Things you don't want to hear your DM say

Do you play D&D?

Yes, cause I'm cool	90.1%	[ 1412 ]
No, cause i'm stupid	9.9%	[ 156 ]
Total Votes:			[ 1568 ]

[Shaiylin]

Looking like he just got an idea: "Hey, [Designated Healer] You were out of spells right?"

The DM rolls more than one die, and winces. Usually this if followed by an utterance of "Ouch..." under his breath. Then usually someone's character falls unconcious or dies.
-Actually, when the dm Rolls a d% on one of his custom tables we all cross our fingers and I'm pretty sure we all chant in our heads something along the lines of "Not the Lerith! Not the Lerith!"
So the LAST thing I'd want to hear is "The Lerith is back."
It's a monster/npc my dm made up that's really cheap. We'd rather face a team consisting of Pit fiends, Inevitables, and the Terrasque solo at level one than deal with that guy again. He's very annoying, has an abrasive personality, has no sense of humor... The Lerith has every bad trait you can imagine an npc having. And he thinks he claims he wants to help you, but he fails miserably, and gets us all killed nearly every time we decide to go along with him. Then He turned out to be a bad guy and well... He was brutal.

[Pedestriano]

Anytime the DM laughs or says "Oh, that's good." Things most certainly are not good.

One particular occurrence of the dreaded DM laugh happened near the end of a dungeon, after killing the goblin chieftain. In our group we had me as the Warlock (who became designated tank when our fighter drowned), a Rogue, a Bard, a Sorcerer and a pack mule Goblin slave our bard had adopted earlier. Our Druid had left and (as I mentioned before) our fighter had drowned while swimming in full plate armor and hauling a chest full of gold. So, with the light at the end of the tunnel (or in this case, cave) within reach we came upon two doors. One was covered with runes and magical riffraff in front of it, and the other door (well, corridor) led downward. Me, being the only Evil aligned character in the group (and thus the only one with the clarity of mind to see our way out of the situation) shoved our beloved Goblin slave forward into magical runes.

That's when the laughing started (and for the bard, grieving). At first, we thought the DM thought sacrificing Lil' Gobby was hilarious (like everyone but the Bard and sulking dead Fighter did). Unfortunately, once the DM could catch his breath, he began placing the Skeletons and Zombies we'd awakened until he ran out of his fifty-some models and resorted to using dice.

Ever since, I've feared DM laughter.

[gojira86]

Wow, I've only read a few pages of this thread, and I'm having second thoughts about trying to learn to play DnD...

[Emperor Kai]

You know what I never wanna hear my DM say?

"Roll a Fortitude save."

It only makes matters worse if it's a fair DM who smirks when he looks at his dice....or yours.

It never helps my confidence in battle when he pulls out the book "Torn Asunder".

[IQMonkey7]

it seems that yours is not a kind and loving god.

[gojira86]

gojira86

Wow, I've only read a few pages of this thread, and I'm having second thoughts about trying to learn to play DnD...

Ok, now I've read already 40 pages. I don't think just learning to play is enough, I need to become a DM and get creative with my traps.

[gamer1711]

"this is going to be fun"

i don't even play but if i did i would not want to hear that

[Seiryna]

Emperor Kai

"Roll a Fortitude save."

this scares me to... more then just about anything... as my saves usually look like this
Reflex save: 21
Will Save: 18
Fort Save: 2

[Emperor Kai]

Seiryna

Emperor Kai

"Roll a Fortitude save."

this scares me to... more then just about anything... as my saves usually look like this
Reflex save: 21
Will Save: 18
Fort Save: 2

Not only that. But a Fortitude save=direct life functions.

Will is your mind so...Mind control and enchantment and such mostly
Reflex is your body's quickness...So dodging.
Fortitude...Holy s**t this thing is attacking my everything. My soul? Everything. My heart?! Everything. M...My Testicles?!?!?! Wait...do you value your testicles? no... Yes! Then yes...especially your testicles...

[Sullen Miken]

You turn the corner to find a mysterious glowing green object. It piques your curiousity and you approach the object but when you reach out to touch it, it explodes, killing your entire party instantly.

[Emperor Kai]

Sullen Miken

You turn the corner to find a mysterious glowing green object. It piques your curiousity and you approach the object but when you reach out to touch it, it explodes, killing your entire party instantly.

Bah...That's trite. Any DM with a brain that works creatively would not do that.

[Silvia Crow]

DM: You open the door. The inside of the room looks like a meat bomb went off. There are bits of what you can only assume were guards scattered about the floor and furniture, wallowing in pools of blood and guts. There is high velocity blood splatter on the walls, indicating that the guards that now litter the floor were very much alive during the butchering process. In the middle of the room, with her back to you, stand what appears to be a seven year old girl in a pair of PJ's, covered from head to toe in blood and guts. She turns to look at you, and you see a pair of blood soaked daggers in her hands. She smiles at you. "Oh, hi! Do you want to play too?"

Roll Will vs panic, Fort vs nausea, Sanity and Initiative.

PCs: FML.

[Dringdar]

Silvia Crow

DM: You open the door. The inside of the room looks like a meat bomb went off. There are bits of what you can only assume were guards scattered about the floor and furniture, wallowing in pools of blood and guts. There is high velocity blood splatter on the walls, indicating that the guards that now litter the floor were very much alive during the butchering process. In the middle of the room, with her back to you, stand what appears to be a seven year old girl in a pair of PJ's, covered from head to toe in blood and guts. She turns to look at you, and you see a pair of blood soaked daggers in her hands. She smiles at you. "Oh, hi! Do you want to play too?"

Roll Will vs panic, Fort vs nausea, Sanity and Initiative.

PCs: FML.

I disbelieve! It's a lie! It's all a lie!

[Silvia Crow]

Dringdar

Silvia Crow

DM: You open the door. The inside of the room looks like a meat bomb went off. There are bits of what you can only assume were guards scattered about the floor and furniture, wallowing in pools of blood and guts. There is high velocity blood splatter on the walls, indicating that the guards that now litter the floor were very much alive during the butchering process. In the middle of the room, with her back to you, stand what appears to be a seven year old girl in a pair of PJ's, covered from head to toe in blood and guts. She turns to look at you, and you see a pair of blood soaked daggers in her hands. She smiles at you. "Oh, hi! Do you want to play too?"

Roll Will vs panic, Fort vs nausea, Sanity and Initiative.

PCs: FML.

I disbelieve! It's a lie! It's all a lie!

DM: Very well. *Checks sheet, rolls dice* Aaaaaand a crit with her Keen Vorpal daggers.