Things you don't want to hear your DM say

Do you play D&D?

Yes, cause I'm cool	90.1%	[ 1410 ]
No, cause i'm stupid	9.9%	[ 155 ]
Total Votes:			[ 1565 ]

[Cefdrake]

funniest thing i ever heard as a dm:
me: arrow trap, roll for half damage.
friend: *rolls a 1*
friend: I leap into the way of the arrow.
me: you take double damage

[Cefdrake]

wait... thats what the dice are for?

[Breezejester]

"You all drop frikkin dead."
"Drumroll please."
"...And this is going to be why one of you should've made a cleric..."

[Mongoose4937]

"Who's on second watch?"

[Rennix]

every fears grinning DM eek

and due to and ind jones style running battle with a 300 strong tribe of savages across temple ruins and through caves - our group now fears the phrase "in the distance you hear ......... the sound of drums" wink

[Sauerkrautron]

DM:"A bucket tips off the top of the door and splashes over everyone."
Entire group:"What's in it?"
DM: "Sovereign glue."

[gramoride]

player: ok i walk down the hall way what do i see
dm : a young girl in a white dress
player : ahhh explitive

[Silvia Crow]

DM: "For this next campaign, you're going to need broken characters to survive."

[Dringdar]

Sauerkrautron

DM:"A bucket tips off the top of the door and splashes over everyone."
Entire group:"What's in it?"
DM: "Sovereign glue."

Oooh fun!

[Blackdragon0228]

Ur soul is stuck in a gem and the only way 2 get out is for someone else 2 sacrifice themselves xp

[Dringdar]

Blackdragon0228

Ur soul is stuck in a gem and the only way 2 get out is for someone else 2 sacrifice themselves xp

Ooooh also fun!


DM: Well that's when you realize it's not a mountain...

Anything said after this is probably enough to make you say 'Ahhh s**t.' or something similar.

[Blackdragon0228]

Dringdar

Blackdragon0228

Ur soul is stuck in a gem and the only way 2 get out is for someone else 2 sacrifice themselves xp

Ooooh also fun!


DM: Well that's when you realize it's not a mountain...

Anything said after this is probably enough to make you say 'Ahhh s**t.' or something similar.

lol definitely an ah s**t moment. ooh i have another one!

DM: u defeated the assassin that killed your mother (hes hanging from the ceiling btw) but upon his death he voided his bowels on the whole party >_<

[Bakemonoishi]

"Oooohh... looks like you guys ignite the "strange black powder". Hmm..." (starts picking up d10s) "14...15... Hey, I need some d10s... just hand me all you have." (rolls) "HAHAHAHA.... oh, sorry. Does anyone have a calculator?"

[Verne the Vaudevillian]

This was from our last session actually, against a Death Knight boss we fought. And yes, we did manage to kill it.

Red Wizard: "I'm gonna cast a wall of fire around the undead in the room."
DM: "Alright. Well, I'm just gonna say this before it happens, this is gonna suck for you guys. Dave, can you plug (400x4)x12 into the calculator?"
Me: "...why?"
DM: "Just plug it."
Me: (plugs numbers) "Um...19200"
DM: "Okay. So, you cast the wall of fire and the four piles of skulls behind him explode, coating him in negative energy."
Martial Artist: "Oh god...don't tell me he has 19k hp."
DM: "Well, he does."
Me: "Dude, how the ******** does he have 19k hp?"
DM: "Blame the wall of fire. Those skulls weren't supposed to explode all at once."
Every player: "********."