Things you don't want to hear your DM say

Do you play D&D?

Yes, cause I'm cool	90.1%	[ 1412 ]
No, cause i'm stupid	9.9%	[ 156 ]
Total Votes:			[ 1568 ]

[Rev Dawning Gun Mage]

DM
Alright, my turn. Monster X attacking player Y
*Rolls Dice*
*pause*
*Rolls Dice again*
DM
What's your AC again Y?

[Mavis Celru]

- its a trap.
-the chest you took so ******** long to unlock was empty
-you died
-im pregnant

[NeoSilverThorn]

"Roll your Willpower." (Any game using the Storyteller system. There's precious few reasons to call for a raw Willpower roll. All of them are bad.)

[DeleteThisProfile2020]

you just spent all day robbing a bank right? you open all the bags you carried down her and they are all empty...

[DeleteThisProfile2020]

you just got done fighting 3 fire elementals and a shade steel golem now you have to take on these flaming skeletons with a CR of 17.... party lvl 13 and there are only 4 of them MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[Archangel_Crow]

the thing they all hate to hear me say is: "well.. this should be interesting"

or uhh.. "you see a strange small creature with no eyes, kinda looks like the the shreiker from Tremors, with arms." my party has fought these things quite often... they are called the Kython juvenile from Book of Vile Darkness. they are a CR4 that are pretty much resistant to everything. They tend to kill the party even when the party is like level 8... they can take on CR 14 easy.. throw a kython in... they just can't handle it...

[striderredmage]

not really something a DM says, but more of what noise he makes. It's a bad sign when you hear your DM playing yahtzee with the damage dice

[Death Dealer Omega]

Okay, this isn't D&D, but another pen and paper RPG game called Rifts. My brother in law was GMing (same thing as a DM), rolled a random D20, and said "the chief engineer on your starship randomly yells 'I just figured out how coolant works!'." Not something you'd want your Gm to say as well as a chief engineer...

[NeoSilverThorn]

Death Dealer Omega

Okay, this isn't D&D, but another pen and paper RPG game called Rifts. My brother in law was GMing (same thing as a DM), rolled a random D20, and said "the chief engineer on your starship randomly yells 'I just figured out how coolant works!'." Not something you'd want your Gm to say as well as a chief engineer...

Oh, Rifts. That brings back memories...

"The tree closest to you explodes!" (Sniper with a railgun.)

[WarlordKraden]

"And lets see how hard the giant hits the Pixie Rogue."

Worst. Day. Evar. Thankfully I remembered that I had the ability to turn invisible, so I had to reroll my dodge. Saved me.

Here is another one of my favorites.

You're in a desert heading towards a settlement, when you come across a goblin inside a boat. "Quick!" The goblin yells, " Get in the boat, a flood is coming!" Do you get in? Only one? Ok. You hear a loud rushing sound, and get swept up in a giant wave that kills everyone who was not in the boat. As the waves settle, ten angry merfolk storm the boat.

I mean, seriously?! Who the phuq does that at the start of an adventure?!


And finally:

Inside the chest you just unlocked is a smaller chest.

Inside the small chest that you just unlocked is an even smaller chest.

Inside the smaller chest that you just unlocked is a stone. You attempt to remove the stone, only to have the chests snap shut on your waist, chest, and neck. Thus ends the Pixie Rogue.



Yeah, he had it out for me since Pixies are a broken race.

[OMG its lost heaven]

Ok so mines not an 'Don't want to hear' its more of a funny instance And keep in mind this was a causal game of D&D with my Dag friends.

"The man your group has let live is now tied down thanks to your bard Lucious. What do you do?"

I will interigate him. "Hello sir."

"Sup"
"Will you tell us what you and the other men where doing with this ship?"
(Singing) " I'm not gonna tell you~!"

It seems the man you have tied up is singing for some odd reason, what do you do

(Someone that wasn't in the area of the rp: Bard off!!)

Lucious (singing back) : "Excuse me sir, but what were you and the others doing with this ship~?"

The man who is tied up just looks at you weird, "Pfff What the hell is wrong with you?"

[NeoSilverThorn]

"Ten..ten...ten...ten..six..." (L5R. On an attack roll.)

[Panzerkraken]

GM: "Suddenly a strange mist rolls up and around your coach. The woods become darker, more.. sinister, and you can hear wolves howling in the distance."

<collective groaning>

Cleric: I bless the waterskins before the mist closes over us.

Fighter: I start to sharpen some stakes

Halfling Rogue: I'm taking out a file and sharpening the edges of my silver pieces

Warlock: I stand on top of the coach and shout "Lord Strahd! Come take me! I want to join you!"

Clr, Ftr, Rog: "What?"

GM: "Oh, well in that case... he arrives." "Velcome."

[Pearl Nova]

GM: Talking to my sister, "What's your armor?"

Actually happened today in our Dresden game. Never like hearing this. xD

[The Trickster Serval]

"I don't want to play anymore guys, uh...your characters all retire or something. Catch you later."

It's heartbreaking.