyed, there was no hope in reconciling the misunderstanding that broke them apart.

He didn’t mean to be so rough, didn’t intentionally try to evoke the shock in Jun’s eyes when he took his chin and directed his gaze solely upon him and him alone. It was stupid to infer that time stood still when the entwinement of lips took his breath away. But if that wasn’t so, and he could move beyond the restricting hold of his reality, then why didn’t he broke of the passion that sparked at the very tip of his tongue? Why did Jun bite furiously at his nemesis’s lips and subjected his senses into a passion that plunged and engrossed his tongue amongst the hot wet vice at the back of the other’s throat? Why was it, that whenever his mind told him to deny Shin’s advances and reject the supple groans spreading the heat throughout his body, Jun would defy and pretend as if the feverous cloud wiped his thoughts clean of the consequences that drew near?

Jun hated him with a passion. He couldn’t stand him, couldn’t be near him, couldn’t come to think of a day when adoration ever conjured up between them because the hate just went and ******** up the happy memories that might as well have been lost in a void of no return. That strong detestation conveyed in the raw animalistic intensity that bit down at the other’s lip enough to draw the slight tinge of blood that should’ve pulled Shin away. But he persisted onwards, ramming Jin’s back into the glass wall as some form of punishment that would put the blonde in his place. But how wrong of him to assume such delusional things because as the small whimpered cry surfaced at the sudden jolt of pain that hit his spine, it only encouraged him to retaliate. A small distance was shared and as quick as ever, Jun tilted his head back and sharply snapped forward as foreheads collided in a mind-splitting impact that reversed Shin’s steps away from him. He didn’t have time to recover, and why would Jun even give him that luxury when he deserved everything that unfolded thereafter.

The violence broke out as quickly as the passion ended and without constraint, Jun tackled Shin to the floor, a closed fist hovering in midair ready to strike; but just as he was about to let gravity take its course, the hesitation came back with full force as questions filtered the night air. “What gives you the right?” His throat tangled in knots, but in spite of his best efforts to control himself, the pain he evidently felt still lingered in his voice. “Jin needed you! I needed you but you left us. I had to take care of him, rebuild our lives after you decided to betray us and here you are, telling me you came back to make sure Jin wouldn’t leave me again. That’s ******** bullshit!!! The day he leaves me is the day I die and guess what, I’m not letting anyone come between us...not even you.” He did it once and he’d do it again. Jun would protect Jin to the ends of time because that was what love and devotion was all about. No one had what they had, no one shared a past like they had, and no one could compare to what they felt for each other because even if Jin forgot, Jun would always be there to remind him that at the end of every path that came his way, he’d be standing there with a smile he promised to keep for him a long time ago. And if anyone obstructed their paths, he’d curl his hands into a fist and fight his way through them no matter what it took.

[Nanari Uchiha]

An enthusiastic figure hung over the white-picket fence, his smile broadening features that perfected every aspect of his youthful demeanor as a small giggle, or perhaps what others would call an attention-seeking laugh, took on the very ambiance of allure. He was courteous and kind, intelligent and wise beyond his years, protective and nurturing in all the right ways that allowed people their space, and yet his attentiveness in regards to human emotions were almost always spot-on and rarely dogmatized by the world around him.

Placed in a spherical tomb with nowhere else to go had constantly led him perched upon that very threshold that separated him from the teen who settled himself under the canopied leaves above. Smiling eyes looked upon the bark neither of them could claim as their very own, for the very roots of it stood along the borderline that made the marvelous oak tree ’theirs’. He could remember, a long long time ago, little fingers reaching out and touching those dark silk tresses that purposely sent his cheeks flaring in immense elation. A giggle here and a trill of laughter there didn’t stir the slumbering male from the tranquil realms beyond his bleak reality, but it did send his face leaning into the warmth emanated in the palm of his hand. It was a marvelous sight. The way lips smeared upon the base of his thumb had been an indescribable feeling forever locked into the valves and veins that made up his heart.

Each sensation encouraged the little boy to press on beyond the boarders that separated them both, his knees hoisting up and wedging against the fence as he bent forward to expose the arm that succumbed to the other‘s touch. What happened next began in a blink of an eye. A sudden tug pulled him up and over the fence, his world spun, the vast expanse of blue settled in view and his entire body was supported back against the other’s lap. Almost instinctual, the boy laughed while arms cradled him, supported him, and gave him that spark of hope that no matter what happened, those strong limbs would eternally be his to have, his to hold, and his to bury those smiling features right into as joy permeated the air. “You’ll always be there, won’t you?” Jungbae clung to him as if he was a new toy no one in their right mind would ever lay their filthy hands upon, because everyone knew how possessive he was and the efforts he’d go through to claim what was his and no other.

The smile hidden safely against the crook of his arm finally slipped from the shadows and looked into the light of the other‘s effortlessly curved lips full of what passion was all about. Eyes went aflutter once fingers began to stream into his hair, nails comfortingly dragging against his scalp as the child tilted his head back into each motion widening the corners of his lips. “If you’re always smiling, there’s no reason for me to go anywhere, right?” None at all; the question was invalid, stupid, idiotic, and pointless because Jungbae knew, from where ever their souls laid, there was no way he’d stop smiling for him no matter what life threw at the one who made promise after despicable promise that their joy would last for as long as they both lived.


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[******** up didn’t begin to describe the night Yeongsu revealed a side of himself that littered his eyes in both the pain and the agony one felt whenever a heart ached, or his mind swelled with thoughts and emotions his body couldn’t accept. [******** up had failed to describe the dawning twilight of his life when his past literally came back to haunt the blonde whose nails threatened to draw blood when they clawed and mauled at his very own hand. For all it was worth, [******** up was far from portraying the will-power it took for him to make a call he thought he was going to regret for a lifetime. But he couldn’t help it. How could anyone blame him for dialing the familiar number that once sent his happiness soaring through the roof? How could anyone every look down upon the man who tried his damn hardest to ignore what his delusional heart yearned for? Jin wasn’t answering his phone. He didn’t return to the studio like he was told. The lost little lamb who only every abided to his every whim went astray and it seemed his own body was doing the same. Jun made a call, he spouted out an address, the throbbing began in his chest and took over his entire body when he found his way into an aquatic center he use to always visit when life was simple, and they all took each coming day one step at a time.

Tired as he was, Jungbae kept his mind alert even as sharks swam overhead, those wondrous creatures keeping his attention for a long while as their razor-sharp eyes appeared lifeless beyond the plexigass they were ensnared in. He wasn’t sure how long he was there or why he waited beyond the minute he mentally allowed himself, but he stood there, gawking at life beyond the vast blue that emulated the sky.

At that moment, attentiveness, awareness and every ounce of vigilance slowly faded away into a void where he felt so empty, he almost overlooked the arms that held him as tightly as ever. The other’s grasp numbed every part of his body, as the hallow sensation loomed upon eyes that enveloped a kind of darkness he failed to describe. He couldn’t move even when his mind cursed the body pressed against his back, couldn’t say a word as the apologies fell hotly against his neck, and just couldn’t push him away because a part of him still remembered how much he cared about him, how much he once wanted a future with him and how he had entrusted him with the heart that was now as cold as steel.

He slowly raised a trembling hand in hopes, with what little strength he had left, he could pry that traitorous, god-forsaken arm away from him and lash out just as he did back at the studio. He couldn’t stand him! He wish the ******** was dead the moment he stepped back into this life! What he wanted was a way out and he couldn’t understand why Shin couldn’t give it to him. The anger, the spite he harbored and the resentment beckoned for a chance to say everything that he needed to say, but he stopped midway with his head dipped forward in despair. Fingers hooked desperately onto the arm crossed over his chest, each breath pressed against his skin reminding him what it would’ve been like to enjoy a past that had long since been forgotten. “You were the one that left us. You were the one that turned your back on me.” Shallow breaths quietly heaved out his every word, the pain tightening his vocal cords whenever his mind flooded with the memories of Shin’s smile, his words, his promises…his everything. “You were my bestfriend. You were…you were…” Teeth gritted, his words stammered out of control, and the acids deep at the pit of his stomach invaded every inch of his body that withered under his tightened embrace. He refused to let him go. Just as he did back when words fell so warmly against his skin, Jun sharply turned his head in attempt to overlook the lies that hit his ears. “I didn’t want to hurt you Jungbae.” His claims sounded so lovely when spoken behind a façade Jun tried to believe. “The last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you and Jinhwa the way I did. I’m sorry. I‘m so sorry I wasn‘t there. I‘m sorry that I left you. I‘m sorry Jun. I‘m sorry. I wish I could take it back. I wish I could take everything back.” The apologies could work like cupid’s arrow and hit straight into his heart, its lethal tip draped with the venoms love was always known to originate from, but it was bullshit.

It was all bullshit!

Jun turned around to get a good look at his pathetic face, as hands grappled and nails dug into the collar of his shirt. He had all the pent up anger in the world that would’ve pushed him away and could’ve sent fist flying like he did before. But the difficulties were ever present in his wavering gaze that couldn’t quite look the other in the eye. Jungbae flung his arms forward, pushed him away, and attempted to let Shin go with a fist retracting for a blow, but…for some reason, he couldn’t do it. Not because he was afraid or he was convince that the other was telling the truth, but because Shin physically stopped him from doing so. Wrists were captured in his unrelenting hold that kept the blond from executing the violence his vengeful heart sought out for. They began to move and with each step Shin took forward, Jun was forced to take one back with the struggles pitting the anger in his eyes. “You’re a ******** liar! You were just ******** around with me for the kicks and that was it! Just admit it you stupid b***h!” With all his might, he tried to break away from his captor, bucked and thrashed just for the chance to damage his pretty face, but everything - his efforts, his willpower, his strength all went in vain.

Sharply contrasting with the heat that pressed against his back not to long ago, a chill suddenly engrossed his spine as Shin pushed him up against the glass that displayed a whole new world beyond the anthropogenic sea. Jun’s stubbornness sent his arms pulling away from its cool surface, only for hands to pin them back in its place yet again. “Why did you come back?” His breath shuddered in immense frustration and to make matters worse, the restraints put him at an all-time low as it placed him under the mercy of that piercing stare he loathed the moment it emerged. “Because you’re pushing Jinhwa away.” The audacity! “I wanted to make sure that you knew you’re purposely pushing him away and if you keep going at it…” The nerve! “You’re going to lose him.” How dare he even feed him this crap! Jun felt the weight of his words strengthening his defenses faster than Shin had a chance to gather another round of bullshit he really didn’t need to listen to. His body absorbed the tremors of his own anger bustling like a storm that brewed at the very core of his soul; As if he even had a soul, but still, Jun couldn’t take the accusations wounding him far more deeper than the past ever could.

Jin meant the world to him. He sacrificed his entire life, his dreams and his career to cater to Jin’s ever whim because the happiness he felt long ago only ever truly existed beyond that white-picket fence where Jin had pulled him into his arms. But he didn’t remember. What they shared, the smiles that were supposed to engrave in their hearts, the laughter and their promises sealed with an entwinement of their pinky fingers, were all lost in a blink of an eye and it was all his fault. He couldn’t change it even if he sold his soul to the devil himself because there was absolutely nothing he could do.

“You can’t keep on suffocating him with the anger that’s only mines to bare only.” The sympathy in Shin’s eyes further twisted the knife Jin had constantly plunged right into him every time he made contact with that damnable cretin of a dancer he wanted so much to get rid of. Jun quietly shook his head, eyes draped in a sheet of denial hidden under dark forelocks. “You have to give him his space or you‘ll regret it.” But how could he? Jun was so afraid to lose him, so frightened of the little distance between them that his fears completely took over without his consent. He was completely lost in his own insecurity that he was convince he couldn’t possibly just let Jin wonder off with someone who didn’t deserve him. Soyoung was a spineless ********, an inconsiderate a** and an arrogant b***h who couldn’t get it through his thick skull that Jin didn’t need him nor anyone like him in his life.

But if that was true, then why does he always insist on being near that infuriating ******** ?

What exactly made Jin refuse him when Jun and Yuhan bumped into them in the hall? Why didn’t Jin push Soyoung away like everyone else? What made him so special from the rest of the world Jin refused to understand? It didn’t make any sense. He couldn’t piece it together and as much as he tried to understand, there was not an ounce of logic to everything that came to mind.

Jun attempted to struggled out of Shin’s hold once more, but it was no use. His determination and his reasons for doing so was far too weak, too pathetic, too worthless and too stupid for him to fight against because fear had already overcome his anger once the realization was made that someday, without so much as a hint of warning, Jin would leave him again just as he did before. If he left, if even so much as decided to deem Jun unworthy of his presence, it only meant he’d have to go back - go back to the memories, the pain, the agony and the torment that brought those scalding tears to his eyes.

“Why can’t everyone leave us alone? Just leave us the ******** alone.” Quiet as it was, Jun was still able to conveyed his message with lips quivering far too much than he was able to control. A lift of his head revealed the tears filled with an immeasurable amount of pain no one could have the heart to refrain from wiping away and as such, Shin released the hand that dropped limply at Jun’s side as fingers caressed the pale, wet cheek that followed and seemed to obey the warmth gliding effortlessly across his bottom lip. It was mystifying at first, rather confusing in the seconds that followed when Shin closed the little distance between them.

But never would it go any further.

Jun had a free hand to shove him as far away as he possible could, and yet the hesitation lingered with the comforting sensations paralyzing all efforts to stop what shouldn’t have begun. He could practically feel the other’s breath pulling him in and for all it was worth, he had the peace of mind to eventually turn his head away from lips that ventured far too close to home. “Don’t pull this s**t. Get the hell away from-” But he had said it so many times before? Whether the demand came out with a smile or begrudgingly fell from stern lips, there was always that need to ignore it, the desire to bypass the hate, the anger and the defiance Jun upheld because if Shin simply obeyed, there was no hope in reconciling the misunderstanding that broke them apart.

He didn’t mean to be so rough, didn’t intentionally try to evoke the shock in Jun’s eyes when he took his chin and directed his gaze solely upon him and him alone. It was stupid to infer that time stood still when the entwinement of lips took his breath away. But if that wasn’t so, and he could move beyond the restricting hold of his reality, then why didn’t he broke of the passion that sparked at the very tip of his tongue? Why did Jun bite furiously at his nemesis’s lips and subjected his senses into a passion that plunged and engrossed his tongue amongst the hot wet vice at the back of the other’s throat? Why was it, that whenever his mind told him to deny Shin’s advances and reject the supple groans spreading the heat throughout his body, Jun would defy and pretend as if the feverous cloud wiped his thoughts clean of the consequences that drew near?

Jun hated him with a passion. He couldn’t stand him, couldn’t be near him, couldn’t come to think of a day when adoration ever conjured up between them because the hate just went and ******** up the happy memories that might as well have been lost in a void of no return. That strong detestation conveyed in the raw animalistic intensity that bit down at the other’s lip enough to draw the slight tinge of blood that should’ve pulled Shin away. But he persisted onwards, ramming Jin’s back into the glass wall as some form of punishment that would put the blonde in his place. But how wrong of him to assume such delusional things because as the small whimpered cry surfaced at the sudden jolt of pain that hit his spine, it only encouraged him to retaliate. A small distance was shared and as quick as ever, Jun tilted his head back and sharply snapped forward as foreheads collided in a mind-splitting impact that reversed Shin’s steps away from him. He didn’t have time to recover, and why would Jun even give him that luxury when he deserved everything that unfolded thereafter.

The violence broke out as quickly as the passion ended and without constraint, Jun tackled Shin to the floor, a closed fist hovering in midair ready to strike; but just as he was about to let gravity take its course, the hesitation came back with full force as questions filtered the night air. “What gives you the right?” His throat tangled in knots, but in spite of his best efforts to control himself, the pain he evidently felt still lingered in his voice. “Jin needed you! I needed you but you left us. I had to take care of him, rebuild our lives after you decided to betray us and here you are, telling me you came back to make sure Jin wouldn’t leave me again. That’s ******** bullshit!!! The day he leaves me is the day I die and guess what, I’m not letting anyone come between us...not even you.” He did it once and he’d do it again. Jun would protect Jin to the ends of time because that was what love and devotion was all about. No one had what they had, no one shared a past like they had, and no one could compare to what they felt for each other because even if Jin forgot, Jun would always be there to remind him that at the end of every path that came his way, he’d be standing there with a smile he promised to keep for him a long time ago. And if anyone obstructed their paths, he’d curl his hands into a fist and fight his way through them no matter what it took.