That's almost as evil as the time when one of our many DMs (our good DM doesn't like to DM, then we got another who then stopped because HE doesn't want to, then we got a decent one who eventually stopped as well, but not before this incident) railroaded us into being captured by a black dragon. Even those munchkins with level adjustment (not taken into account for most purposes, might I add, and my sister isn't doing the Dragon as PC thing correctly) couldn't resist this stuff. And this dragon was originally CR 16. We leveled up to 17, so DM made it "tougher."
Here we go. Not even bothering with proper English here. Just typing. Not to insult said DM, but so others can learn from his mistake. It's even a mistake if you happen to be on Ysgard at the time, people.
Lizardfolk scout scouts ahead, and then is grappled, stabbed and paralyzed by invisible dragon. Tunnel slams shut behind him as he is dragged away.
Me (half-elf cleric/swift wing of Bahamut), samurai, and warlock go down tunnel, try to dig under the new barrier. Meanwhile, our resident insane multiclass ungodly prestige half-silver dragon (DM) was dragged into the water by a kraken, and a tentacle slammed my sister (a wyrmling gold dragon) into the ceiling.
Meanwhile, back with my team... Tunnel opens. Go in. I am chloroformed by a dragon minion (even with my Fortitude roll of 34. Then again, this is the guy who calculates his spell save DCs with his CASTER LEVEL.), and the warlock (who was in Dark Discorporation mode. Is a swarm of bats. Strength=1. Remember that.) was blown into a glass box by magic wind (the DM was railroading, and thus substituted a Strength check to resist for the normal Fortitude save. See what he did there?). The samurai is dragged down into quicksand by something.
We all wake up in a cell. All our weapons and magic items were confiscated. I had a hangover-like thing for some reason, and even when I made a Heal check on myself and cured it, I lost all my prepared spells. My sister was bound and muzzled and claws filed, but escaped by turning into a rat. Then she turned back into her normal form, but the shackles came to life and grappled her back into her bindings. She started yammering to try to annoy the guards, they used a rod of silence and kept on zapping her or something (no way to resist it, either). Samurai faked a seizure, and dragon in alternate human female form came, left an oversized snake in the cell, said "have a nice death," and left. WE HAD NO WEAPONS, our half-dragon was in another cell, and my sister's nails were filed and mouth muzzled. So I took out my trusty (ignored until now) bag of flour and distracted the snake with it. Meanwhile, the lizardfolk (who tries to act cool, and ends up annoying me a bit... He was our DM once, and still talks like one, and argues with the DM at the time. Sometimes for good reason, sometimes...) and samurai were incessantly saying to stop trying to escape and just go to sleep. WHILE A LARGE SNAKE LEFT BY A PERSON WHO HAD SAID "HAVE A NICE DEATH" WAS ABOUT TO ATTACK US. I facepalmed IRL. They went to sleep, I bored the snake so it left, and eventually we all went to sleep, me last (I AM the smart one...). In the morning, we were released from the cell and told that we would be let go with all our equipment if we could survive three days in a maze, pursued by the minions. We could find our equipment along the way, but use of the Dragonlance I had on loan (long story) was forbidden. They said not to worry about traps, though if we escaped before the three days were up, we'd be hunted down and killed, regardless of what plane we're on. We got half a day's head start. My sister found her shiny staff of wonders (or whatever it was), but set off a laser sensor mesh and raised a random scroll. I was flying about with my Swift Wing skillz (once you've played a flying cleric, you'll never go back), yet somehow set off a pressure pad that opened a hole in the wall, with my holy symbol in it. There was also text in "ancient draconic" that I couldn't understand (even though I'm fluent in Draconic), and some other unknown language. I got a gist that I would need to expend all my turning at the scroll to open it. I took my symbol and did so, then the scroll opened and sucked us all in (no save). Then, apparently, something was trying to enter my mind. I rolled a will, failed, and suddenly it scanned my memories and I saw a young version of me training for adventuring (ask about my past next time). I did get a good remark about how "that's the most handsome illusion I've ever seen," though! That's always a bonus. Anyway, I cast mass resurgence for another save for everyone, but apparently there was nothing to save against... Then we saw a door, took it, and were in a massive cave full of lava. Around here, the DM was out of ideas and tired of our complaints, so our old Lizardfolk DM took over again. And we continued. Needless to say, I let the silver half-dragon borrow the ring of fire command (resist 20 fire, suckas!). Anyway, we found an exit, and our equipment somehow came back. We took it, and were in the middle of nowhere near the encampment of a group of hunters. We got by them with no problems, even getting directions. We then went to a nearby town, forced to pay a 10 gp toll (this campaign is infamous for overcharging for mundane stuff... 5-15 gp for ale, which is normally under 1 gp, if I remember correctly. I'm not the one buying that stuff... My character always drinks a glass of milk and watches the others making fools of themselves. Never drink a drink called a "slammer." Ever. Your character can't possibly have that much of an ego.) to cross the bridge, because the dude needed money for his family. And the town is filled with guards, and the people are all uneasy about said guards.
Now, if you were paying attention to my infamous "wall of text" spell's results, you should see something off about this situation.
1. The whole thing...
2. Remember what happens if we escape?
3. This is probably going to be another side plot that distracts us from what little main plot we have, then leads to another one. I haven't had time to settle down and do that dragonborn Ritual of Rebirth that I've been meaning to do.
4. Are we still on Ysgard, or are we on the Material Plane again? Perhaps I should just cast plane shift and see what happens?
5. I don't think this is normal for a campaign, even around level 17.
6. I'M STILL STUCK PLAYING THE HEALER IN EVERY CAMPAIGN BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE WILL PLAY ONE! Silver DM played a shugenja in an Eberron campaign.
By the way, apparently this is an AU earth, and Silver wants to go through another time portal (He's from about 4000 years before the present in this. He was warped after a kraken battle (AT FIRST LEVEL, ON A SHIP, WITH USELESS NPCS! LIFE OR DEATH!), and then met up with some current time people. Around this time I finally settled on one character (we all had noob character-shuffle syndrome. 2 1/2 of us still do.), my current cleric. Later, on a search for a mind flayer, we went through another portal, leading a few weeks or months (I forget) into the future. Apparently some Solaris schmolaris knights killed off a lot of the metallic dragons because "their evil sensors registered evil." I'm a cleric of BAHAMUT. IRL I'M A MAJOR DRAGON FAN, YOU TROLL! WHAT WILL THIS ACCOMPLISH BESIDES MAKING ME MAD?! THIS SUBPLOT WILL NEVER CONTINUE! Now you die!!!*ahem* Later we went after a vampire (originally a lich, but retconned), who apparently registered as "slightly evil, only as much as anyone else" (WTF? He needs to read the alignment details), and explained that he's not the evil force the questgiver had told us he was. He gave us a fake head to take back, and when we did, the questgiver turned into our nemesis "Scarface" and teleported away.
All this time, we've had two major foes- "Scarface," a nigh-unstoppable high priest of "Baal," but hardly even shows up with illusions or minons, and the infamous "Slippery Steve" (if my spiritual weapon had lasted one more round after that deadly critical, he'd be gone... But we haven't heard from him, so he's probably forgotten by the DMs.).
What story do you see here? This teaches us all some valuable lessons:
1. I am the whiniest D&D player you'll probably ever see when I'm annoyed.
2. Settle on one character, so you don't make new ones and take away valuable wealth.
3. GET A FREAKIN' HEALER!
4. Settle on one DM, preferably one who plans ahead and has a plot, as well as tolerating his job and not quitting.
5. Your first campaign should not last the time this one has (going on two years, no real story, every character is an idiot), and should not make your healer cry himself to sleep (exaggerating) after every session over shattered rules, moronic characters, and discontentment over constantly shifting DM and characters...
6. Listen to your cleric. He's wiser than you think.
7. NO RAILROADING. Ever seen asdf movie? You know what happens upon mention of trains? NO RAILROADING!
8. Please don't mess with your resident dragon nut by killing of half of the good dragons. It'll just make him/her angry and lower his enjoyment of the campaign. Also, don't constantly throw dragons (or those d*mn drakestone golems) at him/her. You'll be seen as a troll, and it accomplishes nothing.
9. If you do this stuff, then your resident smart player (i.e. healer) might rant on Gaia, then copy it into a word processor, notice that he's written three pages of complaint, and wonder why he can't write this easily when he's assigned an essay.
If you've read this far, thanks for putting up with the rant. Please don't let anything like this happen to your group.And no exceptions to the healer rule. Druid is minimum.
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