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C I R C U S █▐ Ruslan Amelia Jacobs x x x x x y x x
x x xAGE █▐ Fourteen
x x xBIRTH █▐ February 13
x x xGENDER █▐ Male
x x xHEIGHT █▐ 5’2
x x xWEIGHT █▐ 109
x x xPREFERENCE █▐ Asexual
x x xOCCUPATION █▐ The Insane Clown
x x xPERSON █▐ I am far from the stage persona I show through my performances. My name is the Insane Clown Ruslan, but I am not even remotely mad. In fact I am probably one of the most sane, level minded people alive. I don’t believe in fantasy, I only believe in what I see and what I know, so nothing surprises me if my brain rationally views things as false. I guess you could call me a realist. However, when I am a the insane clown all bounds of limitations and walls are lifted. I wow the crowd with my numerous amounts of tricks, and truth be told I hate my life.
Prancing around like an idiot is not my favorite thing to do. Shooting giant iron balls like I am some canon is not enjoyable. Flying just by wiggling my toes feels absurd, and changing my forms into disgusting beasts is far from relaxing. There are so many things in my act that I just wish I could let go, but I can’t. I am dependent on the circus. It is my home, and not many know why I put up with it if I hate it here so much. I am not one for human contact or sharing my life to people, so being here is extremely hard. Everyone is a family, but I feel far from it because of how secluded I like to keep myself.
In a way I feel terrible.
I wish I could be happy and upbeat like half of the people in this circus, but there is a fear in my heart and I just can’t open up. I am like a tightly locked up box with so many secrets inside, and each one is slowly killing me. I want to let them all out and release all this tension inside, but I don’t think I can.
I might have a happy disposition, but it is all an act. I am very bitter. I am very lonely. I am very sad, but to stay in the safest place I know, this circus I have to pretend that I am the happiest I could ever be when I am on the stage. Its what I have to do.
x x xPAST █▐ There are things about me that nobody knows for specific reasons, and the biggest is that I am afraid. My name is Ruslan Amelia Jacobs, and there is a reason for it. Ruslan was my grandfathers name, Amelia my mothers, and my father’s last name was Jacobs. I was abandoned by my family when I was about four years old. It was around this time that my abilities or “powers” of a freak came to appearance. I started changing my body to different forms making impersonations of people. I started making flowers talk and squirt water at people that they had absorbed during the day before rain. The things I had done were endless. I could even associate with animals. I was kind of a magician, but I made things done not for mystifying stunts, but for laughs. I was a clown. My family though was not impressed. Instead they feared me.
My father detested me, along with my mother- they said they wanted to kill me. Forget they ever gave birth to a freak. However, my grandfather was the only one whom loved me dearly. He told me that no matter what I am and what I do he would always accept me as his grandson. Ruslan Amelia Jacobs the insane clown freak. That was a name he told me to take far (minus the insane clown freak). He wanted me to carry the name of Ruslan at the highest and forget the last two names that were given to me from my deserters mother and father.
They kept me around for a few years hating me by order of my grandfather, but by the time I was eight… he died. I was left at home the next morning. Everything was left there besides a few essentials for my parents and I was not one of them. I never thought they’d actually leave. Frantic I searched for them. I left the house and kept wandering for more than a week. At that time, when I was without food or water I realized it was hopeless. I was never going to find my parents.
That was when the circus found me, took me in, raised me, and gave me a home. As much as I detest it here I am grateful to them, maybe I don’t really hate it and I just need to realize it… I should be happy these people won’t leave, but I just can’t seem to be.
All that is left for me to do now, until I die is perform.
x x xLOVE █▐ lBooks // Rain // Fishing // Birds & Rats // Tea
x x xHATE █▐ Performing // Most People // Memories // The Wealthy // Brocolie
x x xTHEME █▐ The Con – Tegan and Sara
Hell – Tegan and Sara
Back In Your Head – Tegan and Sara
x x xPUPPET █▐ BIZARRE INC_
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