Things you don't want to hear your DM say

Do you play D&D?

Yes, cause I'm cool	90.1%	[ 1412 ]
No, cause i'm stupid	9.9%	[ 156 ]
Total Votes:			[ 1568 ]

[iEnginseer]

'Your... parachute opens, and instead of a chute, a number of small, glowing orange beads falls out...'

Heh heh.. that was priceless.

[Proto_Lord]

DM "And you notice your completely lost"
ME "again?"
DM"Again..."

[ReiNiente]

"The hydra's heads all blink at you, and one sleepily mutters...
'Adventurer. It's what's for dinner.' "
We were saved by the NPC there. A half-drow, part-deity monk... named Melvin.

" 'C'mon, you have to try the Black Dragon Ale, it's our specialty!' He forces a mug on each of you, and you have no choice but to drink it. Now, both of you, Fort Saves."
We both rolled natural 20's by some miracle. Turns out the ale was made from the breath weapon of an undead black dragon, and if we hadn't made those saves it would have killed us. Instead we were both smashed the WHOLE NIGHT.

"You did make your offerings to Peter Griffin, right?"
My cleric worshipped Peter Griffin as a deity.

"You open the door and hear... *starts singing theme from Super Mario*"

"Its CR was 3!"
Me: "CR assumes a party of four! We were two plus Melvin!"
"And that's why Melvin had to save your butts!"

[Archangel_Snow]

Me: you see a cleric of pelor standing before you
(Everyone else, including the GM, in unison): You worship a child olestor!
My girlfriends in a child voice: No Pelor, the sun dosent shine there!

I STILL get made fun of for my cleric every time i talk to them..

[Hanse Shadowspawn]

after irritating me(the dm)

DM: and why are you seperating from the group......again?
PC: cause i don't want to be stuck with that group...i want more loot/fame
DM: didn't i warn you that you shouldn't do that?
PC: bite me and give me something to do
DM: ok.....as you take the left path into the woods......you get stepped on by the terrasque

or

DM: knock it off....
PC: *does IT again* (define it as anything you as the dm don't want them to do anymore)
DM: ok.....die drop!(ex. a die drop is called when i'm tired of dealing with infantile idiots.....it consists of having every die in the house rolled......take the total, multiply by 1000, divide by 2 and the end result is either how many HP they lose.....or how much debt they have to the current local ruler)(eex. most ppl i play with have several hundred die in their collection....or i was at a local gaming store that they knew me...they rolled all the stock biggrin )

[Tsunami K]

Player: "I reach for the mighty weapon stowed where only I knew and-"
DM NPC: "Looking for this?" >waves said weapon in hand<
Player: crying

[Peshk Forge]

Actually, the reaction was more of a sweatdrop :I should have seen that one coming when I saw the bad guys in here..... stare

( Yes, I am the player mentioned it Tsunami's Post.... )

And oh, one that happened today. Not so much as something you want to hear your DM say, but rather you don't want your DM to do: start flipping character pages, writing and rolling the initiatives for the non-generic characters the party is facing.

Or to hear the DM laugh as the party is explaining their daring and thought out plan to infiltrate a guarded building.

[Darth Moren]

You never, ever want to hear maniacal laughter from your DM.

[VincentHack_[chainsaws]]

(in referance to treasure) you hear a stange clicking sound coming from it

[Little Kathy]

I'll allow it on one condition...*evil laughter*

[Andrew Christman]

DM, after announcing a suprise Initiative roll: "Uh oh...I forgot a zero."

[Raadsel]

So, before we start today, I'm gonna need to know all your character's Fort saves, Spot/Listen checks, and Flat-Footed AC...

[Jirya]

(In Mutants and Masterminds)

That chick you just killed? Yeh, well, she's Magneto's daughter...

[Rockwarrior v2.0]

I love beholders... I mean, what is behind THAT door... Okay yea that's gay... the beholder knocks down the ******** door and attacks you.

[Foxfirega]

'Yeah, I gave him a tiny (25) experience boost for not eating anyone that session.'

And, after discussing Kobold Warblades...

'I think it'd be neat to see how that would work out.'
'Oh, I'm sure you'll get the chance.'

:/