cwumbiie testing v. 003 | do not post!

[C W U M B ii E]

i can love you like a sailorxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxi can make you dance all night

They were waiting in the bushes like lions stalking their pray. In Saber’s case, he was a literal lion, a shape shifter. Drake, on the other hand, was but a lowly warlock bent on revenge. In particular, he wanted to destroy Elsabeth Drummond. That woman was a savage monster. Drake would not rest until her cold, dead body was engulfed in flames. He would make sure that every inch of her was incinerated. If so much as a finger laid intact, the demonic hunter would have probably resurrected herself from the scrap of flesh. She was vindictive enough, so Drake doubted that it was beyond her capabilities. She would rise from the grave and kill all of them, every witch and warlock, with an added passion. Yes. He had stayed awake nights thinking about her and how she would die. Drake lay in wait behind the bushes, his body low and obscured by the foliage. “Oh demon spawn, come hither,” he whispered under his breath. Drake would destroy Elsabeth Drummond. It would be a slow and thorough destruction. Every minute of it would be enjoyable.

Drake had magicked his ears so that every sound as twice as loud. He could hear Danelle rustling in the bushes across the clearing. Drake stirred uneasily. The sound of Danelle’s fidgeting was prickling heat across Drake’s neck. The elder Parker was a fool for forcing her daughter on this expedition. Regardless, they would be successful. Rumors had long been circulation that the king’s very own brother was to lead a witch hunting. The silly girls had practically shouted the news. Even from within their stronghold deep in the woods, Drake swore he could hear manic giggling and airy whispers of Seth, the king’s brother’s name. It didn’t take a genius to figure that Elsabeth Drummond would be accompanying him. Elsabeth Drummond went on all witch huntings. She lived off the flesh and blood of slaughtered innocence. Angry heat pricked at Drake’s neck. He would destroy her. Crouching low, he kept on ear to the sky and another to the ground. Hearing the sound of approaching hoofbeats, he eased from his position. Glancing around the foliage, he made sure that he was hidden. Drake glanced up and checked the nets. They were artfully suspended within the canopy of the tree. He bit his lip and felt his breathing labor. They were coming closer now. The hoofbeats grew louder. Drake’s heart shuddered against his ribcage. The hunters were drawing closer. Closer. Closer.

They were here. Drake was about to pounce upon them, releasing his net and brandishing his magic when he heard Danelle cry loudly, “ATTACK!!!” Stupid girl! She had given away their most valuable weapon: the surprise. With a snap of his fingers, Drake allowed his net to fall from the canopy. His net, weighed down in the corners by sand bags, dropped to the ground and trapped Elsabeth Drummond and her horse. Drake gave a victorious cry. The battle had only begun. Knowing Elsabeth Drummond, she would try to break away from the enchanted net. Ha! Let her try. Drake dared her to try to saw through the netting. It was enforced by magic. “Surrender now or be captured!” Drake cried out, his voice loud. Victory was assured. All that Danelle, Saber, and Drake needed to do was to capture the hunter and the others that tagged along. Bringing his arm back, Drake began muttering the restraining spell under his breath. His eyes were flitting from the trainer to the other soon to be captives. There was a man and another female. The man was the one and only Seth Xlinzo. Drake was in no way humbled by his presence. In fact, Drake was tempted to step on that smug face of the monarch. The other woman Drake did not recognize. That was a danger. Never have an unknown in a fight. Training his attention upon her, Drake continued to mutter his incantation.

[C W U M B ii E]

{ the dad }
--------------------------------------------

• • • { certificate says }
---------------------------george lawrence baker

• • • { and you say }
---------------------------georgio, g, home dog




• • • { my special day }
---------------------------may 28

• • • { do the math }
---------------------------sixty-one




• • • { in the mirror }
---------------------------six feet && 198 pounds

• • • { listen to the music }
---------------------------i'm on a boat - the lonely island

• • • { more on the inside }

• • • carefree
do you know the secret to being an old geezer like me? you just let all of the world's troubles roll off your back. i once watched one of my granddaughter's favorite shows, ohhh - what's it called again? gossip boy? coppic girl? i can't remember. anyway, those damn teens got worked up about every little thing. me? i'm one of those chill guys. i just kick up my feet. hakuna matada is how i roll. ohh. i love that phrase. this is how i roll. it makes me feel like one of those armadillos. i don't know why, but i've always wanted to roll one of those things down a hill . . .

• • • loving
all you need is love. fo shizzle my nizzle, home dog. or whatever those kids say these days. but it's true. love does make the world go round and rainbows and butterflies and unicorns do exist. i don't hold grudges and even if i've never met you, i love youuuuu! (:

• • • goofy
turn that frown upside down you silly fish. i'm always joking around and goofing off. it drives my wife insane. (but i know she still finds it sexy.) once, i tried keeping a straight face for thirty seconds. i couldn't do it and i ended up loosing twenty bucks to irene dahomly. i got her back later that day by dressing up in my giant cat costume (i still have it) and waiting behind her door. i waited thirty minutes to scare her. was it worth getting beaten by her umbrella. hell to the yeah.

• • • understanding
despite not being able to keep a straight face, i can be serious . . . at times. well, for a short period of time. alright, so i have trouble being serious. when one of my kids, or anyone for that matter, comes to me with a problem, i can't help cracking a joke. hey, even when i'm sobbing my eyeballs out i can still find something to laugh about. but, even if i'm laughing at you, i care! i understand your problem and will help you get through it. even if my helping means keeping you from going into depression, it's the least i can do. i'm actually a not-so-bad listener.

• • • impulsive
i have no head to mouth filter thing. what i think comes right out of my pie hole. i can't help it. and i'm not ashamed! if everyone just said what they thought, instead of wondering if things were "socially acceptable", the world would be in a much better state. actually . . . wait. . . scratch that. if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all. where was i? oh yeah. i'm impulsive. i do what i like and i like what i do. don't be surprised if i just tackle you from across the room. that's just how it's done with the bakers.

• • • { so here's the story }

• • • meeting allison
allison and i met at a restaurant. i was there waiting on her and her family, and when i was bringing their order i tripped and spilt the pasta sauce on mom. i got fired and asked allison on a date. her parents weren't to thrilled about that. till this day i'm not sure whether it was because i was actually working as a waiter or if it was because i destroyed her mother's favorite shirt. either way, from the moment i met alli i was smitten. she was a tough cookie and it took several years for her to warm up to me. but we've been married almost forty years now! ha. take that in-laws.

• • • the kiddie-widdies
i love my children! those little rascals are my heart, life, and joy - apart from allison of course. actually, screw the kids. all i need is my allison and i'm happy. just kidding. i love the kids. they were such bright, energetic, demonic spawn. they were all so close and loving as children, i have no idea what happened. it's heartbreaking, not seeing siblings get together. sooner or later they'll come together as a family. hopefully it's when i'm still alive. i want the satisfaction of pointing in their faces and saying, "i told you so! nanananan!" that never gets old!

• • • a very jewish christmas
you see this nose? yep. kosher delight all the way. whooo. so, why celebrate christmas? well, because jesus was a jew! no, that's actually not the reason. (at least that's what i tell allison.) allison was born and bred a catholic, and there was no way religious differences were coming between us. as a result? we celebrate absolutely every holiday. yep. you've got it. every single holiday. every new year, alli and i mail off a calendar of obscure holidays. we only discovered this calendar recently, but, when the kids were growing up, we actually celebrated every holiday imaginable. life's for celebrating!

• • • job
i retired from my main job seven years ago. before, i was a lawyer. not one of those fancy smancy types that stood in court and defended horrible criminals and the sort. nah. i was one of those lawyers who sits in the office and does all the paperwork. it was the most boring job in the face of the planet, but my coworkers were amazing! we'd goof off and still get the work done. there was a joke in our firm that we invented procrastination. see, the younger generation needs to thank us old geezers after all. anyway, i tried to stop working for a year and got bored. now, i work as a radio dj and an assistant teacher at the highschooler. i help those kids put on plays. it's an amazing job. i love it.

• • • growing old
once the kids flew the coop over a decade ago, things have been great! i have to house to myself and i can finally have sex again! i know, that's the life. hahaha. it really is. i miss them at times, which is why allison and i implemented the whole COME BACK HOME FOR X-MAS OR ELSE law. our youngest child has missed the past few holidays because of work. apart from worrying about the kids and missing them like crazy, allison and i are living our lives happily. at least my kids don't have to worry about me getting alzheimer's. i'm as fit as a fiddle.

• • • youtube celebrity
oh! didn't i mention? i'm famous on the interwebs! or is it the internet? ohhh, hang it. it doesn't matter. i have millions of views, or kudos, or whatever those blasted things are called. actually, i don't care what they're called. i'm famous, baby! haha. my wife just loves it. she says that she hates how i post random videos of myself on the internet. she tells me, "dang it, george. and you wonder why our kids don't want to come home for christmas. and we're trying to teach our children some good values. now how do you expect them to stay off the internet and away from predators when they're own grandpa is posting videos on youtube?!" ohhh, but she loves it. allison always wanted to marry a rockstar. and now she finally is married to someone famous. hell, this is even better than being famous. we don't have to worry about the paparazzi.

• • • { behind the mask }

cwumbiie && dustin hoffman && darkorange

[C W U M B ii E]

{ the fourth child's girlfriend }
--------------------------------------------

• • • { certificate says }
---------------------------emily jacky velmark

• • • { and you say }
---------------------------em




• • • { my special day }
---------------------------august 17

• • • { do the math }
---------------------------twenty-seven




• • • { in the mirror }
---------------------------five foot five && 120 pounds

• • • { listen to the music }
---------------------------baby, it's cold outside - jessica simpson ft. nick lachey

• • • { more on the inside }

• • • sociable
i like meeting new people and i can make new friends easily. of course, i always find socializing easier with a drink in hand. intimate situations are, well, intimidating. it's hard for me to be immediately friendly and talk to them like i've known them my entire life. when i talk, it's just the breezy, normal social chatter - weather talks and comments about the stock market. it takes time before i can get any deeper.

• • • creative
i love the arts! i can sing, dance, draw, write, paint, and act out little skits. too bad i can't do any of those thing well. art, for me, is an important part of life. i always like to have a creative outlet. my family says that my interests are way too scatterbrained for my own good. i don't think so. art is just an outlet for me. i'm always coming up with new ideas and finding ways to express them - even if the end result is just fridge art.

• • • bossy
some people say that i have a little habit of ordering people around. i can't help it! i try not to be bossy, but i automatically take charge of everything. i just step forward and shove my ideas down people's throats. usually someone has to drag me away and seat me in a chair before i'll stop meddling.

• • • reserved
i'm not a shy person, but i'm not shamelessly outgoing either. it takes me a while to feel comfortable with people. do you understand what i mean by polite and friendly? well, that's what i am. i don't just spill my feelings to the first person i meet. it takes some time for me to feel secure. there's a reason my company hired me. i don't just jump into risky situations. i evaluate the risks and then act. the sad thing is, i don't even know that i'm doing it.

• • • slightly stuck-up
i can be more than a little judgmental. some people say that i'm a stuck up little city girl who looks down at everything because i get very quiet when i feel awkward. god, i hope that the bakers don't think i'm some sort of snob. i'm just not used to going outside of my comfort zone. i won't lash out and say anything offensive. (thank god for that.) i'll just stand around awkwardly and try to be friendly.

• • • { so here's the story }


• • • big city girl
i was born and bred in the city. i've traveled a lot in my life. my father was an airline pilot and my mother was a comic book illustrator. since my mom's job could be done from any where in the world, my parents took me traveling. i've been to most of the major cities (since that's where my dad flies too). i've never been to a small provincial town or any place that wasn't constantly lighted.

• • • schooling
school for me was a private college prep in the city. i worked hard and got into a good university in boston. there, i majored in business management and advertising. i got good marks, As and A-s, never anything below a 90%.

• • • job
i work for an advertising firm and am currently in charge of one of their head accounts. i love my job. sure, the long hours and stress can be a little annoying at time - but it's worth it. sometimes i come home high strung, but i soon find a way to unwind. life's all about balance. my job is amazing and it pays great. however, there's no way i'm going to let it dictate my life. there still has to be room for fun.

• • • meeting my boyfriend
we meet at starbucks. i was getting my drink and texting on my blackberry when i crashed into him and sent my scolding latte all down his shirt. luckily, i had some aloe vera strips in my bag (i'd spilt my coffee on myself once. it was painful. i came prepared after that), so we managed to avoid a lawsuit. after that, we began dating. apparently his father also met his mother by spilling food. he took it as a sign that we were meant to be. i thought that was adorable.

• • • christmas
i love christmas. it's my favorite holiday. i was a little bummed out about not spending the holidays with my family, but i wanted to meet the bakers really badly. my mom and dad weren't that upset. (they had other plans anyway.) i'm still going to see them for new years. i'm really nervous about meeting the bakers. i've never really been to a smallish town before. hell, i've never been to a town before. i hope they like me. i don't want them to think that i'm some snob. my boyfriend showed me some pictures and told me some stories. it seems like he has such a nice family.

• • • { behind the mask }

cwumbiie && kate mara && lightseagreen

[C W U M B ii E]

xTHE COP
xxxxxTHOMAS FRANK WINSTIN

twenty-eight › tom, tommy › male › straight › #230179 › #ab0000

❧ HISTORY

Thomas Winstin’s father was a police man, as was Thomas’ grandfather. Only one Winstin male didn’t follow the family tradition of going into law enforcement. But that was kooky old Uncle George, and he became a lawyer. Law, justice, and the American ideal of fairness are all very, very important parts of the Winstin upbringing. Thomas’ grandfather had immigrated from Italy, bringing pasta and his big, loud family to America. One of six children (four sons and two daughters) to be raised on a policeman’s salary, Thomas grew up a happy child. He kept out of his mother’s and teacher’s hair and always made sure that his shoes were shined and his toes were kept straight. Of course, when he was younger Thomas was a down right mess. He liked to start mudfights with the neighborhood kids and hide people’s possessions just for fun. With time, Thomas straightened out and grew into the strapping law enforcer his father had expected him to become. Thomas was a bit weary when the alcohol ban was passed. Even his father enjoyed a glass a brandy after a long day. But, he was a cop and he would enforce the laws. That’s exactly how he stumbled on the Parlay Room. There has been suspicion that the Brents weren’t just running as deli. Now, Thomas has more than enough proof to shut the place down, but, in all honesty, he really doesn’t want to. After all, even a cop needs a good drink every now and then.


❧ PERSONALITY

Straight-edged, loyal, and absolutely committed to his morals, Thomas was born to be a cop. For him, the line between good and evil as clear as the Atlantic ocean between America and England. All criminals are purposeful sinners. It’s not hard to live a honest life and hold down an honest job. Uh huh. Yeah. Thomas still has a lot to learn about the world and how things really work. Maybe that’s why he’s having some trouble reconciling himself with the Parlay Room. Thomas isn’t the self-diluting type who could just write off his behavior as ‘I’m gathering more evidence’. He knows what he’s doing and it’s killing him inside. A moral dilemma is never good for a guy who sees the world in black and white, especially one that has his eyes set on ridding the world of evil. A hard worker who never lets go of anything, Thomas works himself to the bone on all his assignments. He’s working even harder now that he has to compensate internally for the Parlay room. Usually, Thomas is weary around people. He believes that he has a good judge of character, but it’s always easier to be safe than sorry. That’s his life philosophy on everything. There’s no use putting someone behind bars if they didn’t commit a crime. A straight shooter, Thomas is the type of guy you want on your side. He’ll fight tooth and nail for his friends, but he’ll also bury himself into the ground trying to go after the bad guys. person.

❧ CWUMBiiE

[C W U M B ii E]

dear santa,

it's me tabitha melena sparks, but everyone knows me as the foreigner.
for twenty-three years you've been crossing tabby off your list.
well, here it is santa. another christmas list written in orangered ink.


i was raised in pheonix, arizona. so, the sun is the only thing that i've ever known. christmas? it's just a time for eating, presents, and mistletoe. i went to university in hawaii, so i've never seen snow before. my friends told me that this was unacceptable and that i was a sham of a human being for never seeing snow. at first i was going to spend christmas with my boyfriend and his family. i was really excited for that, but then we broke up. i found the a** kissing someone else - his secretary. it's so cliche that it's not even funny. that was in november, so i'm still a little bitter about it. i'm trying to move on and live and let live - christmas spirit and that sort of stuff. but it's hard when i still want to rip out his damn throat. luckily, one of my friends just broke up with his girlfriend. stupid b***h was cheating on him too, and with a mall santa. him and me are going to spend the holidays bitching over eggnog.

sincerely,
xxxxxcwumbiie

[C W U M B ii E]

xxxxxxxxxtimmy numbermuffinxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
XXX• WIND FAIRY
XXX• TIMBLE
XXX• CENTURIES OLD
XXX• MALE
XXX• TRICKY, FLIRTACIOUS, FRIENDLY, EGOTISICAL
XXX• CWUMBiiE

[C W U M B ii E]

Timmy Numbermuffin was an air fairy. He flew around fast and made the wind change and leaves fly and all
sorts of other cool things happen. Timmy didn’t really know what those cool things were. He just knew that
flying really fast and changing the wind was cool. He didn’t make dust or create light, but Timmy still thought
he was pretty cool. Actually, he thought that he was amazing and sexy and that everybody loved him.
(Because Timmy totally was.) Now, he was asleep. Timmy lived in a tree hallow and sleep on a bed of twigs
and leaves. Right now his face was buried in a particularly soft leaf. Many fairies thought that Timmy spelt
weirdly. He was always half buried in the leaves in one position of another. Right now his entire torso was
underneath the pile of leaves and his butt was sticking out in the air.

But not for long. . .

Shaylee burst through the hole in the tree. She raced around his pile of leaves and twigs singing and yelling
at him to wake up. Timmy grunted and shook his butt. He didn’t want to wake up. He wanted to be a lazy
bum and sleep for another five hours. Shaylee was still dancing and being loud. Grrrrrr. Timmy would have no
choice but to wake up. His wiggled his way out of his leaf pile. His hair was messy and twigs and leaves were
caught in the tangles. He was shirtless. Timmy liked being shirtless. He could feel the wind on his sexy chest
and everyone could revel at how sexy he was. Oh yeahh. Timmy shook out his legs. They were stiff from
being still so long. Ohhh. Now Timmy was getting energetic. Being around Shaylee always made him hyper.
“Grrr. You woke me up!” he said, tackling Goss. “You’re so mean and need to be punishheeedddd.”
Timmy planting a big, wet kiss on Goss’ cheek. He then started tickling her. “You too, Shaylee!” he said,
rolling off Goss. He was a wind fairy, so he was super duper fast. “I’m gonna catch you!” he said, as he
began to fly around the room. He flew faster and faster, stirring up the leaves so that they were flying
everywhere. Timmy Numbermuffin was laughing and having fun. He liked flying fast and used up dust really
quickly. Now he didn’t have any left.

“Oh oh!” Timmy squeaked, falling hard on his bum. “Owwww.” Timmy rubbed his bum. It was probably red
from the fall. It really hurt and now he was out of dust. Darn. How was he going to fly over to the dust tree
and get more. He looked at Shaylee and smiled cheekily. “Shayleeee~”

[C W U M B ii E]

yahhh! it's a baker christmas.
super duper excited. so many new people!
tiff's character is still alone. be sad.
but she'll find someone!
hug second son. he looks good.
still single. why is everyone single?!
doesn't mind it, but wants grandchildren.

third child has children. yahhhh.
grandchildren are so cute. play with them.
second son still not here. be sad.
but make up for it. first son/second child's friend's here.
kick fourth kid out of family and adopt another kid.
yeahhh. we got a plan.

be sad about fourth son not being here.
five seconds later . . . happy again!
bring out stuff for smores. eggnogg anyone?

[C W U M B ii E]

xxxxthe wounded
xxxxxxxxxgood natured ● charming ● hard working ● funny ● protective


»xxxx jason matthew taylor
»xxxx jay, sonny
»xxxx april fifth
»xxxx twenty-eight
»xxxx male
»xxxx cwumbiie




xxxxxxx " thoughts come clearly while one walks "

My childhood was pretty damn good. Hell - now that I look back on it, everything was pretty damn good. I was born a bouncy, strong boy with working legs. Thomas, Amelia, and I practically grew up working on the farm. Thomas and I would take care of the heavy lifting and all of the manly jobs and . . . stuff. Now I’m a God damned cripple who can’t even feel his damned legs. More on that later. Thomas was like part of the family, even though he wasn’t related by blood. Which turned out to be a good thing. Thomas and Amelia started dating and falling in love. I didn’t mind. In fact, I was thrilled. I kinda found it gross at first, but then I realized that I would get Thomas as a real brother. Anyway, when I worked around the farm I would also deliver the eggs, milk, and all other animal products to the houses in the town. That included the frickin’ huge mansion on the hill. One day, I rang the doorbell and the heiress to the whole damn place answered.

After that, I was smitten. The two of us being seeing each other in secret. She was so sweet, wonderful, and perfect. God, I loved her. Love her. But she was rich and couldn’t be with a sad little farm boy - aka me. Once Thomas and I enlisted in the war, I knew that I couldn’t loose her. I got down on one knee and asked her to marry me. She said yes! She was willing to throw away all her money and her entire family in order to be with me. I knew that she was the one. When I got shot, I knew she was the one. It was 6:01 am when we were attacked. I saw someone shooting at Thomas and I reacted, I jumped. That damn bullet ended up shattering my spine. God, it hurt. I felt like I was going to die. Thomas ended up dragging me miles back to camp. He saved my life. He deserved that Victory Cross for Valor. I don’t. I’m nothing more than a pathetic cripple. Thomas should have just let me die. It would have been a more humane fate.

Now, I’m useless. I’m stuck sitting in a wheel chair all day. God, I feel so trapped. It’s like I can’t frickin’ breathe. And I can’t even work or do anything useful. Now Amelia has to pick up all the slack on the farm. Look at her! She shouldn’t be doing all that manual labor. It boils my blood just thinking about it. I spend all day indoors doing accounting, and booking, and math. I suck at math! Amelia is the smart one. She should be taking care of the math stuff; I should be doing the heavy lifting. God has some screwed up sense of humor, that’s all I can say. Do you know what the best part is? My fiance left me. I came back with my legs useless and she just packed up and left. Honestly, I’m not surprised. Still, I supposed that I thought that she loved me enough to stick. Stupid. Who the hell would want to stick around with a cripple? Rhea apparently. Gosh, she’s so nice and pretty and good! She’s mainly taking care of me as a favor to Amelia, but sometimes I imagine it’s more. I don’t know. I’m still in love . . . but . . .

Gosh. Life really sucks, you know? I can’t walk. I used to love running around and goofing off. Now I just sit around all day. Of course I’m bitter and angry. I just try to put on a happy face for everyone. I don’t want to be any more of a burden than I already am. Dammit. Thomas should have just left me to die. Good lord, I have my whole life ahead of me. That’s days. Great. I can’t even bear being alive in the moment. How the hell am I going to manage my whole life. Rhea isn’t going to stick around forever.

[C W U M B ii E]

i really can't stay - baby it's cold outside
i've got to go away - baby it's cold outside
this evening has been - been hoping that you'd drop in
so very nice - i'll hold your hands, they're just like ice

with the fourth kid. happy happy.
nervous about meeting the family.
like, reallyyy nervous.
talk about that.
but reallyyy liked fourth kid.
is willing to try it. bet that they're nice.

nice kid = nice family.
not all the time, but need to get through this somehow.
"are we late?" oh yah. it's a surprise.
a good surprise? he would be. would she?
ahhh. so nervous. take a ship of hot chocolate.

suprisseeeee!

[C W U M B ii E]

modelsss


caroline trentini
ginta lapina
abbey lee kershaw
daul kim
frida gustavsson
lara stone
dree hemingway.
amanda brandao
alexa chung
anastasija kondratjeva
cicely telman
dree hemingway
siri tollerod


michael camiloto