Things you don't want to hear your DM say

Do you play D&D?

Yes, cause I'm cool	90.1%	[ 1412 ]
No, cause i'm stupid	9.9%	[ 156 ]
Total Votes:			[ 1568 ]

[Damien Donner]

- oh, you're opening that door? okayyy... *looks down at hidden sheets and starts rolling dice*

[oskar90]

DM: "I'm pregnant... with your child"

Player: "But... you're a dude..."

[NeoSilverThorn]

"No, no. That wasn't a djinni [genie] in the lamp. It was an efreet. And boy, is he upset that someone decided to wake him up."

"Will save vs bursting into spontaneous song." (To put that into context: This actually happened in-game after getting fed up with the DM and asking why he simply didn't rip off the musical episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer while he was busy ripping off Diablo II, which he promptly did. And for the record: Out of four players, only one of us made that will save. I wasn't one of them.)

"The knight turns around. Turns out it's Lord Soth." (Used to get us to flee. It worked.)

[warlord_stuart]

DM: okay, your fighting the arch-mage roll initiative
*rolls, checks, etc*
DM: looks like the archmage goes first. gimmi a few minutes to calculate what he just did.

[Finn Mylar]

This is going to hurt more than a little......

[Treibok]

DM: *rolls on an encounter chart and laughs* "Oh damn" *resumes his evil villain laugh*

[Willexia Rennar]

"Good work, guys, the baby dragon that was playing with you is dead. And look, its parents are here to congratulate you!"

[neko athena]

my favorite is when we're just dicking around and someone says something stupid, and the DM laughs and looks up, saying "Did you really say that? Out loud?"

[NeoSilverThorn]

Anytime bad things happen to you, followed by the words "No save."

"That's a critical failure and a point of taint." -Oriental Adventures, 3rd edition. I was running Rokugan, which was the default setting. The shugenja blew his spellcasting roll about a mile into the Shadowlands, which wasn't a good thing. Nowadays, I would describe a player blowing that roll in a lot more detail.

[Shadow_Fall_Ninja]

"Did every one bring spare character sheets?"
Yes that is never a good sign of things to come.

Or...

"I spent all week playing (Input some video game here) and I felt we could use...."
Sure thing we'll be playing that game in our D20 game that week and longer if we're unlucky.

Or...

"I spent a lot of time making these Monsters..."
Well as if the normal monsters out of the book was not enough now we'll deal with the DMs wet dreams of what he wanted to play and can't.

[Shadow_Fall_Ninja]

Treibok

DM: *rolls on an encounter chart and laughs* "Oh damn" *resumes his evil villain laugh*

*Nods* So true... very bad time is about to come.

[Treibok]

Shadow_Fall_Ninja

Treibok

DM: *rolls on an encounter chart and laughs* "Oh damn" *resumes his evil villain laugh*

*Nods* So true... very bad time is about to come.

Last time this happened our party had stumbled out of Ravenloft and somehow ended up in the plane of Acheron. We came across a CR 30 Retriever when the average party level was 9. Luck was on our side and thanks to some amazing rolls we pulled it out. Later learned that had my duskblade failed even a single one of his reflex saves (since he was flying in the air in the things face, it being 3 stories tall) he would have died on the spot.

[Shadow_Fall_Ninja]

Treibok

Shadow_Fall_Ninja

Treibok

DM: *rolls on an encounter chart and laughs* "Oh damn" *resumes his evil villain laugh*

*Nods* So true... very bad time is about to come.

Last time this happened our party had stumbled out of Ravenloft and somehow ended up in the plane of Acheron. We came across a CR 30 Retriever when the average party level was 9. Luck was on our side and thanks to some amazing rolls we pulled it out. Later learned that had my duskblade failed even a single one of his reflex saves (since he was flying in the air in the things face, it being 3 stories tall) he would have died on the spot.

That sounds closer to my old AD&D games and not 3.5.
Now In Ad&d We have some evil things happen... Had this town the party made... Made not built... Wished it there.... And I had them under attack each week by some new force or something... they had a lot of people who hated them... LOL

[warlord_stuart]

Shadow_Fall_Ninja

"I spent all week playing (Input some video game here) and I felt we could use...."
Sure thing we'll be playing that game in our D20 game that week and longer if we're unlucky.

Or...

"I spent a lot of time making these Monsters..."
Well as if the normal monsters out of the book was not enough now we'll deal with the DMs wet dreams of what he wanted to play and can't.

comment 1) Aw c'mon. that one isn't that bad. so long as the DM isn't trying to recreate the video game in question? I take inspiration from movies and video games all the time. once in a while we get a Cameo or a boss based off of a character from said source. so long as it doesn't gain too much of the focus or railroad the players completely.

comment 2) this one kind of offends me...i dislike allot of D&D monsters. i barely have the money to buy the damn rulebooks. after spending a day reading those why the hell am i going to memorize several hundred monsters when i can make some of my own? time and money are valuable. especially since i got the impression from this post that the DM makes everything from scratch.

although if he was basing stuff off of modules and still pulling this crap...i totally agree with you.

[NeoSilverThorn]

Shadow_Fall_Ninja

"Did every one bring spare character sheets?"
Yes that is never a good sign of things to come.

Or you're playing Paranoia. Which isn't much better, truth be told.

Shadow_Fall_Ninja

"I spent all week playing (Input some video game here) and I felt we could use...."
Sure thing we'll be playing that game in our D20 game that week and longer if we're unlucky.

Depends on what game is being the influence. I've mixed Silent Hill into a Call of Cthulhu campaign with decent results. (Actually, I do believe CoCd20 has a netbook for Silent Hill.) On the other extreme, my last group would really appreciate if I didn't mix Contra and D20 Modern ever again.

"I will die until I choke unto death for glory!" -Particularly if said by a villain. When I played D&D, this amounted to telling the players "Lich incoming. Get ready to run."

"You're not sure what it [the dream sequence] means, but that bloody knife in your hand can't mean anything good."- Yes, Viriginia, waking up from a dream you murdered someone to find out you really did murder someone is not something you want to hear. (On the other hand, it kicked off an absolutely epic Shadowrun campaign, so there you go.)