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Do you play D&D?

Yes, cause I'm cool 0.90102171136654 90.1% [ 1411 ]
No, cause i'm stupid 0.098978288633461 9.9% [ 155 ]
Total Votes:[ 1566 ]
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Xenre's avatar

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Me: Not the bloody gobblins, please not the bloody gobblins!

DM: So, the gobblins all have twin simitars.

Other Player: They're just gobblins.

Me & DM: They're never just gobblins.

(They are in fact Drow trained gobblins)
Things you never want to hear your DM say?
Well there was a Call of Cthulhu that I ran where I told everyone to roll up 6 characters, and don't worry about their backgrounds.
DM: so you were on how many hp? (Delivered with a smug smile)

DM: (Inside joke) It looks to be a howler, a mean, hungry- looking howler...
A stifled snicker after a rolled d20. It can only be bad.
or
Who just moved into the dark room? Roll a d20.
or
The door slams shut behind you, locking instantly.
*dice rolls*
"Hmmm... who was in the back of the marching order again?"
DM: [looking through rulebook] Now, how many monsters can I fit in one area?
Xenre
Me: Not the bloody gobblins, please not the bloody gobblins!

DM: So, the gobblins all have twin simitars.

Other Player: They're just gobblins.

Me & DM: They're never just gobblins.

(They are in fact Drow trained gobblins)
That's kinda silly.
If I remember correctly; Scimitars are weapons generally not used by the Drow.
Me: What do you mean I can't make a will save to disbelieve the invisible stairs?
DM(Behind screen) sad after several rolls) um... I need more dice.
DM: 'Huh, really? I guess it sucks to be you then, doesn't it?

DM: SO, let's see... a good monster... no, too weak, too weak...
Me: We could fight a Troll, they're a CR above us.
Friend: Maybe... we do lack a frontline fighter and a healer. Think we have a good shot at winning?
DM: Meh, I just said they were too weak anyways.

DM: He casts Heaven-flame on you.
Me: What's that do?
DM: Kills you.
Me: Right, a lot of spells do. What does it do specifically?
DM: I dunno, throw me those d6 over there. And the D%, eh?
Me:... Okay. *Hands dice* so it really requires luck to survive, but it might do very little.
DM: Actually, I'm multiplying the results, not adding them.
"Will Save."

"Why?"

"That sword you just picked up has an Ego."
Treibok's avatar

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So this is a little off, it's not something the GM says but still, something you don't want to hear in a D&D game.
Iron Kingdoms: A trollkin character in our group had a microtroll familiar that smelled something that even it thought would be disgusting to eat, and he'd be chomping on "munchy men", as he called them. The "munchy men" were the masochistic things that I can't remember what they are called.

Mischevious dwarf gets on top of a coffin in the middle of the dark room, the coffin is surrounded by an eternally burning fire with no visible source. On the top of the sarcophogous is a graven image of a face, screaming in agony. Where the inside of the mouth would be is a hole into the darkness and to whatever is in there.

Most of the other players weren't paying attention to the Dwarf until his player said the infamous words: "Hey guys!"
"I win."
Arguably the absolute last thing you want to hear from your DM.
A Maniacal or Diabolical laugh comes a close second.
Cale Darksun
"I win."
Arguably the absolute last thing you want to hear from your DM.
A Maniacal or Diabolical laugh comes a close second.
"YOU FAIL!!"
((Ok, this happened just a few weeks ago)) the party I was with were hunting a medusa in a catacombs under a castle. I was in the front (halfling ranger) and I was spotting at every turn using a hand mirror to look around corners when I came to a door. The door swung inward and I spotted again, rolled for a total of 12 (spot check bonus + 10)

DM: The door opens on a fifty foot chamber, a waterfall trickling into a pool on one side. In the center a learge ornate pedastal with a medusa on top......... ((Yup I'm a lawn ornament now......))

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