- Report Post
- Posted: Sun, 03 Jun 2012 00:44:45 +0000
- Ash laughed humorlessly as Elwood finally put a label on her. Well an emotional wreck was marginally better than cold hearted wasn't it? "Thank you, I've looked in a dictionary and I know the meaning of the word handle, but each person has their own definition of the word and in my case it means to ignore it and just hope that whatever it is solves itself." she mused wryly. She sighed tiredly as he continued to talk seeming determined to make her stay. "Do you expect me to argue with any of this? I know I'm not brave, or strong, or any of the things I act but there's this saying that goes 'fake it until you make it' and I keep hoping if I fake it enough and snarl loudly enough people will take me at face value and just leave me alone. Because right now that's really all I need is to be left alone."
She shook her head as he claimed her to be angry at everything. "Not exactly, I'm angry at myself because I never seem to be enough. In one person case I"m not loving enough, in another I'm not strong enough. Whatever the case is I seem to be lacking. And rather than have someone point out the crap that I already know I keep them away because really who wants all their faults laid out for anyone and everyone to see?" she asked her breath hitching slightly her eyes sparkling with unshed tears. She didn't cry, she wouldn't go so far as to say she never cried, but she rarely cried. It was less fuss, less mess and just easier. For a short while anyway. Eventually it all started to build up and once that happened, well it usually had to go somewhere. The tears had just started to flow when he declared her an awful lawyer. She inhaled slowly blinking to try and keep those damnable tears at bay. "That's good then. I don't want to be a great one, I just want to be able to lie well enough that I can convince people I'm alright, or at least on my way to it." she explained with a thin smile but his next comment made the dam break the tears no longer easily held back as they coated her cheeks a few stray tears landing on the stupid tree. Well at least he could see that she'd watered it. " It would be nice to meet that person be it god or some other power but I've never met them, I've never heard of them and I've certainly never met someone of that description who makes me feel comfortable enough..It sounds like a pipedream to me. Kinda like the happily ever after crap."
She shook her head harder as he claimed that she needed him. No, she did not need one more person whose expectations she had to stand up to, she was having a hard enough time as it was!"No, I don't need you. Not for a shoulder to cry on, or a person to scream at." she explained wiping quickly at her tears as she struggled valiantly to get them under control. She didn't know what she needed but if she needed a friend that badly, then she was pretty sure she wouldn't want to treat them that way. Then again didn't she already treat Ashia that way? That woman was the closest thing she had to a friend and so far she couldn't recall doing a single nice thing..She listened as he explained about his lost child and wife a slight wince coursing through her. And she thought she had it bad. All she had were some really bad family issues...She sniffled softly juggling the plant and wiping roughly at the tears still coursing down her cheeks. Stupid tears, she didn't have a reason to be crying. She was alone because of her own choosing and the pain would fade, she'd get through it, she had to get through it because if she didn't then she'd prove just how weak she was in her family's eyes... She shook her head as he called himself her friend. it was nice..but it was a little too much for her to wrap her brain around. "You do know that no matter how many times you say that it doesn't mean I see you as that. I'd rather us start off as acquaintances and work our way up. Same goes with all the touchy feely talk ok?" she asked her exhaustion prompting her to give him just this little bit to work with.
A[/color[sh regarded him warily as he explained to her how to tend to the tree before he pulled a book off the shelf that would further explain how to handle this little tree. She wanted to leave, she wanted to go crawl into her bed and sleep for a while..but at the same time she didn't....What harm would she do by answering a question as simple one pertaining to her favorite flower? "I don't have a favorite flower, I've got a few. I'm not sure about the first one, i think it's called a moon flower. it only blooms when the moon comes out and it kind of looks like a star. The other one is called four o'clock. It starts blooming at four hence it's name." she explained as she settled into a chair the tree tucked protectively near by. He'd given it to her to take care of and it was her responsibility, she wasn't going to leave it. "What do you want me to say? You know my name, I know yours. I don't have any hobbies that I feel like talking about because they don't fit into this conversation. How about you tell me about your self?" she asked firing his question back at him. Not unkindly(well just a little but), but more out curiosity. She'd heard people mention him but they'd never really said anything about him that described who he was and her opinion of him right now was still on the rocks.